Friday, May 19, 2006

Pros and Cons...

Reasons I'm Glad I'm a Chick...

1. We pee sitting down. Although I believe that being able to pee standing up has its advantages, since having children, my pee breaks are a justified reason to sit down and rest for like 1.2 seconds before having a child ask for a cup of milk, whine for a snack, or having to break up a fight between siblings.

2. Our bodies are smooth. All that hair on guys is icky.

3. Our breasts. Breasts are just fun. They're bouncy, jiggly, and just fun to look at.

4. Our sexual organs are WAY more attractive than yours.

5. We can do 8 things at one time without having to even think about it.

6. We can get you to do anything just by promising you a good blow job.

7. We don't have to deal with post-climax cleanup for the most part. Our fluids stay contained.

8. When we're having a particularly bitchy day, we can just blame it on PMS.

9. We can turn you into a blubbering fool and drop you to your knees with one swift kick to your nuts.

10. When we can handle drinking large quantities of beer, we're cool chicks. When you can handle it, you're a goddamn frat boy drunk.

11. We can have sexual relations with someone of the same sex, and it's considered hot and sexy. When you have sexual relations with someone of the same sex, it's kind of, um, unattractive to see.

12. We can hide it from the rest of the world when we're aroused. You? Yeah, um, not so much.

Reasons I Wish I was a Dude...

1. You can pee into small containers. This may not seem like much of a perk, but when you're stuck in a 3-hour traffic jam on the turnpike with no way to escape, you'd give your left tit to be able to pee into that empty Snapple bottle rolling around on the floor of your car. You know... the one you just chugged right before getting stuck in this 3-hour traffic jam with no where to escape.

2. Just once in my life, I'd love to be able to write my name on a wall or in the snow using my own urine.

3. You have no body part that you have to shave in order to not be judged.

4. You don't get a period. Because believe me, contrary to what you may think, shoving a cotton missle up our crotches for several days a month is not something we get off on.

5. You don't have to wear horrible contraptions made of elastic and wires to contain your breasts.

6. You can spit and belch in public and not have other guys look at you like you're a pig. If a chick does that, ALL the other women start pointing with looks of disgust on their faces. (Trust me. I know.)

7. You don't feel obligated to sit through hour after hour of gymnastics classes, T-ball practices, ballet recitals, and music lessons. I. Am. So. Jealous.

8. When you take care of your children for the day, you're "babysitting" out of the kindness of your heart, and we're supposed to thank you gratiously. When we take care of our children for the day, we have no right to bitch because it's what expected of us.

9. No one questions your beer bellies.

10. There's no such thing as a "Bad Hair Day."

11. Your skin, bath, and haircare products total about 3. Ours? Oh, about 23.

12. You can scratch your crotches in public. Oh, what I wouldn't give to rub my rug in front of other people...


Melissa said...

You have issues. Serious issues. LMAO.

Alien said...

[blink. blink. (while staring at you blankly)]... You're just realizing this?

Pink Rocket said...

im laughing so hard i've got tears!

EE said...

This is fucking awesome!


mama_tulip said...

And it's all so true.

Chelle Y. said...

These were so funny. I agree with many of them! :o)

Amber said...

Hmmm...How could one chick be so astute, and so freaky at the same time? LOL!

Oh, and #8 on the last list. Two words-- Fuck.That. I didn't knock mySELF up, dickhead.


Melissa said...

LOL No, I've known it for years.

Belynda said...

Too funny! Many of these I've often thought about, but never actually admitted to! LOL

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