Planet Alien

So this afternoon, my mom and I decided to take the girls to Country Junction, a big warehouse/store type place in town which likes to calls itself "The World's Largest General Store". I made quite a few observations while there.

<----- First of all, this huge frickin' elephant head the girls are standing next to is actually for sale. You can own it for only $18,000 (I shit you not.) So I'm thinking, if you can afford $18,000 for a fucking fake elephant head AND you have somewhere large enough to put it, what, may I ask are you doing in a place called "The World's Largest General Store?" I mean, shouldn't you be in like, Africa, on a safari, shooting a real elephant or something? So I took the girls' picture next to it for size comparison. I told Grace to pretend she was picking its "nose" (trunk), but my mom yelled at us. Big party pooper...


So then, in the same area of the store, we stumble upon an alligator, with it's mouth open and a vicious expression on his face. Again, going for humor and ignoring all typical "motherly" behavior, I told Grace to stick her head in its mouth and pretend to be scared. *Snort!* (My mom yelled at us again, so we settled for her hand.)


Then we walked around the corner and decided that monkeys are cool too. --->

Finally we ventured outside to the petting zoo, which is nothing more than two llamas and about a bazillion goats in one pen, and some rooster-type fucked up birds in another. After about an hour (literally), Grace decideds that she's not afraid of them, and that she will feed them out of their hand. Great. Because her catching some deadly disease from the animals' snot and spit is something I'm really looking forward to. Anyway, she was so proud she did it. She kept yelling at the goats who were being hogs with the food, and periodically would step back and say in a very "motherly" tone, "It's OK guys. I'll feed all of you. Just relax!"

On our way out of the "pseudo zoo", we were faced with the blasted bubblegum machines. (Be DAMNED the man who invented them!) After a slight argument between Grace & I, I nixed all gum and candy and told her she could pick between a sticker, a temporary tattoo, or a cute beaded bracelet (what Hannah chose... Thank you Hannah!!) She wanted a tattoo and there was no changing her mind. I explained repeatedly before pushing that money into the coin slot that she had NO choice in which tattoo she got and that whatever came out was hers and I wasn't buying another one. What did she get? An 3" high evil looking snake wrapped around a dagger. That's nice. Real nice. It got worse when we got home, she leaned over and rested her hands on top of the toilet, yanked her T-shirt over her head, and demanded I put the tattoo on her back, right above the waistband of her underwear. Yup. Nothing like having a biker chick hoochie for a daughter. Sweet! (Payback really is a bitch, isn't it?)