Highlights and Observations of the Day (Wednesday)...

1) Ran across the yard chasing my fatass cat when he darted out the door trying to catch a rabbit. He's strictly an indoor cat so I couldn't let him go. It was at 6:15 AM and I hadn't had any coffee yet. Can we say pissed?!

2) At 7:00 AM, heard a beeping in the basement and went to investigate. One of the smoke alarms was going off for no apparent reason, so I ripped the battery out. I'm now half deaf and if there really IS a fire before I replace that battery, we're not going to tell anyone what happened this morning. Understand people?

3) Became extremely annoyed with "Stanley Steemers" due to their misspelling of the word "steamer". (And I don't care if there's reasoning behind the spelling, like it's the dude's last name or something. It still aggravates me.)

4) Ate two beef sticks at 10:00 AM again. (I would've eaten four like yesterday, but there were only two left, dammit.)

5) Dug a bag of potato chips remnants out of my garbage can because I really wanted some to eat with the ham and cheese sandwich I had for lunch. (I'm classy like that.)

6) Received package from Gymboree. Always good. (And don't go rolling your eyes at me. I used gift cards the girls got for their birthdays and only spent an additional $5.00 over that amount. So yes, the girls will be donning overpriced clothing this fall, but I didn't pay for it, so it's all good.)

7) Made it a personal goal to call someone an Ass Clown at least once a day.

8) Made a huge To Do list this morning. I crossed off about 10 things and then as I did things not on the list, I wrote them on there just to be able to immediately cross them off. Do they have support groups for people like me? I'm sure they do. How do I Google that?

9) Wondered who at Hanes decided that their Hanes Sporty briefs for women are actually "sporty". Because truth be told, they're anything but "sporty" (unless we're talking Sumo wrestler). He should be fired.

10) Wanted to beat the living shit out of my "friend" who FOUR YEARS AGO gave my name and number to "Future Films for Families" (you know who you are). Those bastards are still calling me practically every day. No, I do NOT want your latest cartoon about the trials and tribulations of a little lost puppy for only $19.95. STOP CALLING ME!!!!!!

11) Used the word "unbeknownst" in a conversation today. I is so smart.

12) Found out Grace got in trouble today at school during computer class for using the word poopy. Hell, I just hope she used it in the right context.

13) Watched the girls jump off of their little picnic table in the playroom, laughing like two escaped mental ward patients (while I mumbled... "Crack. It has to be crack...").

14) Wondered what cruel twist of fate decided that Steve should always stink up the bathroom right before I have to go in there. What the hell did I do?

15) Had the propane in our grill run out right as I was about to throw our big ass marinated steaks on it. This meant I had to clean our electric griddle (which needs to be done in our bathtub right now which I had just cleaned hours before.). DAMMIT!!!!!

16) Was attacked by a killer moth the size of a bat.