Highlights of the Day (Monday 10.24.2005)

1) Had Hannah wake up twice during the night, but then she slept until after 8:00, so she woke up extremely pleasant for a change.

2) The girls were surprisingly content and well-behaved today.

3) With the exception of when my friend Tracey called, when they turned into demons for 10 minutes, screaming, yelling, and chasing me around the house. Until I hung up of course, at which time they morphed back into absolute angels again.

4) Had a horrible, horrible "incident" with a fucking psycho bird in the house. My poor children will be scarred for life.

5) Informed Steve that the hole through which it came in better be covered immediately, because a repeat incident will warrent me moving somewhere far, far away... without him.

6) Am pretty much banking on having bizarre bird nightmares tonight.

7) Felt like a total man this morning when I called Steve asking where the hell he put the sugar that I needed for my coffee. He told me and it was right in front of my freakin' face the entire time. [sigh]

8) Was actually pretty bored throughout the day. Apparently, if my children aren't acting like Crack Kids, I have nothing to do or entertain myself with.

9) Somewhat bitterly surrendered the meatballs out of my Chef-Boy-R-Dee again to Hannah for dinner. Dammit. The things we sacrifice for our children...

10) Took the girls to the grocery store/strip mall where they were having a trick-or-treat night for kids, with candy, games, and such.

11) Weaved my way in and out of about a billion dressed up children and their parents to stand in line to play games that resulted in ridiculously cheap plastic crap that either didn't work from the get go, or will break by tomorrow at lunchtime.

12) Cringed as my children had handful after handful of sugary candy thrown into their Halloween bags.

13) Decided the fun the girls had was worth it.

14) Watched a clown twist balloons into the shape of a monkey on a tree and decided that it may have to become my new career.

15) Decided there was no way in hell I was dealing with another morning of crappy coffee and unflavored creamer, so I decided to brave the grocery store once we got to the end of the strip mall.

16) Laughed as I jammed Grace's tail from her costume into the car cart so she could ride in it too.

17) Grabbed my oh-so-important Cinnamon Vanilla creamer and considered opening it right there and chugging it just because it's been too long since I've had some.

18) Decided I don't care if the girls get up at 4:00 AM tomorrow morning, as long as it means I'll get my good cup of coffee.

19) Got seriously annoyed at my dad when he left his and my shopping carts in the middle of a parking spot when we were finished shopping. "Dude, did you do that? Because I hate your type of people." He said, "What do you want me to do with them? We have popsicles and we're all the way at the other end of the strip mall." OK, now color me crazy, but I highly doubt if popsicles are going to melt in 55 degree weather during the 2 minutes it would take you to walk them up to the curb at least.

(Note: And for those of you asking why I didn't walk them up myself... It's because both girls were already buckled in their car seats and my parents pulled out, and I couldn't leave the girls in the car alone while I pushed the damn carts out of the way. It will haunt me for days, I assure you.)

20) Arrived home and ate a fantastic dinner of steak, garlic mashed potatoes, and green beans.

21) Wondered how many of you read #20 and realized I was lying out my ass when I said I ate green beans.

22) Pondered how my 2-year-old who won't eat things like mashed potatoes or peanut butter can stand in front of me eating steak rubbed with a garlic pepper meat rub and doused with Worcestershire sauce, begging for more. FREAK!

23) Yelled at the girls repeatedly to stop beating each other with their balloon trees or I'd pop them.

24) Watched a new "Prison Break". YEEHAW! I was beginning to suffer from withdrawl.

25) Had numerous people ask me throughout the day what kind of bird it was when told of my "incident" this morning. People, how the hell do I know? It was dive bombing at my head, so forgive me if I didn't take the time to consult my bird watching book to see what type of bird has black and gray markings and has the tendencies of a kami kazi warrior.