Highlights of the Day (Thursday 10.20.2005)

1) Rushed around like a freak after sending the girls to daycare, so I could get ready and out the door to make it to the office on time for my meeting.

2) Wondered how the hell I used to do that everyday and not hurt myself.

3) On the drive to work, was reminded of why I hated that commute and gained a new understanding for why I was such a miserable bitch when I had to do it everyday.

4) Decided all other drivers except myself suck.

5) Came to the conclusion that the Orbit gum commercials are cute and campy the first time you see each one. But after that, they're just fucking annoying.

6) Bought a salad for lunch at a place that is the salad's version of the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. There's an assembly line for salads and if you don't know what you want when it's your turn, they get pissed because there's usually about 30 people in line behind you.

7) Watched the little Asian dude that's worked there for years mumble "Fuck" under his breath when he had some great salad catastrophe.

8) Wasn't sure whether to admire the dude for taking his salad mixing job so seriously, or feel sorry for him for um, taking his salad mixing job so seriously.

9) Told one of my project managers that he's a ditzy blonde woman trapped in a man's body.

10) He thought I was kidding and laughed.

11) I wasn't kidding.

12) Decided the new FedEx driver who is supposed to be delivering packages to me at home is either an ex-boyfriend or some random dude that likes to sit in his truck all day and get stoned instead of delivering the packages. Because those two reasons are the only two reasons I can think of for why I'm still waiting for my baskets and keep reading updates on the FedEx website that say, "Can't locate address," and "No one available or business closed."

13) Decided to call FedEx tomorrow and get the bastard fired.

14) Wondered if Steve's a few bricks shy of a full load, because that can be the only explanation as to why he continues to get the girls all wound up and hyper right before bedtime even though I literally yell at him every night when he does it. That has to be it. The man is retarded.

15) Ate crackers with PB and marshmallow fluff as my evening snack and almsot punched Steve in the face when he said, "Wow. You're eating healthy tonight, huh?" Dude, where have you been? This is not something new sweetheart. Perhaps you should be home more often...

16) Got the details on Hannah's first "real haircut" from my mom, who took her after daycare today to her hairdresser. Was proud to find out Hannah sat completely still and was a total champ.

17) Got the details on Grace's haircut too. Um... yeah. Not quite as good. Moving on...

18) Bought the stamps I've been forgetting to go buy for about a week now.

19) Talked to the vet and found out we're still waiting on a urine sample from Salinger before he can come home.

20) Contemplated the finer points of bird flocking. I mean, do they all sit on a wire or in a tree until any one of them flies away for the others to all follow? Or is there a predetermined "leader" that they follow? Do they sit there, always with one eye on the "leader" so they can be flying away in the blink of an eye? Does the leader "tell" the other ones ahead of time that he's about to fly the coop? Or does he just fly away and test to see which ones are watching? Mind bobbling, I tell ya... Mind boggling.