Thursday, June 19, 2008

Steve’s trying to kill me.

For real. He is. I swear. Yeah… that’s right. This guy here…

A Girl and Her Dad

… who looks all nice and kind and harmless (and, incidentally, incredibly HOT) with his daughter in this photo is actually a psychopath that’s trying to murder me and make it look like an accident.

Go ahead. Laugh. But if sometime in the near future, I suddenly stop blogging, never to be heard from again, I want you to direct the authorities to this post here on June 18th so the investigation can move forward, OK?

I’ll go into more detail tomorrow when I can post photos to support my theory. Because really, the story isn’t nearly as believable (or dramatic) without the visual proof. Just trust me on this one.


Conversation with a co-worker this morning on the phone:

Susan: Hey Allison, are you going into the office tomorrow?

Me: Sure. I can if you need me to. What’s up?

Susan: I need you to look all pretty and stuff. I’m taking photos of the newer employees.

Me: So you’re saying I should make sure to straighten my hair and not sport my natural ‘fro?

Susan: Oh, I don’t give a shit about your hair. Just don’t wear your Bon Jovi t-shirt and camo shorts and come in brandishing one of your rifles because we don’t want to scare off our clients.

Me: Shit. How’d you know what I was going to wear tomorrow? Are you a fucking psychic or something?

Susan: Yup.

Me: Sweet.

Seriously though people, am I that transparent? Weird. I need to start hiding my true colors better. Not everyone needs to know that shit about me.

(Note: What?! Some of you didn’t realize that in my natural glory, I sport a naturally curly ‘fro? Shame on you! Photos on Friday. You’ve been warned. Take the warning and do what you see fit with it. I will not be held responsible for any reactions resulting in shock, horror, or a stroke due to uncontrollable laughter.)


Let’s talk reality. Reality TV that is. Those of you that know me well know that I’m a reality TV junkie. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true. [hanging head in shame] I can’t help it. Throw a bunch of people on an island, or make a bunch of people race around the world, or tell them to sing or dance or do circus acts in front of judges and I can’t tear myself away from the TV.

Oh, except for stupid ones like the Bachelor and Bachelorette. They’re just so ridiculously stupid that even I can’t bear to watch them. Hey, let’s find the 20 prettiest/most handsome people in the world and put them on a show where one person of the opposite sex makes out with ALL of them and then decides who should be his/her spouse. So that way, IF they end up getting married and having kids, they can sit little Jr. down years later and show him the tapes. Then he can see how mommy/daddy hand-picked each other from a group of pigs. And how mommy/daddy shoved his/her tongue down someone’s throat and spread his/her legs for whatever pretty person happened to be his/her “date” for that night on the show. Seriously. Worse television cannot be found. But I digress…

Let’s talk about the other reality TV shows. Like Nashville Star, which they’re FINALLY showing on NBC instead of the USA network, where no one watched. I love all music. Literally all of it. So now that American Idol has ended, I’m getting my music fix from this show. Sweet. I have a few favorites, but I have to watch them a few more weeks before I really decide who is worthy of my votes.

Next up is So You Think You Can Dance. I admit, I wasn’t as into this show in previous seasons, but somehow, I got sucked in this time. Again, I have a few favorites. Joshua absolutely RULES and I think is my very favorite. Unbelievable. But I also really like Will and Twitch. (Noticing something here? LOL!) Twitch and his partner gave me absolute chills tonight. I was literally crying. Unbelievable.

But my favorite overall performance so far was Joshua and Katee’s performance last week. How do they make their bodies do that stuff? Awesome.

Let’s see… what else am I frying my brain with these days? Oh! I know! America’s Got Talent. I can’t help it. It’s partly because of the variety, partly because of the humor, and partly because I’m the only woman on the face of the earth that thinks David Hasselhoff is still hot. Sigh. Anyway, LOVED this kid who twirls baton. God bless him. That kid is AMAZING! And these guys RULED! But this guy? Oh my. That guy just had me in tears. Literally. Sigh. He was so overwhelmed, he couldn’t even finish. Unbelievable. See? You ALL need to watch the show. It’s good shit. :)


OK. I could go on, but it’s 12:30 and I need to go to bed so I can look all “pretty” for my pictures tomorrow at the office. LOL! Later dudes.


Farmer*swife said...

You are too bleepin' funny! Hey, you didn't mention Big Brother.

It's seasonal and I know, I know.

But, I just get addicted at seein' how people are so easily manipulated and how some people are such great manipulators!

Farmer*swife said...

Oh, Steve...murder. I'll bookmark this particular post ;-)

ya' know....just in case, LOL!