Seriously. I have to say, that as much as my life has sometimes had me shaking my head, for the most part, once I get it all out and blog or write about it, it makes me laugh. Because seriously, my life is hilarious. It never seems "normal" no matter what I do. Let's take today for example...
I wake up and the pink eye is still kicking my ass. I've had it before. But then, it was some gunk, an itchy eye for a day or two, and it was done. But this time, it's attacked me. I wake up this morning with my eyes pasted shut and swollen to around 3 times their normal size. Crap!
So I email my boss at work and ask for permission to take a 1/2 sick day so I can go get it checked out since my OTHER eye is now starting to itch.
I work from home while checking my email for the next few hours, waiting for a response from the women (my boss) who I SWEAR is bi-polar and that I've convinced myself hates me for reasons unbeknownst to me.
I finally get a response and when I email back to say thank you for allowing me to take the 1/2 day (I haven't been there that long, so I'm still kind of cautious about things), she responds back and says that Eric showed her what I've done so far, how much she LOVES it, how excited she is about what I've done, how she can't wait until everything's done so our clients see it, that I should keep up the great work, etc. I'm thinking, What the hell? Yesterday, when I ran into you in the office kitchen, you barely said two words to me, and when I tried making small talk, you brushed me off and said you had a conference call and were pissed off you couldn't eat lunch. Prozac anyone?
So, I put in my half day and tell Hannah that she's going to Grandma's house while I head to the medical center to get the ol' pink eye checked out. She's down with it, so we walk outside to get in the car.
The neighbor lady (just released from jail a few months ago for some white-collar, bad checkwriting stuff) asks me if Steve's coming home for lunch. Uh, no. Why? Well, apparently, a psychotic groundhog had gotten into a tussle with her dog and was acting weird. It kept running at her and her elderly mom, wouldn't leave, etc. So she went to get out her .22, but it was jammed, and wanted to know if Steve was coming home so he could dip into his stash of rifles and take care of business. Alrighty then.
So I drop Hannah off at my mom's house and head to the medical center, where it took TWO HOURS to sign-in, get looked at, and get a prescription for antibiotic eye drops. For the love of god...
So I get home and have to head down the street to the gas station for cigarettes and a Slim Jim. (Because Slim Jims ARE god's gift to humans in case you didn't know...) I get to the end of our road and a car comes FLYING around the corner, partially running me off the road. I go to flip the driver off and realize it's the neighbor with the groundhog issues. Nice.
So fast forward a few hours and I'm back outside, loading both kids into the car to go to WalMart and fill my prescription for the eyedrops. The neighbor's outside too and apologizes for almost causing my vehicular death earlier and I make a joke about how I just figured the groundhog had her all worked up.
She says that it's "been taken care of." I probed a bit and found out that the groundhog eventually came up on their back patio, wouldn't leave, etc. and that her brother and a friend finally "took a machete to it" to get rid of the little bastard. OMG! I couldn't stop laughing. Now I can't say as I blame her. Groundhogs, generally speaking, don't get aggressive, but this one obviously was. They don't normally act the way this one was, which makes me wonder if something was wrong with it (rabies, etc.). So I'm kind of glad he's gone. My kids DO play in the backyard every night after all. But it still made me laugh and contemplate how it is that these sorts of days are fairly "normal" for me. Other people's normal days involve work, soccer practice for the kids, baths, and bedtime. But no. Not me. I've got (apparently) bi-polar bosses, a felon neighbor, pussy eyes and rabid groundhogs. Awesome. ;)
Quote of the Day:
So long as you rob Peter to pay Paul, you'll have Paul's support.