2. Begin chugging coffee while checking email and reading through blogs.
3. Tell myself to get my ass off the chair and start vacuuming up little fleas again.
4. Ignore myself.
5. Get a call from the vet saying that Salinger's blood sugar is elevated (diabetes?), but that he also has severe anemia, which the vet can't really explain yet. They're still running tests and will get back to me on Monday.
6. Vacuum entire house (again), including along all walls (again), under bed (again) and under baseboards (again).
7. Curse the insect world (again).
9. Start two loads of laundry (one upstairs and one in the basement) in an attempt to finish all laundry before spraying the house for fleas, since if I spray the whole house and the fleas have already laid eggs in the dirty laundry baskets in every bedroom on the floor, I'll be kind of fucked.
10. Fight with the children to get the hell in the car so we can get to where we need to go before they close.
11. Get them in the car and head to the bank to cash a check.
12. Continue to the vet to get the special food for cats with diabetes (not that we know for sure if he has it, but the vet "wants to be safe" until the results are in. Uh huh.).
13. Stop at the gas station to gas up where Grace picks a mini can of cheese Pringles (That's my girl!) and Hannah picks a push up pop (lollipop). I buy Marlboro Lights. LOL!
14. Head to the next town to a pet store where rumor has it they sell kick ass flea spray for in the house.
15. Buy three bottles of $15.00 flea spray and get further instructions from the pet shop dude.
16. Large bird in pet store starts screaming, "HELLO! HELLO!" and making loud, obnoxious noises, scaring the living shit out of Hannah.
17. Get back in the car and listen to Grace throw a first class tantrum ALL... THE... WAY... HOME... (15 minutes) about how she wants a push-up pop too and how she should've gotten that and not Pringles.
18. Blare radio in an attempt to drown out screaming child.
19. Wonder to myself if it's too early for a beer. (It is.)
20. Arrive home and spend the next 5 hours doing a total of 8 loads of laundry, all of which must be put away in drawers immediately after leaving the dryer so as not to have flea eggs laid on it.
21. Realized that when that much back laundry is done, there is absolutely no more room in any closets or drawers in the home.
22. Hear Grace screaming downstairs because she has somehow managed to band her head on the granite countertops in the kitchen.
23. Hear Hannah screaming downstairs for no reason other than the fact that she's Hannah and that's what she does.
24. Wonder if it's still too early for a beer. (It is.)
25. Receive a call from Grandma (my mom) asking if the girls are sleeping over at her house tonight.
26. Don't even ask the girls and answer, "Hell yeah they are!"
27. Vacuum entire house again.
28. Pack suitcase for children and drive them to Grandma's house.
29. Get a call from Steve asking me to pick up a pizza on the way home.
30. Call in pizza order and stop to pick it up on the way home.
31. Arrive home childless and wonder if it's still too early too drink a beer. (It's not! WOOHOO!)
32. Begin drinking beer.
33. Wonder if fleas can get drunk.
34. Wonder how much beer it takes to get them drunk.
35. Decide that me asking myself these questions probably means I'm drunk.
36. Bow out of baby shower tomorrow, using the excuse that I still have a good 7 or 8 loads of laundry to do before I can spray for fleas (not a lie).
37. Realize that although normally, I despise showers, after my hellish week, it would've been a nice day away.
38. Drink more beer to forget how sucky my day is going to be tomorrow. Cheers!