Monday, October 30, 2006


Much better day today. Nothing earth-shattering took place. But it was a nice, fairly calm day.

Grace's school had a big hayride/games/activity today at the school, so she had fun and all of the kids dressed up and "paraded" around the school for parents in the afternoon. Grace is kind of "over" the punk rocker costume since she's already worn it twice (at least), so she dug out an old witch's hat and cape and I cut off an old black, sparkly dress of mine and she went as a witch instead today. She looked really cute!

I made a kick ass dinner tonight. For someone who primarily eats junkfood, I must say that good, hearty, red meat filled dinners are a favorite of mine. Mmmm... steak.

Daylight savings time is kicking the kids' asses... "No Grace, we are NOT getting up right now at 5:30 AM and going downstairs to watch TV..." [sigh]

We're out of beer. ACK! The horrors! But it's OK. I didn't have that built-in wine rack installed in my kitchen for nothing, my friends. ;)

My good friend and his girlfriend had a baby girl the other day! WOOHOO! (I realize none of you give a shit, but Steve and I are virtually the ONLY people in our entire group of friends and family that have girls. Literally. So it's nice to throw another girl into the mix.)

CSI: Miami is a rerun tonight. Um, why? What the hell? Didn't the new season just start?

I LOVE Prison Break! And even more so now than when the guys were actually in prison. It should just be on 5 nights a week. Yeah. That's it. That would rule.

The accountant dropped Steve's quarterly taxes off today and fixed some stuff that was screwed up (nothing major). I HATE dealing with Steve's business stuff. It makes me itchy because Steve is Mr. Anal Retentive boy. I realize this is probably good when dealing with a business, but it still makes me want to hang myself. Good times, I tell ya.

When Grace got home from school, the girls and I went outside to rake leaves and jump in them. They were COVERED with teeny tiny pieces of leaves that were stuck to them, in their shoes, in their socks, down their pants, and in their hair. Leaf removal from their hair took me a good 30 minutes. Good times, my friends.

Just realized how rambling this post is and decided to stick to beer from now on. Wine makes me stupid, apparently. LOL! G'night.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Hello, gang.

I'm here! I'm here! (I said that as if you all care, didn't I? Yeah... that's the ol' superiority complex coming out again. I'm working on that.)

Anyway, I can't believe the weekend is over already. Holy crap! I can't say I'm not happy about it. The weather sucked, the girls were out of flippin' control for about 97% of it, and tonight (just tonight), I've decided that all men suck ass. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with them? I'd give just about anything for like 1 day inside one of their heads, just so I could possibly figure out what the hell they're thinking most of the time. I mean, are they really that dumb? [sigh] Ok. Ok. Enough of the man bashing. I actually like men. For real. (Just ask any of my college friends. They'll tell ya. And they've got proof.) But all kidding aside... what is your problem? Anyway... moving on...

I've decided that my family and I are going to try that new lifestyle that everyone's talking about. The one where we don't eat at all. Because given the cost of flippin' groceries these days, I've decided that eating isn't really necessary, right? My god. I ran to the grocery store today and grabbed maybe 20 things. And please understand that 4 of those things were packs of Ramen at 14-cents each, and 5 others were cans of catfood at 5 for a $1.00. And the bill was still $80. What... the... hell? So I'm in the process of trying to convince Steve that yes, organic is good, but no food at all is even better.

I was impressed with Hannah who went from drawing just large, circular scribbles on a piece of paper, to drawing people, complete with all body parts, including hair in just the past 3 days. Screw Picasso (did I even spell that right?...)... Hannah's in the house, yo.

I also decided that women, despite my glowing post of them a few weeks ago, really do suck. First they're your friends. Then they're not. Then they are to your face, but not when you turn around. Then they sort of are, but only if you're not still friends with so-and-so who did something to your second cousin twice removed 10 years ago. Again, I ask... what the hell?

I admit, I've been guilty of every scenerio I've mentioned above. But it was when I was like, oh, I dunno... like 13. Now if I've been friends with someone and we're not anymore, it's because they either... A) Did something I felt was totally uncalled for... B) Directly tried to harm me or piss me off in some way... or C) We just drifted apart and there are no real hard feelings... we just don't really have much to talk about anymore. Regardless of which of the above three things I've mentioned, it usually just resulted in me saying what I needed to say and moving on (or saying nothing at all and moving on). What's with the constant bashing of people, the ignorant comments, and the sly little remarks on blogs/in person/in emails/etc. Am I the naive one? Because I live in Allison's World, where everyone doesn't get along, but people accept that some people don't like them and that's the way the world works. It doesn't make me self-righteous, or egotistical, or even a bitch. It's just that I don't like you and you don't like me. That's cool. Rock on with your bad self. I feel it's good if we can agree not to like each other and we move along. Apparently, however, I'm the only one living in "Allison's World."

So tell me, is my "screw it" attitude a bad thing? Because I always looked at it as a good thing... You don't like me? Shit. That sucks. [shrug] Ok, then. It was nice knowing you while I did and I'm sorry that's how things worked out, but I wish you well... Apparently, that's not how the real world works though. Huh. Weird.

At this point, I would just like to once again thank the inventors of Marlboro Lights and Miller Lite. Although I may change my tune when my two children are old enough to be enticed by your evil offerings, for now, I would just like to offer you my praise.

Um, I guess that concludes tonights ramblings. Please keep in mind that we always start drinking on a Sunday when the Steelers game starts, and well, it started at 4:00 today, so... Yeah. Um, see ya tomorrow...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Thursday Thirteen (October 26, 2006)


1. Sending both girls off to school and sitting down with my laptop and my cup of coffee in the silence. Ahhhh...

2. Playing around with Internet Explorer 7 (I installed it last night) and being rather giddy with some of the cool new features.

3. Making the decision to defrost some ground beef (organic, of course) to make tacos tonight. We don't eat much red meat anymore, but dammit, I'm craving tacos and we're gonna have 'em.

4. Cashing in all of the change in the house at the CoinStar machine at the grocery store and getting back $41.00 in bills. Sweet.

5. The Burger King worker who threw three Ranch dressings into the bag to go on my crispy chicken salad (which I'm totally addicted to by the way). I always order extra dressing, but normally that means I get two, not three. It must be my lucky day. LOL!

6. Hearing MC Hammer on the radio on the way home. Hammer Time BABY! Can't touch this...

7. Hearing "LaBamba" immediately after MC Hammer, and realizing I still know every damn word of that song. Granted, I don't know what half of the words mean in English, but I can sing them in Spanish like the Latina I so long to be.

8. Eating the tacos. Mmmmm...

9. Snuggling with the girls to watch "Monster House". Why are kids always so damn warm? I'm always in a constant state of freezing, so feeling their warm hands/faces/feet/etc. always makes me smile.

10. Remembering to set the VCR to record CSI. I forget every flippin' week, so the fact that I now have an hour's worth of good television to watch another night this week makes me happy.

11. Breyer's Cyclone Caramel Tracks ice cream. Mmmm... an orgasm in a container.

12. Watching Hannah run around the house in Grace's old witch's hat and cape, yelling that she's Nanny McPhee.

13. Beer. Beer is always something to smile about.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

TOTAL randomness...

Phone Conversation with Steve today...
Steve: "Did you remember to go to the bank?"
Me: Yeah. "Why?"
Steve: "Oh, no reason. I just thought maybe you forgot."
Me: "No, I didn't forget. Loser... So, when are you getting home?" (I wanted to know because it was trick-or-treat night tonight in town and I wanted to make sure he'd be home in time.)
Steve: "Why? Are you horny?"

Seriously, what the hell? Um, no, Hon. No, I'm not. LOL! What a freakin' dork! Men are weird.


Our town's trick-or-treat night was tonight. And for the love of god, PLEASE don't ask me why it was tonight because I don't know. I've looked into it and I can't find a reason anywhere. All I know is that the Wednesday before Halloween is always trick-or-treat night in the area, and has been since I was a kid. It's odd. It's weird. And it makes no sense to me. But it is what it is, so we go with it. LOL!

Anyway, it turned out to be a lot of fun. The girls had fun, I got a shitload of exercise, and I realized, as I squirmed my way through literally hundreds of kids on the sidewalk, that my town really does totally rock. Small towns rule.


My sister-in-law has been abnormally, over-the-top nice to me lately and it's freaking me the hell out. This is the same girl who despised me (and everyone on Steve's side of the family) a few short years ago, didn't come to our wedding, and never acknowledged the birth of Grace. (She's also the one who owns stock in khaki shorts and pants, but I digress...) Anyway, she's all chatty with me these days, calls me, etc. I'm not necessarily complaining because I'm all for family members getting along and stuff. But it's just not like her, so I don't know what's up.

And she's been drinking beer at family gatherings lately. This is also odd for her, so I'm wondering if the two are connected... "Hey! I'm kind of drunk! I think I'll actually like Allison today." LOL! Hmmmm.....


People, in general, were cranky today. Bitching about each other/to each other/around each other/etc. I started the day not being in the mood to listen to it and just shrugging it off or shaking my head, wondering what the hell was wrong with people.

But then I ended the day being bitchy myself (for no particular reason) and bitching about other people too.


Story From the Weekend...

So Steve and I went to a Halloween party last Saturday night. We actually had a blast and I'm glad we went. But there was one particular girl there that Steve knows from high school. I can't stand the girl. Now before y'all go assuming I have no reason, let me say that I am friends with every single other female friend that Steve has in his life. I think they're funny and fun and I can sit and talk to them all night long.

But there's this one particular girl named H. When Steve and I first met and got an apartment together, Steve ran into her and told her to come check it out, meet me, etc. She said (and I quote), "Well, give me a call when your old lady's not there and I'll come see it." Um, excuse me? Now I can assure you that this was not her evil plan to bed Steve in his new apartment. She's just a bitch. Most other girls hate her. And she knows it, so she prefers to just associate with guys. Which is totally fine. But when your guy friends find girlfriends and get married, you need to accept that girlfriend/wife whether you like it or not.

She is the one person I wouldn't "allow" Steve to invite to our wedding and I still stand by that decision. I've talked to the girl a total of ONE time for a whopping 10 minutes and it took every ounce of self-control to not punch her in the face. She was going on... and on... and on... about how she couldn't understand why every guy in the universe wouldn't want a piece of her. And how she was too good to date anyone other than a doctor, lawyer, etc. I kid you not. She said these things.

So anyway, after the Halloween party on Saturday, Steve laughed and said that I've "made H. afraid" to talk to him. I was like, "Huh?" And he said that at the party, she said, "I'd talk to you more, but I know your wife hates me." (See? This is where the part comes in that I have no problem letting someone know I don't like them.) And then Steve told me that his response to her was laughing and, "Oh please... Allison doesn't hate anyone. Seriously." So when he first told me all of this, I was kind of happy, thinking he really thought I was a truly good, nice person that had no room for hatred in her heart. But the more I thought about it, I realized he was probably being sarcastic. OR, he has another wife and he got us confused. [sigh] Asshole. LOL!


I'm down another 5 lbs. without even trying. Sweet.


I'd write more, but I'm flippin' tired and Grace just woke up. It's off to Dreamland for the people in this house (after my bedtime Marlboro Light, of course).

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

A Glimpse Into My Future...

So last night, the local strip mall had trick-or-treat night for the town kids. We go every year. At each storefront, the kids play a little game and then get some candy, chips, little toys, etc. So anyway, we got the girls into their costumes and it dawned on me that in about 10 years, I can totally see Grace actually looking like this.

Only the colored hair and the tatoos won't be fake. [sigh] ...

Friday, October 20, 2006

Recap of the Day (October 20, 2006)...

Uh, sort of anyway. This may actually span a few days.

* We've seen a few more fleas in the house. Nothing to panic about, but it did mean I have to resume daily vacuuming for awhile and I had to respray the whole house again today. (sigh)

* Totally forgot about Salinger's vet appointment on Wednesday to get his blood sugar rechecked and see if the pills he's been taking are working for his diabetes. Crap. Need to reschedule that. (sigh)

* Have been having "issues" with my laptop where it suddenly decides to just shut off for no apparent reason. Lovely. (sigh)

* My free "Jessie's Girl" ring tone wouldn't download to my phone. (sigh)

* Decided my old ringtone was cool too. (The song goes... "Bartender, I really did it this time. Broke my parole to have a good time. When I got home, it was six AM. The door was locked so I kicked it in...") Snort! (Thanks Jenn!)

* Dropped over $100 at WalMart today, gathering "supplies" for Halloween costumes for Steve, Grace & Hannah. I had NO intention of spending that much, but I must say that Hannah and Grace are going to look adorable as a rock star and a punk rocker. I actually can't wait to see them all dressed up.

* Bought biker boots for Grace that were too small, so I had to take both girls to WalMart with me when they got home from school.

* Spent 20 minutes trying (fruitlessly) to convince Grace that the other black biker boots would look way cooler with her punk rocker costume than the Barbie pink cowboy boots she had decided on. (sigh)

* I lost. (sigh)

* Had to yell at Hannah to take her pants off when we got home because she was going to rip off the little beady-like things off the cuffs that I had just put on in order to "rock star them up."

* Had bought wigs for both girls (one black and one blonde) that were ridiculously cheesy and crappy upon opening them.

* Convinced them that the ponytail holders with the multi-colored fake braids attached would be way cooler. Especially sticking out of the black and pink newsboy hats I had bought them.

* I won.

* Although I LOVE that Grace has become extremely interested in words and how to spell them, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little sick and tired of spelling words for her all... day... long...

* And even that wouldn't be so bad if she could write faster and I didn't have to respell the same word 85+ times in 5 minutes.

* Asked Steve if we can go to the Blues Traveler concert next month when they play literally right down the street.

* Got a whiny, "But that's a Monday night," as a response. I'm sorry, Hon. When did you turn 80? Because I think I missed that birthday. (rolling eyes) I'm not asking you to drive to another fucking state for the love of god...

* Just realized that as I sit here typing, Skid Row and Warrant are right down the street at the same place Blues Traveler will be playing at. God I had a crush on both lead singers. Do you think if I go hung out outside, that I could get a tour of the bus or something?

* By the way, as a side note, this place is the same place I saw Rick Springfield in concert three (or four) years ago, where I stood literally 20 feet from him and watched him perform "Jessie's Girl" live. (happy sigh)

* Remembered the ridiculous amount of middle-aged girls at that concert who still had feathered hair and tapered, acid-washed jeans. (And it was obvious that this is still regular, everyday attire for them and that they were not just dressed that way for the concert. Oy.)

* Realized I can no longer ignore my children this evening and that I really must go get their pajamas and get them the hell to bed on time. They are miserable (and driving me up a flippin' wall.)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I just received an email...

from Cingular, giving me a coupon code for one free ringtone out of their store for my new cell phone. I browsed through their hundreds of ring tones under every category you can think of. I (right now anyway) refuse to pay two to three bucks for a brief 5-second song clip for a phone few people will ever call anyway, so this was an important decision for me. Because unless people are going to give me gift cards for ring tones at Christmas, whatever one I chose tonight was going to stay on my phone for a loooooong time.

And so I browsed. I browsed in Alternative, Pop Rock, Country, Classic Rock, Classical, Hip Hop, Urban... You name it, I browsed.

And what did I end up with? A song that has withstood the test of time... [drumroll please]... "Jesse's Girl" by Rick Springfield. All is now right with the world...

Monday, October 16, 2006

And apparently, I need a son too...

Or maybe a husband that's a trucker. Because I walkie-talkied Steve today and said, "Foxy Lady to Sniper. Come in, Sniper." LMFAO! Oy. We're so gay. LOL!

(More blogging later. Steve had the shittiest day of work ever and he's sending me for a case of beer. LOL!)

Friday, October 13, 2006

How many children do I have again?

I'm not so sure. Because everytime Steve walkie-talkies me on our new phones (three times today so far), he ends the transmission with, "Over and out." Seriously dude, you need a son.

And I need a new avatar picture, don't I? New one coming soon...

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Thursday Thirteen

So Steve decided he needed a new cell phone. And actually he did. When one has their cell phone antennae duct taped to their phone and the phone can only be charged in a certain position in one's truck, it really is time to get a new one. I haven't had one for years now. I used to have one when I commuted so far to work. But then I started working from home and it just seemed like an unnecessary expense. And I figured I grew up without having the convenience of a phone on me at all times, so I wouldn't succumb to society's pressure to get one. Yeah. That's it. That's the reason.

Anyway, so he decided he needed a new one and also decided he needed one that has the whole walkie talkie feature that Nextell has. But his current plan was with Cingular, so he decided he wanted to get one from them. He also decided (for reason unbeknownst to me) that I needed one too. Um, OK. Never mind that I pretty much only leave the house 3 days a week (4 if I'm lucky), and that when I do leave, it's for 30 minutes at a time, tops. If you say I need a cell phone, Hon, I'm all for it.

So we headed to Cingular and bought ourselves some new phones. Sweet! So this leads me to my Thursday Thirteen. Without further ado...

13 Things About My New Cell Phone That Make Me All Giddy

1. It matches Steve's. We have identical phones. How gay (and yet irresistably cute) is that.

2. I can take pictures and video with it. So if I ever find myself in a situation like Amber, where I forget my camera and I'm in a particularly photo-worthy situation, I'll be golden. ;)

3. It's its own little light show. Pretty blue lights flash around the rim whenever it rings. What's even cooler is that I can set the lights to flash differently depending on who it is that's calling me.

4. I can download ring tones and set a different song to play for each person that calls me. I told Steve I'm downloading "Loser" by Beck as his ringtone on my phone and he wasn't nearly as amused as I was.

5. I can set a picture of a person's face to appear on my outside screen whenever that person calls me. I asked Steve if I could have a picture of another part of his body appear when he calls me. That would be weird, huh?

6. I can play Tetris on it. This translates into entertainment when I'm sitting at the girls' gymnastics classes twice a week.

7. It has voice activated dialing. I can say, "Call Steve," and that's exactly what it'll do. How come the people in my family don't listen as well as that? Now if I could just teach it to drive to the beer distributor and grab me a 30-pack, I'd be golden.

8. I didn't pay for the phone, nor will I be paying the montly bill. You just can't beat that.

9. It has a calander in it. No more missed birthdays, people. Woohoo!

10. I can email people wherever I go. Email is my life people. I'm a happy, happy camper.

11. I can prank call all of the people I can't stand since no one knows the number yet.

12. I can be one of those cool people that talks on her cell phone in totally inappropriate places like nice restaurants and movie theaters. (I'm kidding.)

13. It fits in my pocket. And I can set it to vibrate. Enough said.


Today, I remembered some other commercials that I love. The Capital One credit card ones. Seriously, whoever works in Capital One's advertising department should never be fired. First, we had the positively hilarious ones with David Spade and that chubby dude that worked in the office. The one where the weight lifting dude comes into the office and chases the chubby guy over and around cubicles literally made me piss my pants every time I saw it.

And now, let's throw in their commercial last year where they talk about "block out dates" on their credit card rewards program and the family shows up at the grandparents' house and try to celebrate every single holiday in like, a weekend. And the family that goes to the ski resort when there's no snow and the dad and mom go hurtling down the mountain, smashing into and flipping over trees. Oh... my... god... To flippin' funny.


And to summarize my take on the Thursday night shows I watch (no spoilers)...

* Meredith continues to be a whiny, wishy-washy loser who I wish would fall off the face of the earth.

* I used to like George's girlfriend. Now, I'm beginning to want to bitch slap her.

* The gray-haired photographer dude on "Six Degrees" is friggin' HOT! Mmmm... Sweet. (I've always had a thing for older, gray-haired dudes. Just shut up.)

* Ozzy on Survivor is totally the type of guy I would've dated in college and right after I graduated. What a fine, fine speciman.

Let's Talk About Ads...

OK. So tonight, I was thinking about commercials. I love commercials. Odd, I know. But some of them are so damn funny that I can't help but love them. And some are so annoying that I can't help but hate them.

Let's talk about the ones I hate...

Hated Commercial #1: Nuvo Ring. I think that's what it's called. It's that birth control ring that a woman shoves up her crotch and leaves there for a month. Now I'm all for birth control that requires little thought or maintenance. But the commercial has got to go. There's that perky woman in it. And the commercial is cheesiness personified. Birth control pills "raining" down on the perky bitch as she holds an umbrella over her head... Birth control patches that rotate as she walks through them... But even that I could deal with. But the end kills me every time. The woman sets her feet shoulder-width apart, pumps her right fist into the air and says, "I say, 'Let freedom ring!'" Are you freaking kidding me? Seriously. I wouldn't use it now just on principle.

Hated Commercial #2: It's an old one. But that one about the medication for toenail fungus is gross. The one where the cartoon fungus lifts a person's big toenail, crawls underneath, and sets up camp is positively repulsive. Ick.

Hated Commercials # 3 through # 1800: The yogurt commercials with the white chick and the black chick who are beyond gay. (Gay in a cheesy sense... not a homosexual way.) The actual brand of yogurt escapes me now, but the latest one is where the chicks are in their fluffy white bathrobes are are talking about the new chocolate yogurt... "It's multiple orgasm with chocolate drizzled on your naked body good..." [insert giggles here] OK. So they don't actually talk about orgasms in the commercial, but you know the commercials I'm talking about. Women don't act like that. And we don't sit around discussing our food in ways normally reserved for our latest crush, so knock it the hell off, would ya?

And so as not to end on a bitter note (because y'all know how much that bothers me.... LOL! Yeah. Right.), let's talk about at least one that I love...

That new one with some cellular phone company's new "feature" where you can "Add 5" to your phone. I guess it's the 5 people you talk to most and can call for free, whether they use the same cell phone company as you or not. One guy confronts the other about his girlfriend being in the other guy's "Five". Guy #2 brushes it off, but then his phone "rings" and the ring tone is the song, "Secret lovers... That's what we are..." and the guy says, "I should probably take that now." Snort! Cracks me up every time. LOL!

So anyway, you're turn. Any commercials you particularly love or hate? Tell us about 'em....

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Random Thoughts...

* Having paid work to do is great.

* Having so much to do that you don't get much sleep kind of sucks.

* I've learned never to send late night emails to people other than my friends. I sent a rambling, incoherent email to my co-worker two nights ago and had to make up a big, complicated story about what the hell I was even talking about.

* Also learned that one of the guys on our project team is a total dickwad and it makes me want to bash his head in.

* I'm pumped about TV tonight. LOST first. Sawyer... Mmmmmm. And then "The Nine". Did anyone else watch this last week? I LOVE it. Good shit. Catch it this week if you didn't watch it last week. You've only missed one episode, so you'll be OK.

* I haven't spotted a flea on me in days. Steve saw a few two nights ago, but I think I've gotten it pretty much under control. With a few more days/weeks of maintenance, I think we'll be golden.

* Salinger was diagnosed with diabetes. We're trying a pill for two weeks, but if that doesn't work, they want to put him on insulin shots. I love the little guy, but I am not giving my cat shots everyday, so we'll see what happens...

* To whomever the "Anonymous" commenter is making remarks to another person we know, please stop. I, for one, have remained friends with the person you're trying to call out. But even if I hadn't, I'd still continue to delete your comments. I don't want this blog to be a place where people bash each other. I can bash whomever I want to in my posts because it's my blog. You? Not so much. Thanks, girl.

* I've noticed that on days where both girls head off to their respective schools, I'm much less likely to do things like shower. Nice.

Monday, October 09, 2006

A few pictures from the weekend...

I wish I could write more about the weekend, but I (once again) have a big deadline this week AND two kids here today, so I have no free time what-so-ever. But I wanted to share a few of the pictures from the bazillion things we did.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Don't anyone panic!!!!

LOL! It's me. I'm here!

This is not the new blog look I was going for, but I temporarily switched back to a plain 'ol Blogger template until I get a chance to customize my own. I'm hoping that those of you that were having problems can now see it correctly.

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. Busy, busy. And I can't post much now because Grace gets home from school in an hour and then we're heading to a birthday party at a apple/pumpkin picking patch. I was excited about it all week, but it's effin' COLD here today and we haven't seen the sun once, so that part's gonna suck. LOL!

Anyway, I'll hopefully get the new look up and running soon. Let me know if you freaky people still aren't seeing this right. ;)

(Oh, and I deleted one or two previous posts because the way HUGE pictures in the post was making the sidebar appear all the way at the bottom of the screen (which may be why some of you were seeing it all wonky before).)

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Daily Recap (October 4th, 2006)

* Woke up and sent Hannah off to daycare with my mom.

* Got Grace ready for school by standing in the middle of her bedroom and doing a cheer, complete with leg kicks and "spirit fingers" to the tune of "I'm a Pepper. You're a Pepper. Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?" but substituting the word "Pepper" with "weiner". (Get your minds out of the gutter. She had put on her T-shirt which had a little gingham weiner dog on the front. Pigs.)

* Remembered I hate the whole concept of cheerleaders and stopped.

* While waiting at the bus stop, saw THE coolest, most perfect spider web I've ever seen in my life in a tree, complete with webstrings to other nearby trees and bushes. Grace and I were fascinated.

* Waved goodbye to Grace, came back inside and started busting ass on the spreadsheet that was due last week. [sigh]

* Continued working on it for hours, all the while thinking I should really vacuum the whole house again and possibly respray.

* Ignored myself again.

* Finally decided it had to be done for my own peace of mind.

* Drove to WalMart and bought 8 more vacuum bags (you're supposed to vacuum every day for 2 weeks straight after you spray), and 3 more cans of flea spray.

* Got in line and realized that the cashier is a friend of mine that is married to a guy I graduated with.

* Felt the need to explain my odd purchases to her, feeling all sorts of skanky the whole time because we have fleas.

* Realized that lots of non-skanky people have fleas and to get over myself.

* Discussed our mutual friends' upcoming baby shower and Halloween party.

* Just remembered after writing that that I'm supposed to email her all that information. Crap.

* Left WalMart and grabbed a Burger King crispy chicken salad on my way home.

* Got home, shoved the salad down my throat, and grudgingly got up to start the damn flea killing again.

* Began spraying and vacuuming the whole... damn... house again.

* After 5 minutes felt myself getting lightheaded and my throat getting scratchy from the fumes. Shit.

* Found Steve's big ass gas mask and put it on.

* Continued spraying while laughing at how stupid I probably looked.

* Briefly considered snapping a picture of myself to post here.

* Decided that would be stupid.

* Vacuumed and sprayed some more, all the while talking to the fleas... "C'mon out you little bastards. Suck in the gas you son of a bitches..."

* Realized that professional help may be in order (for me... not the fleas...)

* Finished and decided I needed some fresh air, so I headed outside for a cigarette. (LOL!)

* Got Grace off the bus, where I greeted her with the weiner cheer again.

* Wasn't sure how to respond when Grace "answered" me with her own little cheer another girl in school taught her. She said, "You. Me. Wait a minute. Put a little bone in it." I have NO clue what that's supposed to mean, nor do I know where the little girl learned it. But my mind immediately went to pervertive things and I became slightly disturbed, yet had to laugh at her.

* Heard all about the pep rally they had at school today and smiled to myself when Grace told me how excited she was that they got to high five the high school sports players on their way out of the pep rally.

* Hung with Grace for awhile before heading to my mom's to retrievethe little demon Hannah.

* Came home and played "store" with the girls. (I "bought" a book, a doll, and one Barbie walkie-talkie.)

* Read the newspaper and learned that The World's Largest General Store will indeed rebuild, the fall festival is still going on and was even yesterday right after the fire, and that until there's another building built, they're going to sell merchandise out of big tents on the property. And all employees have either been transferred (immediately) to the three other (smaller) satellite stores in other towns, or will be used at the old location in the tents. God, I love this town.

* Just heard on the news that this is mental illness awareness week.

* Realized that considering my life the past week or two, there could not be better timing.

* Waited in anticipation for the season premiere of Lost.

* Got my first glimpse of Sawyer a few minutes into the show and realized that there really isn't a more perfect speciman on the planet. Oh... my... god...

* Realized I might be seriously disturbed when I got a little turned on seeing him in that big wooden cage like an animal. (Did I mention it's mental illness awareness week?

* Just realized that there are 2 other people I told I'd email and haven't yet. God, I SUCK at this whole friendship thing. [sigh]

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Recap of the Day (October 3, 2006)

* Woke up between two fast asleep children that were practically suffocating me.

* Got Grace dressed for school and waited at the end of the driveway with her for the bus.

* Made up a little song about farting (she calls it "fluffing") because she had let one rip and was paranoid I'd tell the bus driver. (I'm so flippin' mature, let me tell you.)

* Got phone call # 1 from Steve, telling me to watch the news because The World's Largest General Store (the best place ever in our area), was on fire.

* Turned on the news to find the entire place was completely destroyed. I'm devastated. We LOVE that place.

* Got phone call # 2 from my sister who was working at the court house, but no bosses were in today, so she decided to spend the day calling people.

* Got phone call # 3 while on the phone with my sister. It was the vet saying that Salinger is, indeed, diabetic, but that they want to run "one more quick bloodtest" in regards to the anemia. Uh huh. Is this "quick blood test" another ninety effin' dollars like last week's was? [grumble grumble]

* Decided not to call them back until my paycheck clears.

* Got phone call # 4 from Steve, telling me that the entire World's Largest General Store was indeed gone. (Thanks buddy, but I've got access to the TV and internet all day, so I kind of already knew that.)

* Made phone call # 5 to my mom at work to tell her about the World's Largest General Store fire. (Seriously people, we LOVE this place. Some of you have been there, so you know how much it rocked.)

* Finally decided it was time to shower or something (or stop neglecting my 3-year-old) and headed upstairs.

* Showered up and asked Hannah if she wanted to walk up the street to the gas station. (I needed cigarettes, but we're going to pretend I just wanted some fresh air and exercise. Uh huh. Right.)

* Halfway there, realized that this little adventure that should've taken all of 15 minutes was going to take a good hour, thanks to Hannah's insistance that we stop every three steps to look at trees, water, leaves, rocks, etc.

* Cursed the fact that she had brought a damn Barbie doll with her [shudder], and I had somehow got stuck with the evil bitch in my jeans pocket with her peroxide blonde hair sticking out of the top of my ass.

* Arrived at the gas station and found out a bomb threat had been called into the local high school. What is wrong with the world. Dear lord...

* Arrived back home (50 minutes later) and convinced Hannah to come inside for a drink.

* Grudgingly vacuumed the whole damn house from top to bottom again in an attempt to rid said house of all fleas in all stages of their life cycle.

* Tried to sneak outside for a cigarette, but Hannah found me and insisted on staying outside. Shit.

* Watched her collect rocks and sticks from the side of our house and put them in a bucket. Oh, to be a child again...

* Was informed by my oh-so-bossy three-year-old that I was going on a treasure hunt whether I liked it or not.

* Was also informed that I was to go inside and get a piece of paper and a crayon and meet her in the swingset playhut so that she could draw the treasure map before we embarked on our hunt.

* Followed little Hannah around the yard as she rambled on about pirates and mice and going to the doctor and something else that escapes me right now.

* Leaned against the wrought iron fence in the front of our house while Hannah opened the gate, walked through it, closed the gate, and repeated for a good 90 minutes.

* Heard her saying something about boats and escaping crocodiles or something, but she wouldn't repeat it, so I let her have her fun.

* Let her color on the fence with a teal crayon (because I knew it wouldn't show up through the damn rust on the thing).

* Coaxed her back inside after a few hours. A smoker's lungs can only take so much fresh air, ya know...

* Hung out with her on the couch while we watched some freaky kid show.

* Watched her become possessed and start throwing a holy tantrum because I wouldn't take her ponytail out. (For the record, I tried, but she flipped out and started screaming, "NO! NO! NO!" When I stopped, she started screaming, "TAKE IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT!" Seriously, is three too young to take Prozac?

* Got Grace off the bus.

* Broke up two physical fights between Grace and Hannah. Seriously children, knock it the hell off, would ya?

* Took Grace to gymnastics class.

* Came home and bathed my filthy children, only breaking up one kicking fight between them. [sigh]

* Told them to go play Beauty Shop while Mommy cracked open a beer and caught up on some email. (Such a stellar example of mothering I am, no?)

* Played with the kids a bit and got them to sleep (after threatening Hannah three times to just STOP TALKING). Seriously. I laugh in people's faces when they comment on how sweet and quiet Hannah is. Yeah. In public maybe. At home, she's the spawn of the devil in a little 28 lb. package.

* Watched "Dancing with the Stars" only so I could see Joey Lawrence and Mario from "Saved By the Bell". Mmmm....

* Was guilted (by myself) into coming here to post this daily recap after several of you commented on how much you missed them. [sigh] You people are killin' me. ;)

Sorry. No recap of yesterday...

I'll do one tonight. Promise.

But yesterday I vacuumed and sprayed every inch of this damn house from top to bottom for fleas. If this didn't work, I'm looking for the nearest ice pick to plunge into the side of my head. Just a warning... ;)

More later.

BTW, is my blog template screwed up for anyone else? Trisha said it looks funky on her screen, but it still looks just fine here. Anyone? Anyone?? Actually, I'm going to be changing it up in the next few days anyway, but for now, is everyone else seeing it OK?

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Recap of the Day:

1. Am woken by my two pain in the ass darling children at an hour reserved for roosters and stumble saunter downstairs for some coffee.

2. Begin chugging coffee while checking email and reading through blogs.

3. Tell myself to get my ass off the chair and start vacuuming up little fleas again.

4. Ignore myself.

5. Get a call from the vet saying that Salinger's blood sugar is elevated (diabetes?), but that he also has severe anemia, which the vet can't really explain yet. They're still running tests and will get back to me on Monday.

6. Vacuum entire house (again), including along all walls (again), under bed (again) and under baseboards (again).

7. Curse the insect world (again).

8. Shower.

9. Start two loads of laundry (one upstairs and one in the basement) in an attempt to finish all laundry before spraying the house for fleas, since if I spray the whole house and the fleas have already laid eggs in the dirty laundry baskets in every bedroom on the floor, I'll be kind of fucked.

10. Fight with the children to get the hell in the car so we can get to where we need to go before they close.

11. Get them in the car and head to the bank to cash a check.

12. Continue to the vet to get the special food for cats with diabetes (not that we know for sure if he has it, but the vet "wants to be safe" until the results are in. Uh huh.).

13. Stop at the gas station to gas up where Grace picks a mini can of cheese Pringles (That's my girl!) and Hannah picks a push up pop (lollipop). I buy Marlboro Lights. LOL!

14. Head to the next town to a pet store where rumor has it they sell kick ass flea spray for in the house.

15. Buy three bottles of $15.00 flea spray and get further instructions from the pet shop dude.

16. Large bird in pet store starts screaming, "HELLO! HELLO!" and making loud, obnoxious noises, scaring the living shit out of Hannah.

17. Get back in the car and listen to Grace throw a first class tantrum ALL... THE... WAY... HOME... (15 minutes) about how she wants a push-up pop too and how she should've gotten that and not Pringles.

18. Blare radio in an attempt to drown out screaming child.

19. Wonder to myself if it's too early for a beer. (It is.)

20. Arrive home and spend the next 5 hours doing a total of 8 loads of laundry, all of which must be put away in drawers immediately after leaving the dryer so as not to have flea eggs laid on it.

21. Realized that when that much back laundry is done, there is absolutely no more room in any closets or drawers in the home.

22. Hear Grace screaming downstairs because she has somehow managed to band her head on the granite countertops in the kitchen.

23. Hear Hannah screaming downstairs for no reason other than the fact that she's Hannah and that's what she does.

24. Wonder if it's still too early for a beer. (It is.)

25. Receive a call from Grandma (my mom) asking if the girls are sleeping over at her house tonight.

26. Don't even ask the girls and answer, "Hell yeah they are!"

27. Vacuum entire house again.

28. Pack suitcase for children and drive them to Grandma's house.

29. Get a call from Steve asking me to pick up a pizza on the way home.

30. Call in pizza order and stop to pick it up on the way home.

31. Arrive home childless and wonder if it's still too early too drink a beer. (It's not! WOOHOO!)

32. Begin drinking beer.

33. Wonder if fleas can get drunk.

34. Wonder how much beer it takes to get them drunk.

35. Decide that me asking myself these questions probably means I'm drunk.

36. Bow out of baby shower tomorrow, using the excuse that I still have a good 7 or 8 loads of laundry to do before I can spray for fleas (not a lie).

37. Realize that although normally, I despise showers, after my hellish week, it would've been a nice day away.

38. Drink more beer to forget how sucky my day is going to be tomorrow. Cheers!