Tuesday, January 31, 2006

"Against abortion? Don't have one." ~Author Unknown

~ Had to get up early to get Grace ready for daycare and joked with Steve about the decreasing coffee supply he was leaving me every morning.

~ He laughed and said I'm home so I can make my own damn coffee after he leaves. (True. But that doesn't make me any less bitchy about it.)

~ Sent Grace off to school and snuggled with Hannah on the recliner while I read my book and she watched The Magic School Bus.

~ My dad dropped by after the gym and we talked a bit.

~ Was thrilled as shit when he volunteered to take Steve's taxes to the post office for me so I wouldn't have to leave the house.

~ Since I had planned to put them in our mailbox across the street for our mailman to take (and not tell Steve... we all know how friggin' psychotic he is about that stuff), I was relieved to see I wouldn't have to lie to him when he asked if I had gone to the post office. (And yes, I would've lied.)

~ Was excited to see the trim work go up around the window in the kitchen. Thank you Mr. Cabinet Dude (Dennis, AKA - "Dilbert").

~ Participated briefly in a "spirited" abortion discussion on one of my Mom internet boards.

~ Quietly left the conversation when the talk turned to a man's rights, a father's rights, etc. My head hurts and I've decided that, in general, men just suck.

~ Put Hannah down for her nap and finished that book that had been staring at us for a good month over there on the side of my blog.

~ Did 1 load of laundry. (That was the one and only productive thing I did today. Work with me here, people.)

~ Sent out more resumes.

~ Had a mild panic attack when I viewed my bank statement online.

~ Sent out 10 more resumes due to the panic attack mentioned above.

~ Toyed with the idea of becoming a professional darts player in order to generate some income.

~ Realized I don't really know how to play darts.

~ Laughed when Steve called me to ask if I had eaten any of the ranch dip he had packed in his lunch today... Yes dear, I did. I assure you that some deranged lunatic did NOT open the dip at the grocery store in our hick town, eat some of it, and then poison it with something. You are NOT part of a terrorist attack. Eat it. You'll be fine.

~ Laughed my ass off when I checked the mail and found this gem of a shirt in there. I adore you, Katherine. Pictures of me modeling the shirt to come tomorrow.

~ May have outed a big fat liar. Time will tell...

~ Didn't know whether to laugh at or discipline Hannah when she came walking into the room all pissed off and said, "Where's my freakin' milk?"

~ Laughed because there are very few things that are funnier than when a 3-foot-tall little 2-year-old with an abundance of hair that consumes her entire head walks into a room all pissed off using words like "freakin'".

~ Realized it could've been much, much worse and counted my blessings.

~I love New York. (We're continuing my trend of quoting random song titles in my blog (e.g., I left my heart in San Francisco), for no reason other than to amuse myself.)

~ Mentally bitch slapped 3 women today. I'm getting better.

~ Was thrilled to hear that the girls will be spending the night at my parents' house on Sunday night so that Steve and I can watch the Steelers win the Superbowl without waking up the children with our screaming and celebrating.

~ Decided I liked the last guy that sang on "American Idol" tonight. The gray haired dude. You GO boy!

~ Realized I really should be watching the State of the Union address, but decided instead to be apathetic. Because I suck like that...

~ Forgot it is Self-Portrait Tuesday and decided I'd make it Self-Portrait Wednesday tomorrow just this once.

I guess I'm "It"...

Tagged by EE...

[single or taken] taken
[Shoe size] 6.5 or 7
[Parents still together] Yup. Since high school. It'll be 36 years on Valentine's Day.
[Siblings] Older brother (35 in April) and younger sister (30 in a few weeks)
[Pets] 2 PITA cats, Salinger and Cooter

[Colors] pink [blush] and brown
[Number] 2
[Animal] Can I say none here? Because I'd really like to say none.
[Drink] Coffee, Coke, and Miller Lite
[Book] "Catcher in the Rye" by JD Salinger
[Flower] Uh, mostly wildflowers. I'm not a big fan of flowers unless they're growing in a field. LOL!

[Color your hair?] Not really. I get them highlighted like once every 3 years, but it isn't to "hide" anything. LOL!
[Twirl your hair?] no
[Have tattoos?] no
[Have Piercings?] Just 4 earring holes
[Cheat on tests/homework?] Not really
[Like roller coasters?] Eh. Not as much as I used to.
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] no
[Like cleaning?] More than I used to.
[Write in cursive or print?] Combo of both
[Own a cell phone?] Yes, but I never use it.
[Ever get off the damn computer] Not much.

[Been in a fist fight?] no
[considered a life of crime?] Define "crime" please. ;)
[Considered being a hooker?] Uh, no.
[Lied to someone?] Yes
[Been in love?] Yes
[Made out with JUST a friend?] Hell yeah.
[been in lust?] Yup
[Used someone] Sure
[Been used?] Sure
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] Yes, but not on purpose
[Stolen anything?] Does someone's virginity count?
[Held a gun] Sure

[Current clothing] Black velour lounge pants, fitted red thermal Old Navy shirt
[Current mood] Tired. I'm heading to bed after this
[Current taste]Miller Lite
[What you currently smell like] Smoke?
[Current hair] Pulled back in a barette
[Thing I ought to be doing] Sleeping
[Current cd in stereo] It's a 5-Disc changer, so Bodines, Toad the Wet Sprocket, the Wiggles, Bread, and Frank Sinatra
[Last book you read] I'm reading "Flight Lessons" right now.
[Last movie you saw] American Pie: Band Camp
[Last thing you ate] Piece of marble cake and some Pringles
[Last person you talked to on the phone] My mom

[Believe there is life on other planets?] They don't call me Alien for nothing. (That's a joke.)
[remember your first love?] Sure
[Read the newspaper?] Nope
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] Sure
[Do well in school?] Yes
[Wear hats] Yes
[Hate yourself?] No. But I hate a lot of other people.
[Have an obsession?] Not really.
[Collect anything?] Not really.
[Have a best friend?] Yes
[Close friends?] Lots
[Like your handwriting?] For the most part, yes
[Care about looks] Not as much as I should

[First crush] Chris
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] Not really
[Do you believe in "the one?"] Not really.
[Are you a tease?] Not really
[Too shy to make the first move?] Nope

[Daydreamer] Not really
[Bitch/Asshole] Yes
[sarcastic] No. (That was sarcasm right there.)
[Shy] HELL no. LOL!
[Talkative] HELL yes.

Monday, January 30, 2006


"Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister." ~Bob Irwin

~ Woke up and found that Steve had only left me three cups of coffee this morning. The dude keeps snagging more and more coffee before he leaves for work. Dirty bastard.

~ Showered, fed my children, and decided to run to Blockbuster before the cabinet installer showed up for the day.

~ Got there at 9:30 to find that it doesn't open until 10:00.

~ Walked to the strip mall where the girls rode the stupid ripoff cars for $0.50, bought stupid ripoff lollipops for $0.25, and played a stupid ripoff crane game.

~ Went into the dollar store where Grace chose a stupid cheap red and blue teddy bear and Hannah chose a stupid, cheap half-porcelain boy doll that's dressed like Little Boy Blue.

~ Headed to Blockbuster, where we (for the 8 billionth time) rented Dora: Superbabies (God help me) and Bambi.

~ Came home where I fed my children a healthy breakfast of Dunkin Donuts.

~ Was pissed there weren't enough donuts for me.

~ Wrote out Steve's quarterly tax checks for him. He thinks I was trying to be nice (which was a piddly 10% of my motivation), when in reality, I did it so he wouldn't have to do it when he got home, which would've put him in a miserable piss poor mood that I would've had to deal with.

~ Put Hannah down for her nap after Bambi was over, and Grace and I headed outside.

~ Spent literally 5 hours outside (obviously Hannah joined us after her nap), gathering a rock collection, having fun in our sewage pipe again, playing soccer, pushing the girls on the swing, hitting golf balls, throwing rocks in the stream, watching them dig in a tiny leftover snow pile with sticks, etc. As much as I think fresh air does a person good, I do have my limits. Dear lord...

~ At one point, the cabinet installer came outside at one point to smoke a cigarette and make some calls. On his way back into our house, Grace yells across the backyard, "Hi Dilbert!" (His name is actually Dennis.) He laughed and went inside.

~ I explained to Grace (while laughing) that his name is Dennis, and that she can't just call people random names (she called him Jeff when he came out). She said (and I quote), "Yes. I can. And I'm going to call him Dilbert the Famous Cheeseball." OK then. What the hell? LOL! (((Dennis)))

~ Finally got my mud-covered, dirty children into the house around dinner time by slyly suggesting we "race" to the door and see who could get inside the house first. Works every freakin' time.

~ Immediately corralled them upstairs to the bathtub, where we applied about 20 Valentine's Day tattoos on each child.

~ Watched the girls exercise with Daddy and wanted to slap them when they both kept asking me, "Hey Mom, how come you never exercise?" Shut up kids. Shut up.

~ Told Steve I'd grill the steaks while he got some paperwork done.

~ Got a 10-minute "speech" on how to properly light the grill, clean the grill, prepare the steak, etc. Dude, I know! I am not retarded (contrary to popular belief.)

~ Let the girls "help me" prepare the instant mashed potatoes. Oy. What a mess.

~ Went outside 30 minutes later to get the steaks off the grill.

~ Turned off the grill and the gas and saw some fire was still in the grill.

~ Opened the lid to find our steaks completely engulfed in flames.

~ Stood there panicking, trying to figure out how best to put out the flames, while also keeping our dinner edible.

~ Ran inside and yelled for Steve to come help me!

~ Steve snagged the burning meat off the grill and managed to extinguish the flames. Thank god for the Orka cooking mitt is all I have to say.

~ Brought the steaks in and salvaged the non-charred parts.

~ Had Grace ask me why the steaks caught on fire. When I answered her, she said, "How come our food never started on fire before?" (Well, Little Miss Smartass... perhaps it's because your father usually cooks. Now go away, dammit!)

Inside a Child's Mind...

Conversation with Grace the other day...

We drove past a newly-built strip-mall type building that has been being built for a few months now.

Grace: Hey mom, what's in those buildings now?
Me: Nothing yet honey. No one has rented them yet.
[about 30 seconds of silence while she thought about things]
Grace: Hey mom?
Me: What, Sweetie?
Grace: How the heck do you get those buildings home when you rent them?

You see, my sweet little 4-year-old had only ever heard the word "rent" in relation to the videos that we rent, take home, and then need to return to the store.

Kids rule.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

A little girl is sugar and spice and everything nice - especially when she's taking a nap. ~Author Unknown

~ Woke up to a house full of pleasant family members. Always a plus. (Hannah often wakes up cranky like her mommy.)

~ Spent the morning straigtening up and cleaning while Steve was at his dad's "picking up plumbing parts" (i.e., standing in the garage bullshitting and hanging out).

~ Was extremely upset to hear about Bob Woodruff getting injured over in Iraq. I've always really liked him. :(

~ Had a hour-long stretch where the TVs were turned off and the girls and I just sat in the living room reading. Pure bliss.

~ Steve arrived home, followed closely by our friend, Joe, who had come to see the kitchen progress.

~ Had already decided to skip Hannah's nap today (for only the third time in her little life), so we could go to my mom's to celebrate her birthday at the same time everyone else was there.

~ Dressed the girls in matching striped dresses and leggings, totally making me want to hug them all day. (Pictures later.)

~ Got a call from my mom saying my siblings were there, along with the pizza. Let's go Steve! We're outta here!

~ Headed to Grandma's, where we pigged out on pizza, cake, donuts, and chips.

~ Left the girls there to visit with Grandma, Granddad, and all their aunts and uncles, while Steve and I went grocery shopping.

~ Ran into sis-in-law there where I kept shoving my boobs out, hoping she'd notice I was wearing my boob-enhancing shirt from Hollister where she had bought my gift certificate for Christmas.

~ She didn't notice.

~ Steve and I used a new strategy where he and I just went off in random different directions, grabbing whatever we needed. I cannot stand grocery shopping with him, so this was a pleasure for me.

~ Returned to Steve several times to see him shopping cartless. "Hey, where's the cart?"... "Over there,"" he'd say while point three aisles up.... What the hell, dude? LOL!

~ Laughed when right before we were getting ready to check out, he said, "Hey stand here with the cart while I go grab applie juice right there."... "OK buddy, because it's bothered you up until this point if the cart was left unattended. [rolling eyes]

~ Was pissed when I discovered they were out of my Cinnamon Vanilla creamer and I had to settle for plain vanilla. [sigh]

~ Went back to my parents' house and picked up the girls.

~ Got home and unloaded the groceries. This is when I discovered that Steve have bought sausage that I had specifically told him was Buy One Get One Free this week. He grabbed one. (Idiot.) And the one he grabbed was not the kind that I had specifically told him is the kind Grace likes. (Double idiot.)

~ Had a fairly uneventful evening with only two or three overtired meltdowns from Hannah.

~ Tried to blog after "Grey's Anatomy" but Grace kepts waking up, telling me to lay down with her.

~ Finally surrendered to sleep and figured I'd blog this in the morning (which is what I'm doing).

A Typical Conversation...

I keep forgetting to talk about the lovely conversation I had with my 2 children upon leaving Grace's gymnastics class on Friday night. So the three of us are in the car, heading to get food, when Grace pipes up from the back seat:

Grace: "Hey mom! I didn't get in trouble this week for calling anybody a name."
Me (confused): "Did you get in trouble another week for calling someone a name?"
Grace: "Yeah. Last week I called Rachel a dork." (Rachel is her "best friend" at gymnastics, so it wasn't said in a mean way at all.)
Me (Laughing): "You called Rachel a dorkus? " (That's what I had thought she said.)
Hannah (with total attitude): "No, Mommy! Only Daddy's a dorkus! She said a dork! She called Rachel a dork!"

Thanks for clarifying, kiddo. LOL!

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Quote of the Day
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." ~Redd Foxx

~ Was woken by the sound of Hannah screaming for me at 5:45 AM. Ugh...

~ Came downstairs with the girls to find Steve already awake and the coffee already brewed. Thank you god (and Steve).

~ Volunteered the girls and I to go to the bank in the next town for Steve to deposit money. (Because I'm sweet like that... Snort!)

~ Ran to the gas station, the bank, and then home.

~ During this trip, I came within inches literally of slamming into a deer with my car. Thank god for anti-lock brakes is all I have to say. Stupid fucking deer.

~ Talked the girls into finger painting instead of going outside because it was still so early and really cold.

~ Put Hannah down for her nap and headed outside with Grace.

~ While playing football, went running at Grace like I was going to tackle her and about 2 feet in front of her, I slid on the mud, sliding right into her, knocking her legs out from under her, and sending both of us sliding across the muddy yard. We frickin' rule.

~ Watched Grace accidentally clock the neighbor's dog in the head with her feet when the stupid dog tried to run under the swing that she was currently swinging on. DOH!

~ Laughed when the dog ran back to the neighbor's house and wouldn't come back down to us. Oops.

~ Spent a good portion of the afternoon playing with a huge PVC sewage pipe (a clean one mind you) that Steve brought home from a job site last summer. Grace would crawl in it and I'd push her down the hill. Hours of entertainment.

~ Grace pushed me down the hill one time in the pipe and I almost threw up. The kid likes this? Freak.

~ Woke Hannah up from her nap and we went back outside.

~ Watched the girls play for two hours making "soup" out of ice water and mulch, wondering the entire time how their fingers weren't freezing.

~ Coaxed them back inside where I ate a fluffernutter for dinner. Yup, we're really that out of food. [sigh]

~ Steve and I finally picked a faucet for the kitchen and told his dad to order it (his dad is a plumber). Good thing since we NEED it here by next Monday for when the granite comes (they cut the holes in when they install the countertops).

~ Bit my tongue for an hour while Steve threw Grace around and wrestled with her and chucked her around like a football. Dude, she's four and she's a girl. For the love of god..

~ Had an "I told you so" moment when Grace got slightly injured and then cried because Steve wouldn't keep chucking her around like a ragdoll. The dude never learns.

~ Had both girls in their jammies by 5:30 hoping by some odd miracle, they'd crash by 7:00.

~ They didn't crash by then, but they were amazingly well behaved the entire evening, allowing me to read more of that book displayed over there on the left, that's just begging to be changed.

~ Got to watch Doug Wilson on Trading Spaces. Mmmmmm....

~ Wondered what the hell happened to John, the dude that won the "new designer" role. I saw him on like 2 shows and then he was gone. WTH? I loved him.

~ Was also excited t see Jimmy from Town Haul filling in as one of the carpenters. He' cool.

~ Am embarrassed to admit that I'm about to go make some Ramen noodles at 10:30 at night because I'm that hungry. I'd say a grocery store trip is in order for tomorrow...

Friday, January 27, 2006

"Give a woman a job and she grows balls." ~Jack Gelber
(This quote is officially dedicated to Beth, who just today said she didn't have balls. Tink then reminded her that she has tits. So it's all good.)

~ Woke up and decided that Steve and I needed to have a serious discussion over the weekend. Because ever since Mr. Studboy bought himself a new Stanley thermos last week, he has left for work in the morning after filling his new thermos, leaving me with a piddly 3 cups of coffee. It ain't gonna fly dude, and we need to make some changes. (And shut up, because no, I will not make some more after he's gone and hard at work.)

~ Was a bit taken aback when the girls started asking to take a bath at 8:00 this morning. Uhhhh... sure. Why not? They did kind of stink...

~ It worked out because I managed to get the entire upstairs vacuumed and dusted while they played in the tub. (Dear judgers and tongue-cluckers: Our bathroom set up upstairs is very unusual and the tub is basically in our hallway with no doors and an entry/exit at each end. I assure you, both children were visible to me at all times and no children were left "unattended" while bathing.)

~ Shook my head in confusion when I realized I have one child (a 4-year-old) who totally freaks if a door is closed while she's in a room and breaks down in tears if you even mention closing the bathroom door while she's in there "doing her thing". And another child (2-years-old) who insists on having the bathroom door closed while she's in there and insists on going alone. Whatever, ya little freaks.

~ Wondered how it is that a little 1" x 1" photo in the corner of my blog could generate 62 comments. We all need lives. LOL!

~ Was surprised as shit to find out that quite a few people (and apparently the majority) don't have electric can openers. Even I have one, people.

~ Left my heart in San Francisco. (I have no idea why I typed that, but it made me laugh.)

~ Wrote to the Olympic Games committee suggesting Bitch Slapping be recognized as a summer event. I'd so fucking win the gold.

~ Vacuumed our steps. (Sorry. Had to throw something productive in there.)

~ Decided I may have that dreaded flesh eating bacteria because there's something all sorts of funky going on in my leg.

~ Obsessively cut Grace's grapes in half before allowing her to eat them, even though these particular ones were literally no larger than a blueberry.

~ Couldn't help but laugh when Hannah got her head stuck between the back of our couch and the window sill in our living room. Smooth move, Sunshine.

~ Composed a mean email to someone in my head, but never actually wrote or sent it. I'm such a wuss.

~ Had a minor panic attach when I saw the cable guy pulling into our driveway, thinking I had forgotten to pay the bill and then were coming to shut off our cable.

~ Was relieved when I realized he was just turning around.

~ Checked my bill online just in case. (I'm good.)

~ Almost threw up when while talking to Emily on the phone, I watched Grace EAT (and I truly mean "eat") spoonfuls of butter.

~ Was relieved when I heard Emily's children acting much like mine in the background. See? It's not just my kids.

~ Was happy when Hannah only went potty twice at gymnastics this week, and she actually went.

~ Was smart enough to grab FOUR ham & cheese and only ONE roast beef sandwich at Arby's when ordering my 5 for $5.

~ Got home and got a call from a friend who had a horrendous "incident" with a blocked toilet that had been running all day while everyone was gone and had gotten home this evening to discover water dripping through her kitchen ceiling and down into her basement. She said her husband was ripping the kitchen ceiling out as we spoke.

~ I casually suggested she just gut the whole kitchen while they were at it and said I'd send her some tips on "kitchenless cooking." ;)

~ Had all children (and husband) sleeping by 8:30. Either I kick ass, or I'm so boring, I render those around me unconscious.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. ~Irene Peter

~ Another kid-free day for me. Ahhhh... (Not that I don't adore my children. But you other mothers can relate to the relief of a silent home and total alone time for a few hours, I'm sure.)

~ Sent them off and finally started that book I've been claiming to read for the past three weeks. So far, it's pretty good.

~ Dealt with a multitude of computer reboots and "fatal errors" this morning. Stupid, old piece of shit...

~ Wondered if I'm the only person that gets those painful zits in their nostrils. The ones you feel compelled to pick at, despite the horrendous pain, making everyone around you that happens to be looking think that you're just digging for a big ol' booger.

~ Managed to get showered and dressed by noon. Go me!

~ Changed my blog template. I'm still not really sure why to be honest with you, but I was so over that other boring one I had.

~ Changed my avatar too. I apologize to anyone who is confused by the changes. However, I have complete confidence that you are all extremely intelligent people that will adjust. And if not, well, it's been nice knowing you. ;) (I'm kidding.)

~ Got a call from some random insurance agency that saw my resume online, asking me to attend an "orientation regarding great job opportunities." Um yeah... no thanks.

~ Spent over an hour trying to match up a huge basket of about 75 (no joke) loose socks into pairs that have been in the basket for months now (again, no joke). Managed to match up about 20 pair, but still have a ton of socks with no mate. Seriously, who the hell is eating them? Because I have no clue where they are. So if someone or something isn't actually consuming them, it's anybody's guess where they are.

~ Got a surprise visit from the electrician, coming to run a few more wires before the kitchen countertops go in next week.

~ While talking to him, I mentioned my idea of prostituting myself in order to bring in some cash.

~ He laughed. Wasn't so sure how to take that.

~ Was beyond thrilled when Steve asked if I wanted Pizza Hut for dinner. Dude are you kidding me? Does a bear shit in the woods?

~ Wondered who made up the saying, "Does a bear shit in the woods?"

~ Reminded Steve (for the 8 billionth time) that when the children are in the same room as him and he's channel surfing, that he really needs to pay more attention. Because when he's using the arrow button to flip through every channel, even if the Disney Channel that is currently showing "Monsters, Inc." is only viewable for half of a nanosecond, Grace will indeed see it and will throw a fit until he turns it back on. Jackass.

~Managed to get the kids and Steve to bed with little argument and no threats.

~ Drank beer. Lots and lots of good, ice cold beer out of the tap. Ahhh...

~ Wondered where the hell some of you readers came from. Now don't get me wrong... I LOVE you guys! But see, EE, Katherine, Emily, Melissa, etc. all know each other from our mom internet boards. But then there's Tink, Slacker Mom, Pink Rocket, and that lovely chap, good ol' Anonymous, among others. How'd you find us? Are all of you friends with one of us and then found us through our lists of other blogs we read? Did you stumble upon us? I'm only asking because I'll sit here thinking, "Hmmm... for all I know, Tink and Katherine are like best friends in real life and I'm sitting here thinking she's a complete stranger." LMAO! But regardless of where you came from or how you got here, I'd just like to say that I think you all ROCK and I'm glad you're here. :) (But seriously... where the hell did you come from? LOL!)

Don't anyone panic...

I'm tweaking my new template as we speak so it has my blog title and you can all leave your obnoxious/sweet/sarcastic comments again. Hang tight, my friends...

Update #1: My fantastic friend Emily is working on this right now. Hopefully, you will soon be able to comment and you'll know you're reading the right blog because my title will be back. LOL!

Update #2: And we're in business! You RULE Emily!!!!!!!

Some more gems from the Jehovah's Witness...

...book I mentioned in last night's blog entry, "Making Your Family Life Happy".

"The Bible assigns the husband to a position of headship in the marriage arrangement, saying, 'Let wives be in subjection to their husbands...'."

"For a wife to be dearly loved, more is required than mere submission under her husband's headship."

"Above all, don't try to usurp his headship!"

"To be a wife who is dearly loved, you also need to care well for your responsibilities in the home... Are you such a wife?"

"Making it a habit to sleep late, spending excessive amounts of time in idle chatter with the neighbors -- these are not for her. Although illness or unforeseen circumstances may at times cause her to fall behind in her housework, her home will generally be neat and clean. Her husband can be confident that, if friends come to visit, he willl not be embarrassed by the appearance of their home."

"The Bible clearly enumerates practices forbidden to worshipers of Jehovah God: fornication, adultery, homosexuality. Some modern liberals practicing a "new morality" -- actually immorality -- clamor for acceptance of some of these forbidden sexual acts..."

"A wife who is dearly loved does not use sex for bargaining purposes."

"Weeping and nagging are not wise. They are damaging to a marriage. They alienate a husband."

"If a woman does not only her housework, but also worthwhile reading and kind deeds for other people, she will have upbuilding things to share with her mate."

Um, yeah. Right...

[Note: I am in no way trying to "bash" Jehovah Witnesses. The men that come here are wonderfully nice. But this book has got to go. LOL!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006


"To be a wife who is dearly loved, you also need to care well for your responsibilities in the home.... Many young women start off married life with a handicap because their mothers did not teach them how to cook; but they can learn." ~ From the book, Making Your Family Life Happy

* Sent both girls to daycare. [Insert sigh of relief here.]
* Deleted all personal files off of my work laptop and shut it down for the last time.
* Cursed the stupid ass company for sending me a box that I could barely fit the laptop in. Asses. * Used the last of my packing tape to tape up the box, hoping it's enough to keep the box shut until it gets to Nashville.
* Got a call from the granite company saying they finally got the specs for the cooktop and just wanted to verify a few things.
* Got a call from the kitchen designer immediately afterwards apologizing for wrongly telling me I didn't need the cooktop here when they came to template (I knew he had said that), letting me know that the cabinet installer would be here tomorrow and everyday after that until he's done, and that the countertops are coming on February 6th! ACK! That's so soon! It's really happening!!!
* Sent my resume to about a billion places for freelance and telecommuting work. Why can't I just hit the PowerBall?
* Didn't answer the door when the accountant knocked because I was embarrassed that I was still in my flannel jammies at 10:30 AM.
* Got yet another call from a recruiter about a job. These people are making it very hard to turn down a full-time position. [sigh]
* Thanked god there were no hidden cameras in my home (hopefully) as I danced around the room, singing like an idiot, and pretending I was a cast member of "Fame", complete with a cool spin move on my computer chair.
* Decided to start an email campaign for a remake/resurrection of the show "Fame". What happened to Leroy? I had a HUGE crush on him growing up. Update: After posting this, did a search and found out he died in 2003 of complications due to a stroke. He was 41 (holy SHIT!) and was also HIV positive. :(
* Did answer the door when someone knocked around noon (because I was dressed at that point).
* Opened the door to find my friendly neighborhood Jehoviah's Witnesses, who proceeded to hand me the ridiculously outdated book I used for my daily quote up above. Wait until I start quoting from the "A Wife Who is Dearly Loved" chapter.
* Wondered if there was a way to learn whom the author of the aforementioned book is, so I can travel to wherever they are and inform them that it is the year 2006 and not 1956.
* Had catty conversations with my girlfriends.
* Still didn't start that book that's been staring at me from my blog for about three weeks now.
* Briefly considered prostitution to earn some cash.
* Realized that the amount of cash I'd earn in that field really wouldn't be worth the time and energy I'd have to spend on the upkeep of my pubic hair.
* Spent ridiculous amounts of time searching online for a kitchen faucet.
* Had a great conversation with Steve regarding what we're going to do about my soon-to-be non-existant paycheck.
* Cried as we talked about me having to put the girls back in daycare full-time again. (Seriously... who am I? I don't normally "do" crying.)
* Was surprised as hell to hear him say he'd really like me home with the girls too. (Those of you that don't know him really don't understand how HUGE this is. He's not such a big fan of spouses who generate absolutely no income.)
* Was even more surprised to find out he's nervous as all hell about Grace riding on the school bus next year. Dude, the school is RIGHT around the corner. Less than a mile. She'll be FINE. But since he grew up in town, he always walked to school, so this whole bus concept is totally foreign to him.
* Explained that this is a school in a very small town (not a Greyhound bus depot), and that she really will be OK.
* However, I used the moment to also point out that if I'm not working full-time, I could certainly drive her to school everyday and pick her up afterwards so as to avoid any potential bus catastrophes.
* Was all sorts of confused when I watched "Lost" tonight. What the HELL is going on with Charlie these days? And I want more Sayid!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis

* Had to get up early to send Grace off to daycare.

* Like every other morning, decided that coffee really is the nectar of the gods.

* Continued (Day #3) with the Great Photo Transfer, and managed to get all of my 2004 photos emailed to my account and then burned onto CDs using my old company's laptop.

* Totally got scammed and I'm now out $15.00. I suppose it could be worse...

* Zapped my resume off to about 5 job listings I found. I HATE this whole job search/holding out for the perfect job thing.

* Had to send Hannah downstairs by herself to potty while I was in the shower.

* Envisioned horrible accidents like her falling down our flight of wooden steps... or falling in the toilet, trapping herself with her ass in the water until I could come fish her out... her clogging the toilet and it overflowing, with me not discovering it until much later after I had showered and gotten dressed.

* Was proud as shit when she came down, went potty, wiped, flushed, and came back upstairs with no incidents what-so-ever. That a girl!

* Got Hannah and I dressed (or at least partially) and headed to the appliance store to officially order the stove top.

* Headed to the World's Largest General Store to pay the cabinet guy and pick up a birthday gift for my mom (whose birthday it was today, which I remembered this morning at 1:00 AM as I was drifting off to sleep).

* Was pleasantly surprised (and proud) when I watched Hannah behave like a perfect angel the entire time were were out and about.

* Sang the Twilight Zone music in my head when I walked into the kitchen department to pay more of our bill and one of the designers was on the phone with the granite company which had called to ask something about me.

* Laughed when he put me on the phone to just deal with the granite people myself.

* Found out they hadn't received the stove top specifications that my mother-in-law was supposed to have her husband fax last night.

* Picked up a candle and a candle topper for my mom for her birthday. (Because I'm a big spender like that.)

* Grabbed a candle for myself too. (Let's not forget my scent addiction.)

* Pondered who decided that cucumber and melon would make fantastically complimentary scents. I mean, cucumbers? And melons? Ewwww... sounds gross. And yet, it is one of my most favorite scents in the world. Weird.

* Came home and fired off more resumes, while telling Hannah if she peed on the floor, I was making her clean it up.

* Cleaned it up myself when she peed on the floor 5 minutes later (little shit...)

* Scheduled a FedEx pick up tomorrow. As of lunchtime or so, I will be back on my old-as-dirt (literally) home PC, and will no longer have access to you know... a real computer. [sigh]

* Called MIL to find out if she ever faxed the specs.

* Rolled my eyes as she said that her DH had had trouble at first, but eventually, got it through.

* Called granite company back to see if they had indeed received the fax sometime in the last 5 hours.

* They told me no.

* Called MIL back and found out her DH was already trying to fax it through again. (Go Al!)

* Went to my mom's to pick up the girls, gave her her gifts, apologized for not having a card (because I suck like that), and watched my 4-year-old devour two entire salads, an ice cream cup with Cool Whip, several hot wings (minus any sauce), a beef stick, and some french fries. What... the... hell? LOL!

* Laughed when I asked Hannah what she named her boy Bitty Baby Twin and she said, "Puddle".

* This sparked a 10-minute-conversation with Steve and I saying, "Puddle? Like mud puddle?" and Hannah getting pissed off and saying, "NO! Not puddle.... It's Puddle..." (or whatever the hell she was trying to say).

* Still have no clue what the hell she was trying to say. Padro? Pedro? Pudding? It's any body's guess really...

* Was pissed when after watching "Love Monkey" (on of my new favorite shows), found out that a new episode won't be aired for two weeks. What... the... hell?

* Found out NBC cancelled"Book of Daniel" (my other new favorite show).

* Considered driving around the country, bitch slapping any and all people/activists/idiots, etc. who bitched to NBC about its controversial topics, therefore prompting the cancellation.

* Realized I wouldn't have enough gas and couldn't afford anymore, so a nasty email will have to do.

* Enjoyed a few ditties from "Toad the Wet Sprocket". Awwww.... Memory Lane, you are a beautiful place.

And finally...


Oh, and can anyone tell me when I'm going to hit...

this "sexual peak" that women are supposed to reach in their mid-30's? (That is when it's supposed to be, right?) Because I keep waiting for it, and it's just not cumming. ;) (Pun intended.)

OK. Seriously though. I'd say Steve and I have a fairly good sex life. Several times a week. Sometimes quickies. Sometimes good crazy monkey sex (that was for EE... LOL! And I should add that I have NO idea what kind of sex monkeys have, but it sounds funny, so...). And I'd say I'm raring to go a few days a month where I'm insatiable.

But when will I need to have sex. You know... where if you don't have it, you literally feel like you're going to explode? Does that ever happen? Because I'd like it to. And I'm pretty sure Steve wouldn't mind it so much either.

And am I the only one that seems to get the horniest when my husband isn't here? Because there are days where I really, really want it. To the point where I seriously can't wait until it happens. But then, by the time he gets home and the kids are asleep and we get the chance for it, I'm just too damn tired. Do you still go at it anyway? Or just go to bed? Because I normally just go to bed.

(And while we're here... as I was typing this, I wondered where the hell the term "horny" came from. Anyone know? LOL!)

Monday, January 23, 2006


I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down.

Pissing the night away.
Pissing the night away.

He drinks a whisky drink.
He drinks a vodka drink.
He drinks a lager drink.
He drinks a Cider drink.

He sings the songs that remind him of the good times.
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times.

~ Woke up to a full house. (Steve took off work today and the girls didn't have daycare.)

~ Chugged coffee.

~ Started cleaning up so as not to appear lazy in front of my other half.

~ Practically pushed Steve out the door to go down back and start burning in the burn pit like he had said he was going to do.

~ Bundled the girls up in their snowsuits and boots a few minutes later and walked them down back to see the fire and to help chuck some wood pieces on it. (Shut up. It got us out of the house in the miserable sleet/snow/freezing rain thing we had going on here.)

~ For no apparent reason, decided to alphabetize our CD collection.

~ Found the best albums that I totally forgot I had, but that I played so I could take that trip down memory lane... Weezer, The BoDeans, Toad the Wet Sprocket, DaDa, Shakespeare's Sister, Rage Against the Machine, Operation Ivy.... Sweet!

~ Found myself telling the girls stories about "When I was younger..." and stopped myself before I told them something I'd really regret later on.

~ For the life of me, can't figure out how it is that I currently own two copies (one unopened) of the Chumbawumba album with "Tubthumping" on it. Seriously people. WTH?

~ Resisted the urge to listen to that song just for kicks, because I knew it would remind me of the guy I used to date/bang and I didn't want to accidentally launch into those stories while talking to the girls. LOL!

~ Greeted the guy from the granite company, here to make the templates for the kitchen countertops.

~ Was annoyed when he said he did indeed need our stovetop in order to template, even though I asked the kitchen designer three times (literally) on three seperate occasions and was told no.

~ Was relieved when Granite Man said they just needed the make and model number. However, having not even chosen it yet, I sort of panicked.

~ Had MIL drive here and sit with the girls while Steve and I ran to the appliance place to finalize the stovetop (and other appliances) so we could fax the specs to Granite Man.

~ Decided that taking Steve with me was a bad idea when we left there with him hyperventilating and doing math in his head, trying to figure out if the remainder of our home equity loan was going to cover the appliances or not.

~ Decided it would be a bad time to ask Steve if he'd like to buy me a new computer. [snort!]

~Ate fabulous Lemon Pepper Haddock that I LOVED at the time of consumption, but which caused me to feel like vomiting about an hour later.

~ Had a blast when all four of us played with beach balls and soccer balls in the living room after dinner.

~ Laughed (and admittedly) half yelled when Steve (in the midst of playtime with the girls) managed to knock the old lobster trap hanging in our living room off of the ceiling. ASS! Don't you ever yell at the girls for screwing around in the house again.

~ Continued the Great Photo Copying Project from one computer to the other.

~ Managed to get the children to bed and now I'm here.
Sorry gang, but you're getting a crappy blog entry tonight. I've spent all day online on my crappy ass 10-year-old computer, trying to email ALL of my photos to myself so I can burn them all onto a CD on this laptop before I send it back to my old company.
And I've been drinking (slowly) since about 3:30 this afternoon when the Steelers game started. So my ass is dragging and I have to get to bed.
A bunch of funny things happened today (but I don't remember what they were). Our whole day basically revolved around the Steelers game... what we had to get done before it started, what we were going to eat while watching it, who was going to have to drive for the hot wings, etc.
So um, yeah. I suck. However, the first chance I get tomorrow, I will give you the highlights of my day today. So you'll still get a glimpse into my oh-so-exciting life... it'll just be a day late. ;)

Saturday, January 21, 2006

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes." ~Author Unknown

~ Woke up feeling like I had only slept 2 hours, when in reality, I got a good 7.

~ Felt better after practically chugging three quarters of a pot of coffee.

~ Wanted to kick Steve in the nuts when he told the girls they could go outside today since it was supposed to be nice until at least lunchtime. Yeah buddy, easy for you to say since I'll be the one that takes them outside. Fucker.

~ Got this weird cleaning bug up my ass and started cleaning like a madwoman. I even sucked all the stuff out of the cracks in the hardwood floors and got the dust bunnies out of the corners of the ceilings.

~ Finally packed up the computer scanner that was sitting on a snack tray next to the computer desk. I use the thing maybe once a year and I've come to realize that anything with a horizontal surface in this house just becomes a breeding ground for clutter and junk.

~ Took the girls outside (mostly out of guilt about the fact that fresh air hasn't been very attainable lately due to the cold weather) and let them run around for awhile.

~ Was secretly thrilled when Grace asked to come back inside because her hands were cold.

~ Continued cleaning. (What the hell is wrong with me?)

~ Took Grace back outside while Hannah was napping so we could resurrect the Barbie jeep and zip around the yard.

~ Woke up Hannah and took her outside.

~ Felt like I was in the Twilight Zone (or Kansas?) when 10 minutes after taking Hannah outside, these ridiculously strong winds came out of nowhere and the sky got pitch black. FREAKY!

~ Ran back inside with the girls before we got blown away over the rainbow.

~ Couldn't stop laughing when Hannah found a glue stick, mistook it for lipstick, and then tried to wipe it off with a Kleenex. Oh my.

~ Couldn't get some of the tiny pieces of tissue unstuck from her lips. Laughed harder.

~ Almost pissed myself when I saw she had gone into the bathroom and put a band-aid on her upper lip and then kept it on for a good hour like it was the most normal thing in the world.

~ Decided that my kids rule.

~ Got a visit from Steve's hunting buddy (whom is Grace's godfather).

~ Was annoyed as all hell when he walked into the kitchen to check out the progress and the first words out of his mouth were, "Wow. It's getting pretty small in here now with these cabinets, huh?" LOL! Yes, numnuts. Chances are if you take a large empty room and fill it with large pieces of wood cabinetry, yes, it is going to appear smaller. Asshole.

~ Got revenge later when he said he liked the painted cabinets and that he had thought we were getting whitewashed ones instead. I said that no, I don't like the whitewashed ones because they look washed out, peach, and blah to me, knowing damn well that he has whitewashed cabinets. Take that, dickbag. (I actually don't mind whitewashed cabinets. But he doesn't need to know that.)

~ Spent hours emailing photos from my ancient home PC to myself so I could log into my email with my work laptop (that gets sent back on Monday) and burn them onto CDs, allowing me to free up space on my home PC and stop obsessing over losing all of my pictures when (not if) the computer fries one day.

~ Got a call from my mom asking if Grace wanted to sleep over. She said yes. :)

~ Took Grace to my parents' house where Hannah decided to sleep over too. :)

~ Came home and told Steve we could have crazy monkey love since the girls were both gone.

~ Ate a fantastic steak and ice cream for dinner.

~ Had crazy monkey love. (Not really, but close.)

~ Decided that as nice as it is to have "alone" time with Steve and non-kid time for myself, I miss the kids when they aren't here.

~ Still haven't started reading that book up there on the right that I claim I'm "currently reading". Um, yeah. I'll get on that soon. I swear.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Friday, January 20, 2006


You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. ~Franklin P. Jones

These, once again, will not be in chronological order. Because I'm tired. And buzzed.

~Got out of the shower to discover that Hannah had gone into Steve's office while I was in there and stuck every single stamp we own onto the top of his desk. (Good thing she didn't mess with his color-coded files. That would've been very, very bad.)

~ Took the girls to WalMart for many reasons this morning. I needed stuff and we ALL needed to get out of the house for a bit.

~ Ran into my sister there and managed to leave with only 3 things.

~ Stood there while the girls rode the stupid Tigger ride while stupid, annoying Tigger sang his stupid, annoying, "The wonderful thing about Tiggers are Tiggers are wonderful things... Blah... blah... blah..." I despise Tigger. (The things we do for our children...)

~ My sister followed us home so she could see our cabinets.

~ Played Grace's new Toy Story V-Smile game for awhile. (It totally sucks by the way. It's boring, Grace had it figured out in about 5 minutes, the "adventure" is WAY too short, and the replay satisfaction on it sucks.)

~ Discovered Hannah making a total mess in the bathroom, playing in the sink with the water running.

~ Watched Grace discover the joys of Easy Cheese as she had her first experience squirting the stuff on crackers.

~ Couldn't contain my laughter when she put a HUGE pile of it on top of one cracker and kept saying, "It's a bush! Look at my big cheesy bush!" (I'm such a perv.)

~ Got another call about a third job offer, this one a lot closer. Seriously people, STOP calling me. As wonderful as it is to think that this many people out there would like to possibly offer me a job, if you continue to call me, I really don't have an excuse to give to Steve as to why I'd really prefer to just do fill-in part-time crap from home.

~ Took Grace to gymnastics where I spent almost the entire hour in the bathroom because Hannah kept telling me she had to go potty. I mean, I couldn't assume she was lying. What if she wasn't, ya know? But it turned out she just liked going somewhere new. Because out of the SIX times (yes, literally six times) we went in there, she only peed twice.

~ Wasn't really sure how to react when the woman next to me kept saying the kids' routine out loud as they did it. They just started learning it last week, and as they did it this week, she sat next to me and said, "Now spin... And arms up... And forward roll... Jump up!... Drop on your knees!... And hands out!..." Um, excuse me lady, but your child is alllllllll the way on the other side of the gym. I'm 99.99999% sure he can't hear you right now. FREAK!!!!

~ What is even more disturbing is that her son looks like a 6-year-old version of my ex-boyfriend from high school.

~ Grabbed Arby's after gymnastics (5 Melts for $5 Baby!!!!) and headed home.

~ Handed the Arby's bags to the girls and headed upstairs to change into my jammies for the night.

~ Stayed up there maybe 5 minutes tops as my husband groped me, rubbed me, and got himself all turned on for no reason, since I had to get back downstairs to the girls.

~ Came down to discover they had opened ALL 5 sandwiches and had them neatly lined up in a row. I had bought 2 ham & cheese melts for me and three roast beef ones for Steve (the girls ate before gymnastics). I saw the girls had each "claimed" one and wouldn't you know it, they had each picked one of the ham and cheese ones. FUCK! (I hate the roast beef ones.)

~ Ate my curly fries while eyeing the girls' sandwiches, waiting to swoop in and eat whatever was left after they declared themselves done.

~ Managed to get maybe a half of one when their leftovers were put together. [sigh]

~ Immediately after eating, I discovered that along with opening (and eating) all of my food while I was upstairs being groped, Hannah had also spilled an entire beer ALL OVER my computer desk, my computer chair and the floor.

~ Said a silent prayer to god for stopping the beer flow before it got to the laptop sitting here and that belongs to my old company and is scheduled to ship out to them on Monday. Man, that would have sucked.

~ Was a little saddened when I had to throw away our camoflauge mousepad because it was soaked with beer and not worth trying to clean.(RIP my camo friend. It's been good.)

~ Was annoyed as shit when my MIL called here at 7:45 and said her and her husband were on their way to "stop by for a minute" to see the cabinets. They know the girls lay down for bed at 8:00. Especially on a night after gymnastics. Grace is absolutely exhausted on Friday nights.

~ Sucked it up and acted like that was fine.

~ Decided that Hannah could very well be the female version of Dennis the Menace. I swear to god, she's going to kill me.

~ Realized that you guys are going to think I'm the slowest reader on the planet once you see how long my "What I'm Reading" book stays the same over there in the margin. I haven't even started it yet. So please don't think I'm borderline illiterate when that same picture and link are still there 6 months from now. I swear to god I can read. Really.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Thursday, January 19, 2005


Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday. ~Author Unknown
~ Woke up and changed Grace into a clean pair of pajamas for school. (Today was "Hibernation Day" for show & tell and they were supposed to wear them.)

~ Changed Hannah into a clean pair of pajamas for school too, even though her class wasn't supposed to wear pajamas because a 2-year-old just doesn't understand when you tell her her sister can wear jammies to school, but she can't.

~ Sent them out the door with Grandma, closed the door, turned around into my completely silent home, and did a little happy dance.

~ Screwed around online while drinking my morning coffee and listening to... NOTHING! Do you hear that people? It's still silent in here! Ahhhh...

~ The silence was broken during my second cup of coffee by a crying, whining cat. Dear GOD, let him not be constipated. Please god. Please god. Please god.

~ Looked over just in time to see him vomit a huge hairball onto the carpet. Fucker.

~ Immediately gave him a dose of laxative "just in case", but prayed it was just the nasty hair ball that had made him puke.

~ Took a loooooong, hot shower, knowing it would be my only kid-free one for another week. [sigh]

~ Got pissed when I saw a hole starting to form in the knee of my GAP bootcut jeans. I only bought them a month or so ago. And yes, I wear them a lot, but it's not like I'm on my knees all day long (shut up, pervs). What the hell?

~ Sat on my ass in front of my computer until almost noon, while ignoring all of the things I really HAD to get done today.

~ Finally made myself get up and cut and organize all of Steve's file folders in his cabinet for 2006.

~ Sat back down in front of the computer.

~ Received another email about another possible job offer.

~ Called in my prescription refill for my overpriced birth control pills that my bastard insurance company doesn't cover. I still think the "Pull and Pray" method works just as well...

~ Went and picked up my overpriced birth control pills thatmy bastard insurance company doesn't cover.

~ Ran into the grocery store to grab the things Steve forgot yesterday.

~ Felt a wave of guilt wash over me as I got into the 15 Items or Less lane and then discovered I had 17 items as I put them up on the conveyor belt.

~ SWORE the couple behind me was counting my items too and felt their glares on the back of my head.

~ Helped an Asian lady read the debit card swiper machine thingy when she stood there for 10 minutes trying to punch her pin number in over and over, even though I could see the thing read, "Please Swipe Your Card".

~ Picked up the girls at my mom's house and headed home.

~ Went upstairs to find Steve redoing all of his file folders that I had done for him today because I didn't use the "correct" color order of the folders. Red, blue, yellow... Red, blue, yellow... Issues, my friends. Issues.

~ Laughed when he got pissed off when he realized he forgot a label and is now going to have to redo the color order from that missing label out tomorrow. Seriously dude, find something important to worry about in your life. For the love of god...

I've Declared Today Useless Trivia Day...

I've decided to fill my head with as many useless facts as possible today in an attempt to be a big hit at the next party I attend. Here's what I discovered today...

  • The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino.
  • The citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
  • Daniel Boone detested coonskin caps.
  • The question mark came from a monk habit of writing the Latin word for question, quo, at the end of sentences. Over time, the letters were written vertically to save space and morphed into the ? we write today. Similarly, the exclamation point came from the Latin word "Lo", meaning something important that should be heeded. (Lo and behold...)
  • If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and look like it is stinging itself to death. It spasms a lot.
  • The mask used by Michael Myers in the original Halloween was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
  • Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest.
  • In Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than one hundred years before either moon was discovered.
  • Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
  • Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (This one is for Katherine.)
  • The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
  • Apples are more efficient than caffeine in waking you up in the morning. (I'm not buying it.)
  • Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
  • Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
  • Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
  • The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing their hands in jelly.
  • Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
  • All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
  • The almond is a member of the peach family.
  • Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
  • The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
  • A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. (This one was for Denise.)
  • Kermit the Frog is left-handed.
  • Nondairy creamer is flammable.
  • The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene. (For anyone contemplating murdering someone, this may want to be something you keep in mind to throw the CSI guys off your trail.)
  • It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is shake and the 46th word from the last word is spear.
  • When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home to a sellout crowd, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.
  • In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." On July 20, 1969, a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first, and only, home run.
  • It is impossible to lick your elbow. (I am SURE there are people somewhere that can do this, but I cannot verify it.)
  • At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
  • In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

Word Bans...

OK. So I've heard the word "panties" about 85 million times over the past three weeks. Now this is no one's fault. It just so happens that I happen to have a lot of friends and online buddies who happen to have children in the 2-3 year range that just happen to be potty training right now.

But every single time I hear that word, I literally cringe. And I do mean literally. Like where I do that little "Ewwww" thing where you wiggle your shoulders up and down and kind of hunker down while shuddering. I despise the word "panties." I'm not even sure why to be honest with you. I just always have. It is THE most offensive word in the English language in my opinion. Call me a cunt. Say the word twat at me. I don't care. Just don't say "panties." Because I will hurt you.

Of course, there's no rhyme or reason for me to feel this way. And of course it's irrational (this is me we're talking about here). But I can't help it.

So I've decided we're all allowed to pick one word we would like to be banned from the English language forever, never to be uttered by ourselves or anyone else as long as we all shall live. So have at it. Post a comment and tell us what word we should stop letting pass from our lips. I know you have one. We all have one...

Now have at it...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


"Chaos is my friend." ~Bob Dylan

~ Woke up to a full house. I had kept the girls home from daycare (due to downpours and horrendous wind) and Steve wasn't working today (due to downpours and horrendous wind).

~ Was happy to see that the cabinet boxes from yesterday were still entertaining the girls quite a bit.

~ Managed to take an uninterrupted shower thanks to those boxes.
~Added more people to the mix when my brother-in-law (Steve's brother) stopped by to visit for awhile.

~ Snickered inwardly (OK... and outwardly) as he stood here telling stories about his wife's horrendous spending habits and money issues. (See Steve? I could be much, much worse.)

~ Added another body when the cabinet installer showed up again for the day.

~ Brother-in-law left, subtracting a warm body from my loud, crowded home.

~ Didn't know whether to be happy or to run screaming when my dad pulled in the driveway after his trip to the gym so he could check out the cabinets and see the girls for a bit.

~ Dad left and a few minutes later, Steve did too to run errands, allowing me to at least sort of be able to hear myself think.

~ Hannah went down for her nap and I snuggled on the couch with Grace, giving myself a much needed rest and allowing me to close my eyes for a few minutes since I had a screeching headache behind my eyes. (Stupid freaking hormone fluctuations directly related to menstruation.)

~ Steve walks in two hours later and proclaims that he has just spent $400.00 between WalMart and the grocery store. (Note to Steve: Don't EVER ask me again where all my money goes. Perhaps now you see how easy it is to drop that much cash in two pathetic stores within an hour's time.)

~ Laughed when he told Grace and Hannah that he had bought them each something and proceeded to pull out two children's camoflauge baseball hats that he told me were on clearance for $1.00 each.

~ Got a little pissed when he then pulled out two more (adult ones) saying they were both for himself. (Dude, where the hell is mine? Not that I want one, mind you. But if you're going to buy for everyone else in the family, how about me too. Bastard.)

~ Laughed when he said I could wear one of his two since I "have a big head" and we wear the same size hat. (Seriously dude... you really don't want to get laid tonight, do you?)

~ At one point, totally forgot about the cabinet guy in the kitchen and left out a HUGE fart. I'm thinking that thin sheet of plastic between the two rooms probably didn't muffle the sound quite as much as I would've liked.

~ Said, "Grace! You little piggy!" loudly, even though she was upstairs and nowhere near the scene of the crime.

~ Hoped he couldn't see through the plastic, therefore allowing him to know that the four-year-old I just blamed for letting one rip was nowhere to be found.

~ Was excited to see the extention and the outside beadboard put up around the island.

~ Used a new fantastically delicious lemon garlic marinade tonight on our chicken.

~ Watched "American Idol" and wondered if I would be so cruel as to support my child in his/her singing career even if they sucked as badly as some of the people on the show. Steve asks me every season whether or not anyone has ever told these people that they suck. I mean, how could someone NOT say, "Dude, you really blow. Don't go and embarrass yourself on national television. Really." I would like to think that I would tell my kid they sucked and not travel halfway across the country to stand outside the audition room as Simon ripped them a new one.

~ Put Hannah to bed at 9:00 and then listened to her tell herself bedtime stories for AN HOUR, through the entire hour of LOST. "Once upon a time... AND there was a monkey... AND he had an umbrella... AND he went to the store and it rained... AND he ran into Dora the Explorer..." Then she started singing, "I don't have a job anymore... I don't have a job anymore... I'm not going to work today... I'm not going to work today..." Seriously kid, what the hell? At least she has a good imagination, right? (Or she wants to be like her mommy. One or the other...)

~ Almost pissed in my pants laughing at Steve when after watching LOST, he decided to analyze the entire thing, wondering why the plane crash victims didn't just sit down and become friends with "The Others" while they were talking. And how if he was on a weird, mysterious, possessed island and he ran into the "pirates" that had been there for awhile, he would sit down and work something out so they could all be friends. (Seriously dude, seek therapy. And for the love of god, don't ever try to write TV shows because your shows would suck some serious ass.)

~ Watched CSI: New York and decided that I really do like that one and CSI: Miami WAY more than the original anymore. Except for the absence of Warrick. Because he's a beautiful, beautiful man and I do miss staring at him and touching myself.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Sweet, sweet cabinetry...

I truly, truly never thought I'd see the day. And I'm honestly not being overdramatic when I say that. The base cabinets were all placed today. Tomorrow they'll be fastened and all that other good stuff. On Monday, the granite guys come to template for the countertops and the window sill, and then the cabinet guy will come back and install the wall cabinets. We had a blast tonight checking them out after the cabinet guy had them placed. We honestly couldn't even remember what the hell kind of cabinets we ended up ordering. We were like, "Oh, check it out! There are pull-outs in this one!" And "Look at this cute little drawer that will be perfect for spatulas!" LOL! And "Hmmm... what are we going to do with two tall, narrow cookie sheet cabinets?" LOL!

Here's a picture of the front of the island. The center cabinet that bumps out a bit is where the gas stovetop will be. Seating will be along the back and on the right-hand side of the island.

Here's the corner of the room. The two cutouts are for the built in oven and the microwave. The thing I'm most excited about in this corner is the built-in wine rack which isn't installed yet, but will be on the wall right next to the oven/microwave cabinet.

Here's the long wall of cabinets. Right under the window in the cabinet that's bumped out is where the sink will be. The space right next to that is where the dishwasher goes. (Oh my glorious, glorious dishwasher... LOL!) You can't really see it in this picture, but that really tall cabinet at the far end is a pantry cabinet. The refrigerator will go between that and the smaller cabinet on the floor.

And here's a view from the back door, where you come in into the mudroom. Tomorrow, the island will be "wrapped" with white beadboard around the sides and back. That room you see in the back there, which is currently our temporary kitchen, will be our eating area with a table. The tile will continue through right into there.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Monday, January 16, 2006


"My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker." ~Woody Allen

~ Woke up knowing our cabinets were arriving today. YEEHAW!!

~ Took a shower right away while the girls trashed the upstairs of the house. Again. (Tell me again why I bother?)

~ Got a call from the kitchen designer an hour before I expected the installer. He told me the poor installer hadn't had power since Friday (and therefore hasn't showered since Friday), so he wasn't going to come in today because he had to stay home and try to keep the house fairly warm so his pipes wouldn't freeze.

~ Totally understood, but did offer to let the guy shower here if he wanted to get started. ;)

~ Was pleased enough that the cabinets were still going to be delivered.

~ Laughed my big fat ass off when the girls started running around with Little Swimmers on their heads, and then continued to wear them for a good hour, acting like nothing was unusual about it. (Maybe in their world, there isn't.)

~ Froze our asses off as the cabinet delivery guy carried every freakin' box into the kitchen by himself, meaning our door was wide open for a good 30 - 45 minutes in the 10-degree weather. Brrrr... But they're here now. FINALLY...

~ Wished like hell that Steve and I weren't afraid of flying so we could go see the Pittsburgh game in Denver this weekend. [sigh] Stupid irrational phobias.

~ Enjoyed a visit I got from my dad this afternoon. This is the second time he's swung by and hung out for awhile. It's nice. Maybe his unemployed status isn't so bad after all.

~ Became increasingly annoyed at our neighbor as Steve and I talked and did some research and discovered that he is probably the reason our grout turned out like shit. I won't go into the gory details, but the grout dried WAY lighter than we wanted (or it was supposed to) and is inconsistent in color. All signs point to the neighbor who SWORE he knew what he was doing (and he works for a tile place, so we had no reason not to believe him) and who mixed all of the grout, and actually grouted the entire kitchen with Steve acting as the clean up man behind him. So basically, all blame falls on him in terms of the grouting. We hate it. OK. I don't mind it. Steve, however, hates it. It's supposed to be charcoal gray (almost black) and instead it's light gray.

(Note: The grout doesn't look NEARLY as light in real life as it does in those pictures up above. I'm assuming they just look that light because of the camera flash. However, what you CAN see in that picture, is that the grout is definitely NOT the charcoal gray/almost black that we wanted. Fuck.)

~ Decided it will drive us crazy if we keep it the way it is, so after the base cabinets get installed this week, poor Steve is more likely than not, going to cut out ALL of the exposed grout and regrout the entire floor again. I swear to god, it never ends.

Update: Talked to the fantastic tile dude and he said a grout stain is the way to go, and not to do it until after we tile and grout the sunroom. In a true show of wonderful customer service, he's also calling his rep and seeing if the water in our town is known to be really hard and possibly the reason for the color inconsistency. I truly love this guy. And Steve will be THRILLED to hear he doesn't have to grind out all of the old grout and redo it.

~ Had a Subway Spicy Italian toasted sub for dinner. Yum.

~ Laughed when Hannah tried to shoplift a Tootsie Pop from the gas station and outright told me she was NOT going to pay for the lollipop and that I wasn't allowed to either. (I did.)

~ Was proud that Hannah went all day without an accident. Thatta girl!

~ Was surprised when I got messages (phone AND email) from a guy who saw my resume on Monster.com (which I just posted yesterday) and is contacting me about a technical writing position he's looking to fill. I don't know details or specifics yet and I won't until I call him back tomorrow, but I was rather proud that I've already had some interest shown after only a day. :)

~ Laughed (while shaking my head) as I watched Steve take TWENTY MINUTES to fold his load of underwear tonight. Why so long, you ask? Because even underwear needs to be folded exactly right, be lined up exactly, and be placed on exact piles in his drawers and on his shelves. I swear to god, I'm taking pictures of his clothing tomorrow so you can see what kind of anal retentive freak I live with...

Fun with Fours (Tagged)

Four Jobs I've Had

  1. At a little local ice cream shop.
  2. At Hardee's on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. Mostly I had to make the fried chicken, which was disgusting and greasy and made me smell like a deep fryer. But it tasted damn good and we got to take home all of the leftover chicken and biscuits at the end of the night. (I worked 3-11PM.)
  3. At a video store. To this day, this was my favorite job EVER. I can still tell you all the people in town that rent porn and what kind of porn (which is often more important).
  4. As a waitress at a local restaurant. This was my second favorite job. I LOVED all the little old men that would come in every night and order a piece of pie and a cup of coffee. [happy sigh]

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over

  1. Say Anything
  2. Jaws
  3. Resevoir Dogs
  4. Goodfellas

Four Places I've Lived

  1. At home with my parents.
  2. At college in the dorms at Elizabethtown College. Oh, the memories...
  3. In Phoenixville, in an apartment by myself right next to Valley Forge and King of Prussia, and not far from Philadelphia. Oh, the memories...
  4. My first apartment with Steve in Bowmanstown, PA. It was a second floor apartment and it SUCKED taking groceries into the house. LOL!

Four TV Shows I Love to Watch

  1. LOST
  2. Survivor
  3. Amazing Race
  4. Grey's Anatomy

Four of My Favorite Books

  1. "Catcher in the Rye" by JD Salinger
  2. "Saving Graces" by Patricia Gaffney
  3. "Tales of a Drama Queen" by Lee Nichols (Because it's so damn funny that I could read it over and over again and still LMAO)
  4. "The Stand" by Stephen King (I can't believe I'm admitting that, because I hate that whole genre and I really don't like much of anything else he's written. But something about that book stuck in me big time.)

Four Places I've Been on Vacation

  1. Walt Disney World/EPCOT
  2. Tallahassee, Florida
  3. Atlanta, Georgia
  4. Kennebunkport, Maine

Four Websites I Visit Daily

  1. My iVillage Mom boards
  2. Gmail
  3. A billion blogs I read everyday
  4. Google

Four of My Favorite Foods

  1. Pringles
  2. Steak
  3. Chocolate
  4. Coffee (I know that's technically a drink, but I need large quantities of it to get through a day, so I consider it a large part of my diet.)

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now

  1. On my way to Denver to go to the playoff game with Janet on Sunday. [sigh] :(
  2. Somewhere warmer?
  3. In a bar with all of my best girlfriends, getting drunk, smoking, and causing a ton of trouble.
  4. Somewhere alone with Steve, away from all the stresses of real life.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Sunday, January 15, 2006

"On a bad day, I have mood swings - but on a good day, I have the whole mood playground." ~Charles Rosenblum

I am officially declaring today as "The Day of the Mood Swings". Dear Lord. We had so many ups and downs today in this house that I'm suffering from motion sickness. I'm really tired, so forgive my lack of detail. But between The Great Grout Fiasco/Finger Pointing Episodes that took place throughout the day, the Steelers game (Oh my GOD, did that game kick ass or what?!), my PMS, the girls going from acting like angels to Satan himself in 2.5 seconds and then back again throughout the day, my mom's cat dying (how come it's never ours?), Hannah going from making it to the potty with no problems, to deciding to pee on the floor three times in one hour, and the whole passive aggressive stance I took with Steve over a stupid salad and a mini-loaf of bread, I'm surprised I'm still sober.

But who cares that Steve is having serious issues with the tile grout (and I'll probably hear about it the rest of my life). Or that I'm unemployed and NEED to find a job in the next few weeks (although days would be better). Or that I refuse to get a full time job outside the house again (which is totally complicating that whole job search thing). Or that I think Steve should just know when I say "no" but really mean "yes". (I mean, isn't that what married couples do, for the love of god...) None of that matters tonight. And I literally mean none of it. Because I just keep telling myself that tomorrow the cabinets are coming and will start to be installed. That's really all that matters in my life right now and I'm not ashamed to admit that...

(Oh, and the wind was still CRAZY today and with the wind chill, it was -7 degrees. Frankly, that pisses me off...)

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Saturday, January 14, 2006

"A tree does not move unless there is wind." ~ Proverb

~~ Slept in a little later than usual since Grace wasn't here.

~~ Became immensely annoyed when Steve got out of the shower and flicked on the overhead light in the bedroom (I was still sleeping), blinding me and waking me up. Fucker.

~~ Watched Steve and the neighbor actually finish the kitchen floor. The tile has been grouted. We are ready for cabinets, my friends.

~~ Was annoyed beyond all belief when my mother-in-law called me right as I was about to eat lunch and said that Grace was up practically all night, and that she had planned to bring her home, but could I please come get her as soon as possible, since her friend was on her way down and her friend smokes in the house and she didn't want Grace around that. Um, excuse me? YOU can't take the 10 minutes (literally) to drive her the 3 miles to our house? Instead, you'll make me leave my nice hot pizza? I wouldn't even have cared if she had given me some freakin' notice. AND, if she really had been up almost all night, I really would've preferred to get her right in the morning so I could try to get her to nap. [grumble... grumble...]

~~ Drove to pick her up dreading the day that I knew would transpire with an exhausted, non-napping 4-year-old.

~~ Became slightly annoyed when Hannah peed in her pants THREE times in one hour simply because she didn't want to stop playing. (Yeah. Yeah. I know that's normal, and NO, I did not act annoyed to her. But I was dammit.)

~~ Cringed as Hannah made me watch that damn "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" again. I can only take so much of that Oompa Loompa song before I feel the need to shove blunt objects into my ears.

~~ Played video games with Grace again. (I think we're both a tad bit addicted.)

~~ Watched Grace have meltdown and meltdown, hour after hour, due to her overtired state. I swear she is not sleeping at my MILs again for awhile. (She does this every flippin' time, but I hate saying no.)

~~ Felt like I was living through the apocalypse when CRAZY hard winds started whipping up out of no where. I'm talking damaging winds that would've easily knocked Hannah to the ground.

~~ Calmed Grace for HOURS because the lights kept dimming (due to the wind) and Grace kept panicking that we were going to lose power.

~~ Almost cried when the cable went out.

~~ Celebrated when the cable came back on 2 or 3 hours later.

~~ Laughed at our lives as Steve kept running outside in crazy ass winds that was blowing the snow literally sideways in the sky so he could grill the chicken we were eating for supper. God damn we're ready for our kitchen.

~~ Got to watch Trading Spaces. It's been quite awhile since I've sat down and watched it.

~~ Decided (again) that Doug Wilson really is freakin' HOT.

~~ Didn't know whether to laugh or cry when five minutes after putting Hannah in her crib for the night and leaving the room, she called me in to tell me she had to go potty. For the love of god child, you peed in your pants THREE TIMES today and didn't care. And now it's bedtime, I just told you you could just pee in your diaper, and you're going to insist I carry you all the way back downstairs to sit on the potty and probably squeeze out two drops. [grumble... grumble...]

~~ Had another slight panic attack about my employment situation (or lack thereof). And yet, I refuse to get another job outside the home. See the conundrum here?