Monday, October 31, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Monday 10.31.2005)

First of all, Happy Halloween. I, personally, despise Halloween now that I'm too old to run around the neighborhood in the dark, wreaking havoc on the community, but I figured I should acknowledge it for those of you that seem to enjoy it. Now... on to my day.

1) Grace wakes up complaining (again) of a headache and being tired.

2) She begs me throughout the morning to take her to the doctor ("for a sticker"), but I keep telling her she just has a cold and we'll have to just wait it out.

3) At 9:30, 3 hours after waking up, she falls asleep on the couch. This is my cue... the child really is sick, since even projectile vomiting doesn't keep this girl down.

4) Called the doctor and scheduled an appointment for 2:15, smack in the middle of Hannah's nap time. Fantastic.

5) As a result of Grace's illness, decide that a trip to the post office to make copies of Steve's tax forms and mail them (today's the deadline), I simply take pictures of the forms with my digital camera and pray to all things holy that I'll never actually need to produce copies of these particular forms for this quarter.

6) Realize that if Steve ever finds out I put his precious mail in our mailbox across the street for the mailman to take, he'll have a royal shitfit. He truly believes random people are hovering around our mailbox, patiently waiting to steal our mail. And that if outgoing mail isn't driven TO the post office and dropped into one of the big blue mailboxes out front, then the mail will never get to where it needs to go. Issues, Dude. Serious, serious issues.

7) Force Hannah down for her nap around 12:30.

8) Wake Hannah up at 1:30 to change her diaper and head for the doctor.

9) Grace tests positive for strep. Again.

10) Went to KMart to fill the prescription for antibiotics.

11) Walk around while waiting for the prescription, informing the children that no, they cannot buy that $40.00 Furby or that $30.00 doll that talks AND pees.

12) Bought Grace her one billionth stuffed dog for being a fantastic patient at the doctor's office (she really was... even for the throat swab).

13) Bought Hannah a Dora Magna Doodle thing for um... I dunno... being cute?

14) Gave Grace her first dose of antibiotics upon arriving home and I swear to god, within an hour she was bouncing off the friggin' walls.

15) Had my friend call me and then had to scream at my children while on the phone with her because Grace was chasing Hannah around with a plastic golf club and almost whacked her in the head three times.

16) Accidentally hung up on my friend while screaming at my children.

17) Tried to call her back immediately, but my cordless phone died. CRAP!

18) Hoped she'd forgive me and chugged my first beer of the night.

19) After finally calming the children down, decided Magna Doodles are perhaps, one of the greatest inventions EVER as I managed to entertain the girls for literally an hour drawing on one.

20) Decided an AquaDoodle is an absolute must have on the girls' Christmas lists, even if they don't realize it yet.

21) Was informed the electrician will be coming in the morning to finish up the rough in for the kitchen.

22) Decided this is a good thing since our non-insulated, non-drywalled walls make for rather chilly evenings these days.

23) Talked with Steve and decided I'll be taking the girls to Gunnar's party at McDonald's by myself on Saturday so he can stay home and work on the kitchen. It's his brother's kid, and I'm dreading it with every ounce of my being, but I'll do it if it means it'll get me one step closer to a functioning room.

24) Wouldn't care if the McDonald's didn't have a two-story playland that I KNOW Hannah will want to go up in and that I also KNOW she's too small to get up to the top by myself so I'll have to crawl in the smelly, germ-infested maze with her. Fun... not.

25) Had both kids sleeping by 8:15 tonight. Maybe this whole Daylight Savings Time thing isn't so bad after all.

26) Discovered I'm not pregnant when good ol' Aunt Flo reared her ugly head.

27) Forgot to buy tampons at KMart earlier, which means I'll have to put Hannah in the car and go down the street to get some at the gas station tomorrow morning before the electrician arrives, unless I want some embarrassing things to happen tomorrow while he's here.

28) Watched a fantastic hour of "Prison Break." Good stuff, I tell ya. Good stuff.

29) Told Steve that if he wants me NOT to rip his nuts off, then he needs to stop reiterating that hunting season starts in two week which means there will be three weeks of absolutely no work done on the kitchen and therefore, there's only a snowball's chance in hell we'll have a kitchen by Christmas.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Sunday 10.30.2005)

1) The girls didn't get the memo about gaining an extra hour of sleep, and woke me up at their normal time of 7:00.

2) But the clock said 6:00, and although I knew logicially they didn't get up an hour earlier, I was dragging my ass all day.

3) Once again, praised the entertainment value of a big basket of loose change as the girls spent 20 minutes putting it into their banks, allowing me to take a longer-than-usual hot shower.

4) Got out of the shower and spent 15 freakin' minutes straightening my hair so I could take my picture for the Halloween photo contest on my Mom's Board. (I normally air dry my hair.)

5) Cursed loose change as I saw about 300 coins scattered throughout Grace's bedroom. (It's still there and probably will be for a few days. Because I'm like that.)

6) Dropped the girls at my parents' house and went to the accountant's house for Steve's quarterly taxes. Spent an hour there, gossiping, gabbing, bitching about our husbands, and um, oh yeah... doing the taxes.

7) Got Long John Silver's for me and the girls on our way home. (Yes, again.)

8) Came home and went outside to enjoy the gorgeous weather we were having. (It's about friggin' time.)

9) Laughed when Steve suggested I go grocery shopping during Hannah's nap, as a chance for me to "get out without the kids." Um, thanks dude.

10) Decided (after laughing), that it wasn't such a bad idea after all, and headed out.

11) Was giddy with excitement when I saw that cases of Snapple were Buy One, Get One Free. (It's the only time I'll buy it.)

12) Had a lovely conversation with the charming high school aged bagger while checking out, and decided he'd make some girl a fine boyfriend and future husband.

13) Wondered if they have a 12-step program for people addicted to scented things/air fresheners. EVERY time I go to the store, I stand in that aisle for at least 10 minutes, comparing Glade Plug-Ins to AirWick Mobile Air to the Wisp machines, and the ones with nightlights and built-in adjustable fans and extra outlets to the ones that are battery operated and can be put anywhere.

14) Bought the AirWick Mobile Air this evening and am pleased with it. I really want one of those machines that play the scent "CDs" for Christmas. I'd be totally satisfied with just that.

15) Came home to find that Steve had "organized" our kitchen (i.e. sunroom) and moved all of the cleaning products (which had been on top of the microwave) to the shelves inside the basement door.

16) Explained to him that, contrary to popular belief, I use almost all of those cleaning products at least once a day, and putting them where he did would be a royal pain in the ass for me.

17) We compromised and left all except my Pledge Multi-Surface cleaner on the shelves. (LOVE that stuff! Highly recommend it.)

18) Was thrilled when Grace cooperated and allowed me to dress her up and be in the picture with me for the aforementioned Halloween contest on my Mom's Board.

19) Enjoyed a fantastically prepared and grilled (by Steve) whole chicken, along with sliced red potatoes. That man can cook, lemme tell ya!

20) Surrendered when both girls surrounded me like vultures and ate most of my food yet again. One day I'll get to eat an entire meal. In the meantime, maybe I'll lose weight or something.

21) Was thrilled when after dinner, Steve took BOTH girls with him to go get spring water in the next town over.

22) Laughed at how cute it was that it was Hannah's first time riding in Steve's truck and she was absolutely giddy with excitement.

23) Got the entire index built for my user guide while they were gone.

24) Was tearing the meat off the bones to put in the fridge as leftovers and got halfway done until I figured out that I was actually putting all of the food into the lid of the container I was using. (Because I'm smart like that.)

25) Realized that there was no real point to me rushing to the vet yesterday to get Salinger's medicine, if I'm not going to actually remember give it to him. [sigh]

26) FINALLY bit the bullet and ordered an "Archive CD" from Ofoto, which will contain all 3,245 pictures that I've uploaded there since first getting my digital camera 3.5 years ago. That's only about half of the photos I actually have on my hard drive, but at least I'll be able to free up a ton of space on the computer. (My computer is such a piece of shit and so old, it doesn't burn CDs, so I've had no where to go with all of the pictures.)

27) Realized I'm going to have to go to the post office tomorrow (with the girls) to overnight a check to Aetna if we want to keep our medical insurance. (Yeah Aetna people. Thanks for that whopping WEEK you gave me to come up with $1,000 and get it to you. Bastards.)

28) Heated up some Campbell's Soup at Hand since I was starving, thanks to my theiving children, only to have them steal that from me too.

29) Figured screw it, and ate a handful of baked sour cream and onion Ritz crackers.

30) Had both girls sleeping by 8:15, thanks to the time change. Granted they'll be waking me up at like 4 AM, but at least my evening's free.

31) Why the HELL is "Desperate Housewives" a rerun tonight?! I don't normally care if I know ahead of time that it's going to be a rerun. But if I wait for a show all day, only to sit down at air time and find out that I've already seen it, I'm rather disappointed.

32) Nearly laughed my ass off (and farted again) when Steve came downstairs wearing a T-shirt, boxer briefs, white socks and slippers. Dude, what is with you and your fashion sense lately. If this is how you think you're going to get me in the sack more often, you've got another thing coming...

33) At one point, decided it would be really cool if kids came with a snooze button, just like alarm clocks.... "Just 10 more minutes Hon. PLEASE, just 10 more minutes until you wake me up."

34) This sparked my lifelong confusion as to why snooze buttons are always set to go off again in nine minutes. Nine minutes? WHY nine minutes? Why not ten? What's with the odd number alarm clock people? Wouldn't ten minutes be more logical?

35) Reminded Steve repeatedly throughout the day that he needed to change the headlight in my car. You know... while it was still light out and all.

36) Couldn't help but shake my head as I watched him do it at 7:00 this evening, in the pitch dark, with his headlights from his truck shining onto my car, hunting for a working flashlight, finally settling on one of his huge halogen lights he uses for work. Dude, I told you to do it when you could see. Asses. Every last one of 'em is an ass...

Gee. Big shock here, huh?

You Are a Martini
There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush.You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!
What Mixed Drink Are You?

I think this disturbs me...

Although I'm not really sure why. I'm actually surprised I haven't seen this movie yet, since I adore John Cusack and I think John Malkovich is HOT.

Your Life is Like
Being John Malkovich
What John Cusack movie are you?

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Saturday 10.29.2005)

1) Was in a rather pleasant, energetic mood upon waking this morning. Still not really sure why or how.

2) Took a shower while Hannah screamed because Grace wouldn't let her use the blue pillow on our bed (which matched her shirt).

3) Thought the vet was open until noon for me to pick up Salinger's antibiotics refill.

4) Called them at 9:55 AM and found out they were only open until 10:30 AM.

5) Threw the girls in the car (literally) and high-tailed it to the vet to get the meds.

6) Had to come back home to pick up the checks and deposit slips for the stuff I was supposed to take to Steve's bank (that I forgot when we left for the vet).

7) Went to the bank (in the next town I might add) and had to take the girls into the bank with me (as opposed to the drive-thru I normally use) because Steve had more than three transactions. Fucker.

8) Came back home, where almost immediately, my sister and BIL picked Grace up to take her to a kids' Halloween party at the local Rod & Gun club they belong to.

9) Managed to alternate between playing around online and getting a lot of cleaning done. I even cleaned out the inside of the microwave.

10) I later didn't tell Steve that the ONLY reason I cleaned out the inside of the microwave was because the bowl of SpaghettiO's I was heating up blew up in there.

11) Yes, Hannah ate ALL of my damn meatballs out of them. [sigh]

12) Got a call at 7:00 that Grace wanted to sleep over at my sister's house. I had sent pajamas just in case, so I was all for it. YEEHAW!

13) Had Steve walk in 5 minutes later and inform me our nephew was sleeping over again so they could go shooting in the morning. No problem.

14) Ordered wings from the place around the corner and asked for hot sauce on the side. (Otherwise, they get too soggy by the time you get them home, and we like them crispy.)

15) Got home, opened the bag, and discovered they'd forgotten the hot sauce on the side. Yay for plain ol' chicken (basically). [sigh]

16) At least the cheese fries were good.

17) 9:00 PM: Took Hannah upstairs to bed.

18) 9:15 PM: Came back downstairs as my sister was pulling in with Grace, who decided she wanted to sleep at home after all. So much for my evening alone.

19) 9:30 PM: Grace is sleeping but Hannah is screaming for Mommy.

20) 9:45 PM: Come back downstairs (again) to find Grace & Tommie sleeping. Finally, the night is mine.

21) Steve walked downstairs after his shower wearing the most ridiculous pair of sweatpants I've ever seen in my life. Bright red, an inch too short, and skin tight. I shit you not, there's no WAY he's worn them since high school.

22) Saw him and started laughing so hard, tears were coming out of both of our eyes.

23) I kept laughing to the point where I was farting. This sent us into even more hysterical fits of laughter. Dude! Take them OFF for the love of god.

24) Received an email from our accountant, informing me I need to bring Steve's tax stuff to her ASAP in the morning since she has a baby shower in the afternoon.

25) This means, since Steve's going shooting, that I need to take both girls with me. DAMMIT!

26) Also realized I'm going to need milk, so I'll need to stop at the gas station (with both girls) to get it at some point. (Seriously, why the hell does it have to be dangerous to leave children strapped unattended in the car for 2 minutes?)

27) Realized that since having children, the whole "gain an hour" thing associated with Daylight Savings Time is moot, since it just means they'll be waking me up at 5:00 instead of 6:00 tomorrow morning.

28) Remembered (fondly) the days when I was young and single, where this night was my favorite night of the year. We'd go out to a bar, and at 2:00 AM, when they'd normally be closing, they'd turn the clocks back and we'd have another hour to get (even more) shitfaced. Ahhh... those were the days.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Testing to see if this really works...

Supposedly, I can post to my blog via email. Very interesting indeed...

It would be nice if I actually had people fooled to this extent...

Your Reputation Is: Sweet Girl
While you're well known, there's nothing to worry about.You're reputation is mostly good - as good as any rep can be.

Um, I freakin' WISH!!!...

Your Celebrity Style Twin is Jessica Simpson
Flirty, feminine, and fun.
And hooray! I like this name. In fact, I think it's all I'll go by from now on.
Your Alias Should Be:
Sidney Hailee
What Should Your Alias Be?
Your Fashion Style is Classic
You like what's stood the test of time...Simple, well styled clothes that don't scream trendyYou stay updated and modern, but your clothes stay in style for a whileYou wouldn't be caught in animal prints, fake fur, or super bright colors

Sorry. These are fun. (Thanks Melissa! LOL!)

Your Love Quote
Good kissers are strong men who will have your back. Bad kissers are weak men who will just like to grab your butt.
What Love Quote Suits You?

Yeah... this one I'm not buying... LOL!
You Are Bold Red Boots
You like to put your most outrageous foot forward!
What Kind of Boots Are You?

You Can Hang With the Guys and the Girls
You've struck a good balance between girlie and laid back.You can keep it casual but when you dress up, you are as girly as the next girl.
How Girlie Are You?

Your 80s Heartthrob Is
John Stamos

Your Vibe Is Secretly Sexy
Sexy isn't exactly a word you'd use to describe yourselfBut you have a quite allure that certain men feel appealingYou don't need to flaunt your stuff to be sexierA little more confidence in yourself, and you'll really light up a room!
How Sexy Is Your Vibe?

Your Element is Fire
Your power color: red
Your energy: hot
Your season: spring
Like a fire, you are full of power and light.A born leader, you easily draw people toward you.You are full of courage and usually up for anything dangerous.You have a huge ego and love to be the center of attention.
What Element Are You?

You are Flat Sandals
Casual yet flirtyYou look great in a simple top and jeansYour look is approchable and cute!
What Kind of Sandal Are You?

Dude... I don't think so...
No Pocket Jeans
You are confident and completely comfortable with your body.You don't mind showing off - in fact, you put it all out there!
What Style of Jeans Are You?

This Fall, You Should Wear
A Retro MTV Tee
What Fall Fashion Trend Should You Try?

Wow. I'm surprised they gave me that much on the "Good" side...

You Are a Bad Girl
You are 30% Good and 70% BadYou're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes.But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!

Highlights of the Day (Friday 10.28.2005)

1) Got to sleep in until 7:00 again. GOOD job girls!

2) Managed to crank out the user guide in an hour this morning and forward it to my manager with a note implying I had worked on it all day yesterday and half the night. Mwaaahaahaaa!

3) Had Grace throw a HUGE fit this morning when I informed her I had to go to the bank before we could go to WalMart where she could spend her $5.00 Halloween money from Nana.

4) Got increasingly annoyed when it took me about an hour and half to finally get the girls ready to go. I swear to god, I have the slowest, most easily distracted children on the planet.

5) Ran into my friend, Dan, at WalMart (my cute beer pong partner for those of you that were at the pig roast) and had him ask me if we're going to our friend's annual Halloween party tomorrow night.

6) Lied and said I wasn't sure we had a babysitter (I didn't ask anyone) and figured he'd tell the hosts and we'd get off scott free. (We hate Halloween parties and these people insist you come in costume.)

7) Had to explain to my children a billion times that they each only had $5.00 and that no, they could not buy that $30 doctor's table for their dolls or that $40.00 dog that moves and licks you.

8) Was thrilled when Hannah chose a $0.97 doll (of which we have about 4 duplicates, but for ninety-seven cents, who the hell cares?)

9) Decided to nix the trip to the vet for Salinger's antibiotics refill until tomorrow morning when it because extremely obvious that Hannah was ready for a nap.

10) Took Grace to gymnastics where both her and Hannah discovered the joys of Grace's little friend's Polly Pockets Click Its dolls with magnetic clothing. One more Christmas item added to the list...

11) Found out Steve invited our 15-year-old nephew to sleep over tonight so the two of them can get up before the crack of dawn to go turkey hunting.

12) Didn't care except the girls are still hanging on him and trying to play with no signs of being willing to go to bed yet.

13) Figured I won't be on the computer tonight (since Tommie will be trying to sleep in here), so I have to blog now.

14) This also means I get to start reading "Lolita", which was sent to me by my kick ass friend. I'm actually rather excited.

15) Found out the place where Grace takes gymnastics offers birthday parties there and realized that it's only October, but I've already decided where Grace's birthday party will be next year in June. Sweet.

16) Came downstairs from putting Hannah to bed and was thrilled to discover Tommie and Grace already sleeping, allowing me to be online as much as I please. :)

17) By reading all of mine (and other's) blog comments, there are a HELL of a lot of us online this Friday night. LOL!

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Thursday 10.27.2005)

1) Was thrilled when Steve woke me this morning and I realized that I (and Hannah) had slept through the night.

2) Sent the kids off to daycare (in good moods) to yet another Halloween party/parade day. After this, we're officially "done" with Halloween stuff for the year.

3) Had planned to head immediately out the door to take my car to WalMart for an oil change so I'd be the first one in line and wouldn't have to wait long, but decided I didn't feel like it.

4) Got pissed at myself for not going because I knew I'd have to go at some point and wait for a good hour or so for my car. Being stranded at WalMart isn't exactly on my list of Things I Want to Do Today.

5) Ate like a hog throughout the day. Oink.

6) Got very little done in terms of my job, even though I told my manager I'd forward her a document today and now have to work on it after posting this blog entry.

7) Had one of those days where I just couldn't motivate myself to do anything productive. I did get one load of laundry done. And I updated Steve's files in Quickbooks for the accountant. But that pretty much sums it up.

8) Decided around 4:00 that there was no way in hell I was getting my oil changed today and it'll just have to wait until next Wednesday. Let's hope my engine doesn't blow up before then.

9) I did however, stop at Advanced Auto on my way to pick up the girls, and bought a new bulb for my headlight that's been burned out... oh, I dunno... like a month now.

10) Realized that by the time I get Steve to change the bulb, it could be another month or so.

11) Was just thrilled [dripping with sarcasm] to see the girls brought home yet more candy from their Halloween parties at daycare today. Because god knows, we didn't have enough already.

12) Rumor has it that had the same eating habits as me today. Oink.

13) Nearly pummeled Steve in the face when he got all pissy with me because I wanted to use a new paper plate for my dinner instead of using the one he had used to carry all of the chicken breasts in from the grill. Dude, are you kidding me? Broken down per plate, each one probably cost about $0.05 (if that), ya damn freak.

14) Didn't know whether to laugh at him or kick him where it hurts when I watched him huffily wipe off the paper plate I was going to use, and put it back on the pile. Seriously dude... you've got some serious issues.

15) By the way... reminder to Steve: I bought the last 4 or 5 packs of paper plates so I'll use however damn many I want to.

16) Saw right through him when two minutes after his little "tantrum" he started talking to me like nothing had happened. Sorry Sir, no, you will not be getting laid this evening.

17) Wiggled Grace's tooth and realized it's going to fall out any day. Any minute really. :(

18) Am now paranoid that she's either going to swallow it or not realize it fell out and we won't have it. How exactly do you explain to a 4-year-old that the tooth fairy will indeed leave a little "treat" even we don't have the actual tooth?

19) Have decided to start checking her mouth obsessively until it falls out.

20) Almost crapped myself when I saw what happened in the board room on "The Apprentice."

21) Wondered how tonight's events on aforementioned show didn't screw up the whole season and the number of episodes they had expected to air. Hmmmm...

22) Gave in and had sex anyway. It's been way too long (for us), and the guilt was starting to weigh on me.

23) Realized afterwards that this could very well be my day(s) to ovulate, but honestly have no clue. Crap.

24) Remembered I forgot to buy diapers today and now need to load two children into the car first thing in the morning and go to WalMart just to get a pack of diapers. Dammit.

25) Once again, forgot to give Salinger his morning dose of antibiotics. If this cat starts pissing on things again, it is sooo my fault. (However, Steve will never be made aware of that fact.)

26) Realized that Steve and I are probably the two worst friends in the world when it comes to calling people back. We don't mean any harm. Really. We just suck.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Wednesday 10.26.2005)

1) Got a whopping 2 hours of sleep last night at best. Thanks for that, Hannah. Thanks a lot.

2) Sent an exhausted screaming 2-year-old to daycare this morning, making me feel completely guilty on top of tired beyond words.

3) Chugged some coffee.

4) Decided that if I didn't do the grocery shopping ASAP, it wouldn't get done.

5) Was too tired to shower yet, so went to the store wearing jeans, no bra, Steve's WAY too big sweatshirt, no makeup, my glasses and an ugly black baseball hat. Stacey and Clinton would've had a field day with me had they been watching secret footage.

6) Had a lovely conversation with the woman bagging my groceries about how they told her daughter she was having a girl, but she gave birth to a boy yesterday. Funny how that happens, huh?

7) Used the story to justify to myself once again, why finding out the sex of your baby ahead of time can be bad news. ;)

8) FINALLY took two large garbage bags out of my trunk (where they've been for a month now) and dropped them off at Salvation Army.

9) Returned three already-way-late movies to Blockbuster. Thank you Blockbuster for "The End of Late Fees"!

10) Grabbed the bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from McD's that I've been craving for a week now.

11) Sat here and ate that and typed all this out while my groceries still sat in the car because I was too tired to bring them in and put them away.

12) Left them out there for a good hour before I forced myself to bring them in.

13) Realized I'd need to find gloves for the girls for trick-or-treating tonight. STUPID cold weather when we have to be outside.

14) Picked up some daily vitamins and calcium chews in what is going to be my feeble attempt to give myself at least an ounce of energy, and perhaps help my teeth from cracking in half.

15) Bleached the downstairs tub due to the disgusting film that was beginning to form thanks to the piles of dirty dishes we put in there until I have a chance to wash them.

16) No, we do not actually bathe in that tub. (I know some of you were wondering.)

17) Washed close to 5 million dishes in the bathroom sink again. HOW do we make so many damn dishes?!?!?

18) Went to pick the girls up at my parents house and found out I had to give my dad a ride back to the car dealership so he could pick up his car.

19) Rode the whole time with the uncomfortable realization that my pack of cigarettes were right behind the little flap door on my dashboard... just casual finger flick away from a man whom despises smoking and whom doesn't know his daughter does it.

20) Was thinking about it so much, I blew threw a stop sign with him in the car and then had to slam on my brakes, complete with tire squealing. Yup. That's much better.

21) Came home where I had to listen to two children ask every three seconds... "Is it time to go trick-or-treating now? Can we go trick-or-treating?..."

22) Was informed by my darling husband via his cell phone that the floor hadn't set up quick enough and he was just leaving the job and had an hour's drive home.

23) Wouldn't care if it hadn't been only 15 minutes until trick-or-treating was scheduled to start.

24) Took the girls to my mother-in-law's house, where we took them to three or four houses for candy and then managed to convince them that handing out the candy to the other trick-or-treaters would be a really cool, fun thing to do until Daddy could arrive to help me cart your tired heavy asses all over town begging for treats.

25) Walked WAY too many blocks considering the ages of our children.

26) Realize it bothered me WAY more than it bothered them.

27) Saw a young boy (posing as an innocent mannoquin) scare the living beejeezus out of Grace, prompting her to declare she was done with trick-or-treating and wanted to "go home and watch TV."

28) Decided that sweeter words have not been spoken to me in a long, long time.

29) Arrived back at mother-in-law's house where we found my sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and Grace's evil cousin, Gunnar.

30) Knew it would be awhile before I could convince Grace it really was time to leave.

31) Watched Gunnar catapult himself over my mother-in-law, smashing his head into the wooden leg of their armchair.

32) Thanked god I have girls.

33) Got them home, fed, and in bed by 9:00. See? I'm not so bad at this parenting thing.

34) Was pissed when I was reminded that "Lost" was a rerun. All that work and rushing around for nothing, dammit.

35) Received a stunning gift basket from a friend of mine. ;)

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Tuesday 10.25.2005)

1) Woke up at 6:15 and decided not to send Grace to daycare because it was pouring down rain.

2) Told myself it was because I don't like her driving so far in a car in such crappy weather. But in reality, I just didn't feel like packing her lunch and getting her dressed.

3) Went back to bed instead and the girls and I slept until 7:45! YEEHAW!

4) Had mixed feelings about Steve being home from work and working on the kitchen. I mean, progress is good. But it's a royal pain in the ass keeping the girls out of his way. And the hammering and sawing gets old after awhile.

5) Enjoyed my coffee with Cinnamon Vanilla creamer WAY more than a normal person should.

6) Realized that taking a shower with 2 kids and a power tool-carrying adult in the house makes for a not so relaxing shower.

7) Ended up being glad that Steve stayed home because Grace followed him around like a little shadow "helping him" which kept her out of my hair.

8) Got to talk to my friend on the phone. :)

9) Was excited to receive my Children's Place order in the mail today.

10) Was even more excited when 15 minutes later I received my GAP order.

11) Was silently celebrating that Steve was down in the basement during both deliveries, so he knows nothing about them.

12) Did a HUGE happy dance when the jeans I ordered for Grace from GAP fit her! To most, this is nothing exciting. But to a mom who has searched fruitlessly for two years for a pair of jeans that actually fits her child, this is a day that will forever be remembered.

13) Immediately got online and ordered another pair of jeans for her, a pair of cords, and some jeans for myself. (Hey, if they have a good fit for kids, their women's jeans must fit great too, right?)

14) Gave the girls soup for dinner and then slyly ate my Chef Boy-R-Dee where Hannah couldn't see me so I got to EAT MY MEATBALLS!!!! YAHOO!!!!!

15) Made a bet with Steve that he most certainly did not buy a costume to wear trick-or-treating tomorrow (which is what he tried to tell me). If I win, I get $20. Sweet.

16) My ass got numb rocking Hannah to sleep tonight. C'mon kid... Close your eyes, go to sleep, and let Mommy get the hell downstairs to watch Amazing Race, will ya?

17) Watched "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" with the girls and decided it isn't nearly as good as I remember it being.

18) Pigpen's still my favorite and Schroeder is still my least favorite.

19) Laughed to see that even way "back in the day" little, snotty, bitchy children like Lucy existed.

20) Wondered for the 8-billionth time in my life if Peppermint Patty was going to grow up to be a lesbian.

21) Received a forwarded email from a friend that gave me the impression she thinks I'm a drunken slob who can't hold my liquor. (Just kidding M.)

22) Wondered what the hell I'm still doing awake at 1:00 AM, apparently suffering from insomnia. [sigh]

Monday, October 24, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Monday 10.24.2005)

1) Had Hannah wake up twice during the night, but then she slept until after 8:00, so she woke up extremely pleasant for a change.

2) The girls were surprisingly content and well-behaved today.

3) With the exception of when my friend Tracey called, when they turned into demons for 10 minutes, screaming, yelling, and chasing me around the house. Until I hung up of course, at which time they morphed back into absolute angels again.

4) Had a horrible, horrible "incident" with a fucking psycho bird in the house. My poor children will be scarred for life.

5) Informed Steve that the hole through which it came in better be covered immediately, because a repeat incident will warrent me moving somewhere far, far away... without him.

6) Am pretty much banking on having bizarre bird nightmares tonight.

7) Felt like a total man this morning when I called Steve asking where the hell he put the sugar that I needed for my coffee. He told me and it was right in front of my freakin' face the entire time. [sigh]

8) Was actually pretty bored throughout the day. Apparently, if my children aren't acting like Crack Kids, I have nothing to do or entertain myself with.

9) Somewhat bitterly surrendered the meatballs out of my Chef-Boy-R-Dee again to Hannah for dinner. Dammit. The things we sacrifice for our children...

10) Took the girls to the grocery store/strip mall where they were having a trick-or-treat night for kids, with candy, games, and such.

11) Weaved my way in and out of about a billion dressed up children and their parents to stand in line to play games that resulted in ridiculously cheap plastic crap that either didn't work from the get go, or will break by tomorrow at lunchtime.

12) Cringed as my children had handful after handful of sugary candy thrown into their Halloween bags.

13) Decided the fun the girls had was worth it.

14) Watched a clown twist balloons into the shape of a monkey on a tree and decided that it may have to become my new career.

15) Decided there was no way in hell I was dealing with another morning of crappy coffee and unflavored creamer, so I decided to brave the grocery store once we got to the end of the strip mall.

16) Laughed as I jammed Grace's tail from her costume into the car cart so she could ride in it too.

17) Grabbed my oh-so-important Cinnamon Vanilla creamer and considered opening it right there and chugging it just because it's been too long since I've had some.

18) Decided I don't care if the girls get up at 4:00 AM tomorrow morning, as long as it means I'll get my good cup of coffee.

19) Got seriously annoyed at my dad when he left his and my shopping carts in the middle of a parking spot when we were finished shopping. "Dude, did you do that? Because I hate your type of people." He said, "What do you want me to do with them? We have popsicles and we're all the way at the other end of the strip mall." OK, now color me crazy, but I highly doubt if popsicles are going to melt in 55 degree weather during the 2 minutes it would take you to walk them up to the curb at least.

(Note: And for those of you asking why I didn't walk them up myself... It's because both girls were already buckled in their car seats and my parents pulled out, and I couldn't leave the girls in the car alone while I pushed the damn carts out of the way. It will haunt me for days, I assure you.)

20) Arrived home and ate a fantastic dinner of steak, garlic mashed potatoes, and green beans.

21) Wondered how many of you read #20 and realized I was lying out my ass when I said I ate green beans.

22) Pondered how my 2-year-old who won't eat things like mashed potatoes or peanut butter can stand in front of me eating steak rubbed with a garlic pepper meat rub and doused with Worcestershire sauce, begging for more. FREAK!

23) Yelled at the girls repeatedly to stop beating each other with their balloon trees or I'd pop them.

24) Watched a new "Prison Break". YEEHAW! I was beginning to suffer from withdrawl.

25) Had numerous people ask me throughout the day what kind of bird it was when told of my "incident" this morning. People, how the hell do I know? It was dive bombing at my head, so forgive me if I didn't take the time to consult my bird watching book to see what type of bird has black and gray markings and has the tendencies of a kami kazi warrior.

Took the girls to the Halloween parade yesterday.

I almost didn't take Hannah because it fell right in the middle of her naptime. But I changed my mind and woke her up to take her along. I'm so glad I did. She LOVED it!

They cried for these cool pink and purple "pimp hats" that a vendor was selling, and because I thought they were cool too, got each of them one.

Three seperate people walking past, stopped to comment on Hannah's eyes. That girl is going to cause me a lot of trouble one day, lemme tell ya. ;)

All in all, a fabulous day and it was great to watch the girls so happy. :)

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Saturday 10.22.2005)

1) Had Hannah wake up WAY too freakin' early, which in turn, made Grace wake up WAY too early.

2) Based on the rain pouring from the sky, we assumed Steve's golf tournament was cancelled.

3) Watched Steve (not literally) get showered and dressed in preparation to work on the kitchen for the day.

4) Told the girls Daddy would buy hay bales today so we could go out on the covered back porch and make a scarecrow.

5) Almost threw up when Steve grilled cheeseburgers and hot dogs at 9:30 this morning because he was hungry and we didn't have any "breakfast food."

6) Steve called my dad right before he left to run to the bank to make sure the tournament was cancelled. Was informed that they were indeed going to play and my dad was leaving to pick Steve up. CRAP!

7) Told Steve if he didn't go buy a hay bale before he left, I'd rip him a new one.

8) Ran to the gas station to hit the ATM (since Steve now needed cash) wearing Pepto Bismol pink sweatpants, black fur-lined clogs, and a T-shirt with no bra because I had to get money ASAP for Steve to go get the hay bale before he left.

9) Came back and realized I needed cigarettes and soda for the day, so I ran back to the gas station so I could go without dragging two children with me. (Still wearing the pink sweats, but threw on a gray hooded sweatshirt and opted for flip-flops.)

10) Was excited to see they had NON-diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, which I hadn't had a chance to try yet.

11) Sent Steve out the door and was instructed that I needed to now go to the bank since he didn't get the chance to go.

12) Threw the girls in the car and ran to the bank and then made a run through the Long John Silver's drive-thru and the Arby's drive-thru.

13) Ordered 4 cheese cups so Grace wouldn't eat all mine.

14) Started stuffing a scarecrow as Hannah kept running off the porch into the cold rain, and Grace tried to do it with one hand in her pocket because she was cold.

15) Got the pants and shirt stuffed and convinced the girls to come inside until later.

16) Was a bit embarrassed when Grace came up with a solution for how to attach the pants to the shirt when I couldn't think of anything.

17) Warned Grace that if she threw a blanket over her head and ran at Hannah, sending Hannah running through the house screaming one more time, I was going to beat the living daylights out of her.

18) Cursed the fact that the baby shower was cancelled, as Grace threw a complete tantrum and chucked her pillow across the room saying she's "never going to lay down again!"

19) Tried the Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, and while very good, pretty much tastes exactly like regular Dr. Pepper. What gives?

20) Considered checking myself into a psych ward when Hannah flipped backwards off her ride-on car, smacking her head on the floor, and starting to screech while Grace simultaneously played her Barbie guitar behind me at the loudest volume possible while headbanging.

21) Felt guilty two minutes later after losing it and freaking out on them.

22) Thanked god for all that is holy when my sister called out of the blue and asked if Grace wanted to sleep over.

23) Decided I had done my duty when I warned her ahead of time that Grace had been rather "challenging" today because she was tired and my sister still wanted to have her over.

24) Breathed a sigh of relief when Hannah asked for Dora chicken noodle soup and I gave her some Cup of Noodle instead (the only thing I had) and she didn't notice.

25) The first beer I cracked open tonight has been one of the best tasting (and most rewarding) beers I've ever had the pleasure of drinking.

26) When Steve got home, we realized that the guy that helped him out on a few jobs last week totally lied to me about what Steve owed him when he came to pick up his cash and I gave him $50 extra of Steve's money. Steve was pissed (at him, not me).

27) Watched the first few minutes of "Tuckerville" and wondered, out of ALL the celebrities in the world, WHY TLC thinks we want to watch Tanya Tucker. Um yeah. Try again.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Friday 10.22.2005)

1) Carried Grace up to bed at 1:30 AM last night to find that Cooter had peed on Grace's bed. So much for blaming Salinger who was still at the vet.

2) Had to strip the bed, throw towels over the wet spot and remake the bed at 1:30. NOT happy!

3) The girls didn't sleep in nearly as late as I would've liked them too.

4) Listened to Hannah cry because she had left her Winnie the Pooh sippy cup at Grandma's house. I told her not to take it with her yesterday. Serves her right. [grumble grumble]

5) Went to WalMart where Grace kept running off and Hannah kept crying to get out of the cart.

6) Bought another waterproof mattress cover for the bed.

7) Ran into my sister at WalMart and listened to Grace cry because she couldn't go with her.

8) Ran into the chick that Steve sat in a hottub naked with 3 years ago. Although she's very nice, I was thrilled beyond belief to see her ass has multiplied in size by about 5 times since I last saw her.

9) Got to the McDonald's drive-thru at 10:27 AM and was informed I couldn't get my bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit because they were now serving lunch. Son of a B*TCH! Settled for chicken nuggets and an order of pancakes they still had left and split it with the girls, who ate pretty much all of it, leaving me with 2 or 3 bites. (Are we noticing a pattern here?)

10) Got home and cleaned as much as my energy level would allow me.

11) Got a call 15 minutes later saying I could come pick Salinger up. Still don't know what's wrong, but they found a little blood in his urine, so he's on antibiotics and penned in the upstairs kitchen/laundry room until the lab results come back.

12) Watched two sweet-looking girls (mine) half destroy the vet's waiting room while I was paying, waiting for them to bring Salinger out, etc.

13) Came home and threw an exhausted two-year-old in her crib, penning a sick cat in the spare room upstairs, pumped him full of antibiotics, and sat down for the first time.

14) Finally received my FedEx delivery. The driver was a large woman with a really bad perm who didn't seem too pleased with me.

15) Contemplated telling her it was the sender who had been calling FedEx and raising hell, but I figured she wouldn't believe me anyway.

16) Figured any future FedEx deliveries will be destroyed by the time they get here.

17) Opened the packages and was taken aback at how beautiful the gifts were.

18) Laughed out loud when I saw they aren't in actual baskets, but in gorgeously ribboned boxes instead. Fantastic.

19) Took Grace to gymnastics and brought home two wired girls who wouldn't settle down. Stupid gymnastics.

20) Found out the baby shower that was the cause of the rush delivery FedEx fiasco has been cancelled. [sigh] Figures.

21) Had both girls sleeping by 9:00, allowing me to wash TLC and all sorts of other sappy Friday night TV shows.

22) Placed an Amazon order for books. I probably won't ever have time to read them, mind you. But at least I can look at them and imagine they're good.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Thursday 10.20.2005)

1) Rushed around like a freak after sending the girls to daycare, so I could get ready and out the door to make it to the office on time for my meeting.

2) Wondered how the hell I used to do that everyday and not hurt myself.

3) On the drive to work, was reminded of why I hated that commute and gained a new understanding for why I was such a miserable bitch when I had to do it everyday.

4) Decided all other drivers except myself suck.

5) Came to the conclusion that the Orbit gum commercials are cute and campy the first time you see each one. But after that, they're just fucking annoying.

6) Bought a salad for lunch at a place that is the salad's version of the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. There's an assembly line for salads and if you don't know what you want when it's your turn, they get pissed because there's usually about 30 people in line behind you.

7) Watched the little Asian dude that's worked there for years mumble "Fuck" under his breath when he had some great salad catastrophe.

8) Wasn't sure whether to admire the dude for taking his salad mixing job so seriously, or feel sorry for him for um, taking his salad mixing job so seriously.

9) Told one of my project managers that he's a ditzy blonde woman trapped in a man's body.

10) He thought I was kidding and laughed.

11) I wasn't kidding.

12) Decided the new FedEx driver who is supposed to be delivering packages to me at home is either an ex-boyfriend or some random dude that likes to sit in his truck all day and get stoned instead of delivering the packages. Because those two reasons are the only two reasons I can think of for why I'm still waiting for my baskets and keep reading updates on the FedEx website that say, "Can't locate address," and "No one available or business closed."

13) Decided to call FedEx tomorrow and get the bastard fired.

14) Wondered if Steve's a few bricks shy of a full load, because that can be the only explanation as to why he continues to get the girls all wound up and hyper right before bedtime even though I literally yell at him every night when he does it. That has to be it. The man is retarded.

15) Ate crackers with PB and marshmallow fluff as my evening snack and almsot punched Steve in the face when he said, "Wow. You're eating healthy tonight, huh?" Dude, where have you been? This is not something new sweetheart. Perhaps you should be home more often...

16) Got the details on Hannah's first "real haircut" from my mom, who took her after daycare today to her hairdresser. Was proud to find out Hannah sat completely still and was a total champ.

17) Got the details on Grace's haircut too. Um... yeah. Not quite as good. Moving on...

18) Bought the stamps I've been forgetting to go buy for about a week now.

19) Talked to the vet and found out we're still waiting on a urine sample from Salinger before he can come home.

20) Contemplated the finer points of bird flocking. I mean, do they all sit on a wire or in a tree until any one of them flies away for the others to all follow? Or is there a predetermined "leader" that they follow? Do they sit there, always with one eye on the "leader" so they can be flying away in the blink of an eye? Does the leader "tell" the other ones ahead of time that he's about to fly the coop? Or does he just fly away and test to see which ones are watching? Mind bobbling, I tell ya... Mind boggling.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Wednesday 10.19.2005)

1) Woke up and sent both girls off to daycare (without incident), allowing me to enjoy some "quiet time" with my laptop and my coffee without Nick Jr. on in the background and getting up every two seconds to refill sippy cups.

2) Was annoyed when my "quiet time" was cut short because I had to shower and vacuum before the electrician was due to arrive at 9:00 AM.

3) Was annoyed again (not really) when the electrician called at 9:15 and said he was going to be a little late.

4) Laughed when the electrician arrived and we were chatting and he referred to my father-in-law as "The Horny Plumber." Oh so very true...

5) Cleaned cat crap remnants and scents off of various items and surfaces in the home. Damn cat.

6) Put away the 7 loads (literally) of clean laundry I've been avoiding for over a week now.

7) Did absolutely nothing productive in terms of my actual job.

8) Didn't care.

9) Found out I need to be at the office by 9:00 tomorrow morning. So much for enjoying a cup of coffee after sending the girls to school and before leaving for the office.

10) Was thrilled when the electrician said his portion of the job is done (for now) and that Steve can start, "Sheet rocking the shit" out of the kitchen whenever his little heart desires.

11) Forgot to go to the post office to buy Steve a roll of stamps like he's been asking me to do for 3 days now. [sigh]

12) Impatiently waited all day long for my FedEx delivery that was scheduled to arrive.

13) Ate my leftover Long John Silver's and Arby's food for lunch. YUM!

14) Forgot (for the fourth day in a row) to take meat out of the freezer to defrost for dinner.

15) Found out the FedEx guy supposedly couldn't find my house, but I'm convinced the fucker was just too lazy to drive here and went home for the night.

16) Got a takeout cheesesteak with extra cheese for dinner tonight. YUM!

17) Ran to the gas station (per Steve's request) to buy PowerBall tickets for tonight. Was surprised to see a line of 15 people also there to buy PB tickets.

18) Was next in line when it dawned on me that you can only pay for lottery tickets with cash, which I didn't have enough of.

19) Got out of line to walk to the front of the store and retrieve cash from the ATM.

20) Got back in line behind 15 new people.

21) Thought I felt poop in Hannah's diaper as I was rocking her and just as she was about to fall asleep.

22) Wrestled with the decision of whether or not to check her diaper (and therefore waking her) or not.

23) Asked her if she had poop in there and she said yes.

24) Came downstairs and retrieved diaper and wipes and went back upstairs to her room.

25) Undid diaper to find it bone dry with no poop what-so-ever. Dammit.

26) Still managed to have both kids sleeping by the time LOST started.

27) Decided Sawyer really is a perfect human speciman.

28) Remembered to email PowerBall numbers bought for friend in another state to her before the drawing, therefore warding off any possible lawsuits should one of us win this evening.

29) Noticed Salinger straining in the litterbox again tonight and then puking, prompting me to call the vet.

30) Dropped Salinger off at vet for an overnight stay when they're hoping to secure a urine sample.

31) Felt bad for Salinger, but at the same time relieved, knowing I won't find any excrement "surprises" in the morning when I wake up.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Tuesday 10.18.2005)

1) Sent Grace up to daycare and then looked around at the sad state of my house, remembered how much work I have to do for my actual job, realized we have little to no food in the house, and thought about temper-throwing Hannah following me around all day, and physically cringed.

2) Checked on Salinger and realized I'd have to get up there at some point today and clean up all sorts of the stupid cat's bodily fluids. [sigh]

3) Had my mom call me from the daycare at 8:00 AM and ask if I was going to try to take Hannah for her first real haircut, like we had talked about. Yes Mom... in my spare time.

4) Had Hannah eat a ton of green sugar when I wasn't looking (shut up), and when she looked in the mirror, she laughed and said, "I look like Daddy now!"

5) Heated up a piece of pizza for Hannah for lunch. But then I decided I wanted it, so I never told her I had it and ate it before she saw me.

6) Managed to squeeze in about 10 minutes of work before lunchtime. So much for that deadline.

7) Took Hannah outside for an hour before lunch, in an attempt to wear her down so she'd crash hard for her nap after lunch.

8) Apparently sunlight has the same effect as caffeine on her and she wouldn't go to sleep regardless of what I did.

9) Sat here laughing hysterically as I heard her saying all kinds of funny-as-hell over the monitor from her crib.

10) Gave up after 45 minutes and brought her back downstairs.

11) Realized the cat's butt still stank and literally wiped it about 25 times with Hannah's wipes, desperately trying to make him stop smelling so I could stop gagging.

12) Cleaned up the puddle Hannah made when she peed on the floor in front of our shelves of food. (Did I mention I'm a little tired of bodily fluids today?)

13) Remembered I had freaky ass nightmares last night where these guys abducted Steve and I in a parking lot and kept biting our hands and fingers until they finally just shot Steve. Made for quite a good night's sleep, lemme tell ya.

14) Washed 8,345,632 dishes (in the bathroom sink) that had been scattered throughout the home.

15) Threw away one container crusted with old food because it wasn't worth the effort it would've taken to actually get it clean enough to eat food out of it again.

16) Drank a beer at 2:30. (Yes, the day was that bad.)

17) Hannah took a 5-minute nap in the car from our house to Giant on our way out to my parents to pick up Grace. Yeah, NOW is not the time ya little shit.

18) Grabbed a few groceries and totally forgot all of the things I went there for to begin with.

19) Because of this, I am drinking beer out of a Care Bears cup again tonight.

20) Got fast food for dinner yet again because I was starving, my day had sucked, I was exhausted, and the thought of coming home and making something was making me cry.

21) Was smart enough (this time) to buy Grace her own chicken planks meal at Long John Silver's.

22) She ate all of the cheese I had gotten for my Arby curly fries instead. Seriously. One day I'll get to eat my own food again...

23) Put Hannah to bed at 7:30.

24) Started praying to god she'd sleep through the night.

25) Found out the electrician is coming tomorrow morning at 9:00. Yeah... suuurrrre you are buddy. We've heard that before. (He said he waited because he knew the kids wouldn't be around tomorrow.)

26) Due to the fact that I have to go into the office on Thursday for all day meetings, realized that this week will once again pass with no time for me to sit in my house alone and vegetate the way borderline psychotics need to do to keep from going over the edge.