Highlights of the Day (Saturday 10.15.2005)

1) Woke up and saw, for the first time in over a week, the SUN. It was fantastic.

2) Took the girls out to my parents' house so Steve and I could go to his cousin's wedding.

3) Came home and shoveled food down my throat (we were running late) as FOUR seperate people came to visit us for various reasons. Seriously people, of all the days....

4) As I put on my mother-in-law's dress, string of pearls, pearl drop earrings, and did my hair in an upsweep, I shook my head and wondered what the hell had happened to me.

5) Put on my new 4" heels and realized that hell would freeze over before I wore those suckers all day and all night long.

6) Put on an old pair of shoes instead.

7) Looked down and saw my pantyhose-clad feet in my open toed shoes with only the big toenail on each foot partially painted in fuscia (courtesy of Grace) and realized that there was at least a little bit of my redneck ways still shining through, and that I really was staying true to myself at least somewhat.

8) Had Steve struggling with every ounce of his being not to laugh out loud during the wedding ceremony while I made fun of the groom. I suck.

9) Went to the reception hall where I became fascinated with the chocolate fountain and stood there just holding random things under it just for kicks. Never did eat 'em...

10) Had Steve tell me 10 minutes after I had finished eating that I had big smears of chocolate all over my chin. Thanks for telling me before I got up and walked to the restroom babe. You're a real pal.

11) Walked out on a balcony at one point to smoke, where Steve's mom and aunt met me and starting farting like it was their job and had me laughing so hard, I almost peed in my pants.

12) Watched as every single table around us was served their food as we sat there ravenous.

13) Became irritated when the prime rib they served the entire table was literally half raw (if not completely) and made me want to vomit.

14) Laughed my ass off (literally) when I let a really bad silent but deadly fart rip while standing at the bar talking to Steve's cousin and a guy I graduated from high school with.

15) Patted myself on the back when they smelled it, started laughing about it, and I played dumb and convinced them it was that girl in the black dress standing next to me.

16) Laughed inwardly when I joked about being a bitch and two seperate guys said there's no way because I'm happy all the time. Baaahaaahaaa! Surely, they jest.

17) Was pleasantly surprised when Steve happened to walk up during the conversation and I said, "Steve, Please tell them I'm a bitch. They don't believe me," and he said, "No. You're not a bitch at all."

18) Was relieved to see our relationship was still on track when he added, "Nah. You just whine a lot."

19) Didn't know whether to laugh or cry when my mother-in-law stank up the car so bad on the ride home, we had to open our windows. (What was with our asses tonight?)

20) Told them all that the one thing I never worried about was not being classy enough for their family.

21) Decided tonight, out of the blue, and for reasons I'm not sure of, that I think I want another baby. Weird shit, lemme tell you because I really do feel "done."

22) Made a deal with Steve that if I have a useable kitchen in my house by Christmas Day, I'd lose weight and quit smoking.

23) Wasn't sure whether to laugh or kick him when he said (and I quote), "Oh, I don't care about the smoking. Just lose the weight." Niiiice!