A is for Alien

So I decided to browse Etsy tonight, because I truly believe Etsy is one of the best, kick ass sites in the world. I did a search on “alien” and received 1775 hits. Sweet. So this post is solely dedicated to the amazing talents of other people out there who create things that I should buy in honor of that oh-so-hard-to-ever-get-rid-of nickname that I was cursed blessed with 8 years ago.

I’m totally buying this photo on Etsy for myself. Granted, no one in my “real life” calls me Alien on a daily basis. But it will make me laugh every time I see it.

What will y’all pay me if I buy (and wear) this hat in public?

OK. All kidding aside, I actually DO want this journal…

Um, I’m not really sure why the person selling this used “alien” as one of their keywords. Is there something about Ken I should know?

This seller claims he “found this” in the middle of a corn field. Uh huh. Sure he did…

I’m buying these cards to randomly leave in places like the grocery store. Inside, I’ll write, “I was watching you buy those Cheetos and I’m coming to get them (and you) tonight. Locking your doors is pointless.”

Now seriously. Who the hell would wear this monstrosity?

OK. So IF I ever have another baby, I will totally buy these for his/her bedroom.

OK. This is listed as a “Little felted alien dolly.” Well, call it what you like, lady, but it looks like a fuzzy, tri-colored penis to me. Pervert.

I swear to god, this seller used “alien” as a keyword. I guess she’s not THAT far off…

Dude. Get better models for your products. Trust me on this one.

Uhhh…. I don’t know what to even say about this next one.

So do you think Steve would be pissed if I spent $16.00 on this?

How ‘bout these for $24?

I stopped looking when I got to this one. Because, frankly, it creeped me out.

That’s it for tonight. My bed is calling… Later gang.

Quote of the Day:
All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten
--Robert Fulghum