Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Highlights of the Day (Wednesday 11.23.3005)

1. Woke up and sent the girls off to daycare. (But not without a fight from Grace.)

2. Got online to check email, while I kept one eye on the clock, knowing I had to leave at 9:15 to get to my 10:15 appointment for my pap smear.

3. Got a call at 7:30 from the vet, saying they had gotten the needed urine sample from Salinger and that I could pick him up.

4. Realized this seriously threw a wrench into my carefully planned schedule, and jumped in the shower and got dressed in record speed.

5. Stopped at WalMart to get the girls some snowboots, since we're supposedly supposed to get 1 to 3 inches of the white stuff tonight and the girls are raring to go out and play in it as soon as there's one flake on the ground.

6. Sped through the McD's drive-thru and inhaled my bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit on the way to the vet.

7. Picked up my stinky assed cat and flew home.

8. Threw the cat upstairs, penned him in the upstairs kitchen, grabbed everything I needed for my errands for the day (granite sample, check from our loan account, a bunch of clothing to return to the mall, my paper to pick up the girls' portraits, etc.), and jumped into the car.

9. On the way to my pap smear, watched a car start to pull out in front of me, but then slammed on the brakes just in time.

10. Was nanoseconds away from flipping off the driver until I saw the driver was an old nun. Slow down, oh holy one! GEEZ!

11. Had my OB/GYN try to convince me during the entire appointment that I really should get knocked up again.

12. For the life of me, couldn't recall ever having a rectal exam during my annual visit, like I did today. Yowsa!

13. Hoped during the entire appointment that my crotch didn't smell and that I wouldn't fart.

14. Missed my turn to go to the tile place after the appointment.

15. Using what I thought was logic, banged a right and figured I'd bang another right at the end of the block and turn onto the street with the tile place from the other direction.

16. Apparently, streets in real cities don't work that way, and I ended up being lost for about 45 minutes and ending up WAY on the other side of the city.

17. Had a bastard in a delivery truck behind me lay on his horn and flip me off because I hadn't just run a redlight! Dude, are you fucking kidding me?

18. Contemplated flipping him off right back, but was afraid I'd get shot.

19. Thanked god yet again that I live in a small hick town.

20. Managed to find the tile place and had chosen a tile and grout in about 20 minutes flat.

21. Saw the bitchy lady who "helped" me last time I was there, and after watching her from afar for a few minutes, decided she really is a bitch, and wasn't just having a bad day the last time I was there.

22. Laughed out loud (and yes, she heard me) when she snagged her pants on a cardboard box near her desk. She didn't think it was quite so funny.

23. Made my way to the mall where I became increasingly annoyed at the other shoppers, ignorant people, and those damn people who try to stop you and sell you something when you walk past their pathetic kiosks where they're selling the latest gadget, gizmo, or beauty product. Death be to the mall kiosk, I say.

24. Grabbed Steve and I jeans at the GAP, but later found out I had switched Steve's waist measurement and inseam measurement around in my head, and I'll have to return them. Dammit.

25. Came home and spent the next 3 or 4 hours intermittently trying to get the dried cat crap out of Salinger's butt fur. This involved baby wipes, wet paper towels, and scissors.

26. Wondered yet again what the benefits of having pets is.

27. Was truly disappointed that Steve couldn't find the bear he thought he shot yesterday. Poor guy.

28. Realized that the mailman and UPS guy are going to hate me over the next week or two, since I have about 20-25 seperate packages (literally) coming to my house.

29. Was guiltily pleased to find out my MIL has a slight touch of the flu, since this means she doesn't feel like cooking a big Thanksgiving dinner, we have an excuse to put off our "Thanksgiving visit" for a day or two, and we can go to my FIL's house without trying to cram a third house into our schedule for the day.

30. Just typed that above and realized I'll now wake up with a horrendous case of the flu because of that whole "karma" thing.

31. Had three separate lightbulbs burn out on me tonight. There has got to be some weird energy in the air or something tonight.

32. OR, someone is trying to kill me and is methodically breaking lights so that no one will be able to witness the crime.


Mary said...

danm woman I'm all tired after reading your post. Next time you get lost, call someone and have them mapquest ya directions, it helps.

I hope you got all the cat poop off salinger's butt. And after just shelling out $160 for 1 month of meds and dogfood for ONE dog, I'm wondering about the whole pets thing too...

Have a good Thanksgiving tomorrow!

Alien said...

LOL! Thanks Mary! Unfortunately, anyone I could've called wouldn't have had internet connections at the time. Eh. It was a nice drive. LMAO!

And I'm with ya. I've dropped about $500 on the damn cat over the past three months. What... the... HELL?

Kim said...

A rectal exam? For an annual?

I'm still shaking my head over that one.

(((Alien's rear)))

Alien said...

LOL! Ok, so "exam" may be a bit of a stretch. He just stuck his finger up there.

Candace said...

Yikes- a rectal exam? I go for mine next month and hope to God I don't have to have a rectal! That reminds me of the ER episode from a few weeks ago where Dr. Clemente did a rectal exam on this huge black guy, and the guy picked him up by his neck and his feet weren't touching the ground. Then the doctor (who still had his gloves on, and had poop on the gloves) smeared it on the black guy's nose in order to get him to let him down. I don't think I've ever laughed harder in a show in my entire life.

mama_tulip said...

Good god. What was it yesterday, anal gland juice? And today it's rectal exams? I'm going to have to put off reading your blog until later in the day, as opposed to first thing on an empty stomach.