Saturday, November 11, 2006

Tales From a Redneck Wedding - Part I

OK guys, so my cousin's wedding is/was today. It's a joke of a relationship, I really can't stand my cousin, it's her second marriage, and frankly, she's an idiot. No one in my family wanted to go to this thing. So anyway, the girls and I are home from the ceremony (Steve's on his way home from climbing around a mountain somewhere) and are waiting for Steve to get home and the reception to start. So far, just from the brief 20 minutes at the church, I've seen/witnessed/heard/noticed:

* The father of the bride (my uncle, whom I adore) is wearing a tie with fish all over it, that he proudly proclaimed was free when I told him I liked it.

* The sister of the bride (my other cousin) is sporting jeans and a button down blouse (tell me again why I went out and bought something to wear for this shindig).

* The sister of the bride's children are wearing T-shirts with animals on them and cargo pants.

* About 30% of the guests were in faded, and sometimes ripped jeans.

* Matching, exposed, large shoulder blade tattoos on both bridesmaids. (Which in and of itself wouldn't phase me. But when thrown in with this other stuff, it had to be mentioned.)

* The sister of the bride and her DH not leaving the ceremony when their almost 3-year-old (in the animal T-shirt) was pitching a holy fit, screaming, crying, and throwing his bag of Chex Mix around the church.

* A fairly overweight woman with the largest breasts I've ever seen wearing a black mini skirt, that, kid you not, comes to just under the bottom of her ass cheeks.

* An older man, who was standing next to me leaving the church, grabbed the little bells we were suppsed to ring. He turned to me and said with a smirk, "Are we supposed to ring this whenever we get lucky tonight?"

Oh... my... god guys. Even my dad, upon exiting the church and catching a glimpse of the large micro-mini wearing woman at the same time I did, turned to me and said, "Well, the reception should be interesting." ROFLMAO!

Needless to say, I've already cracked a beer, Steve is designated driver tonight whether he likes it or not, and there's no way on god's green earth I can forget to take my camera to this thing. Stay tuned... I'm sure there will be WAY more to tell tonight. I'm off to the Beaver Run Rod and Gun Club.... (I'm not shitting. That's actually where the reception is. YEEHAW!!!!!)

9 comments:

Amber said...

What, NO PICS?? LMAO!! You better not forget your camera at the reception, lady!
...because I think I may know some of these people...

:)

September said...

You can't tease us like this...we need part 2, dammit.

Kim said...

OMG! I absolutely cannot wait to hear/see more!

Chelle Y. said...

That sounds like my cousin's wedding. My uncle was in jeans, shirt unbuttoned, tie flipped back, barbecueing five minutes before the ceremony! Haha!

You had me laughing reading this! I might have started drinking too! Hehehe!

beth said...

**tap tap tap** we're waiting...

jeanne_bean said...

Can't wait for Part II

G said...

i had exposed large shoulder blade tattoos when i was a bridesmaid for my bestfriend lol..

Alien said...

LOL G! I honestly *LIKE* tattoos. And I don't even care when you can see them at weddings. But when I looked around at the guests wearing ripped jeans and baseball hats in the church, the tattoos on the bridesmaids just kind of made me laugh.

hepmomto3 said...

OMG - My future SIL's mother wanted me to bring the twins to the wedding. She said something like, "Kids will be kids, it's OK if they don't sit still." Sit still??? Good God lady! These kiddos are twinadoes!! The ceremony was about an hour!! (Mix hindu and catholic and Lord help us all. LOL) Needless to say, DH missed nearly the entire thing. At least they had a sitter for the reception.