Dear Mom at Last Night's T-Ball Practice Who Sat in Front of Us,
Although you seemed like a very nice person, I really didn't want to have to stare at your thong and the top of your ass crack when you sat down on the bleachers and your low-rise jeans slid down. Now although it looked like a hot little red thong, and your ass crack wasn't unattractive, it's just not something I want to see at my four-year-old's T-ball game. And see, it was kind of like a car accident... I din't want to keep staring at it, but I couldn't not stare at it.
So for my sake, can you please either wear a shirt that covers your ass crack next time, or maybe sit behind me?