Saturday, June 17, 2006


Sorry gang. I'm beat. I spent ALL day cleaning the house for the Crackhead Dora birthday party tomorrow. I had no intention of cleaning the house that thoroughly. I was going to follow in Katherine's footsteps and just not do it.

It shouldn't have been a problem. We have a picnic pavilion down near the bottom of our backyard. It's where we have ALL of our spring/summer/fall parties. It's a bit away from the house, but it has electricity and a refrigerator and all that, so we just plug in the crockpots of food, throw the drinks and cold foods in the fridge and have it.

This means shade for everyone with only quick walks up to the house for random condiments and trips to the bathroom. So usually, I give the downstairs a quick pick-up, a hurried dusting, and maybe a quick swipe of the vacuum on the area rugs and call it a day. Beyond that, I make sure the crud inside the toilet bowl isn't too dark, and that's it.

But the pavilion is currently a disaster. Full of leaves, dirty, covered with pollen, and just dirty. I certainly wasn't going to clean it (that's Steve's job). And I couldn't see him getting it done on time for the party tomorrow. Not to mention it's supposed to be freakin' 91 damn degrees tomorrow.

So I made the executive decision to keep all food in the kitchen, and run the AC. We'll set up chairs and tables on the patio outside (which is in the shade), and then people can walk into the AC at will, hang out in here if they want to, I don't have to carry all of the damn food down to the pavilion, etc. But that meant more people in the house for longer periods of time. And that meant I had to clean. [sigh]

I'm still not even sure why I care if my house isn't spotless for a party. My mom knows I'm not a clean freak, so it's not like she'd be shocked. And I suppose my mother-in-law could say the same. My father-in-law wouldn't give a shit. My siblings could care less. Steve's friend (Grace's godfather) jokes with me about the colony of dust bunnies in our home. And the other couple we're friends with have known me since Jr. High, so they don't expect much from me.

So... that means I must clean for my sister-in-law. My goddamn sister-in-law. [sigh] She's married to Steve's brother. I won't even get into the past where there were family feuds, missed weddings, blatant ignoring, jealously beyond belief, and all sorts of other family fun.

All that seems to be water under the bridge these days. I mean, we're sure as hell not best friends, but we can have a conversation without wanting to throw down and rip each other's eyes out. I'd say we're several steps above civil, but not quite at "friend" status, where I'm going to call her just to chat and stuff.

And yet, the competitiveness still remains. The truth is, she was the one that was always competing with me. For the most part, I don't give a rat's ass what anyone else does/says/has/buys/etc. She, on the other hand, does. I buy my clothing at Old Navy and Aeropostale. She buys hers ONLY at Eddie Bauer. I drive a Honda Accord. She drives an SUV. I show up to family gigs in jeans, cargo pants, and girly tees with funny sayings on them. She shows up always in khaki shorts or pants and a plain colored short-sleeved or sleeveless shirt. (I'll post pictures tomorrow and we can all laugh when we see that I totally called her wardrobe for tomorrow's event.)

The thing is, she acts all sorts of classy and well off, but she's absolutely not. She makes about half as much as I do, is in a lot more debt, buys ridiculously frivilous things, and doesn't have a pot to piss in. Which is fine. But see, she acts like she does. And because of our past, I always feel the need to act unlike the true redneck hick that I am when she's around.

So anyway, because I don't want to give her reason to leave here tomorrow and comment what a pigsty we live in, I cleaned my ass off today. I Swiffered, Pledged, Windexed, Tided, polished, and bleached everything in sight. I had so many damn scents going on in this house today, I swear to god, I was stoned. I have no logical reason for why she motivates me to do this. From what I've heard, their house is in a constant state of "Holy shit! This is messy!" Piles of stuff everywhere, dust on every conceivable surface, dog hair that goes by like tumbleweed, etc. And yet, here I was today... cleaning my ass off, so as to give the impression that I totally have it all together at all times... kids home 5 days a week, working full-time hours, usually just at night with a stolen hour or two during the day sometimes, gymnastics class, T-Ball games, and all that other happy horseshit that makes up my life. Now you all know better than that. But see, she doesn't. So we're just going to keep it that way, OK? ;)


Chelle Y. said...

It sounds like she has a spoon up her ass (I read the top post first)! Ha!

I am sure she is just jealous of you! It sounds like you and EE have the same annoying SIL.

Good day to you tomorrow!

Pink Rocket said...

i do the same thing! my SIL thinks she's la-di-da! i can't stand her! i do something and she's got to do it to! i freak out and clean like a madwoman when they come over just because i want to look like the better one! yeah, i admit it...i am better! lmao!

for xmas she wanted to have the dinner at her house, i knew i could do better so i invited the in-laws to stay with me! ha! i won!! bwahahaha!!!

mamatulip said...

I get the same way when my MIL is coming over (which is like, three times a week...). Her house is always fucking SPOTLESS and I just feel, for some reason, that I have to have a pristine house when she's here.

I hope the party went okay. It's fuckin' hot out today...

EE said...

Well, at the very least I hope she didn't come in and vacuum your house after she arrived. ;)

Hope the party went off w/o a hitch!