Recap of the Day (October 3, 2006)

* Woke up between two fast asleep children that were practically suffocating me.

* Got Grace dressed for school and waited at the end of the driveway with her for the bus.

* Made up a little song about farting (she calls it "fluffing") because she had let one rip and was paranoid I'd tell the bus driver. (I'm so flippin' mature, let me tell you.)

* Got phone call # 1 from Steve, telling me to watch the news because The World's Largest General Store (the best place ever in our area), was on fire.

* Turned on the news to find the entire place was completely destroyed. I'm devastated. We LOVE that place.

* Got phone call # 2 from my sister who was working at the court house, but no bosses were in today, so she decided to spend the day calling people.

* Got phone call # 3 while on the phone with my sister. It was the vet saying that Salinger is, indeed, diabetic, but that they want to run "one more quick bloodtest" in regards to the anemia. Uh huh. Is this "quick blood test" another ninety effin' dollars like last week's was? [grumble grumble]

* Decided not to call them back until my paycheck clears.

* Got phone call # 4 from Steve, telling me that the entire World's Largest General Store was indeed gone. (Thanks buddy, but I've got access to the TV and internet all day, so I kind of already knew that.)

* Made phone call # 5 to my mom at work to tell her about the World's Largest General Store fire. (Seriously people, we LOVE this place. Some of you have been there, so you know how much it rocked.)

* Finally decided it was time to shower or something (or stop neglecting my 3-year-old) and headed upstairs.

* Showered up and asked Hannah if she wanted to walk up the street to the gas station. (I needed cigarettes, but we're going to pretend I just wanted some fresh air and exercise. Uh huh. Right.)

* Halfway there, realized that this little adventure that should've taken all of 15 minutes was going to take a good hour, thanks to Hannah's insistance that we stop every three steps to look at trees, water, leaves, rocks, etc.

* Cursed the fact that she had brought a damn Barbie doll with her [shudder], and I had somehow got stuck with the evil bitch in my jeans pocket with her peroxide blonde hair sticking out of the top of my ass.

* Arrived at the gas station and found out a bomb threat had been called into the local high school. What is wrong with the world. Dear lord...

* Arrived back home (50 minutes later) and convinced Hannah to come inside for a drink.

* Grudgingly vacuumed the whole damn house from top to bottom again in an attempt to rid said house of all fleas in all stages of their life cycle.

* Tried to sneak outside for a cigarette, but Hannah found me and insisted on staying outside. Shit.

* Watched her collect rocks and sticks from the side of our house and put them in a bucket. Oh, to be a child again...

* Was informed by my oh-so-bossy three-year-old that I was going on a treasure hunt whether I liked it or not.

* Was also informed that I was to go inside and get a piece of paper and a crayon and meet her in the swingset playhut so that she could draw the treasure map before we embarked on our hunt.

* Followed little Hannah around the yard as she rambled on about pirates and mice and going to the doctor and something else that escapes me right now.

* Leaned against the wrought iron fence in the front of our house while Hannah opened the gate, walked through it, closed the gate, and repeated for a good 90 minutes.

* Heard her saying something about boats and escaping crocodiles or something, but she wouldn't repeat it, so I let her have her fun.

* Let her color on the fence with a teal crayon (because I knew it wouldn't show up through the damn rust on the thing).

* Coaxed her back inside after a few hours. A smoker's lungs can only take so much fresh air, ya know...

* Hung out with her on the couch while we watched some freaky kid show.

* Watched her become possessed and start throwing a holy tantrum because I wouldn't take her ponytail out. (For the record, I tried, but she flipped out and started screaming, "NO! NO! NO!" When I stopped, she started screaming, "TAKE IT OUT! TAKE IT OUT!" Seriously, is three too young to take Prozac?

* Got Grace off the bus.

* Broke up two physical fights between Grace and Hannah. Seriously children, knock it the hell off, would ya?

* Took Grace to gymnastics class.

* Came home and bathed my filthy children, only breaking up one kicking fight between them. [sigh]

* Told them to go play Beauty Shop while Mommy cracked open a beer and caught up on some email. (Such a stellar example of mothering I am, no?)

* Played with the kids a bit and got them to sleep (after threatening Hannah three times to just STOP TALKING). Seriously. I laugh in people's faces when they comment on how sweet and quiet Hannah is. Yeah. In public maybe. At home, she's the spawn of the devil in a little 28 lb. package.

* Watched "Dancing with the Stars" only so I could see Joey Lawrence and Mario from "Saved By the Bell". Mmmm....

* Was guilted (by myself) into coming here to post this daily recap after several of you commented on how much you missed them. [sigh] You people are killin' me. ;)