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My results said:
Allison, you're going to be the proud parent of a baby boy, and just look- isn't he just so damn cute! Based on our remote test results, your beautiful baby boy will weigh about 7 lbs, 8 oz and have blonde hair and hazel eyes. Truly a Wonder To Behold!
The daddy is:
Dick Cheney: This must have occurred while you were in a coma or otherwise unconscious, like at a frat party. We can't think of any other likely way.
His name is:
Jackson Michael Cheney