Thursday, May 04, 2006

Thursday Thirteen

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

13 THINGS I CAN NO LONGER DO SINCE GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING KIDS

1. Aim my spit into a coffee can a good 7 - 8 feet away. I could do this in college and impressed many a people with my talents. But I'm afraid that after 10 years of not practicing, I have lost my touch. (Dammit.)

2. Drink an entire case of beer or an entire bottle of vodka in one night without dying. (OK. It's probably good I can no longer do this.)

3. Dress like the chick in my banner up there. It wouldn't be pretty. (Dammit.)

4. Sleep around. (Dammit.)

5. Stay in bars until last call. I'm ready before bed way before 2 AM these days. (Dammit.)

6. Go to clubs and dance like a ho bag in an attempt to pick up a guy for the evening (or a few evenings... whatever.) (This is probably another good thing too. I really should have been raped, murdered, or contracted some sort of sexual disease in my past. But I didn't. So I'll quit while I'm ahead.)

7. Get grossed out when people talk about shit. I mean, upon giving birth, poop became a regular topic of conversation for me. Nothing about shit grosses me out anymore. (And this disturbs me.)

8. Sit down to eat a meal and not have to get up at least once to "fetch" something for someone, cut up some food for someone else, etc. (Dammit.)

9. Read an entire book in a day or two. No time... kids that want to be fed and stuff (damn kids)... etc. (Dammit.)

10. Start my day without coffee. Pre-kids, I liked coffee, but I didn't need it. Now, if there's a morning I don't have coffee, it's a bad, bad day for everyone that has contact with me, and could result in someone's death (or severe beating).

11. Take a crap alone. Seriously. Nowadays, a closed door gets opened. And a locked door sparks horrendous tantrums on the other side (and how can you really take a good crap listening to that the entire time?)

12. Make a trip to the grocery store and NOT have to buy toilet paper. God bless the trees my family indirectly kills every year.

13. "Double click the mouse" (as Tink likes to call it) whenever the hell I feel like it. (Dammit.)




6 comments:

Chelle Y. said...

Your life really has changed! Hehehe! But aren't they just worth it? Just kidding!

Chelle Y. said...

Do not know what happened to my name on your list. It's been one of those days.

EE said...

LOL, true. To all of it.

And imagine the traffic Tink will get today w/ BOTH you and I mentioning "double clicking the mouse" in our T13. LOL!!!

Emily said...

I am not sure I even remember taking a crap alone...

ITs sad, really.

Melissa said...

I've never been able to dress like that chick. LOL

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work Breast implant jersey new Difference prozac generic fluoxetine toronto call centers paris hilton naked video For mcse a shelby mustang convertible xxx asien preggo car stereo tv toyota New york new jersey interracial gangbangs milfs+smoking Levofloxacin zithromax