Dear Mother-in-Law (AKA, "Shrub Shitter"),
Although we all appreciate your kindness in buying my children very nice presents for Christmas, you really could've held off on the sand art kit. See, trying to get a three-year-old and a five-year-old to dump colored sand out of tiny little baggies and into tiny little bottles using a tiny little funnel is no easy task. I must say that Grace loves it and she does pretty well with it. Hannah, on the other hand, is another story. See, she sees nothing wrong with recreating a sandbox on our table. Frankly, fine, hot pink grains of sand is not something I want all over my house.
So um, next time, when I tell you before a gift-giving occasion NOT to buy anything involving sand or hundreds of small beads, could you, um listen? For the love of god, I would've preferred the beads.