No Drama Here. Nuh uh.

So in the span of 12 hours today, I was diagnosed with:

• Mono
• Leukemia
• Hepatitis/Liver Disease
• Strep
• An Allergic Reaction
• Lupus
• Lyme’s Disease
• Some Form of Cancer
• Fifth’s Disease
• Another Attempt of Steve’s Diabolical Murder Plot

Now, granted, some of those were self-diagnosed, several were friend-diagnosed, and one was diagnosed by a doctor.

It all started when I woke up this morning with horrible joint pain and a crazy rash on my feet, legs, and upper thighs. I was sort of concerned, only because the rash took up over 95% of my legs and I hadn’t eaten anything weird or changed soaps, detergents, etc.

I normally would’ve left it go, but when it was coupled with the horrible joint and neck pain, I, admittedly, got a little freaked out. I made the mistake of Googling the two things together and got back a laundry list of possible diseases and disorders, all of which either involved a life of hell, horrible treatment options, and/or inevitable death. Fantastic.

So I email my normal daily email group and explain what’s going on, send photos (see below. These were taken first thing this morning, and it continued to spread to my stomach and arms and got worse on my legs after that... And those are shorts I’m wearing that I hiked up. I’m not flashing underwear shots.), and we all start guessing. I had myself convinced I had leukemia or liver disease and was dying, one friend was banking on strep, and another friend was sure it was something like mono.

I call and make an appointment at the doctor’s office for the first time in (literally) three years. The joint pain thing had me beside myself and I was also worried it was something contagious and I didn’t want to be around the kids until I knew for sure.

So the doctor was sort of stumped. She said it was definitely something that was coming from inside (as opposed to a skin contact allergic reaction), but she couldn’t be sure if it was a virus, a reaction to food, Lyme’s Disease, etc. My glands didn’t feel swollen, my liver didn’t feel enlarged, no fever, etc. So she chalked it up to a food thing (possibly) or virus and wrote me a prescription for some steroids to clear up the rash, with orders to go get bloodwork done if the rash reappeared again after being treated and/or I started experiencing more symptoms.

I felt a little better, but an allergic  reaction didn’t explain the joint pain, and that was still freaking me out a bit.

So I get home and email the group again, giving them the doctor’s diagnosis. We bat around a few more ideas until Emily shows up in the emails and says that a few months ago, she had adult Fifth’s disease, her joints hurt her in ways that were indescribable and in ways they’d never hurt before, and that she got a rash only on her legs (which isn’t what happens in kids, where they get it on their faces). Hmmm…

So after we all individually Google adult Fifth’s Disease, we come to an agreement that that’s what it is. It can’t be treated, but the ‘roids the doctor gave me should clear up the rash AND help the joint pain, so that’s cool I guess. I’ll definitely keep an eye on it (it’s hard not to considering it spans the vast majority of my body), and hope that it disappears (along with the pain) quickly and I can move on.

But admittedly, there’s that little part of me that wonders if Steve has become desperate to kill me like I think he’s trying to do, and has somehow poisoned me or rubbed weird shit on me while I’m sleeping. It wouldn’t surprise me.

So basically, I spent my day convinced I was dying, trying to convince myself I’m NOT dying, and making mental notes to blog about it here as more evidence against Steve, should I mysteriously kick the bucket. Fun-filled day for me, lemme tell ya. Not.

So for now, we’re all banking on Fifth’s Disease, even though the doctor never mentioned it, and hopefully, it’ll be at least a little better tomorrow. I don’t give a flying crap about the rash, but my knees hurt SO bad that I can barely walk, which kind of sucks. Of course, if this fails, Steve may resort to drastic measures. So I’d like it to be stated here that I do NOT ever clean Steve’s guns. So if I end up dead with a gunshot wound to the head or chest, make sure you tell the cops it is NOT the unfortunate gun-cleaning accident that Steve will try to convince the authorities of, OK? And that I had a mysterious rash appear just 3 days prior to  my “accident”, OK?

Tomorrow’s Entry: September’s visit last night (the person, not the month)

How I left my purse in the shopping cart today in the parking lot of the grocery store, and how some amazing woman found it and took it into the service desk where I retrieved it. Whew! My head was just sooo many other places today that I’m surprised I didn’t get in the wrong car and just drive away. [shaking head]

And I’ll share my top choices from “America’s Got Talent” and “So You Think You Can Dance”, as well as share my thoughts on the final two contestants on Hell’s Kitchen.

But now I think I need to go to bed. It’s been a rough day, my friends. :)

PS: I just totally inhaled an entire Hershey bar while reading over this and it tasted soooo good. Mmmmm…. I mean, if I’m dying, I may as well live life to the fullest while I’m here, right? ;)

Quote of the Day:
I was so hungry I could have eaten a horse. But only pigs were available.
--Anonymous