Monday, March 12, 2007

How my day began today...

So, I come out of WalMart and get into my car to head home. Now I'm parked between two large (high) pickup trucks. No big deal. But since I drive a little (low) Honda it does mean that I can't really see who's coming down the parking lot aisle until I clear the back of the trucks a bit and can see past them. No biggie. I'm always very aware of this and creep out slowly to get out of my parking space, so that anyone coming down the aisle will see me and have time to stop before ramming into me.

So that's what I'm doing this time. I'm backing out at about 1 mile per hour (if that), alternating between looking left and right behind me to see when I can clear the back of the trucks with my line of vision and actually see whose driving down the aisle. I'm almost at that point when I hear someone LAYING on the horn. WTF? So I slam on the brakes (although at 1 mph, slamming was hardly necessary), turn to look to my right (behind me) and see this OLD dude in an old person car screaming at me.

I give him an apologic smile, mouth sorry, and wave that he should keep driving behind me and then I'll continue backing out. (Keep in mind that I'm only about 2 feet out of my parking spot at this point. I'm not even CLOSE to blocking the lane so that he can't continue around me.)

So I'm thinking he'll just keep driving behind me. But no. The fucker starts waving his finger at me like I'm a 12-year-old, and is still screaming at me. Now, I'm pissed. I wasn't doing anything wrong, I was being extremely cautious about backing up until I had a good line of vision of other people driving in the lot, etc. AND I had just basically apologized and given him the right of way. DON'T wag your fucking finger at me, asshole.

So I start screaming back, "Fuck you, asshole! GO! I couldn't see! I just TOLD you to keep going, FUCKWAD!" and I angrily wave for him to go past me. (Now keep in mind it's like still cold here, so both of us have our car windows closed, meaning we can't actually hear each other and can only see each other's angry faces, hand gestures, and imagine what the other one is yelling. LOL!)

He's STILL wagging his finger at me and yelling (seriously dude... go get laid or something, because you're obviously high-strung and in need of a stress-reliever) and I finally just flip him the double bird, yell, "Fuck OFF, ASSHOLE!" and turn around to face front. I refused to turn around and look at him again until he had driven past me and was halfway down the next aisle. Honest to god, if I had continued to watch him and he had wagged his finger one more time, I would've jumped out of my car and pummeled his ass. And I'm NOT kidding. Fucker.

It was 9 A.M. and I swear to god, I needed a beer. (Don't worry, I didn't actually have one. But I wanted one.)

7 comments:

Susie said...

LOL!!! OMG! I am picturing this and rolling here.
Thank heavens we aren't all opening the paper tomorrow and reading about a woman in PA who kicked the crap out of an old man in the parking lot of the local Walmart.

Amber said...

Yeah. I love you. LOL!

:)

Amber said...

Did you read my Thursady Thirteen? You and and I could SO drink a beer together. Same breed, my friend. Same breed. Ha!

:)

jeanne_bean said...

You are my hero! LOL! I can picture you flipping off some wrinkly dude. Jerk.

jeanne_bean said...

You are my hero! LOL! I can picture you flipping off some wrinkly dude. Jerk.

Kimmykay said...

After having 3 kids and a dang dog get in bed with me around 5 this morning I needed this. I swear I want to live close to you. I would have LOVED seeing you flip off the old man. He might be the same one that blares his horn when I was backing out of my drive way. I had to clear the pine trees to see and I swear if I was barely rolling they honked at me. I always like to gun the engine and roll 5 mph instead of 1 just to see their face. Ok, I swear I'm going to giggle all day today over this.

Farmer*swife said...

Just found another old post but "new" to me. I have so many more important things to be doing right now, but I sware I'm becoming addicted to your stories. You should be a comedian. This one made me laugh so hard I cried! You are TOO funny!