Abra Cadabra...

~ Woke up to a crappy, rainy day. Great.

~ Took the girls and went to the next town to go to the bank for Steve. Yay.

~ The arthritis in my knees and ankles was incredibly painful and made walking suck ass. Fantastic.

~ Answered Grace 8 billion times when she asked me when we were going to the birthday party we had to go to today.

~ At 1:45, threatened to rip Steve's dick off if he didn't stop working on the backsplash on the other wall and get in the damn shower so we could go to the party that started at 2:00. (We knew they had hired a magician, and I didn't want to walk in halfway through the guy's act, which would've devastated Grace.)

~ Got there at 2:30 and was surprised to see that only half the guests were there at that point.

~ Casually asked what time the magician was due to arrive and was told 4:00. Four o'clock? And the party started at two? Jesus. I thought we'd be leaving around 4:00. [sigh]

~ Tried to get the girls to eat decent food, but gave up and watched them eat half a bag of cheese curls and juice boxes for lunch.

~ Watched Grace cry when Hannah won a prize during a party game and she didn't.

~ Helped Grace and Hannah kind of sort of cheat during a clothespin relay race so they would win and I wouldn't have to watch Grace throw a shit fit again. (God, I suck.)

~ Was happy to see the magician arrive right on time.

~ Couldn't stop laughing when one of my friends commented that the magician (he was 17 years old) looked like the curly headed kid from that show with Tapanga in it. (The magician had the same curly hair.)

~ Got a little emotional when I looked up and saw Grace and Hannah sitting together in little chairs at the front of the room (the party was in a church auditorium), watching the magician together, holding hands. [happy sigh]

~ Laughed when Grace got to help the guy with a trick.

~ Snickered at all of the adult suckers that had to go up and help the dude perform tricks. (Thanking god it wasn't me.)

~ Laughed even harder when everytime the guy said he needed another adult volunteer, Grace and Hannah would both yell, "My daddy! My daddy!" while pointing to Steve at the back of the room.

~ Grimaced when he was getting ready to perform another trick, made eye contact with me (all the way at the back of the room), and said, "That girl in the brown shirt back there. Could you come up and help me please?"

~ Grudgingly walked to the front, praying to god my period hadn't myteriously arrived, leaving a telltale stain on the back of my pants.

~ Watched the guy knot two normal bandanas together and stick the knot in the neck of my shirt.

~ Watched him make a small red hankerchief in his hand disappear. (Was rather impressed.)

~ Was told (by the magician) that he would take one of the bandandas (still hanging out of my shirt) and I'd take the other, and that when we pulled them out, the red disappearing hankerchief would be tied between them. Rock on dude. I'm ready.

~ Grabbed my bandana, and on the count of three, pulled along with him.

~ Almost pissed myself when instead of the red hankerchief knotted between the bandanas, was a white bra (which, I might add, was way too small to be mine). Snort!

~ Laughed ridiculously hard when after leaving the party, Grace was shocked to hear I was actually still wearing my bra.

~ Was thrilled when my parents stopped tonight to pick up the girls for a sleepover. (Yes, Grandma and Granddad, you are more than welcome to my two sugar-ladden, post-party hyped up children. Um, have fun?)

~ Laughed (yet again), when Hannah told Granddad that "the guy took mommy's boobies."

~ Chuckled when envisioning Grace going to daycare and telling everyone that "the guy took mommy's bra off."