20 Things Emily's Making Me List So She Doesn't Feel Like the Only Loser... =)

1. I still (often) pick my nose.

2. I have two teeth that are completely cracked in half and so everything I eat somehow ends up stuck in them. If I don't have a toothpick with me, I will obsess about getting it unstuck to the point where I will shove anything in my mouth if there's a chance I can use it to dig out the food.

3. Lesbian porn turns me on way more than heterosexual porn. (Although, I don't think this is very unusual.)

4. As much as I like looking at lesbians, I'm not attracted to the whole idea of it in real life and if a chick every made a pass at me, I'd probably run screaming from the room while peeing myself. (Just because I wouldn't know what the hell to do with another chick. I don't like most other chicks. LOL!)

5. Until I joined some internet boards, I could literally count on one hand, the number of female friends I had. Now I want to know why the hell none of the cool chicks live anywhere near me in real life. Life is cruel, I tell ya.

6. I gained 50 pounds my first three months of college and when I came home on Christmas break, rumors started circulating that I was pregnant.

7. I've never done any hard drugs because I'm always afraid I'll be the freak that ODs and dies.

8. I wish my sister and I were close like we used to be, but since she's never going to have children, I fear that we'll just keep on growing apart because we have nothing to talk about.

9. I've been pregnant three times, but only have two kids.

10. I used to be obsessed with hobo clowns growing up and sent away for information on Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus School when I was in high school because I was seriously considering becoming a clown.

11. I truly believe one of the main reasons I still smoke is because it's my excuse to walk outside several times throughout the day and "escape" from my children for 5 minutes.

12. I have no idea how many guys I've had sex with because I lost count at some point, and frankly, I really don't care.

13. I get serious heebie jeebies from the noise made when you tape up packages using those packing tape rollers. [shudder]

14. I cannot stand the smell of flowers because it reminds me of old lady's crotches. There's no logic there, since I've never actually sniffed an old woman's crotch. But in my warped head, floral scent = ancient vagina.

15. I am unusally attracted to older men. Not wrinkly and half-crippled old. Just distinguished and gray-haired old (like Steve Martin).

16. I really do dislike dogs for those of you who are wondering if I'm just trying to be funny.

17. I use a red pen to circle grammatical errors I find in newspapers and magazines and have no idea why since it's not like the writer can do anything about it at that point.

18. I am the most indecisive person you will ever meet in your life.

19. I HATE snobs. (You know who you are.)

20. I once got a brief glimpse of my father-in-law's penis.