Monday, July 18, 2005

Highlights and Observations of My Day (Monday)...

1) Ate Lucky Charms for breakfast. (Seriously, this Lucky Charms kick I'm on lately is really bizarre. I hadn't eaten Lucky Charms in about 10 years. And now all of a sudden, I can't get enough of 'em. Perhaps I'm horny for leprechauns?)

2) Swam half the day in the girls' inflatible pool, and on several occasions, wondered why there isn't a law against someone with a gut and ass like mine wearing a bathing suit outside of their own home during daylight hours.

3) Hannah experienced her first wedgie when I threw her (not literally) into the pool in just her bathing suit with nothing underneath (i.e., sans diaper). She told me she pooped, but when I spun her around, I saw she just had some suit up her butt, but she didn't know what that felt like. Happy sigh... my girl's first wedgie. Is there a spot in the baby book for that?

4) A girl on Dr. Phil (I HATE that man and never watch his show, but was flipping through the channels) was singing "Amazing Grace" and when I told Grace (my Grace) to listen and she'd hear her name, Hannah said, "What about Hannah? Where's Hannah?" (I immediately started composing an original song titled "Fantastic Hannah" in my head to avoid sibling rivalry and future therapy sessions.)

5) Received an email from a friend of mine who emailed me after reading this blog, admitting that her husband also sleeps with his hand on his wanker. So what gives guys? Do you see us ladies fingering ourselves in our sleep? I don't think so... Friggin' pigs.

6) "Hell's Kitchen" had me on the edge of my seat. Go Michael! Go home Jessica! (Seriously, HOW the hell is she still there?)

7) Realized halfway through "Hell's Kitchen" that I have one serious crush on Chef Ramsey. (Shut up Tracey.)

8) Paid another $450 toward my credit card debt ($400 more than my miminum payment this month). I'm almost there. Stupid fucking crooked credit card companies of cards I haven't used in literally SIX years, but that are still raping my bank account left and right. I swear, when I make my last payment to you bastards, I'm going to call you up and tell you to go f*ck yourselves.

9) Realized I'd like to marry the inventor of the crock pot, because they are the best invention ever. (Unless it was a chick that invented it. Then she gets me for one night of gratitude sex and that's it.)

10) Received a dorky e-card from a friend of mine who was visiting some sort of museum today. The "card" was from the submarine exhibit and literally made me LOL.

10 comments:

Melissa said...

Don't you talk about Dr. Phil like that, toots. Those are fighting words. ;)

And, I total agree with you about credit card companies. They are the devil.

Alien said...

LOL! Oh c'mon. The man is the most arrogant human being on the planet. Although I give him credit for his bluntness, I can't even listen to what he actually says because I'm so put off by his holier-than-thou attitude.

Anonymous said...

Yours was the first email addy I came up with. Meanie.

PS: Are there any guys, other than the ones *I* think are hot - that you DON'T think are hot? Would you just go eff Steve already?? Sheesh!!

Anonymous said...

PS: That was me, Tracey from the board, in case you didn't figure it out. =P

Anonymous said...

He also strokes his hip/ass region, too.

Melissa said...

Really, I don't find him arrogant. You should hear Luke say, "What were you thinking?" It sounds just like him. LOL

Anonymous said...

If I said something totally mean and stuff but did it as 'anonymous' would Tracey take the fall? Ooo....gotta think of bad stuff to say now...

Alien said...

Dear anonymous,

It's possible, but you'll have to do it very carefully. I know *exactly* the kind of comment Tracey would make, so you'll have to keep that in mind. I'll spot a fake. ;)

Alien said...

Dear Anonymous #2 (who I *assure* everyone else, is different from Anonymous #1):

That whole stroking of the hip/ass region is a bit weird. He should probably seek therapy.

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