Smackdown 2005...

So I had "a moment" today. A moment when I had to fight every ounce of my being not to beat the ass of the woman in the checkout line next to me in the grocery store this morning. The sign for that line clearly said "Express Line: 15 items or Less". Not 51 items. Not 155 items. FIFTEEN!

So there are about 5 checkout lines open with cashiers, plus the two lines where you check yourself out. Not bad for a Wednesday morning at 10:00. A totally acceptable number of open checkout lines in my opinion.

So anyway, I have a full order (entire cart) and I'm patiently waiting in line behind the other 2 people in front of me who also have a full order. So I see this older woman (older as in 50-ish, not 90), who I swear to GOD looked like a skinny Jay Leno with glasses, start pushing her overflowing shopping cart towards the express lane. The cashier in that line (a pretty blonde high school girl), says politely, "Oh, this is an express lane." Jay Leno Bitch gets mean and says, "I can't wait three hours to checkout. This is a madhouse in here!" Yes ma'am. The other 6 of us at the front of the store are a regular fucking mob scene let me tell you.

The cashier, god bless her, just shuts her mouth as the Jay Leno Bitch starts piling her 551 items onto the checkout belt. As Jay Leno Bitch starts mumbling things under her breath, I'm ready to knock over the candy display seperating me from her and go postal on her ass. Not because she directly affected me since I had more than 15 items and wasn't in that lane (see how that works?). But because I despise ignorant, holier-than-thou people. Just who the hell did this woman think she was? (Perhaps Jay Leno?)

So about 2 minutes later, this poor woman walks up with not even a cart, but one of those shopping baskets, with 3 items in it. She glances at the Express Lane sign and then sees the psycho bitch's order now piled 8-feet high on the checkout counter. Her face showed shock, disgust,and horror all at once. The cashier happened to catch the look and says with a voice dripping with sarcasm, "Yes. It is an Express Lane." Score one for the cashier. I hope you're embarrassed Jay Leno Bitch. Yet somehow I doubt it.

See, she wasn't supposed to "wait three hours" to checkout with her 85 billion items, but apparently, those three (yes, now three) customers behind you with nothing more than a loaf of bread and a carton of milk are supposed to wait three hours while you hold up the Express Lane with your fat ass.

What the fuck is wrong with people? I hope the blood in her shrinkwrapped steak leaked all over the rest of her groceries on her way home and that she gets some sort of bacterial disease. Bitch.