Tuesday, August 23, 2005
1) Was a bit disturbed with myself when I drove past a construction worker wearing black spandex shorts under really short cutoff jeans and no shirt and felt the slightest hint of a horny twinge. Ewwww!
2) Wondered if I'm the only mother on the face of the planet that actually argues with her 2-year-old.
3) Accidentally brushed a state trooper's ass with the back of my hand when I tried to squeeze between him and his cop car at the gas station.
4) Figured that the fact that I was braless (in support of Emily's bra ban) when I brushed his ass probably helped me not get arrested for assaulting a police officer or sexual harrassment.
5) Decided that Steve is the most aggrevating person on the planet to grocery shop with. "Dude, PICK A FUCKING PASTRY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!" and the fact that it takes (literally) 20 minutes for you to get through the vegetable and fruit aisle is a problem. Bananas, cucumbers, lettuce, apples, and strawberries. Grab 'em and let's go!
6) Almost bitch slapped the woman in line behind us in the store when she threw the little divider bar up onto the register belt and started unloading her cart WAY before I had finished unloading ours. "Excuse me ma'am... where would you like me to put these three 12-packs of Cherry Coke? How about up your goddamn fat ass since you've left me no room on the conveyor belt!" [shaking head in disbelief]
7) Upon paying for the groceries, Steve exclaimed that he can't understand why every trip he makes to the grocery store costs him close to $300. "Gee hon. I don't suppose those replacement toothbrush heads for your electric toothbrush that cost you eighteen fucking dollars had anything to do with it, do you?" Jesus...
8) Realized I curse way too much in writing.
9) Pocketed the dollar bill that the little boy who had ridden the mechanical car at the grocery store ahead of Hannah had left in the seat.
10) Got busted by the boy's mother. Yeah, um, not one of my prouder moments. (I felt like Emily today.)
11) Laughed my ass off when a newborn baby was crying on "House" tonight and Hannah looked at us and said, "The baby's crying. [pause] Because he wants to go shopping." Um, gee, you're not a typical girl, are you? (God help me.)
12) Couldn't get Grace to pee before going to bed until I made up some stupid song about peeing in a tree and getting stung by a bee while drinking some tea in my Indian teepee. *sigh*
13) Realized I'm really glad there are no hidden cameras in my home (of which I am aware) because I assure you, I'd be committed.
Posted by Allison at 2:19 PM