Thursday, August 09, 2007

Well, another pigroast has come and gone. It's always hard to believe how quickly that week goes. It's a good month of preparation every year... make the guest list... make the invitations... print the invitations... address and mail the invitations... order the pig... order the beer... make the shopping lists... etc. Then we wake up that morning, blink, and it's over. Kind of makes me wonder why the hell we do it. LOL!
OK... so I only took a total of like 7 pictures the ENTIRE weekend (because I'm always too busy to think about it), and I'll post one or two here. None of them are that exciting actually. And I'll spare the one of good ol' Porky when he arrived the night before. So much happened those 3 or 4 days that I'm afraid you're going to get a bulleted list. And because my brain is fried today, due to me royally fucking up my computer last night and spending all day researching a fix, it's going to NOT be in chronological order. Deal with it.

** Emily (from one of my Mom internet boards) and her sister, Camille flew in on Thursday. Being the rude hostess that I am, I was on my way home from getting my haircut when they arrived and they sat on my back porch for an hour waiting for me. (Incidentally, I DID tell them to feel free to come inside in the air conditioning, but they declined.)

** Later that night, the three of us headed out to get us some alcohol for the night and we were cornered in the walk-in freezer by a creepy, redneck dude in a NASCAR shirt who heard there were "three hot ladies" in there. He then proceeded to look directly at Emily's chest and call her a "hot mama." Oh my. Welcome to Pennsylvania, Camille. LOL!

** Got buzzed, hung out, and then crashed.

** The three of us (and Grace) ran around the next day to the grocery store, dollar store, liquor store, bank, etc. preparing for the next day. While waiting in line to check out at the grocery store, a scary dude behind us in line started talking to us. What a FREAK! He was overweight, had a big bushy grayish beard and was wearing a shirt that said something like, "If you're hot, take your clothing off," with the name of a local nudist colony under it.

** He told us a bunch of stupid jokes, asked if we wanted to do what his shirt said (since it was 90+ degrees that day), and waited patiently while I checked out with an entire shopping cart of food and he was holding ONE candybar and a coupon to get it for free. (Uh, welcome to Pennsylvania, Camille.)

** While at the dollar store, some old woman with a THICK German accent (?!) saw me buying 10 or 11 silver foil pans (for the pig) and asked if I was preparing for Thanksgiving. Um, lady, it's August. When I mumbled that no, it was for a pig roast, she said something that sounded like, "Oh. I'm going to a pig roast tomorrow too." Shit. I left there worrying that she was coming to ours and assured Emily and Camille that not ALL people in my town are freaks. Like, for real.

** That night, we decided to attempt to make Jello shots (we were all Jello shot making virgins). We had found a recipe for rum & coke ones that used Coke instead of any water.

** Later, we tried them. They were good, but there wasn't even an inkling of Coke taste in 'em.
** Crashed.

** Woke up the morning of the pig roast and kicked it into high gear. There's soooo much to do that day before people start showing up.

** People started arriving and the fun began. Beer, pork, turkeys, potato bacon soup (remind me to post the recipe. It's easy and it fucking ROCKS!), meatballs, pierogies, pasta salad, taco roll thingies, etc.

** Started doing Jello shots. Mmmm...

** Grace spent hours taking "donations" for the homemade french fries my FIL makes while you wait every year.

** She got greedy and started "selling water" too. She made $32.00.

** My parents left with the girls and the real fun (for me) could begin.
** Talked to our friend Jack, the "Snake Dude" (see photo below). He goes out and catches copperheads and rattlesnakes "for fun". He showed us all of his snake bites and told some stories.

** Found out later that when he was leaving, he smacked Camille on the ass as his way of saying goodbye. [shaking head] I SWEAR we're not all like that here. For real.

** Emily got a ride on our neighbor's 4-wheeler at one point. I'm still not sure why, but what the hell, right?
** Jumped out of my skin when another guest retrieved a 5-foot long homemade "cannon" out of his SUV and proceeded to shoot it off, much to the dismay of the neighborhood dogs.

** Decided it was time to start up the Beer Pong table.
** Got stuck with a sucky ass partner and lost the first game. Grrrr...

** Camille volunteered to play even though she'd never played before and she was a total ringer. She sank ball after ball, helping us win about 8 games in a row.

** Laughed when people started singing karaoke (we had a DJ). Some people just shouldn't sing in public.

** Got a ride on the neighbor's 4-wheeler. (Hey, Emily can't have ALL the fun.)

** Got drunk enough to drag Emily up to sing a song. (I NEVER sing karaoke people. Ever.)

** Got stuck singing "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" by Shania Twain. I HATE her and I HATE that song, but an old dude we know insisted on it.

** We didn't do so well. LOL!

** Upon finishing the song, was told by the DJ that "my friend was over in the chair throwing up under his tent." That would be Camille. LMAO! Damn Beer Pong.

** With the aide of Steve, Emily, and I, we managed to get Camille up to the house to crash. We found her 5 minutes later snuggled up under the garbage bag Emily had given her to puke into should the need arise.

** Switched it out with a towel. (I wanted to give her a blanket, but Emily said no. Hey, it's her sister, not mine.)

** Went back down the party for about 15 more minutes before I decided I was just done for the night.

** Heard the homemade cannon go off again on my way up. Nice.

** Stumbled up to the house where I found out my brother had snuck out and left to drive the 45 minutes back to his house instead of crashing here like the plan had been.

** Got accused of not giving a shit by my sister when I mumbled I was going to bed. Hey, I love the guy and I certainly don't want him drinking and driving. But I'm also not his babysitter and if someone is going to be a stupid fucking idiot, there's nothing I can do about it.

** Crashed. Hard.

** Found out the next day that my FIL's girlfriend asked one of our friend's girlfriend when she's due. Um, she's not pregnant. DOH!

** Found out the next day that three of our older dude friends had spent the night in our yard. One on a makeshift mattress using bench cushions, one in a sleeping bag in the grass, and one right on the wooden benches Steve had "built" next to the bon fire. Sweet.

** Spent the day cleaning up, hanging with Emily and Camille before they left, and eating lots of leftovers.

All in all, it was a blast. It was fun having Emily and Camille here and hanging with some chicks is always a nice change of pace for me. But next year, I'm making my own cannon.


geenalyn said...

OMG it sounds like a blast!! From making the jello shots, to singing karaoke, to the homemade cannon. And i totally forgot about your FIL's home made fries...damn those were good. And i'm LMAO that Grace made 32.00 off of donations for the fries and then selling water. You've got quite the entrepenauer on your hands there :)

Chelle Y. said...

Ah, was that "Peanut" Emily? I miss reading her blog. I hope she is doing well.

Sounds like you had a lot of fun. Maybe one day I'll make it there. :)

Kim said...

OMG. Sounds like a blast! A party wouldn't be a party if there weren't people leftover the next morning! LMAO!

My redneck uncle has a "cannon" too. He calls it his potato gun. He puts perfectly fine, store bought potatoes in it and sprays cheap aerosol hairspray in it to get it to ignite. Then he shoots it and they get a kick out of seeing how far that damn potato goes. Idiots, I tell ya. LOL!

Tink said...

I wish we had things like that around here. The last time I tried to have a small social gathering (as a test) my carpet and couch got ruined. Stupid aholes. But the pigroast sounds like it was a blast.

Susie said...

Sounds like another good one!! I love reading your pig roast stories.

Carrie said...

Sounds like a great time! I am lovin' your new haircut, btw!! One hot mama!