Thursday Thirteen - June 29, 2006

OK. So originally, this started as a "13 Things That Made Me Laugh This Week" entry. But that just isn't me. Because frankly, although I laugh all day long, every day, and I make people laugh as much as possible (whether it be with me or at me), it's just not me. My bitterness is what makes me so endearing after all. ;)

So with that, I give you...

"THIRTEEN KINDS OF PEOPLE THAT ANNOY THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME"

(This may actually be a repeat, but I discover new people daily that annoy me, so it's all good. And pardon my French in advance...)

1. The assholes that don't use their turn signals. Seriously people, it's for your benefit. You know... so I don't like drive my badass Honda Accord through the ass end of your car.

2. Men and women that proclaim their undying love for their spouses to others, when in reality, they're really closet assholes/bitches that treat their spouses like shit behind closed doors.

3. Fake people. I hate fake people. One thing with me is that what you see is what you get. You either like it or you don't. Deal with it.

4. Girly girls. I'm sorry. I've tried being friends with them. I've tried being one. Hell, I even gave birth to one. But I can't stand 'em. I don't give a shit what you're wearing, what your hair looks like, where you shop, and if your nails are painted or not. I. Just. Don't. Care. I buy clothing at WalMart sometimes, I only get my hair cut twice a year, I love to shop at dollar stores, and I never, ever, ever paint my nails. Deal with it.

5. Parents who take their children to public places and then don't watch them. I had to "yell" at three separate kids yesterday at the indoor climber/play structure place I took the girls. Their parents were nowhere to be found. One obnoxious kid pushed Hannah. He was about 6. She's 3. He literally pushed her off of something he decided he wanted to play on. Another kid was thrashing around in the ball pit that is exclusively for kids age 2 and under. He was about 6. Get OUT of the fucking ball pit, you little shit! And where the fuck is your mother?? Because if MY kid acted like either of them did, they would've been dragged out of that place place so fast, their heads would spin. Oh wait! There they are... of in the corner with their nose in a book, not giving a rat's ass if you hurt other people's children. Nice. Real nice.

6. Slow people. I can't stand slow people. (Slow in relation to their actual speed... not in relation to their mental capacity. LOL!)

7. Metrosexuals. I dunno. I don't hate them mind you just because they are one. But I have to say that there's nothing even remotely manly about them either. I want a man in my life. You know... a real man. With ripped jeans, an old T-shirt, and mud on his face. Mmmm...

8. Whoever it was in Virginia that landed here on my blog by using the search term "braless wife flashing truck drivers." Sicko.

9. People who constantly talk about their looks. I can see you myself. I really don't need to actually hear about it from you. First of all, that's kind of egotistical and self-indulgent, don't you think. Second of all, most of us just really don't give a shit. So knock it off, OK?

10. Whoever the people are that started producing, selling, and marketing organic and all-natural foods. It's all Steve will buy. Great, right? No. Not really. Because there aren't very many "snack type" organic foods out there. You know.... like organic Doritios. Or organic ice cream with organic caramel-filled chocolate candy in it. So now I'm slowly withering away to nothing. I'm... getting.... weak.... Must... have.... processed.... food.... with.... artificial.... ingredients....

11. Adults who drive wearing their seatbelts, while their children run about the car as they please, climbing on the seat, standing next to the window, turned around and looking out the back window, etc. Hey at least you'll be all strapped in and have a good view of your children flying through the windshield. That's all that matters, right?

12. The inventor of the Slip & Slide. It's a royal pain in the ass to set up, and even more of a pain in the ass to take down. And it's not like it's the safest toy on the market... "Hey you! Yeah, you! The little five-year-old girl... run as fast as you possible can and then hurl yourself down this wet, slippery death trap. There you go! Good job!"

13. Brittney Spears. I've tried liking her. I've tried feeling sorry for her. But I just can't. She really is the epitome of a dumb blonde.