Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Ahem. OK ladies (and gentlemen?)...

Here it is... The Tunnel of Love. Now let's discuss this little device.




http://www.hornsnhalos.net/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=TOLV&Category_Code=

And here's a link to it in case you're all inspired by this post to give it a whirl.


First of all, it's pink. I find this odd. Yes, it's marketed and labeled as a "masturbating device" for men, so I suppose the whole girly color thing is to make the man feel like they're with a woman instead of whacking off with their own hairy hand. I dunno. But c'mon. Do you honestly believe a guy isn't humiliated (and frightened?) enough that he's sliding a rubber tube over his penis. Did you really need to make it pink?


Now let's talk about the fact that the thing comes with absolutely no directions or diagrams. Now when you look at the picture, it looks like it's just a tube, and you're probably wondering how the hell stupid are Allison and Steve that they can't figure out how to put that thing on. But what you can't see is that the hole at one end is a different size than the hole at the other end. So when we opened the package, we were like, "Which hole goes on first?" The small hole looked REALLY small, so we figured the bigger hole must go first, with the smaller hole at the top. It certainly was useable that way I guess. I mean, it didn't cause any sort of weird ER visits or anything, so it was no big deal.


But the next day, Steve had a random "A ha!" moment in the middle of the day and said, "Hey, I think we used that wrong last night. I think the smaller hole is supposed to go on first so it stays in place while it goes up and down." Ohhhh.... good thinking, dude. LOL!


Like I said, Steve said it was OK and definitely felt good. But he wasn't convulsing with crazy ass orgasms either. And I should also add that we didn't really use it for the "deep throat effect" that the description describes. We just did our normal thing. The woman that ran the party had explained that you can keep it on for the duration of sex, and that it would just move up and down as we partied like rock stars. So I don't know if it would really work well for the whole oral sex thing or not. I just don't want y'all out there thinking I'm deep throating my husband every night, because I can assure you that that is not happening. Trust me. LOL!


So I guess Steve gives it a thumb's up. Not like a huge, shouting from the rooftops type thumbs up (yet... once we know we're using it properly, we'll make a final decision). But definitely an enthusiastic, "Hey, my wife brought home a sex toy and I'll use it even if it means putting a pink tube of rubber over my dick, just because sex toys are cool" sort of way, ya know?

So feel free to click that link up there and review one for yourself. Just make sure you also order some lube. Because I can assue you... you NEED the lube for this thing.

4 comments:

Susie said...

ROFL!!! See now this is what would happen to me. I wouldn't be using it right and with our luck Michael would have ended up with some sort of rash. At the pasion parties it is called GIGI?? WTF is with that name. Tunnel of Love I get, but Gigi???
I had gotten something from the passion party and we used it wrong, when we figured out how to use it right OMG What a difference.
I must say I am also confused as to how that can stay on during sex - but I will take your word for it. Enjoy and let me know what other great things you get.

Alien said...

LOL Susie! I didn't really get any "other great things". I got some shaving cream (to actually SHAVE with... nothing sexual about it), some after shower spray, and a heart-shaped massage thing that heats up (but I actually bought that to use as a heating pad as per the lady's suggestion, and not for any actual massages). LOL!

Chelle Y. said...

Blush! :)

I read your comment on my post, and I will admit that the few times I have watched that show, I have laughed. "Ducky" is the funny one for me. (But, do not tell anyone that I admitted liking the show)

P.S. Now that I am single, I will have to get me one of those products! Just kidding!

Tink said...

How's it feel being my new sex-toy guru? Wouldn't that be a killer title for a resume? Yeah... No. So I mentioned the Tunnel to Hoop and he's all like, why can't I get the real thing? Like I'm fucking cheating if I buy the toy. Stupid men.