Highlights and Observations of My Day (Friday)...

1) I am sooo not ready for this pig roast tomorrow. Guests, please forgive me.

2) Went to three grocery stores and one meat market desperately searching for whole fresh (i.e., not frozen) turkeys between 12 and 15 pounds. Came home and made two phone calls and finally found some and sent a friend of ours to that store to get them. Problem resolved (after much freaking out on my part).

3) Was a little disturbed when our friend brought the pig from the slaughterhouse, wrapped in a piece of plastic, and when Grace saw it, she didn't even flinch. Not a "Hey mom, why isn't the pig moving?", or "Ewwww!!!", or "What's that blood on his head mom?" Nope. Just a casual, "Hey, where'd he get the pig?" Freak.

4) Was even more disturbed when she wanted to watch the guys quarter the pig and then watched calmly as if she was viewing an epidsode of "Spongebob Squarepants." FREAK!!!

5) Wondered how many of you just judged me as a parent when you read #4. ;) (Bite me if you did.)

6) Almost kicked Steve's ass about 4 times today when I was freaking out about everything we still need to do for the party tomorrow and he kept saying in a truly loving, nice way, "Relax! It's Pig Roast weekend." Hey! Guess what Fuckhead (please note the capital "F")! Pig Roast "Weekend" isn't fun for me until the day of the pig roast when my children are escorted off the property by a grandparent or two. Up until then, it's a living hell while I try to clean inside, clean outside, remind you of ALL the things that need to be done that you never think of AND watch the two Crack Kids. Asswipe.

7) Realized we have no balls for tomorrow. No volleyball and no ping pong balls. Hey, no problem! I'll just add picking those things up to the eight billion other things I have to do in the morning! (Hmmmm.... I wonder what Jesus would do....)

8) Watched in pure anger as Grace sprayed Hannah directly in the face with the hose as Hannah freaked out and Grace said, "What? You said you wanted to get wet." (Not true. Little shit.)

9) Watched with complete pride when later, Hannah was in control of the hose and soaked Grace. (Thatta girl!)

10) Had Grace lecture me that it's not nice to call people fat (I had called myself fat BTW in a totally joking manner), and how "If someone has a HUGE stomach, you shouldn't tell them that because that's not nice. I didn't even tell Huber he's fat (Huber is our friend who was here at the time). Instead, you should just say, 'Hey! What did you eat today? Was it good?'" O...M...G.