Sunday, December 10, 2006

I'm just a bloggin' fool today...

So... ramdom thoughts as they come spewing into my half-drunk mind right now...

* No deer. Steve has failed at hunting for the second time in his entire life. LOL! He actually seems OK with it, so here's to hoping that I don't have to hear about it for the next year (or 20).

* Grace was staring intently at me today while we sat on the floor together. I thought she was admiring my beauty. ;) When I finally asked her what she was looking at, she said, "You have a hairy chin, Mom." Uhhh... thanks?

* Hannah heard her and yelled, "Me too! Me too! My chin's hairy too!" (Yeah kid. That's not a good thing, Sweetie.)

* I took the girls to the local strip mall today for a little Christmas/magic show they were having. Hannah volunteered to go up in front of everyone and assist the dude with a magic trick. People this is not Hannah. This is a child who clings to me for dear life when around anyone at all she doesn't know. It was rather surreal actually, and I'm still not sure what the hell the deal was.

* Grace lost her front tooth last night. She's already lost 4 on the bottom, but this is the first one on top. She looks adorable with her little toothless grin (and fits right in in this redneck town).

* Felt my heart swell when she used her tooth fairy money to buy Nana a bouquet of flowers at the grocery store for her birthday that was yesterday. How does a child that wants me to come in and poop in my pants for show-and-tell come up with the idea, all on her own, to buy her Nana some birthday flowers? (And relax people... she thinks she used her tooth fairy money. I have every intention of replacing her cash.)

* So the other night, Steve and I were having a rather civilized conversation about the fact that I don't feel the need or have the desire to reorganize every square inch of our home. (It's the only thing we ever argue about, so the fact that we weren't screaming at each other is huge.) So I finally admitted to him that there are two main reasons I haven't done it. 1) It doesn't bother me nearly as much as it bothers him. And 2) I'm a bitch and part of it has to do with the fact that I'm a bitch and that I like to "spite" him after he makes a comment about it by just not doing it. LOL! He said, "Allison, you are not a bitch. Believe me, the only reason I've stayed with you for 7 years is because of your personality." Um, ok. Sounds sweet at first, no? But then later I translated it to, "Allison, I don't love you for shit. But you're damn funny and my friends dig you, so I've kept you around." LMAO! Sweet.

* I have bought a whopping total of 3 Christmas gifts so far. And I mean TOTAL. As in, one for Hannah and two for Grace. I am sooooo effing screwed this year. I'll probably drop about $300 just for expediated shipping. I suck. [sigh]

* I have a total of $2.00 until Wednesday when I get paid. I smoke and cigarettes are $4.00+ a pack. Shit.

* A car pulled out in front of me today and I flipped off the driver. A few minutes later, I realized it was an old nun. Shit.

* In the grocery store today, I saw an old-as-dirt woman in front of me digging around in her teeth with her finger. I kind of laughed to myself, thinking, "Why do old people always dig their teeth like that." Then, she took her damn teeth out! What the HELL? I shit you not, she pulled an entire upper set of teeth out of her mouth and kept walking with her shopping cart, holding the teeth in her hand. I almost threw up, but managed to hold it in, figuring if I vomited all over aisle 8, I'd be more repulsive than the toothless woman.

* Wanna know what my relationship with Steve is like? So Steve gets home from hunting and at some point, I mention that I've had a raging headache all day long (true story), and even made Steve feel the throbbing vein in my temple. He laughs and says, "And here I was, thinking I'd stay up late and get a little action tonight." I replied (and this is a direct quote my friends), "Well, I can lay there if you want and be the hole you stick it in, but don't expect anything beyond that." LOL! God, I'm the epitome of the opposite of ladylike. LOL! Why do I wonder where Grace gets it from? HELLO! Look in the mirror! LOL! (And if anyone is interested, Steve's response was laughter and, "Oh, that's nice. Thanks for that." LOL!

* I just realized that Steve's birthday is in exactly 8 days. I HATE birthdays around Christmas time. I hope he's not expecting like, a gift or anything. Maybe I can just use the "I'll be the hole you stick it in..." line again and call it a day?

* Mentioned to Steve that my friend (whom shall remain nameless) also celebrates a birthday on that same day. And they were born on the exact same day... as in the same year too. Instead of just letting it go at that, I felt the need to add, "Just think... your mom and her mom could've been pushing you out of their crotches at the exact same moment that day." He laughed, but I could tell the thought of anything involving his mom's crotch wasn't really appreciated. Seriously, I need some sort of brain censor. Something that stops me from saying out loud what's running through my mind. Can one of you buy that for me for Christmas? Because that would be swell. ;)


Mary said...

your children are quite entertaining. this is the shit I miss hearing about! ;)

WTG gracie on the flowers, what a sweetheart.

mamatulip said...

Maybe I can just use the "I'll be the hole you stick it in..." line again and call it a day?

I am confident that over half of the male population would be satisfied with that as a birthday gift. Steve included.

Gracey said...

The things that go through your mind is too much! LOL! I have to admit though that some of those types of things go through my mind too but I just can't actually blog and admit they do. It must be my prudeness! But you're really funny...I just laugh when I come on here! I think Steve is funny too.

Melissa said...

LMAO. You are one freaky chick.

beth said...

Go on with your sexy self! You missed your calling as a soft porn romance novelist.

Um, thanks for the crotch visual. I think I could have survived the morning without my moms or yours. LMAO!

Amber said...

"A car pulled out in front of me today and I flipped off the driver. A few minutes later, I realized it was an old nun. Shit."

--Shut. Up! LOL!!

He said, "Allison, you are not a bitch. Believe me, the only reason I've stayed with you for 7 years is because of your personality."

-- Steve. You are reTAWDed. You and Kory should get together and have a little retawds convention. Pft.

Your girls crack me up.


Chelle Y. said...

Allison, it is so early in the morning, (I am not a morning person), but I laughed out loud when I read almost all of your paragraphs. You ARE TOO funny. Hey, I agree with Steve, if I were married to you, I'd keep you around just for the laughs! :)

Tink said...

I didn't know nuns drove cars! I thought they caught the bus or something. I mean, where do they park it?

You're not any more unladylike than me. One night Hoop asked for nookie, but I was REALLY tired. So I told him to wait until I'd fallen asleep.

OddMix said...

LOL! Does "blogging fool" mean you are a fool who is blogging? ...or just blogging foolishly? ...or both?

Steve is a lucky man.

You have been tagged.