Planet Alien

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister." ~Bob Irwin

~ Woke up and found that Steve had only left me three cups of coffee this morning. The dude keeps snagging more and more coffee before he leaves for work. Dirty bastard.

~ Showered, fed my children, and decided to run to Blockbuster before the cabinet installer showed up for the day.

~ Got there at 9:30 to find that it doesn't open until 10:00.

~ Walked to the strip mall where the girls rode the stupid ripoff cars for $0.50, bought stupid ripoff lollipops for $0.25, and played a stupid ripoff crane game.

~ Went into the dollar store where Grace chose a stupid cheap red and blue teddy bear and Hannah chose a stupid, cheap half-porcelain boy doll that's dressed like Little Boy Blue.

~ Headed to Blockbuster, where we (for the 8 billionth time) rented Dora: Superbabies (God help me) and Bambi.

~ Came home where I fed my children a healthy breakfast of Dunkin Donuts.

~ Was pissed there weren't enough donuts for me.

~ Wrote out Steve's quarterly tax checks for him. He thinks I was trying to be nice (which was a piddly 10% of my motivation), when in reality, I did it so he wouldn't have to do it when he got home, which would've put him in a miserable piss poor mood that I would've had to deal with.

~ Put Hannah down for her nap after Bambi was over, and Grace and I headed outside.

~ Spent literally 5 hours outside (obviously Hannah joined us after her nap), gathering a rock collection, having fun in our sewage pipe again, playing soccer, pushing the girls on the swing, hitting golf balls, throwing rocks in the stream, watching them dig in a tiny leftover snow pile with sticks, etc. As much as I think fresh air does a person good, I do have my limits. Dear lord...

~ At one point, the cabinet installer came outside at one point to smoke a cigarette and make some calls. On his way back into our house, Grace yells across the backyard, "Hi Dilbert!" (His name is actually Dennis.) He laughed and went inside.

~ I explained to Grace (while laughing) that his name is Dennis, and that she can't just call people random names (she called him Jeff when he came out). She said (and I quote), "Yes. I can. And I'm going to call him Dilbert the Famous Cheeseball." OK then. What the hell? LOL! (((Dennis)))

~ Finally got my mud-covered, dirty children into the house around dinner time by slyly suggesting we "race" to the door and see who could get inside the house first. Works every freakin' time.

~ Immediately corralled them upstairs to the bathtub, where we applied about 20 Valentine's Day tattoos on each child.

~ Watched the girls exercise with Daddy and wanted to slap them when they both kept asking me, "Hey Mom, how come you never exercise?" Shut up kids. Shut up.

~ Told Steve I'd grill the steaks while he got some paperwork done.

~ Got a 10-minute "speech" on how to properly light the grill, clean the grill, prepare the steak, etc. Dude, I know! I am not retarded (contrary to popular belief.)

~ Let the girls "help me" prepare the instant mashed potatoes. Oy. What a mess.

~ Went outside 30 minutes later to get the steaks off the grill.

~ Turned off the grill and the gas and saw some fire was still in the grill.

~ Opened the lid to find our steaks completely engulfed in flames.

~ Stood there panicking, trying to figure out how best to put out the flames, while also keeping our dinner edible.

~ Ran inside and yelled for Steve to come help me!

~ Steve snagged the burning meat off the grill and managed to extinguish the flames. Thank god for the Orka cooking mitt is all I have to say.

~ Brought the steaks in and salvaged the non-charred parts.

~ Had Grace ask me why the steaks caught on fire. When I answered her, she said, "How come our food never started on fire before?" (Well, Little Miss Smartass... perhaps it's because your father usually cooks. Now go away, dammit!)