Stop the ride, I wanna get off...

Ack. Busy day today...

1. Woke up felling a little better. The throat didn't hurt this morning... it just felt like it was swollen to three times its normal size.

2. We all came downstairs and before I even finished my first cup of coffee, Hannah was whining and throwing tantrums about something I don't even remember anymore.

3. Kept repeating to myself, "It's only a phase... It's normal for her age... It's only a phase... It's normal for her age..." while taking deep breaths and inhaling as much nicotene as possible.

4. Phone rings at 7:30 AM and it's the vet. Dr. explains that this morning they noticed he was constipated. No SHIT lady (no pun intended). I've been telling you that for MONTHS now and you kept blowing me off.

5. She says they gave him a laxative, but it wasn't working so did she had my permission to put him under so she could get it out.

6. Grudgingly say yes as I see dollar signs behind my eyelids.

7. FIL shows up to help Steve layout a few dry tiles and snap chalk lines so Steve could get started.

8. Start warning the girls that they are NOT allowed to walk in there once Daddy starts laying tile.

9. Hannah has a tantrum. And whines.

10. I ask Hannah if she wants cereal for breakfast and she says, "No. I want a hot dog." Kid, you NEVER eat. If you want a hot dog at 8:00 in the morning, you got it.

11. Make her a hot dog and she eats the whole damn thing.

12. Hannah has a tantrum. And whines.

13. I tell Grace to get out of the kitchen.

14. My kids ask to put in the "Cat in the Hat" movie with Mike Meyers. Are you kidding me? Oompa Loompas one night and Dr. Seuss the next morning?!?! They are sooo plotting to kill me.

15. Hannah has a tantrum. And whines.

16. I tell Grace to get out of the kitchen.

17. Good ol' Mike Meyers entertains them for the duration of the movie while I finally sit down to eat my Soup at Hand microwaveable/drinkable cup of soup.

18. The girls see it and beg for it, passing it back and forth so I get virtually none.

19. Hannah cries for one of her own.

20. I run to the gas station down the street to see if they have any. ANYTHING this kid will eat, I will buy/make/pick up/run for/etc.

21. They don't have any.

22. Hannah has a tantrum. And whines.

23. I tell Grace to get out of the kitchen.

24. I put Hannah down for her nap.

25. I tell Grace to get out of the kitchen.

26. The vet calls, telling me about how Salinger was so blocked up that there was NO way he would've gotten it out on his own, and then listed THREE medicines she was going to send him home with. (I get a mental vision of myself just burning dollar bills on my grill.)

27. Wait for Hannah to wake up so we can go pick up Salinger.

28. Watch Steve lay a few rows of tile.

29. Stare at the floor for a few minutes before pointing out to Steve that something about the tile pattern had gotten messed up at some point.

30. Steve sees where he screwed up and is letting F bombs fly while prying up two rows of (thankfully still wet) tile.

31. Steve curses some more when he can't find the saw blade he NEEDS to cut the larger tile.

32. Figure it's a bad time to point out that it's a good thing I caught his mistake before he laid too many more rows.

33. Wake Hannah up, throw some clothing on her, and strap the girls into the car to go pick up Salinger.

34. Hannah has a tantrum. And whines.

35.Get the damn cat from the vet (which was a 45 minute ordeal) and almost pass out when she tells me my bill is $260+ and makes some joke about it "being an expensive poop." Yeah lady... REAL funny.

36. Drive the cat back home, leave the girls in the car, run in the house, throw the cat upstairs in "his" room, and barracade him in there by putting one babygate on top of the other in the hallway.

37. Get ready to get back in the car and leave for gymnastics when Grace tells me she really has to potty.

38. Unstrap Grace and tell her to run in and go.

39. Hannah starts crying that SHE wants to get out.

40. Unstrap Hannah and walk her in the house for the two seconds it takes Grace to pee.

41. Go back out to the car, strap them in, and head to gymnastics.

42. Leave gymnastics to the sounds of two girls begging and crying for Long John Silver's. Fine. Twist my arm.

43. Come home to find Steve, the neighbor, my father-in-law, and Grace's godfather standing in the kitchen, "working" on the tile.

44. Hannah has a tantrum. And whines.

45. I tell Grace to get out of the kitchen.

46. Salinger (AKA, Houdini) comes walking downstairs and right over all of the newly laid tile. I seriously still have NO idea how he got out.

47. FIL and godfather leave, allowing Steve and the neighbor to get back to work on the tile.

48. Hannah has a tantrum. And whines.

49. I tell Grace AND Hannah to get out of the kitchen.

50. Manage to get the girls settled at 8:00, watching the movie "Annie".

51. Grace keeps asking to watch "Cat in the Hat" instead and Hannah has a tantrum and whines.

52. Steve and I put Salinger back in his "quarantined" area and I put Hannah to bed.

53. As I'm rocking Hannah in her room, Salinger comes strolling in. Seriously dude, HOW the hell are you getting out?

54. Put Salinger back behind the 6-foot tall baby gate wall and come downstairs to get Grace to sleep.

55. Just now, Salinger strolled downstairs and is sitting at my feet. FUCKING HOUDINI guys!