My Christmas Tree Adventures...

For those of you that aren't on/don't read my mommies boards...

My day yesterday...

7:00 AM: The girls woke us up and we discovered it had snowed 2" - 3" overnight.

7:30 AM: I get the brilliant idea to go to Dunkin' Donuts to grab donuts and a latte. The roads SUCKED and it took me a half hour to get there and back.

8:00 AM: We're chugging coffee and Steve is sitting here waiting for his dad so they can go the taxidermist and drop off their animal hides before we head to the tree farm for a Christmas tree.

9:00 AM: Steve calls his dad asking where the hell he is because the girls are dying to go for the tree. FIL says he'll be here by 9:30.

10:15 AM: FIL finally gets here and they head to the taxidermist with strict orders from me to get their asses home as soon as possible because Hannah needs to nap between 12:00 and 1:00 and we still need to go get the tree.

Noon: Steve gets back home, just as Hannah is starting to get tired.

12:15 PM: Steve says he needs gas in his truck before we go, so we tack another 15 minutes onto the trip.

12:30 PM: Arrive at the tree farm. The girls want to go on the playground (covered with snow mind you) and Steve and I are starving so we grab hot dogs and fries and sit down outside in the cold to eat.

12:45 PM: We finish eating and grab a wagon and saw to head out to cut down a tree. The girls sit in the wagon.

12:50 PM: Wagon tips over while Steve is pulling it. Both girls tumble into the snow. Hannah is screaming and I'm LMAO because they're both just sprawled there in the snow. Steve is telling Hannah to calm down and that she's OK as people look at us.

1:00 PM: Hannah is exhausted and cold and crying to go home. I drag the girls back to the gift shop while Steve stays back to cut down the tree.

1:20 PM: Steve comes into the gift shop to tell us we're ready and I tell the girls to pick an ornament. Hannah chooses a dorky, cheesy pastel wooden Thumper ornament and Grace picks a dog.

2:00 PM: We arrive home with 2 tired kids.

2:30 PM: I finally convince Hannah to take a nap.

2:45 PM: Steve brings the tree into the house and we set it up in its stand.

3:05 PM: Steve insists he needs to straighten the tree out a fraction of an inch and tells me to push the pedal on the base so he can move it. I push the pedal, he yanks the tree and the stand snaps. Tree doesn't fall.

3:20 PM: We find an old metal stand in the attic and attempt to transfer the tree. It's swaying all over the place, we're trying desperately to hang onto it, and Hannah is screaming and sobbing, totally terrified of it falling.

3:21 PM: Grace (god bless her) has taken Hannah in the other room, set her up with some blocks and told her she'd call her when it was safe to come back in the living room.

3:23 PM: We transfer the tree and realize the stand is bent. Steve loses hold of the tree and it comes crashing down onto the floor. Stand is useless.

4:00 PM: (With tree still lying on the floor) We've calmed down and stopped cursing and I say I'll run to WalMart and grab another stand.

4:01 PM: Call in an order for take-out dinner and leave right after telling Steve NOT to let the girls eat b/c I've ordered them food too.

4:15 PM: Arrive at WalMart and grab the very last Christmas tree stand there.

4:30 PM: Swing by the restaurant and grab dinner.

4:32 PM: Walk in the house to see Hannah and Grace sitting on the sunroom floor, pouring their own cereal and milk and shoving it in their face.

4:33 PM: Walk in the living room where Steve is watching TV where I learn he is oblivious to the fact that the girls are making and eating their own food. Thanks dude.

4:35 PM: We all sit down to eat amidst the chaos.

4:45 PM: Girls have finished eating and are running around the tree (still lying on the floor), saying they're running from the dragons.

5:00 PM: Steve and I are re-energized and decide to give the new tree stand a whirl.

5:10 PM: Get the stand in position and see that even screwing in all the screws as far as they will go, will not support the tree.

5:20 PM: Steve runs down to the garage to grab scrap pieces of wood to build out the trunk and get it in the stand.

5:30 PM: We hoist the tree into the stand. Keep in mind that since Steve has once again, chosen the fattest tree he can find, for me to hold the tree by the trunk in the middle, I have to walk about a foot into the tree. Face, neck and stomach are all scratched up by pine needles.

5:45 PM: Steve gets the tree secure and stands back to check it out.

5:50 PM: Steve decides it's crooked (by about 1/4 inch) and simply must be straightened.

5:55 PM: Steve shifts the tree, over tightens the screw and cracks the stand in half. Tree is once again on the floor.

6:10 PM: Using adrenaline and brute force, Steve bends second metal stand back into a hopefully useable shape and we transfer the tree.

6:30 PM: Get tree standing, but not as securely as we'd like. Decide the top needs to be wired to the ceiling for extra support.

7:00 PM: Steve has gathered necessary supplies, I've climbed a rickety ladder to wire the tree and we somehow manage to get it attached to the ceiling (after more scratching of various body parts).

We take a break.

8:20 PM: I've finally convinced Grace we should just decorate the tree the next day when Steve says, "I'm putting the lights on now hon and then you can decorate it." I shoot him a look that could kill.

8:45 PM: Steve is still stringing lights, I've been shocked by a broken bulb, and the girls are jumping around, trying to "help", asking when they can hang ornaments.

8:50 PM: Steve's still working on the lights (and cursing) and Grace has said she'd like to just hang 4 ornaments and then go to bed since she's so tired. THANK YOU GOD!!!

9:15 PM: Steve has finished, the girls have hung a few ornaments and I have both of them sleeping. I begin to drink heavily, curse Christmas and its traditions, and wonder how the hell we're all still alive.

Merry Effin' Christmas.

LMFAO!