Highlights and Observations of the Day (Thursday)...

Shit. I almost forgot to do this today and now I'm tired, so don't expect anything good...

1) Discovered that if you stare at Hannah's closet door long enough, the wood grain in it takes on the shape of the head of Davey Crockett (complete with coonskin cap) with a mullet. Or Jesus. Whichever suits you.

2) Decided that the happiness and glee of my children is NOT worth taking them to one of the local parks in sweltering heat where sweat is dripping in my eyes and my boobs are sticking to each other. Let them color in the air conditioned house, I say.

3) Found out an old co-worker I haven't seen in years is coming to the pig roast.

4) Am worried because the old co-worker mentioned in #3 is married to a girl named Patience whom I've never met. I just know I'm going to get drunk and start singing "Patience" by Guns & Roses at her, thinking I'm funny as all hell and then realizing the next day that I was being a total asshole.

5) Managed to offend/upset/piss off about half (or more) of my internet board by bitching about breastfeeding tee shirts, support bracelets, etc.

6) Then realized that most of those offended people probably already think I'm a complete tactless idiot and don't really care what the hell I say or bitch about because, well, it's me saying it and they expect me to say stupid things.

7) Ditched the girls at Grandma's house and enjoyed hot wings and beer at a local bar where we used to go every Thursday night for Wing Night pre-kids. *sigh* I really miss Wing Night...

8) Had to retreive the girls from Grandma's house after Wing Night because even though they were supposed to sleep over, Grace decided she "missed Salinger" (Salinger is our fatass cat) and needed to come home.

9) Had that "tingly Noxema face orgasm" twice today. I'll sleep well tonight.

10) Came to the conclusion that leaving the house sans makeup and generally looking like hell is fate's invitation to make sure I run into someone from high school that I haven't seen in about 10 years so they don't realize I don't always look that bad.