13 THINGS THAT MADE TODAY A TYPICAL
"DAY IN THE LIFE OF ALLISON"
"DAY IN THE LIFE OF ALLISON"
1. Watching (and dealing with) Hannah having horrendous mood swings and tantrums while trying to get her ready for daycare. Seriously, had her head spun around a la Linda Blair, I don't think it would've surprised me.
2. Spoke to a lovely woman on the phone. She was from my credit card company and she wanted some money. Well, get it line, sister, because I want some too.
Well, my dear Credit Card Lady, do you have any money to give me? No? Ah bummer. Well, then I guess we have something in common, because I ain't got nothing for you either.
3. Weeded through the hundreds of online job listings for a "writer" in "PA" and got all sorts of confused. I may have applied to the same jobs about three times now. It's all fun and games until the recruiters of those companies have me arrested for harrassment.
4. Called the tile company to ask if the 10 tiles we need to finish the backsplash were in stock. The place is a good 45 minutes away and I didn't want to waste time making the trip if the tiles weren't in stock. Was assured that all but the brass scroll pieces would be ready to go for me when I got there. Fanastic. Steve could finish everything but one small 12" x 4" section in the upper corner of the wall.
5. Called unemployment for Steve because he has a royal pain-in-the-ass employee who has been calling in sick A LOT and then collecting unemployment for those days, even though work was available. Because nothing makes me happier than dealing with all of the tax/insurance/accountant shit for Steve's business. Yippee.
6. Talked to the Second Dumbest Person on the Planet (the lady who didn't dial "1" before my phone number still holds the top spot) at the local unemployment office.
Hey Lady... Don't mumble into the phone to yourself and then when I ask you what you just said, say, "Nothing. I'm talking to myself." -- "Well, we'll put a note in his account, but you should fax us too." -- Um, fax you what exactly? A form? A letter? What am I faxing you for the love of god?!?! -- "Um. Yeah. Just fax us. Or call. You can call too." -- I AM calling you lady! We're speaking right now, in case you didn't notice. WHAT information am I supposed to fax or call you with? -- "Yeah. Just call the week of the 16th." -- FOR WHAT?!?!?! Sweet Jesus, lady! WHY am I supposed to call you that week?!?! -- "OK. Have a good day. Thanks." [click]
7. Hung up, banged my head against the wall, and wondered how stupid people manage to find jobs but I can't.
8. Had Steve look me in the eye and tell me that his longer hair (no time for a haircut lately) "makes him feel more sexual." Now I'm 99.9% sure he meant sexier, but I was laughing too hard to ask him.
9. Weeded through all of 2005's credit card invoices, itemizing every damn thing Steve used his business credit card to purchase over the course of the year. Seriously dude, shouldn't I be getting paid something for this bullshit?
10. Drove the 45 minutes to the tile place, only to walk in and have the girl I had talked to this morning tell me that she had been mistaken, and that only ONE kind of the tiles I needed were in stock. So basically, I spent a total of an hour and a half in a car to pick up three total tiles (not three kinds of tiles, mind you... I mean literally three tiles) and realized that Steve can't do any more work on the backsplash until the special ordered tiles come in on the 17th.
(Pssst... hey tile lady... It's called a phone. Perhaps you should try using it sometime. You know... like when someone calls you, tells you how far away they live and that they'll be coming in later that afternoon to pick up the merchandise, explains why they're calling ahead (because they live so far away), and upon hanging up, you discover that the tiles you just told her she could come get actually aren't in stock after all, and that she'll be wasting a lot of time and gas driving there.)
11. Stared in disbelief as Steve (once again) said, "So are we gonna [pelvic thrust... pelvic thrust... complete with the biting of the bottom lip and grunts]
12. Told Steve that every single day he does that, I will withhold sex. He claims he only did that because I made fun of him last night, but I have my doubts.
13. Re-evaluated my life when, upon meeting him in the bedroom, had Steve say to me, "Roll over so you're not breathing all of your sick germs in my face and let's romp." Seriously dude. Could you try a little harder?
(Editor's Note: I would like to say that ALL of Steve's sexually-related comments tonight were in fun and he was purposely trying to make me laugh. I can assure you that we do actually have good sex sometimes too. LOL! (But not during the day because then I can't stop laughing...))
Oh, and Sonya's Thursday Thirteen could possibly be the funniest one I've ever seen. ROFL!