Thursday, March 09, 2006

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things I Probably Shouldn't Have Said During My Interview Today



1. "I don't have to join, right?" (When told about the free gym membership that is part of the company's benefit package...)

2. "You can just write a big, fat, red F on that thing right now." (When handed a "Logic Test" they wanted me to take.)

3. "Do you ever actually laugh, or do you just smirk all the time?"

4. "It was nice meeting you. [pause] Well, sort of."

5. "I'd give her the smackdown." (When asked what I would do if I was standing in line for movie tickets and a woman cut in front of me.)

6. "I don't know. I'd have to see the other candidates." (When asked why I'm the best candidate for the job.)

7. "Because we have a kick ass pig roast every year that I'd invite you to." (When asked why they should hire me.)

8. "Because I could be the office entertainment." (When asked why they should hire me by a different interviewer.)

9. "Ok. Ok. Because I'm hard working, I get my stuff done, blah, blah, blah." (Said immediately after the above comment. And I actually said "blah, blah, blah".)

10. "We pay for our own medical benefits because my husband is self-employed. [pause] Bastard."

11. "Do you want a list?" (When asked what kind of people annoy me.)

12. "See? I was half right. So I don't completely suck." (When reviewing my answers to the Logic Test.)

13. "I was laid off from my last company. You know... just so you don't think I was fired for stealing or anything. [pause] They never caught me."


9 comments:

Pink Rocket said...

that's hilarious! i needed a good laugh!

TC said...

You really don't want a job, do you,LOL! I would hire you just to make me laugh.

Alien said...

What's sad is that I didn't make a single solitary word of that up. I actually said that stuff. LOL!

But I should also add that everyone in the room laughed after every one of those comments, so I think I may still be OK. They said they were going to check my references and asked me to email them a writing sample, so I guess they didn't HATE me. And hell, I didn't make fun of any dead guy's picture, so it could've been worse. ;)

Alien said...

LOL Tiffany! Yes, I want a job. But I DON'T want a job with a stuffy company that has boring people working there. I figure I may as well show my true colors right from the start, ya know? If they hire me even after seeing what a total spaz I am, then we're golden. ;)

I should also add that after all of those comments, I DID actually answer honestly and professionally. LOL! I just figure interviews don't have to be boring and perhaps I was put on this earth to show all interviewers that. ;)

Hell, at the very least, these companies won't have any problem remembering which candidate I was, right? LOL!

Amber said...

That was too funny. I read it to my hubs, and he cracked up. Thanks, and good luck! ;)

Alien said...

LOL Amber. Um, thanks. ;)

Renfield said...

OMFG! I would hire you on the spot, ya smartass!

Tink said...

Call me unconventional, but I'd hire you for those comments alone! Screw qualifications and being polite. :)

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