Planet Alien

Thirteen Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Said During My Interview Today 1. "I don't have to join, right?" (When told about the free gym membership that is part of the company's benefit package...) 2. "You can just write a big, fat, red F on that thing right now." (When handed a "Logic Test" they wanted me to take.) 3. "Do you ever actually laugh, or do you just smirk all the time?" 4. "It was nice meeting you. [pause] Well, sort of." 5. "I'd give her the smackdown." (When asked what I would do if I was standing in line for movie tickets and a woman cut in front of me.) 6. "I don't know. I'd have to see the other candidates." (When asked why I'm the best candidate for the job.) 7. "Because we have a kick ass pig roast every year that I'd invite you to." (When asked why they should hire me.) 8. "Because I could be the office entertainment." (When asked why they should hire me by a different interviewer.) 9. "Ok. Ok. Because I'm hard working, I get my stuff done, blah, blah, blah." (Said immediately after the above comment. And I actually said "blah, blah, blah".) 10. "We pay for our own medical benefits because my husband is self-employed. [pause] Bastard." 11. "Do you want a list?" (When asked what kind of people annoy me.) 12. "See? I was half right. So I don't completely suck." (When reviewing my answers to the Logic Test.) 13. "I was laid off from my last company. You know... just so you don't think I was fired for stealing or anything. [pause] They never caught me."