THINGS THAT MAKE ME THINK I SHOULD'VE JUST STAYED IN BED TODAY...

~ Coming home from grocery shopping to find Steve furious about something. Came to find out, one of the cat's had apparently pissed on his coat which happened to be lying on top of the brand spankin' new granite countertops that Steve would make love to if he could. NOT a good way to start our day, lemme tell ya...

~ Getting into heated "discussions" with Steve's friend (Grace's godfather) when he stopped by to hang out for a bit. He treats us very well, but jesus, is he a fucking idiot and an opinionated son of a bitch.

~ For the first time in my life, made "dippy eggs" (for Grace) and didn't break the yolk when I flipped them over. This is a good thing and well worth getting out of bed for. However, after celebrating by jumping around like an ass, I realized I had burnt her toast to a crisp. [sigh]

~ Grace acting like a fucking lunatic when I went to pick her up at my parents' house after daycare. Screaming she wanted to sleep over again, screaming she wanted to buy her own house and live right next to grandma (She says she has 85 cents to do it), ripping her shoes off in the car and chucking them around, threatening to unbuckle her seatbelt, etc.

~ The above behavior made me want to just get the hell home, which is where the police officer comes into play...

• I'm driving home, just wanting to get to the freakin' house as my 4-year-old screams like a damn banshee in the back seat.
• I see flashing lights in my rearview mirror. Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!
• Tell myself maybe he just wants to get past me, and pull over. No such luck. [sigh]
• He asks for my license, registration, etc. I hand it all to him.
• He starts talking, mentioning that I live right down the street from where he pulled me over.
• Grace overhears and starts yelling from the backseat, "We live at 82 ____ Street, ________, PA 1___5!", reciting our entire address.
• The officer (and I ignore her and continue talking.)
• Grace yells from the backseat in a pissed off tone, "Um, excuse me... we live at 82 ____ Street, ________, PA 1___5."
• I silently tell her to shut the hell up in my head.
• Officer chuckles.
• Grace asks (loudly) what I was pulled over for.
• I give the officer a look that says, "For the love of god, please don't hold my child against me," turn around, and tell Grace that I got pulled over for driving too fast.
• Car drives past us on the road, going (what seemed to be), pretty fast.
• Grace yells from the backseat, "Well, what about that guy? He's going too fast too!"
• I silently wish for the ground to open up and swallow me. Shut UP Grace! For the love of...

(Note: I actually couldn't stop laughing afterwards. Only Grace... [shaking head]. And the cop was beyond super cool and gave me a $25 parking ticket instead of the speeding ticket (16 mph over the limit), and laughed at Grace.)