Tuesday, March 28, 2006

AI and AR

I really don't have anything witty or interesting to say, so I'm just going to ramble, mostly talking about my reality TV addiction and the particular show I watched this evening.

~ Hannah called herself "a freakin' whackjob" today and I almost pissed myself laughing. (Uh, yeah. I swear I don't call my kids that. Honest. For real. You can't prove it...)

~ Watched my two children who don't eat peanut butter (like every other non-allergic child on the planet) eat lemon-pepper haddock, broccoli and salads with oil and vinegar dressing tonight. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with them? Not that I wouldn't rather have them eat the fish and vegetables, but for laziness's sake, it would be really nice if I could slap some PB&J on some bread and throw them in their lunchboxes. Geez...

~ Had Hannah come running around the corner, into the kitchen tonight buck naked with LARGE marker scribbles all over her torso, yelling, "I'm maken! I'm maken!" (For some reason, she always says "maken" instead of "naked".)

~ Wiped it off with a baby wipe as best as I could and then figured fuck it, who'll see it? American Idol was about to start, so a bath was out of the question.

Speaking of American Idol...

~ Taylor Hicks still freakin' RULES! He was my favorite tonight.

~ Ace needs to scrape some of that cheese off his act and just sing for god's sake. Steve commented tonight that he must've taken lessons from queer ass Constantine.

~ Paris, hon, don't ever sing Beyonce again. Randy may have liked it (and Paula, but she likes everything), but the rest of us don't want to see your 17-year-old ass dry humping the air. Thanks.

~ Kelly Pickler, I pick someone else. You seem very sweet, but you're dumber than a Lego and you're singing seems to be getting worse.

~ Lisa dear, you seem nice too, but WHY would you pick a song that was sung by the most successful American Idol winner to date, and one that is at the top of the charts as we speak? Can we all say stupid?

~ Chris, I adore you. Love you. You and Taylor are tied as my favorites. But dude, if I have to hear you perform one more song where you scream while strobe lights flash and give me a headache, Taylor may pull ahead. I LOVE your voice, but PLEASE sing something a little different next week. Please.

~ Elliot, I like you. I really do. I like you're voice too. But your underbite bothers me and I can't watch you speak or sing without laughing. I'm sorry. I really, really am.

~ Bucky, I know other people don't like you so much, but I find you endearing. I thought you did a good job tonight. There's no way in hell you'll win it all, but I enjoy watching you while you're around. (And please tell me Bucky isn't you're real name.)

~ Katharine, First of all, I hate the way your parents spelled your name, but that's neither here nor there. Overall, I really like you. I wasn't "feeling the love" quite as much as the rest of the judges tonight, but you done good, girl. Rock on.

~ Mandesa, I normally really like you. And I liked you tonight too. But you didn't "wow" me. I hope you get your mojo back for next week.

So now let's talk about The Amazing Race... WARNING: Spoiler ahead!!!

~ Lake, you seemed to be much nicer to your wife this week. I like it. Keep it up. (And I should add that he doesn't bother me nearly as much as he seems to bother other people.)

~ Frat Boys, you rule. Yes, you're hornier than anyone I've ever met in my life, but you're damn funny and you're having fun. (Do you think they realized that now EVERY woman in the nation realizes what players they are? LOL!)

~ Old Lady and Old Man (I always forget your names), you were kind of rude this week. You're little "episode" in the airport screaming at Lake to "just back off" was a little uncalled for, don't ya think? I no longer like you two. I never really did actually, but you just sealed the deal, ya old hag.

~ Ray & Chick (I always forget her name too), I have no strong feelings one way or the other for you. I don't hate you, but I don't love you either. So um, I dunno what to say to you. Good luck?

~ Lori & Dave, I normally like you guys. But you seem to be cracking a bit under the pressure and it's making you appear whiney. Please stop that. (And Dave, don't cry at the pit stops. It makes you look wussy.)

~ MOJO, again, I have no feelings for you either way. Joe, you're cute. Monica, you're pretty. Rock on with your bad selves, but you won't win, so you should probably just give up. (And if next week's preview are any indication, you may have lost your mojo.

~ Dani & Whatever the Fuck Your Friend's Name Is (Daphne? Danielle? Ditz?), I hated you two. You annoyed me to no end. Let me clue you in that once you're past the ages of like 7, dressing alike isn't cute anymore. It's gay. And creepy. And really, really lame. You're obviously both extremely intelligent (insert dripping sarcasm here), but I'm glad I no longer have to look at or listen to you. Goodbye and goodnight.

~ Hippies, you rule. If you don't win, I will cry. Your "Bowling Toms" T-shirts tonight made me laugh hysterically. I love you both. Please win. PLEASE!


Melissa said...

Oh my gosh, EVERYONE on American Idol stunk tonight! STUNK! I'm giving it one more week and if it sucks like it did tonight, I'm not watching anymore. LOL

Alien said...

LOL Melissa. Yes, I was VERY disappointed. I look forward to it all week and that is what I got? And I thought for sure that since they could pick current songs, that they'd all kick ass. Yeah. Not so much. LOL! [sigh] Here's hoping next week is better.

(Prediction: Leaving tonight is either Lisa or Bucky.)

Kim: The Mom, The Myth said...

1) My kid won't eat peanut butter either. Little FREAK.

2) I'm adding "dumber than a Lego" to my personal lexicon. LOL!

mama_tulip said...

I had to cover my eyes when Paris came on. Between her dry humping and her weave getting stuck to her lips...it was a rough performance.

Hannah cracks me up. "I'm maken!" "Freakin' whackjob"? How can you possibly keep a straight face?

EE said...

Hannah seriously cracks me up. LMAO! I love the "freakin wackjob".

OMG, AI was *painful* to watch. They ALL sucked. I like having Kelly around bc she is exactly like you said, dumber than a lego. I can imitate her voice and makes me cringe. Bucky. Oh my. I can't understand him when he TALKS and last night the entire song I was like "what the HELL is he SINGING?!!?"

Lake sucks. He *did* seem nicer last night, but woo hoo, he's still an ass.

The Barbie chick is driving me nuts.

The Hippies ROCK. I LOVE THEM!!!

Melissa said...

Yeah, it's got to be Lisa or Bucky...but I'd love for it to be Kellie. She gets on my nerves.

Katherine, I was really thinking Paris would come out and save the day, but um, ew. LOL

Emily said...


I feel so left out for not being an AI fan....I could fake it and just agree with you though...

Freakin' wackjob is freakin hilarious, though...LOL

Tink said...

You know you're an addict when you refer to shows in their abbreviated form, "AI, AR, GA." Which makes me just as much of an addict because I know exactly which shows those abbreviations stand for. :)

LOVED this line, "but you're dumber than a Lego." I totally agree.

Chelle Y. said...

Brendan will not eat PBandJ either. He does not like jelly! What kid does not like jelly? I blame it on his birth mom! LOL Speaking of birth mom, I blogged the adoption story for you my friend. It's long so you'd better take time to read it! JK

I agree with you about everything of AI tonight. I think Elliot looks like Mr. TomTom on Narnia. Am I bad?

Go, Taylor! :o)

Renfield said...

Somebody PLEASE explain to me what there is to Elliott that you like. I fail to see it each and every week.

Taylor, Chris, and Paris - you rocked tonight. Everyone else - you SUCKED! I want Bucky to go home just because he is going by "Bucky". What adult male chooses to go by "Bucky" on national television?? Why not "Buck"? Why not your given name if, in fact, Bucky is your nickname? I don't get it.

Amazing Race was good. I hate Lake and hope they crash and burn next week. He is WAY too high strung and it bugs the shit outta me. I've only seen the last two weeks, but right now I like the hippies (and didn't their shirts say "Bowling MOMS" like the team from the last team competition?) and the Frat Boys.

Chelle Y. said...

Bucky is probably using his nickname because that is the way many people do it in the south. My BIL is from a small town in NC and he has family members just like Bucky. It's hard to imagine if you are not from there. I am not saying everyone from the south is like that, but there are quite a few. :o)

Scully said...

I agree with you 100% on the AI recap. I LOVE TAYLOR!! I love Chris too but again, totally agree about your comments. I read that Katharine is a Scientologist which scares me so that made her drop a rung or two in my mind. I like Elliott too but man that guy needs a dentist and fast.

Amber said...

That blonde chick is like Gomer Pyle AFTER a head ingury. JUST GO AWAY DUMB ASS. YOU MAKE ME CRINGE.

Alien said...

Ren, I thought they said "Bowling Moms" at first too. But I kept watching and I'm pretty sure they said "Bowling Toms", which I assume was them being funny and changing it to be more "manly". But I could definitely be wrong. I never did get a REALLY good look at them, so if you have it Tivo'ed, why don't you check it out, OK? LOL!

Alien said...

So Amber, you don't like her then? LOL!

EE said...

I thought the shirt said "bowling Moms" too..