Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Alrighty. Let’s talk about the E.T. visit.

E.T. as in Emily and Tracey. Get it? ET… Extra Terrestrial… Planet Alien… (Ah, never mind. I don’t think it’s that funny either.)

Anyway, I apologize up front for not having any photos. As per usual, when an event or something important takes place, I seem to discard all thoughts of taking photos and I have none. Tracey did the same thing. So other than the ones I already posted in my last post, and one or two others that will NEVER be posted online (because of my gut), we didn’t take any. I lie. There are one or two of random signs and streets, but none even worth really taking the time to play with and post. So you’ll just have to use your imaginations and picture the photos based on my uncanny ability to describe things in words for others to see in their heads. (In other words, you’re screwed. LOL!)

So that being said, we had a blast! They got here Thursday afternoon and we just hung out, ate, drank a bit, and laughed.

On Friday, the two of them, me, and my friend, Rachelle, went to Jim Thorpe to browse, eat, and just chill. We went into the COOLEST consignment shop where Tracey bought earrings, Emily bought jewelry for her daughters, and I bought a cool Asian style purse for $5.00 (photos tomorrow).

Then we ate lunch where Emily tried pierogies for the first time. Dear god, does that woman not know what she’s been missing her entire life? [shaking head] After lunch, we walked around some more, and then we hit the tattoo parlor where I got my belly button pierced.

That night, Rachelle and her boyfriend came over to our house and so did our friend, Joe, and all hung out, drank too much, ate too much, and laughed our asses off.

On Saturday, Emily, Tracey, me, and my two girls headed to the site of the World’s Largest General Store. Since burning down 2 summers ago (or last summer?), it’s just not the same, and frankly, is rather depressing. Tracey bought a cool metal sign from The Holy Grail that says something about farting. I hate that movie [ducking and running], I couldn’t tell you the exact quote on it.

Then we headed to an indoor flea market and antique store (2 separate businesses) down the street from my house. I’d never been to either and now, I expect, I’ll be back at both quite a bit. At the flea market, I bought some stuff for the girls, a bracelet for myself, and random odds and ends.

Then we came back to the house where we pretty much crashed. Tracey and I almost dozed off once, but we managed to fight it and stay awake. It wasn’t too long after that that I drove the kids to my parents’ house for the night so the adults could head out to mine and Steve’s usual weekly bar.

Words cannot describe how much fun I had there that night. Emily was keeping up with me beer for beer (YAY Emily!), and was feeling it (as was I). Throw in a few shots of Red-Headed Slut, a Car Bomb (bought for us by the bar owner and I promise you, will be the last one I ever drink… Ew!), and a Buttery Nipple or two, and we were hammered. I introduced them to my favorite regular, Skip (who  is probably in his 50's)… we were all flabbergasted when Tracey said she’d never tried a cheese steak in her life… and made fun of Rachelle’s boyfriend, Dan.

A couple I’ve seen several times was there, and I had watched them buy person after person drinks. I told my girls I was going to work it and score a free drink from them. So I walked over, introduced myself, and talked to them for about 15 minutes. They left right after that, but not before buying Steve and I our next round. WOOHOO! Mission accomplished. Score 1 for Allison! I friggin’ rule! LOL!

At one point, an entire wedding reception crowd wandered in and things got nuts. I found the cutest guy in the world amongst them, but had no single girlfriends around to hook him up with, so I was pissed. LOL!

Also in the crowd was the creepiest dude I’ve ever met in my life. A middle-aged Indian dude who had a staring problem. He was only one barstool over, and every time we looked at him, he was staring RIGHT at us. Not even the type of person that once you catch their eye, they quick turn away. Oh no. You’d look at him and he’d just KEEP staring at you. And he was only 3 feet away so it was really uncomfortable. [shudder] I KNOW I’m going to turn on “America’s Most Wanted” one day and see him on it. I just know it.

Conversation in Bar # 1

Other Girl in Bar: Well, I do everything else with my right hand, but I masturbate with my left.

Me: What?! That’s weird.

OGIB: I know. I just always have.

Me: So does that mean if I use both of my hands next time, I can say I had a menage a trois?

Tracey: Yeah. And then you can tell everyone how “that guy on the left” was obviously uncomfortable and didn't know what he was doing.

Me: Dude, what do you expect?! He’s a virgin!


Conversation in Bar # 2

Me: Let’s order some Buttery Nipples.

(Pause as I look over at Skip, who is standing with us.)

Me: Poor Skip. He doesn’t know what we’re talking about. The next time he's with a chick, he'll think back to this and start rubbing butter on the poor girl's chest.

Skip (Laughing): I'll be all excited, yelling, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Me: Just don't buy that shitty spray stuff. That stuff sucks.


When we decided to call it a night, the best bartender in the world, Jen, handed us our check. She made some comment about nothing being added to our bill for over an hour and the whole tab was only around $60. I love her. So we paid the check and threw her a $20 tip. ;)

We left and came back home, where Tracey proceeded to have a minor nosebleed and shove a tampon up her nose to be funny (it worked), and Emily spent 20 minutes talking strictly with an Indian accent (and rather well I might add), but those are other stories for other times. LOL! Let's just say that I'm surprised I didn't piss myself from laughing so hard that night. I love my girls! :)

The next day (yesterday) they both left my house to head home, but both of them had um, "flight issues" and didn't get home until today. Sigh. See? That is why I don't set foot on an airplane. I told you so.

And with that, my visit from my friends seemed to end as soon as it started. Sigh. Anyone free next weekend? Wanna come visit? Because I could introduce you to the coolest Indian dude...


PS: I'll be working on tweaking my blog layout and template for the next day or two. If anything is completely off, chances are I already realize it and will fix it ASAP, OK?

Quote of the Day:
Many people take no care of their money till they come nearly to the end of it, and others do just the same with their time.


Mary said...

Sounds like a fun time was had by all! And you guys did enough drinking for us all :-)

Tink said...

The masterbation convo is CLASSIC! I don't think I could use my left hand for that if I wanted to. I call it my retarded hand. The last time I went to catch something with it, I hit myself in the mouth.

Other Girl in Bar said...

Dude, I said I do everything BUT write with my lefty, and that is only because my 1st grade teacher made me switch. This makes me sound much less weird...LOL

I am not ambidextrous when it comes to self gratification...if I tried to do it with the right hand, I'd probably do it backwards...

Allison said...

OGIB... Dude, I was drunk. I'm paraphrasing here. LOL!

Kelly said...

I love that font you have in Planet Alien. What font is that?

Allison said...


Funny story. I wanted to change some things in the header since this morning, but hadn't saved that font in the PSD file. It took me FOREVER to find that same font again because I have WAY too many.

I finally found it. Wanna know what it's called? Idiot. It's called Idiot. LOL!

(I got it free somewhere. I've never paid for a font in my life.)