Thursday Thirteen - June 1, 2006

THIRTEEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT THE SUMMER

(Since 2 or 3 other people posted the 13 things they love. I gotta be me, ya know? It's all about balance.)

1. Fucking caterpillars. They're everywhere. Little hairy bastards.

2. Ants. Stupid, stupid ants that cause me to shove ant traps in the corners of all the rooms in the house and spray that nasty smelling shit around the entire outside of our house.

3. Sweaty boobs. Seriously. Nothing's as annoying as sweaty boobs.

4. The way you walk outside of your nicely air conditioned home and get smacked in the face by that blasted humid heat. You have to suck your breath in and gasp for air until your lungs adjust.

5. Ridiculous hair. My natural curls alternate between frizzy afro rivaling Willis, and limp, lifeless strings rivaling the little girl in "The Ring" when she comes out of the well.

6. Chubba rub. You know. When you wear short shorts and then you sweat and walk around all day and then your inner thighs rub together and you get that rash. Yup. That's chubba rub. I hate chubba rub.

7. The bazillion picnics, parties, weddings, graduation celebrations and random BBQs that seem to take place every single weekend and that you're obligated to go to for some reason or another, so you never really get to just, ya know, sit at home and vegetate with drool running out of the corner of your mouth.

8. Bathing suits. Nothing is as humbling as putting on that damn piece of spandex and seeing every roll, bump, and dimple on your stomach and ass. And then you subject other people to that. [shudder]

9. My beer gets warm quicker in the summer. That means I have to drink it quicker. That means I get drunk quicker... Oh. Um, wait. I like that about the summer. Nevermind.

10. I have to wear my contact lenses more often in the summer. I'm often lazy and don't feel like putting them in. But if I wear my glasses in the summer, I start sweating and the damn things slide down my nose. I hate when I can't be lazy.

11. Reruns. Stupid, stupid reruns.

12. Trying to get still wet swimsuits onto my children when they've been swimming or playing with the hose, and have gotten dressed, but then decide 10 minutes later that they want to get wet again and the suits aren't dried yet. It's like trying to stuff a sausage.

13. Those 10 minutes where you sweat your ass off when you first get in the car to drive somewhere, because you forgot to cool down the car before you had to leave to go wherever it is you're going.