Friday, January 27, 2006

"Give a woman a job and she grows balls." ~Jack Gelber
(This quote is officially dedicated to Beth, who just today said she didn't have balls. Tink then reminded her that she has tits. So it's all good.)

~ Woke up and decided that Steve and I needed to have a serious discussion over the weekend. Because ever since Mr. Studboy bought himself a new Stanley thermos last week, he has left for work in the morning after filling his new thermos, leaving me with a piddly 3 cups of coffee. It ain't gonna fly dude, and we need to make some changes. (And shut up, because no, I will not make some more after he's gone and hard at work.)

~ Was a bit taken aback when the girls started asking to take a bath at 8:00 this morning. Uhhhh... sure. Why not? They did kind of stink...

~ It worked out because I managed to get the entire upstairs vacuumed and dusted while they played in the tub. (Dear judgers and tongue-cluckers: Our bathroom set up upstairs is very unusual and the tub is basically in our hallway with no doors and an entry/exit at each end. I assure you, both children were visible to me at all times and no children were left "unattended" while bathing.)

~ Shook my head in confusion when I realized I have one child (a 4-year-old) who totally freaks if a door is closed while she's in a room and breaks down in tears if you even mention closing the bathroom door while she's in there "doing her thing". And another child (2-years-old) who insists on having the bathroom door closed while she's in there and insists on going alone. Whatever, ya little freaks.

~ Wondered how it is that a little 1" x 1" photo in the corner of my blog could generate 62 comments. We all need lives. LOL!

~ Was surprised as shit to find out that quite a few people (and apparently the majority) don't have electric can openers. Even I have one, people.

~ Left my heart in San Francisco. (I have no idea why I typed that, but it made me laugh.)

~ Wrote to the Olympic Games committee suggesting Bitch Slapping be recognized as a summer event. I'd so fucking win the gold.

~ Vacuumed our steps. (Sorry. Had to throw something productive in there.)

~ Decided I may have that dreaded flesh eating bacteria because there's something all sorts of funky going on in my leg.

~ Obsessively cut Grace's grapes in half before allowing her to eat them, even though these particular ones were literally no larger than a blueberry.

~ Couldn't help but laugh when Hannah got her head stuck between the back of our couch and the window sill in our living room. Smooth move, Sunshine.

~ Composed a mean email to someone in my head, but never actually wrote or sent it. I'm such a wuss.

~ Had a minor panic attach when I saw the cable guy pulling into our driveway, thinking I had forgotten to pay the bill and then were coming to shut off our cable.

~ Was relieved when I realized he was just turning around.

~ Checked my bill online just in case. (I'm good.)

~ Almost threw up when while talking to Emily on the phone, I watched Grace EAT (and I truly mean "eat") spoonfuls of butter.

~ Was relieved when I heard Emily's children acting much like mine in the background. See? It's not just my kids.

~ Was happy when Hannah only went potty twice at gymnastics this week, and she actually went.

~ Was smart enough to grab FOUR ham & cheese and only ONE roast beef sandwich at Arby's when ordering my 5 for $5.

~ Got home and got a call from a friend who had a horrendous "incident" with a blocked toilet that had been running all day while everyone was gone and had gotten home this evening to discover water dripping through her kitchen ceiling and down into her basement. She said her husband was ripping the kitchen ceiling out as we spoke.

~ I casually suggested she just gut the whole kitchen while they were at it and said I'd send her some tips on "kitchenless cooking." ;)

~ Had all children (and husband) sleeping by 8:30. Either I kick ass, or I'm so boring, I render those around me unconscious.


Mary said...

I'm sorry I missed out on the whole 62 comment fiasco. Sounds like a party! Damn school always getting in the way...

I let the kids play in the bathtub here alone. The door is always open, and we check on the if it gets quit at all. Normally there is lots of screaming and fighting, so it's all good.

Alien said...

I really HATE not having them in sight when they're in the tub (and rarely do it), but in our upstairs, it's kind of hard NOT to have them in sight, given the layout. LOL! And when I take Hannah out of the tub first, I make Grace sing the entire time she's out of my sight so I can hear her. If the singing stops, I go running and she gets yelled at for stopping. LOL!

Kimmykay said...

Tub thing... did/do it. Loved reading all the 62 posts but was late and added only 1.

The butter.... so gross but a friend took me out to eat tonight and to get Charlotte to sit still for 5 minutes while i wolfed my food down I handed her the 3 little tubs of butter to "eat". Did she eat her mac&cheese or my food? Nope, lemons and butter. Oh, and ice cream. Yum.

Kimmykay said...

Oh, and in reference to a previous post that is not to late to post about on that post....I LOVED Fame. I can still sing that song and it is now stuck in my head after the horrible music video on AI featuring all those non-singers singing that song. Sorry, just caught up and had to comment.

Back to normal chatter.

Kim said...

No electric can opener here either. Ours went kaput one time and I never bought another one! LOL!

Janet said...

I was cracking up at the 62 comments over the avater! You can't ever change it now!

No electric can opener here either. Don't want to deal with it!

Soon your kitchen will be big enough to buy two coffee makers and then all will be good again:-)

EE said...

[sigh] Do the bath tub thing too.....

Jealous of your family in bed.

Are you SURE you could win at that bitch slapping competition?! I'm thinking I could give you some pretty fierce competition. ;)

Alien said...

LOL everyone! But Janet, may I kindly ask what exactly has to be "dealt with" in terms of an electric can opener? LOL! I just slap the can on it, push the button, and the can is opened. I swear there's not much work involved. ;)

And as for the coffee pots... yes, I'm sure we could fit two in the new kitchen. But we are now TOTAL Bunn converts and there's no way in hell we'd buy a second one just to have it. Ya know, with me being incomeless and all. LOL!

(And really, it's just me being lazy. It literally only takes 3 minutes for a pot to brew. I think my issue is that right now, I have to walk across the entire length of our downstairs to fill the coffee pot in the bathroom sink. And that aggrevates me. I'm sure that once we have running water right next to the coffee pot, it won't be such an issue. LMAO!

mama_tulip said...

"I left my heart in San Francisco?"


Denise said...

No electric can opener here either. Ray can't stand appliances on the counter, so I'd probably have to choose between my tiny little coffee maker and the can opener.

Coffee wins!

Janet said...

There is a lot to deal with when you have an electric can opener:
1. Finding a spot on the counter for it.
2. They are not 'cute' and do not go with the decor of the kitchen.
3. The kids will want to use it and I will be a wreck that they will cut themselves.
4. They are loud and the cats come running when they hear it.

I like my little one that fits nicely in my drawer:-) I have issues, I know. LOL

EE said...

I am a hand held, fit in my drawer, whip it out when needed (wait, YES, I AM talking about my CAN OPENER still ;) can opener person. I have counter space, but I've just never felt the "need" for something else to clutter it up. It works fine. :)

Melissa said...

Can I be on the American Bitch Slapping Team? Is that a winter or summer sport?

Mary said...

Melly I think it's a year round compition to be featured at both the summer and winter games.

EE said...

See Alien! You already have a team, me, Melissa.........lmao

Melissa said...

We should start our own webring. The North American Bitch Slappers. LOL

EE said...


beth said...

We spent the weekend putting together my new computer desk and I was offline all weekend. :-( I survived....but I missed my quote! Thanks!

I'd even enjoy the bitch-slap team tryouts. Can I suggest a few alternates for scrimmages? ;-)