Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Highlights and Observations of the Day (Wednesday)...


1) Woke up this morning as my mom was pulling in my driveway to pick up the girls for daycare. DAMMIT! I hate starting the morning like that.

2) Scratched a bug bite on my temple, accidentally scratching it open. I am such a hottie these days. *sigh*

3) Managed to displace my anger and stress quite successfully throughout the day today. Yay me! Taking it out on someone else is always quite satisfying.

4) Ate fast food for the third day in a row. I can hear my thighs jiggling. (But those damn Chicken Fries from Burger King are so good.)

5) Realized that noon isn't really the best time to go through a fast-food restaurant's drive-thru if you're looking to avoid a line of cars. Um, duh.

6) Figured out in my head what kind of tattoo I want, but now can't figure out how to get it on paper to show someone who can actually give it to me.

7) Wondered at what age old women "make the jump" into wearing "old lady shirts." You know the ones. The polyester numbers with large floral patterns, big collars, and buttons up the front.

8) Wondered if other people get frustrated when trying to fold a fitted bed sheet and just end up wadding it up in a ball and shoving it in the linen closet like I do.

9) Nachos with salsa con queso. Mmmmm...

10) Watched Grace stick her hand up her skirt to scratch her "goods" and then walk over to me, put her finger under my nose and tell me to "Sniff her finger." I swear to god people I don't know what possesses her to do these things.

11) Returned to the park where the goose assassination took place earlier this week. On Monday, there were about 10 geese (after the assissination). Tonight, there were only 6. Hmmm... either the rogue cop has been exceeding his permit allowance or some of the stupid bastards got wise and flew the coop.

12) Would like to personally thank my college roommate, Lizard Bitch, for introducing me to parmasian popcorn... the most fantastic snack food on the face of the planet.

13) Contemplated starting a non-profit organization dedicated to buying all of the women of the world at least one vibrator in order to improve their sex lives with their partners (or themselves... whichever applies). There really is no better sex than sex involving something with batteries.

14) Walked into the playroom today and found Hannah on top of the play kitchen, yelling like a banshee and then jumping off. What the hell is wrong with my kids?

15) Decided the age old saying of "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em," couldn't be a more correct statement and am therefore, calling my old crack dealer in the morning to see if the girls and I can get some sort of bulk discount or something.

9 comments:

Renfield said...

Where, exactly, on your body is your "Template"? Dork!

Alien said...

DAMMIT! I meant "temple". LMFAO! Is it bad that I've read that like 25 times today and didn't notice the error? LOL! Off to edit...

Emily said...

On what planet is one vibrator enough? Gotta have the bed one, the by yourself one, the with a buddy one, the shower one...I'd say 4 is a bare minimum...

Or are you talking like starving ladies in third world countries that otherwise would never have any?

(not that I'd ever use such a sinful device, being the good Catholic girl that I am)

Tiffany said...

I always end up wadding my fitted sheet to.

Alien said...

No, not just starving ladies in third world countries. I mean them AND every other woman on the face of the planet. The prudish ones. The slutty ones. The rich ones. The poor ones. The snobby ones. The down-to-earth ones. All of 'em.

Kim: The Mom, The Myth said...

Ya put the fitted sheet, the flat sheet, and the other pillowcase into one pillowcase. Voila. Instant organization and neatness sans fighting with elastic.

EE said...

You mean there actually IS sex not involving a vibrator?! Not in my world! LOL Life w/o my vibrator would be a true travisty ;-)

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