Holy crap!

I’m the mom of a 7-year-old. Now this amazes me for many, many reasons I won’t get into, but let’s just say that since I feel (and act) like a teenager half the time, the fact that I’m even OLD enough to have a 7-year-old is sort of odd to me. But anyway, my Gracie Girl turned 7 on Saturday!

We had a great day, spent with the entire family. She ended up getting sick overnight and was diagnosed with strep yesterday, but even that didn’t ruin her actual birthday, so it’s all good. I’ll post later about how we spent the day, but I wanted to throw up some of the pictures from the day. Isn’t she just stunning. :)

(Oh, and yes, Grace is that tan and the photo does not have an orange or red cast to it. Going to the public pool with her daycare class everyday tends to do that to you. Sooo jealous. LOL!)

And here’s one of both girls. Yes, they’re really sisters, yes I realize they look nothing alike, and yes, they both have the same mom and dad. LOL!

And just to show you what kind of influence I have on my kids (unfortunately), check out this one of Grace. LOL! Ahhh… gotta love her. :)

I also scrapped for the first time in about two months. Not that thrilled with it, but I kind of just wanted to get a layout out of the way so I could get back into my “groove.”

You know you need therapy…

When you take pictures of yourself looking like this.

On purpose.

And then you post them on an Internet board that hundreds (if not thousands) of people read (not this one…).

But I always say that embracing your dorkiness is the way to live. And god knows, I embraced it today in ways it probably shouldn’t have been embraced. I think I may have groped my dorkiness inappropriately as a matter of fact. I embraced it THAT hard. It probably feels violated. LOL!

FYI: That’s NOT my helmet. It’s Hannah’s. And there was an actual reason I put on her helmet and made those dorky expressions. And I was trying to be funny. I am WELL aware that there is nothing even remotely NON-dorky about these photos. But you have to admit that they ARE damn funny. LOL!

Tink, a few posts down, you called me "hot." I would now like to grant you the permission to totally retract that statement and realize that you were smoking crack that day. It was nice while it lasted though, so thank you for that.

And now, looking at these photos, I kind of realize now why Steve wants to kill me. I'd kill me too I think. LOL!

Peace out people! I’m off to watch more YouTube videos and drink one more beer before bed. Tomorrow’s homework? Embrace your dorkiness. The world would be a much better place if we all made faces like that one up there. ;)

Quote of the Day:
If it doesn't matter who wins, then how come they keep score?
--Vincent Lombardi

Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire!

OK. So I know I said I wouldn’t post anymore videos today. But in my defense, I said no more dancing videos. You all MUST watch this video from America’s Got Talent last night! It’s a kid named Eli Mattson and he’s FANTASTIC! Watch the whole video. They do a brief introduction of his “story”. Then he sings and (literally) brings the crowd to their feet on several occasions. Afterwards, the judges and audience have him all teary eyed. SUCH a beautiful voice!

And if you find him on MySpace, he has original songs you can listen to. AMAZING! Love this guy!

Bleeding Love Routine Performed by Chelsie and Mark

I have to say, this was probably one of my favorites from last night. So cool! I think I’m most impressed that Mark can dance like that with a freakin’ SUIT on! LOL!

BUT Joshua and Katee and Twitch and Kerrington are still my favorites. I LOVE that the hip-hoppers (Joshua and Twitch) come out and do AMAZING numbers in genres that aren’t even CLOSE to their own. Good stuff…

But THIS one, my friends, is the one I watch the most. And every time I watch it, I tear up a little because of the story behind it. The choreographers of this dance are a married couple with a handicapped daughter. She’s in a wheelchair and can’t walk or speak. They said the only time she “lights up” is when she sees people dance. So they created this dance entirely in honor of/for her. When Twitch cradles Kerrington in his arms towards the end of the dance, and rocks her back and forth, I freakin’ lose it. Sigh. And I think what has me most flabbergasted is that Twitch is normally a hip-hopper! Just amazing.

OK. Enough dance videos for today. I promise I’m done with those now. :)

No Drama Here. Nuh uh.

So in the span of 12 hours today, I was diagnosed with:

• Mono
• Leukemia
• Hepatitis/Liver Disease
• Strep
• An Allergic Reaction
• Lupus
• Lyme’s Disease
• Some Form of Cancer
• Fifth’s Disease
• Another Attempt of Steve’s Diabolical Murder Plot

Now, granted, some of those were self-diagnosed, several were friend-diagnosed, and one was diagnosed by a doctor.

It all started when I woke up this morning with horrible joint pain and a crazy rash on my feet, legs, and upper thighs. I was sort of concerned, only because the rash took up over 95% of my legs and I hadn’t eaten anything weird or changed soaps, detergents, etc.

I normally would’ve left it go, but when it was coupled with the horrible joint and neck pain, I, admittedly, got a little freaked out. I made the mistake of Googling the two things together and got back a laundry list of possible diseases and disorders, all of which either involved a life of hell, horrible treatment options, and/or inevitable death. Fantastic.

So I email my normal daily email group and explain what’s going on, send photos (see below. These were taken first thing this morning, and it continued to spread to my stomach and arms and got worse on my legs after that... And those are shorts I’m wearing that I hiked up. I’m not flashing underwear shots.), and we all start guessing. I had myself convinced I had leukemia or liver disease and was dying, one friend was banking on strep, and another friend was sure it was something like mono.

I call and make an appointment at the doctor’s office for the first time in (literally) three years. The joint pain thing had me beside myself and I was also worried it was something contagious and I didn’t want to be around the kids until I knew for sure.

So the doctor was sort of stumped. She said it was definitely something that was coming from inside (as opposed to a skin contact allergic reaction), but she couldn’t be sure if it was a virus, a reaction to food, Lyme’s Disease, etc. My glands didn’t feel swollen, my liver didn’t feel enlarged, no fever, etc. So she chalked it up to a food thing (possibly) or virus and wrote me a prescription for some steroids to clear up the rash, with orders to go get bloodwork done if the rash reappeared again after being treated and/or I started experiencing more symptoms.

I felt a little better, but an allergic  reaction didn’t explain the joint pain, and that was still freaking me out a bit.

So I get home and email the group again, giving them the doctor’s diagnosis. We bat around a few more ideas until Emily shows up in the emails and says that a few months ago, she had adult Fifth’s disease, her joints hurt her in ways that were indescribable and in ways they’d never hurt before, and that she got a rash only on her legs (which isn’t what happens in kids, where they get it on their faces). Hmmm…

So after we all individually Google adult Fifth’s Disease, we come to an agreement that that’s what it is. It can’t be treated, but the ‘roids the doctor gave me should clear up the rash AND help the joint pain, so that’s cool I guess. I’ll definitely keep an eye on it (it’s hard not to considering it spans the vast majority of my body), and hope that it disappears (along with the pain) quickly and I can move on.

But admittedly, there’s that little part of me that wonders if Steve has become desperate to kill me like I think he’s trying to do, and has somehow poisoned me or rubbed weird shit on me while I’m sleeping. It wouldn’t surprise me.

So basically, I spent my day convinced I was dying, trying to convince myself I’m NOT dying, and making mental notes to blog about it here as more evidence against Steve, should I mysteriously kick the bucket. Fun-filled day for me, lemme tell ya. Not.

So for now, we’re all banking on Fifth’s Disease, even though the doctor never mentioned it, and hopefully, it’ll be at least a little better tomorrow. I don’t give a flying crap about the rash, but my knees hurt SO bad that I can barely walk, which kind of sucks. Of course, if this fails, Steve may resort to drastic measures. So I’d like it to be stated here that I do NOT ever clean Steve’s guns. So if I end up dead with a gunshot wound to the head or chest, make sure you tell the cops it is NOT the unfortunate gun-cleaning accident that Steve will try to convince the authorities of, OK? And that I had a mysterious rash appear just 3 days prior to  my “accident”, OK?

Tomorrow’s Entry: September’s visit last night (the person, not the month)

How I left my purse in the shopping cart today in the parking lot of the grocery store, and how some amazing woman found it and took it into the service desk where I retrieved it. Whew! My head was just sooo many other places today that I’m surprised I didn’t get in the wrong car and just drive away. [shaking head]

And I’ll share my top choices from “America’s Got Talent” and “So You Think You Can Dance”, as well as share my thoughts on the final two contestants on Hell’s Kitchen.

But now I think I need to go to bed. It’s been a rough day, my friends. :)

PS: I just totally inhaled an entire Hershey bar while reading over this and it tasted soooo good. Mmmmm…. I mean, if I’m dying, I may as well live life to the fullest while I’m here, right? ;)

Quote of the Day:
I was so hungry I could have eaten a horse. But only pigs were available.
--Anonymous

A Day in the Life of Hannah

1. Wake up at Grandma’s and get all excited when she finds a bag of all of your mom and aunt’s old dance recital costume.

2. Change repeatedly until Mom picks you up.

3. Bring bag of aforementioned costumes home with you.

4. Put on favorite red costume and play outside in it.

5. Decide it isn’t working for you anymore and put on obnoxious green costume with weird “tail” thing in the back.

6. Decide it’s not the right choice either and put on yellow costume, complete with head feather.

7. Go back to costume #1, but add one “glove” from the yellow costume. When mom says you look like Michael Jackson, you ask who that is and then start doing a dance and singing a song about “White Glove”.

8. Get bored with that and start doing weird things with a badminton racket.

And this, my friends, is a rather “normal” day for her. Tink, you sure you still want these kids if Steve murders me?

Afterthought…

I’m posting this picture of Steve, because right before I took it, he whipped off his shirt and said, “Now DON’T go showing this to people on the internet!” And then he flexed.

The reason I’m going against his wishes? Well, because he’s trying to kill me. And I figure if he’s trying to kill me, the least I can do is embarrass him before I meet my maker. He’ll kill me for real if he ever finds out I posted this.

And yes, he works out. A lot. Every morning at 4 AM before he heads off to pour concrete for the day. So all you ladies that say blue-collar workers aren’t the marrying type, and that you want to marry a computer geek (like the ones I work with) that bring home the big bucks and supply your family with medical benefits, I want you to look at this photo and rethink your attitudes. Because, um, yeah. Murderer or not, my dude is HOT! ;)

And what’s even cooler is that most people don’t realize that hard as hell body hides under his shirt. Which is good for me. Because I know (and, well, now all of you do too) and I’d kind of like to keep it all to myself. For now anyway.

Look Everybody!

I’m still ALIVE!!!! WOOHOO!

Steve’s plan has failed (for now). I let him know (in so many words) that I was on to him. His face showed some panic at first, but then he collected himself and swore he loves me and that my thoughts are unfounded. And he told me that surely he wouldn’t want to harm me in any way. So (for now) I’m OK and forging ahead with life. But seriously, if, at any point, I seem to drop off the face of the earth, call the authorities. Because that means that rat bastard has succeeded and needs to be thrown in the slammer.

Oh, and if it does come down to that, I’d also like it to be known that I would like Tink and Hoop to get legal custody of my children. I have many, many friends that I think would raise my children in loving homes. But those families are all a bit too “normal.” I’d be at peace knowing Tink and Hoop would allow my children to be the freaks that they are, and would nurture their  uncontrollable need to be different. OK, so I’ve talked to Tink a grand total of one time on the phone. But in that brief, 10-minute conversation, I could tell she was a younger version of myself (but much cuter, funnier, and creative).

Granted, I haven’t asked Tink and Hoop if they’d do it. But I figure when they look into Grace’s deep, soulful brown eyes, and Hannah’s stunning, brilliant blue eyes, all filled with sadness, they won’t say no. So it’s all good. Tink, just don’t let Steve ever get them back. If that bastard is going to kill me, he doesn’t deserve our children. Hell, give them to your mom for all I care. Grace loves animals so she’d be in heaven. And Hannah does whatever Grace tells her to, so I don’t see any potential problems.

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Grace had her birthday party this past weekend. She turns 7 this Saturday and she had a bowling party. It was a blast and the kids all had such a good time!

It was Hannah’s first time bowling ever, and she LOVED it! It’s funny because since last summer, she’s been wearing my brother’s old bowling shirt from when he was about six and bowled in a league. She LOVES that shirt and wears it all the time. When she found out Grace was having a bowling party, she practically burst with excitement because she’d have an excuse to wear Kyle’s bowling shirt. The funny thing? The party was at the SAME bowling alley that my brother bowled at, and it still has the same name. LOL! She thought she was so cool. Adorable kids I have, no?

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And since I never posted photos of Hannah enjoying her birthday cake (and now feel guilty), here’s a few of her.

We finally had cake for her right after her dance recital. She was supposed to be an elephant in the finale for the recital (which explains that odd gray makeup on her face). She was so excited to turn five! Too cute!

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And check out what’s right outside our back door. Some baby robins in a nest! Granted, they aren’t even remotely “cute”, but it’s so cool to watch them in the nest with their beaks wide open, waiting for mom to come back with some nice juicy worms. :)

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Shit. I think I just drank a little bug that flew into my beer, but that’s protein, right? Crap. Maybe it’s a poisonous one and it’s Part 2 of Steve’s plan. Shit. Tink, build that addition on your house. You’re gonna need it for all of my kids’ crap.

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Quote of the Day:
If you haven't got charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
--Bob Hope

Why My Kids Will Need Therapy… Reason # 385

So, we got a call from the local police department today saying they had a subpoena and trial date for Steve. Now without getting into too much detail (because I’m lazy… not because it’s secretive or I don’t want you to know), a few months ago, Steve took his truck into a local dealership for some work on it. The next day, he picked it up, got home, and realized that all of his tools had been stolen out of the built-in tool boxes on the truck.

In a weird chain of (unrelated) events that involved skeevy hotel rooms, a paranoid chick, and a dude that sells drugs, the guy that stole them was arrested and Steve’s tools were recovered. Now the guy goes to court next Wednesday, and Steve has to go, say the tools are his and be done. But anyway, back to the kids…

So Steve calls the cop back around 5:30 and the guy says he’s going to drop off the subpoena. Great. I had just finished grilling up some steaks, potatoes and corn and Hannah was giving me trouble about eating (like usual). Steve yells out of the bedroom window to the rest of us on the patio below that if they don’t eat their dinner, we’re calling the cops. ROFL!

Poor Hannah’s eyes got real big and she almost started crying. LOL! So I told her he was just kidding, but that she had to eat.

So about 20 minutes later, the girls have finished eating and are inside playing on the computer, and Steve and I are on the back patio. The cop pulls in, gives Steve the papers and we all just start talking.

After about 5 minutes, I come inside to the girls and say, “Um, guys. There’s a cop outside.” Well poor Hannah’s eyes got so big, I swear they were going to pop out of her head. I was like, “For real. Go look.”

So they walk outside and the cop says to them, “Hey guys. Did you eat your dinner?” ROFL! (I had told him what Steve had said to them.) Well, Grace, being her typical self shot back with a laugh and a “Yeah. I did,” and wasn’t phased at all. Poor Hannah just sort of stood there looking terrified. I couldn’t stop laughing.

By the time the cop left, Hannah had warmed up to him. But I swear, one day, when the kids are grown, these are the types of things they tell their therapists. LOL!

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And, as promised, here are some photos of me in my all-natural curly-haired glory. LOL! This, my friends, is what happens when I don’t take a flat-iron to my head.

And before y’all go saying how you’d “kill for curls like that” and how it looks good like that, let me just say that in real life, it doesn’t look nearly this nice. Trust me on this one. It’s a frizzy mess.

But I have to tell you how funny it was taking these pictures. For those first two up there, I used the timer on my camera. But then I got creative, set the camera on our low windowsills in the living room, leaned back, and pressed the shutter button with my toe. LOL! I think, perhaps, I need to invest in a remote for the camera, no?

Anyway, Grace’s bowling party is at 4:00, so I have to go get the stuff ready. I’ll talk to y’all again soon.

Proof of Steve’s Crime: Part 1

OK. So now let’s discuss (in detail) why I think Steve’s trying to kill me. And, I must admit, if I wasn’t the intended “victim,” I’d be rather impressed with the intelligence behind his methods. He’s a sneaky one, that Steve. He’s not going to kill me in the usual way. No guns… no knives… no “accidental” falls off a roof… Oh no. He’s using something way more clever. He’s using this:

OK. It all started a few days ago, around7:00 in the morning. My mom had already come and picked the girls up for daycare and Steve had gone to the bottom of our property to load up his truck for work that day. I had sat down in my usual spot in front of this computer to check email, check some blogs and boards, and log into my remote desktop at work and start working.

I hear the back door open and figure Steve is coming in to fill up his travel coffee mug again before heading to his job for the day. Well, I was right about Steve coming in, but there wasn’t a coffee mug in his hand. Oh no. Instead, that little guy up there was in his hands. Here’s the thing though. That’s not even a real snake. It’s a snake SKIN. Now I’ll be the first to admit that it’s cool. The previous owner of that skin obviously took great care in shedding his old digs. The skin is 100% completely intact. The fact that you can see where his eyes were and that his mouth is completely open like that amazes me. We’ve found skins before, but they’ve been just parts of it, or they’re damaged and torn, etc. Not this one though.

So he comments how the girls will think it’s cool when they see it (which I agreed with). I was sort of preoccupied logging into work, so I mumbled something about not leaving it in the house and went back to my computer screen. I remember him walking behind me in the living room for some reason, but didn’t think anything of it at the time.

Fast forward 6 or 7 hours later. The girls are due home from daycare soon and I figure I’ll do a quick pickup of the downstairs before they get home. So I’m buzzing around, picking up toys, shoes, discarded clothing, etc. I glance over to the other side of the living room and notice something on our bear mount. It looks like a ribbon or string or something and I start cursing under my breath that Steve is going to kick the girls’ asses if he sees they're throwing things on the bear’s base. So I walk over to pick it out and save my children from the wrath of Daddy.

As I get closer, I’m still trying to figure out what it is. And then I get close enough and I see this:

I get a little closer and am now close enough to see this:

Now within a second or two, I remember my earlier conversation with Steve and realize it’s not a REAL snake. But before my brain took over and told me everything was OK, a lot happened. I jumped about 5 feet off the ground (and backwards), I screamed like a little girl (for real), I think I peed a little, and I almost had a fucking heart attack. Seriously. I’m a smoker, which means my heart probably isn’t healthy to begin with. So when I get scared like I did in those few brief moments, anything could happen. Hell, the ol’ ticker could explode for all I know. I seriously think I almost died in that brief period of time.

And so began my suspicion that Steve was trying to do away with me. He figures if he does it in the traditional way, he’ll get busted and have to spend time in the slammer. So instead, he’s going to try to make me die “naturally”. I mean, there’s no crime in lying a snakeskin in your home, right? And me getting scared and having a heart attack isn’t going to get him in any trouble, right? It’s the perfect crime really. That bastard is smart.

Since that incident, I’ve become paranoid. I swear, at least 3 times a day since then, Steve seems to appear out of no where, once again scaring the shit out of me. I jump and my heart skips a beat. I figure, if it skips enough beats, eventually, it’s just going to get pissed and not keep beating. And then it’s bye bye Allison, and hello life insurance money for Steve. Thanks hon. Thanks a lot. I thought you loved me, but apparently, I was wrong. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but I’m on to you. And now I’m documenting everything here. So I’d rethink your plan if I were you. There are a ton of people out here in Blog World that will back me up if something should happen to me. I’ve got your number, and if I go down, I’m taking you with me.

Fly by…

So I took the necessary photos today to support my theory that Steve is trying to kill me. But it’s late, I’m wiped out, and they’re still on my camera. So you’ll have to wait until tomorrow. But I’m working from home, so I’ll get them up here first thing in the morning. I just didn’t want anyone to panic if I didn’t blog at all tonight. I can see it now…

Throughout the evening and through the night, I’d have cops and troopers banging on my door to check on me.

“Ma’am, we’ve had several reports from your blog readers that your husband may have killed you in the past 24 hours. Are you OK?”

“Yes officer. For now. But you may want to check back in a day or two. I think he’s plotting Stage 2 of his diabolical plan. He was twitching a lot today, and whenever I caught him looking at me, he’d quickly turn away, mumbling something about ‘Only 2 more days. . . Only 2 more days. . .…’.”

And now, I’m off to go to bed, hoping I even wake up tomorrow morning. It’s exhausting living with a psychopath.

Steve’s trying to kill me.

For real. He is. I swear. Yeah… that’s right. This guy here…

… who looks all nice and kind and harmless (and, incidentally, incredibly HOT) with his daughter in this photo is actually a psychopath that’s trying to murder me and make it look like an accident.

Go ahead. Laugh. But if sometime in the near future, I suddenly stop blogging, never to be heard from again, I want you to direct the authorities to this post here on June 18th so the investigation can move forward, OK?

I’ll go into more detail tomorrow when I can post photos to support my theory. Because really, the story isn’t nearly as believable (or dramatic) without the visual proof. Just trust me on this one.

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Conversation with a co-worker this morning on the phone:

Susan: Hey Allison, are you going into the office tomorrow?

Me: Sure. I can if you need me to. What’s up?

Susan: I need you to look all pretty and stuff. I’m taking photos of the newer employees.

Me: So you’re saying I should make sure to straighten my hair and not sport my natural ‘fro?

Susan: Oh, I don’t give a shit about your hair. Just don’t wear your Bon Jovi t-shirt and camo shorts and come in brandishing one of your rifles because we don’t want to scare off our clients.

Me: Shit. How’d you know what I was going to wear tomorrow? Are you a fucking psychic or something?

Susan: Yup.

Me: Sweet.

Seriously though people, am I that transparent? Weird. I need to start hiding my true colors better. Not everyone needs to know that shit about me.

(Note: What?! Some of you didn’t realize that in my natural glory, I sport a naturally curly ‘fro? Shame on you! Photos on Friday. You’ve been warned. Take the warning and do what you see fit with it. I will not be held responsible for any reactions resulting in shock, horror, or a stroke due to uncontrollable laughter.)

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Let’s talk reality. Reality TV that is. Those of you that know me well know that I’m a reality TV junkie. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true. [hanging head in shame] I can’t help it. Throw a bunch of people on an island, or make a bunch of people race around the world, or tell them to sing or dance or do circus acts in front of judges and I can’t tear myself away from the TV.

Oh, except for stupid ones like the Bachelor and Bachelorette. They’re just so ridiculously stupid that even I can’t bear to watch them. Hey, let’s find the 20 prettiest/most handsome people in the world and put them on a show where one person of the opposite sex makes out with ALL of them and then decides who should be his/her spouse. So that way, IF they end up getting married and having kids, they can sit little Jr. down years later and show him the tapes. Then he can see how mommy/daddy hand-picked each other from a group of pigs. And how mommy/daddy shoved his/her tongue down someone’s throat and spread his/her legs for whatever pretty person happened to be his/her “date” for that night on the show. Seriously. Worse television cannot be found. But I digress…

Let’s talk about the other reality TV shows. Like Nashville Star, which they’re FINALLY showing on NBC instead of the USA network, where no one watched. I love all music. Literally all of it. So now that American Idol has ended, I’m getting my music fix from this show. Sweet. I have a few favorites, but I have to watch them a few more weeks before I really decide who is worthy of my votes.

Next up is So You Think You Can Dance. I admit, I wasn’t as into this show in previous seasons, but somehow, I got sucked in this time. Again, I have a few favorites. Joshua absolutely RULES and I think is my very favorite. Unbelievable. But I also really like Will and Twitch. (Noticing something here? LOL!) Twitch and his partner gave me absolute chills tonight. I was literally crying. Unbelievable.

But my favorite overall performance so far was Joshua and Katee’s performance last week. How do they make their bodies do that stuff? Awesome.

Let’s see… what else am I frying my brain with these days? Oh! I know! America’s Got Talent. I can’t help it. It’s partly because of the variety, partly because of the humor, and partly because I’m the only woman on the face of the earth that thinks David Hasselhoff is still hot. Sigh. Anyway, LOVED this kid who twirls baton. God bless him. That kid is AMAZING! And these guys RULED! But this guy? Oh my. That guy just had me in tears. Literally. Sigh. He was so overwhelmed, he couldn’t even finish. Unbelievable. See? You ALL need to watch the show. It’s good shit. :)

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OK. I could go on, but it’s 12:30 and I need to go to bed so I can look all “pretty” for my pictures tomorrow at the office. LOL! Later dudes.

A is for Alien

So I decided to browse Etsy tonight, because I truly believe Etsy is one of the best, kick ass sites in the world. I did a search on “alien” and received 1775 hits. Sweet. So this post is solely dedicated to the amazing talents of other people out there who create things that I should buy in honor of that oh-so-hard-to-ever-get-rid-of nickname that I was cursed blessed with 8 years ago.

I’m totally buying this photo on Etsy for myself. Granted, no one in my “real life” calls me Alien on a daily basis. But it will make me laugh every time I see it.

What will y’all pay me if I buy (and wear) this hat in public?

OK. All kidding aside, I actually DO want this journal…

Um, I’m not really sure why the person selling this used “alien” as one of their keywords. Is there something about Ken I should know?

This seller claims he “found this” in the middle of a corn field. Uh huh. Sure he did…

I’m buying these cards to randomly leave in places like the grocery store. Inside, I’ll write, “I was watching you buy those Cheetos and I’m coming to get them (and you) tonight. Locking your doors is pointless.”

Now seriously. Who the hell would wear this monstrosity?

OK. So IF I ever have another baby, I will totally buy these for his/her bedroom.

OK. This is listed as a “Little felted alien dolly.” Well, call it what you like, lady, but it looks like a fuzzy, tri-colored penis to me. Pervert.

I swear to god, this seller used “alien” as a keyword. I guess she’s not THAT far off…

Dude. Get better models for your products. Trust me on this one.

Uhhh…. I don’t know what to even say about this next one.

So do you think Steve would be pissed if I spent $16.00 on this?

How ‘bout these for $24?

I stopped looking when I got to this one. Because, frankly, it creeped me out.

That’s it for tonight. My bed is calling… Later gang.

Quote of the Day:
All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten
--Robert Fulghum

Big Day for Hannah

Yesterday was a big and busy day for Hannah. First (and most importantly), it was her 5th birthday. Yup. Five years ago from yesterday, I welcomed that tiny little bundle of joy into the world. I was drug-free (not by choice) and dear lord, did that kid cause me a lot of pain. Little did I know she would continue to cause me all sorts of angst for the rest of her life. LOL! ;)

Anyway, right after dinner, we had to head to dress-rehearsal for her dance recital, which is tomorrow. She’s tap dancing to the song “Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo”, and I must say, her and the other girls are so freakin’ cute! See? They even have wands. LOL!

Anyway, we had to ditch the finale rehearsal so we could leave, come home and gather up the rest of the family, and head to her graduation from the preschool program at daycare. She has been SO excited about the whole thing and was anxious to sing us her little songs. It really was a cute program and they had it set up so nicely.

Waiting for the graduates…

The Gradating Class

Our Little Graduate!

The Fam

(Ignore that we’re out of focus in that last one. My dad took it and I even set everything on the camera to “Auto”. [shaking head] LOL!

Once we left there, we stopped on the way home to have some ice cream for Hannah’s birthday. All in all, a good day, even though I could’ve done without ALL of the places we had to be that day. LOL!