THIRTEEN PEOPLE WHOSE LAPS I'D LIKE TO DUMP A STEAMING CUP OF COFFEE INTO (FOR VARIOUS REASONS)

1. Howard Stern
2. Colin Farrell
3. Star Jones
4. The MoFo that pulled out in front of me tonight on my way to my mom's house to pick up the girls.
5. A person whom shall remain nameless.
6. The cabinet installer (only to see if it would make him pee).
7. Dr. Phil
8. Tom Cruise
9. All snobs of the world (I realize this would put my list to over 13, but since they all share one brain cell among them, I figure I could count them as one.)
10. Anyone who has ever sexually molested/assaulted/intimidated another human being on the planet.
11. Mike Tyson
12. The bitchy lady that works in the deli section at my grocery store.
13. Whomever it was that bought the last bottle of lemon garlic marinade at the store the other day before I got there. That was mine dammit! You hear me? MINE!!!!!!!
    
    
    
    

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams." ~Jason Love

~ Sent the children off to school.

~ Was happy to see that Steve had "discovered" a box from Barnes & Noble on our back porch this morning. Huh. I wonder how long it's been there?

~ Kept smelling cat piss and finally figured out that it was on the bottom of my lounge pants that I was wearing. What... the... fuck?

~ Lisa, fix your damn blog so I can comment, will ya? ;)

~ Made a Yahoo avatar just for the hell of it, with absolutely no intention of actually using it anywhere online.

~ Cleaned the stupid litterboxes.

~ Ate a Devil Dog for breakfast. Breakfast of champions, lemme tell ya.

~ In reading Tink's blog, was reminded that growing up, I used to yell "Free Willy" at my sister. I was such a mean big sister.

~ Called to make an appointment to register Grace for kindergarten. [sigh]

~ Read the list of documents and paperwork required just for friggin' registration and cringed. Is this what I have to look forward to? Because I'm not liking it.

~ Searched fruitlessly for a birthday party invitation from one of Grace's daycare friends so I could call to RSVP and couldn't find it anywhere. Dammit!

~ The electrician arrived where we had a lively conversation peppered with "fucks" and "assholes". I dig that dude.

~ Didn't want to pee while the electrician was working in the basement because the bathroom is right above it and I knew he'd be able to hear me tinkle.

~ Received an "objectionable message" error on my Moms board when I tried to post something with the word "bullshitting" in it.

~ Was thrilled when the electrician told me he was going to use my bathroom.

~ Told him about the non-urinating cabinet installer and how disturbing I found it.

~ Laughed when he said that perhaps the cabinet guy was peeing outside.

~ Explained thaht no, I'd been watching for him to pee outside and it never happened.

~ Decided I may have admitted too much when he looked at me while laughing and said, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

~ Put away about 18 loads of laundry.

~ Laughed when the electrician left and the cabinet installer showed up 15 minutes later to finish filling nail holes and such.

~ Had a horribly embarrassing coughing/spitting coffee incident in front of the cabinet dude.

~ Was a bit sad when he was leaving since it's probably the last time we'll really ever see him. [sigh] Our sweet, non-peeing Dennis...

~ Ran to the post office for a roll of $0.39 stamps so we can stop putting two $0.37 stamps on letters.

~ Wanted to kick Steve in the nuts when he arrived home and mentioned possibly wanting to repaint the kitchen a different color. Seriously dude. You have issues. Serious, serious issues.

~ Am thrilled that both of my children poop in the potty. Now if I could just get them to flush it, we'd be golden.

~ Finally actually looked at the girls' Valentine's Day card lists for daycare and realized I'll be spending the entire weekend writing out over 50 (literally) V-Day cards for children. Yay.

~ Let Grace and Hannah "wash dishes" in the bathroom sink tonight, making a complete mess, soaking themselves, the bathroom, and all adjoining rooms.

~ Didn't care because it kept them busy while I watched "Four Kings".

~ Got a phone call that Steve's step-dad was in a car accident. (He's OK, thank god.)

~ Our friend, Jeff, stopped by causing the girls to kick it into "hyperactive" mode, running around the room with wrapping paper "capes" and jump ropes.

~ Had an emotionally draining and depressing (yet exremely calm) discussion with Steve about my job situation (or lack there of). I'm beat. Defeated. Depressed. (Not by Steve. By life in general.)

~ Just typed that and realized it sounded rather dramatic. LOL! But it really has been a sucky, sucky night.

A Few Grammy Observations...

(Feel free to add to them as you wish by commenting.)

Also, I only watched from 10:00 on, so I'm sure I missed some good/bad/ugly stuff.

** Bruce Springsteen sucks. He sucked when I was a kid and he sucks now. That wasn't a song. That was like spoken verse with music in the background.

** Joss Stone friggin' RULES!

** Spanish dudes are hot. (And who, exactly, was that rather attractive one singing with the black guy and Paul McCartney? Because I don't think I've seen him before.)

** Bono's hot.

** Was that Fantasia I saw grinding against Steven Tyler during the Sly & the Family Stone performance? Because if so, that's just freakin' gross! Fantasia blows!

** Christina Aguilara... unbelieveable voice, slamming body, not so attractive face.

** Jamie Foxx rocks.

** The Green Day dude, Billie Joe, has a really geeky speaking voice. (But I dig his singing voice.)

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other." ~Ann Landers

~ Sent both girls to daycare and commenced with my coffee chugging ritual.

~ Sat in front of the computer, knowing damn well that I couldn't sit here all day, and hating that no one else seems to be online at 6:30 am EST. [sigh]

~ Tried to pump myself to shower and head to the tile place, 30 miles away, to try to get some backsplash ideas.

~ Failed miserably.

~ Laughed to myself again when I reopened an email one of our fellow bloggers sent me yesterday that had a picture attached of herself in my avatar's pose. [snort]

~ Decided I'm keeping that email (and attachment) because I know it'll come in handy sometime in the future.

~ Checked my two email accounts that I check maybe twice a week these days.

~ Weeded through the 150 junk emails and spam and found a whopping 2 non-spam/non-annoying emails from people I actually know and care about.

~ During this process, learned that my Barnes & Noble order is on its way. Nice.

~ Tried to pump myself to shower and head to the tile place, 30 miles away, to try to get some backsplash ideas.

~ Failed miserably.

~ Got that call from Steve, asking me to please take out the monstrous garbage cans he had conveniently forgotten.

~ Drug the stupid ass cans to the end of our driveway.

~ Realized I forgot to tell you guys about the HOT Spanish granite installer named Louie that was here the other day. Mmmmm... Long-haired blue collar worker with an accent. [Thunk! <---- Me Fainting)

~ Tried to pump myself to shower and head to the tile place, 30 miles away, to try to get some backsplash ideas.

~ Failed miserably.

~ Reminded myself (yet again) to find out who the young dude is in Love Monkey that plays Wayne and see if I can seriously buy one of his albums.

~ Did some things that should only be done in the privacy of your own home, when no one else is around.

~ Tried to pump myself to shower and head to the tile place, 30 miles away, to try to get some backsplash ideas.

~ Actually succeeded.

~ Wore the boob-enhancing shirt in the hopes it would get me some "special treatment" at the tile place.

~ Possibly (through help from the tile lady) found a marble/slate/glass tile combination that may be a nice compromise for Steve and I. (Notice I said tile lady, so my boob-enhancing shirt was a waste. [sigh])

~ Forgot to pee before leaving the tile place and drove the 30 miles home with my knees squeezed together and tears in my eyes.

~ Arrived home to find an email about a possible job and a request for writing samples.

~ Decided I'm not so sure how I feel about that. [sigh]

~ Went to pick up my children.

~ Laughed as Grace, Hannah & Steve exercised in their underwear, doing sit ups, push ups, jumping jacks, etc. (Steve was doing them for real, and the girls were imitating him).

~ Was a bit embarrassed when I realized that Grace can do a sit up WAY better than I can. [sigh]

~ Watched American Idol, during which Steve and I decided that the gray-haired dude is totally our favorite and we hope he gets into the Top 12.

~ Wondered if he mentioned in his original audition how old he is and why his hair is gray.

~ Couldn't stop laughing at the large black twin dudes who really are complete idiots.

~ Almost pissed myself when someone didn't sing very well and Steve said (dead seriously), "He's steppin'." Um, OK Homeboy. YO! YO! YO! Thanks for that. (dork)

~ Watched "Lost" where I was bummed to see Sawyer go back to being an asshole, but glad that it may mean they'll show him more, allowing me to ogle at that perfect speciman while touching myself.

~ Flipped over to the Grammy, where I had quite a few observations. (See post above for these observations.)

Fun with Bathtub Crayons...

They wanted goatees like Daddy. ;)

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night." ~Author Unknown


Random Thoughts (since my darling daughter woke up just as I was about to blog last night, and insisted we go up to bed, and now I can't remember what I did yesterday...)

~ The little girl in the Shutterfly ad that I keep receiving email and snail mail really isn't that cute and could use an eyelid lift. (See you in hell, Tink.)

~ Pet Peeve: Entering a grocery store and asking my 2-year-old if she has to potty before we start, and having her say no. Same 2-year-old waits until the cart is overflowing and we only have 2 more aisles left before she says, "Mommy, I have to potty." Great kid. Thanks.

~ Steve is the most aggrevating, frustrating person in the world when it comes to choosing things for our home. Hon, let me handle the backsplash selection. Because so far, your criteria are nothing dull (as in non-shiny), not too many colors, no random patterns, something "natural" that goes with the other natural materials in the room, not too small, not too big, and something that matches. Jesus Christ dude... Anything else?

~ The girl twins that were on American Idol last night (where one sang and one didn't b/c she had had a cyst on her vocal cords) were smoking hot. Dear lord! Imagine being the parents of two hot chicks to have to worry about. That would kind of suck.

~ Wondered if I should play the lottery yesterday when I went into the grocery store with exactly $150 in cash and some change, didn't add up groceries at all as I went along, and had my order come to exactly $150.01 before my 20% off my entire order coupon was put into effect. I fucking rule.

~ Wondered how to tell Steve that pretty much ALL of my bills are due in the next week or two and that I have absolutely, positively NO money left and none coming in. He'll be thrilled, I'm sure. [sigh]

~ Wondered what Steve will do if I just stop looking for a job and never get one. I mean, he can't physically drag me to a place and make me work, right?

~ Just became extremely annoyed (sort of) when Steve called me to tell me he forgot to put the garbage out and could I please drag the 5 oversized, extremely heavy garbage cans to the end of the driveway (not a very short walk, my friends).

~ Realized that bitching about it would be pretty wrong of me since it's not like I have a job or anything. LOL!

Conversation with the guy at the Chinese Restaurant Last Night...

Me: I'd like to place an order.
Him: Go head.
Me: [ramble off what we want]
Him: OK. You pick up in 10 minutes?
Me: Can I have it delivered please?
Him: Er... um... where you at?
Me: [Give him our street address.]
Him: Er... um... no know where that at.
Me: Do you have a new delivery guy? (The old one knows where we live.)
Him: Yes. My son. No know where that at. You no pick up?
Me: Well, I didn't really want to. You can't deliver it?
Him: You no pick up in 10 minutes?
Me: [sighing loudly] Yeah. I'll come get it.
Him: Thank you. 10 minutes? Phone number?
Me: [give phone number]
Him: [Rambles off seven numbers not even close to what I just said.]
Me: No. [Repeat phone number.]
Him: [Rambles off another seven numbers still not close to what I just said.]
Me: [Giving up] Uh, yeah. That's it.
Him: You pick up 10 minutes?
Me: YES!
[Hang up and beat head against the wall.]

Fun with Granite...

For those of you not on my mom boards, here are some pictures after granite installation yesterday. We still have a lot to do, but at least we have horizontal surfaces again. LOL!

Sink Wall

Front View of Island

View from the Sunroom (which will eventually be our dining room)

View from Playroom (We'll have stools for seating along the back of the island and along the left-hand side)

Corner Unit (with our one bottle of wine that we put there to be funny)

View from the Back Door

Football, Cunterwear, and Babies?

Hello my loyal followers. ;)

No long highlights list from me tonight (I'm sure you're devastated... LOL!)

But basically, I cleaned my ass off today, I took the girls to my parents for an overnight stay, I picked up hot wings, I watched the Steelers kick ASS (GO STEELERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!), I got a funny as all hell call from EE and Janet in the middle of the freakin' Superbowl asking about "cunterware" or something (What... the... Hell?), I watched "Grey's Anatomy" (and got annoyed as hell that it's to be continued), and I got drunk off my ass.

Therefore, since I am indeed drunk off my ass right now, I must go to bed, where I have the pleasure of sleeping with my husband since my 4-year-old is at Grandma's for the night. WOOHOO!!!!!!!

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And on a totally unrelated note (and b/c I'm drunk), Steve stopped at his brother's house today, and tonight, out of the blue, commented on how "Garrett [our one-year-old nephew] is so cute now that he just learned to walk." And during the game tonight, I jokingly said, "We need a son to play for the Pittsburgh Steelers" and he said, "Yeah. I know," and kind of laughed. Um, for those of you that don't know Steve as well as I do (which is, I hope, ALL of you... LOL!), this is extremely odd conversation for him. So um, if I announce that I'm pregnant again in a few months, can someone shoot me? OK. Thanks. ;)

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PS: Tomorrow's Granite Day. Words cannot describe my excitement. [happy, happy sigh]

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Stupid, fucking Blogger!" ~ Allison (AKA., Alien)

Stupid Blogger lost yesterday's entry. [heavy sigh] And now I'm leery of typing out my usual "Highlights" because it may lose this one too. Blech. Soooo... to sum up today....

~ Steve and I used Q-Tips and toothpicks and spent over an hour cleaning up our old dishwasher (the one "old" appliance we're putting back into the kitchen since it's only 2 years old, I actually really like how it works, and we're already over budget, so dropping $500+ on a new dishwasher seemed senseless and extremely irresponsible). Anyway, we cleaned it up so we could get the hoses and drains run and the dishwasher level before the granite comes on Monday.

~ Cleaned up more cat puke (after stepping in it) than I'd care to admit. This time it's stupid crazy ass Cooter and his damn hairballs. Grrrr... (And I don't really like that cat as much as Salinger, so my anger is increasing by the day.)

~ Discovered Grace's top front tooth is a little loose. [sigh]

~ Was slightly disturbed when upon discovering that her top tooth is barely loose, she grabbed a tissue, stood in front of the mirror and tried to yank it out. Seriously, you sick and twisted little girl, KNOCK IT OFF! [shudder]

~ Had a brief panic attack at 8:45 PM (along with Steve) when we discussed the possibility of being without beer tomorrow for the Superbowl. (You can only buy beer in beer distributor stores here in PA and they're only open until 9:00 PM and they're normally closed on Sundays.)... What if our keg kicks?... What if we run out of CO2 and we have beer in the keg but can't get it out?... (For those of you that don't know, we have a beer fridge/kegerator/tap system type deal in our basement, so if we run out of air for the tap, we don't have a hand one we could use to get it out manually.)

~ Booked it to the beer distributor and got there 5 minutes before they closed, and grabbed a case of beer.

~ Noticed the big sign on the door on my way out that said, "OPEN SUPERBOWL SUNDAY... NOON UNTIL 3:00!" [dammit]

~ Got a visit from my father-in-law who came down to drop off our faucet he had ordered for us. (He's a plumber and gets stuff A LOT cheaper than we ever could.)

~ Was thrilled with it (we only saw it online up until today). It's freakin' HUGE!!!! LOL!

~ Almost pissed myself when he told us he got us the brushed stainless steel one (the one we wanted) instead of the chrome one (that we had told him to get us since it was $100+ cheaper and looked basically the same).

~ Was even more excited when he told us he has ordered us the matching drain stopper thingies with the holes in them (what the hell are those called anyway) for in the sink. We had no intentions of spending money on them, so it was a nice surprise.

~ Had Hannah walking around all pissed off again, yelling for her "freakin' sippy cup". (I really MUST stop using the word "freakin'" around her. [sigh])

~ Thought Steve was going to punch me in the face when I ran by him yelling, "TOMORROW'S THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for like the 8 billionth time today. I think he knows by now.

~ Watched "Grizzly Man", a movie about a dude named Tim who lived amongst the grizzy bears (petting and playing with them) in Alaska for 13 summers straight until one ate him. DOH!

~ Had a discussion with Steve about parents who push their children too hard (or allow coaches to push their children too hard) in relation to sports, extra-curricular activities, etc. Luckily, we're both on the same page.

~ Told Steve I'd really prefer if Grace just played herself a mean set of drums. Screw the sports. ;)

~ Realized that we probably really should box up the big inflatable snowman in our front yard. (Relax Melissa... it hasn't actually been inflated since Christmas night. It's just been lying there, flat and dead for 2 months now.)

~ Began pushing my general selection of a backsplash hard on Steve, showing him pictures, quoting prices, etc. I'm not really sure why I'm trying to so hard, since at no point has he disagreed with what I'm showing him..

~ Hey guys... TOMORROW'S THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARG! Stupid Blogger!

OK. So apparently, I'm not the only one having "issues" with my blog. There are entire entries I had that I no longer see anymore. Hopefully, everything will be fixed soon. I HATE when things don't work.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Life is a shit sandwich. But if you've got enough bread, you don't taste the shit." ~Jonathan Winters

~ Was awakened by the not so sweet sounds of Hannah's voice calling for me at 4:30 AM.

~ Managed to get her back to sleep and crawled back in bed.

~ Sent both girls off to daycare, but not without a fight from Hannah. [sigh]

~ Finally used my Barnes & Noble gift certificate from Christmas to order two books.

~ Sat down on the couch to read a bit and fell back to sleep.

~ Woke up with my one shirt sleeve drenched with drool. Nice.

~ Was in the middle of taking a crap when the phone rang. (That's right folks... girls crap too.)

~ Finished up and bolted for the phone. (Between kitchen stuff and job stuff, I don't like to not answer the phone.)

~ It was the appliance guys saying they were delivering our new stovetop. The "problem"? They were sitting right in front of the house.

~ Darted upstairs and wrestled myself into a bra (believe me... the shirt I was wearing required one among strangers) and darted back downstairs, just in time to open the door for them.

~ Gave about 50 mental bitch slaps away today.

~Did two loads of laundry. (And by "did two loads", I mean I took one load out of the dryer and folded it (but didn't put it away) and washed and dried another load. The second load is still sitting in the dryer and will probably remain there until I wash another load.)

~ Did Steve's business paperwork so I wouldn't hear him bitch about me not doing it when he got home from work.

~ Thought I spied Non-Peeing Cabinet Dude from my second floor window, peeing into a container in his truck, but he was just looking at some paperwork on the front seat. The guy's a freak. (Oh, and he doesn't eat all day when he's here either. Perhaps he's the living dead?)

~ Went to pick up the girls at my mom's house, leaving Dennis/Dilbert the Cabinet Dude here to root through my underwear drawer if he wanted to. Rock on dude. Sniff yourself some good undies.

~ Arrived at my mom's to discover that Hannah was being particularly... um... two tonight. God give me strength.

~ Arrived home with the children, only to be informed that I would be applying more temporary tattoos to their already half-covered bodies. How many tattoos is too many when you're not even in kindergarten yet?

~ Started getting half worried and half annoyed when 7:00 rolled around and Steve still wasn't home and hadn't called.

~ Called his cell phone and received a "The person you are trying to reach is not accepting calls at this time..." What the hell, dude... You aren't that important.

~ Smiled a little when the girls decided to "help" Dennis sweep up the saw dust, making even more of a mess. What made me smile was how patient and good he is with the kids. He's an older, squirrelly guy with big, outdated glasses and a very shy, quiet demeanor. But he truly is a really nice guy and it was sweet to see him playing with the kids.

~ Ate a fluffernutter sandwich for dinner. [sigh]

~ Steve walked in at about 7:45 and I commented that his phone isn't working.

~ He responded with, "It's hard for a phone to work when it's in concrete."

~ Laughed my ass off and was then informed that he did indeed retrieve the phone from the wet concrete, but it wasn't working anymore.

~ Told him he should've let it harden in the concrete floor he was pouring so that when the new owners move in, we could've called his cell phone, making the poor owners wonder what that weird ringing was that they would hear whenever they'd sit in the basement, watching TV. Can you imagine the fun you could have? Steve's a big ol' party pooper.

~ Had Grace hand me an adorable drawing of a groundhog she drew me in honor of today's "holiday".

~ Realized that my 4-year-old draws better than I do. [sigh]

~ Answered the phone to find Steve's friend on the other end. Lied and said Steve wasn't home yet (as Steve made frantic motions with his arms to tell me to say he wasn't here since he had just walked in and hadn't showered or anything yet.

~ Sat down and listened to the friend go on... and on... and on... for about an hour. He's a very nice guy, and I enjoyed talking to him, but I kind of wanted to kick Steve's ass. LOL!

~ Decided that "Four Kings" is one of my new favorite shows and I hope it does well. Funny shit lemme tell ya.

~ Wondered if my lifelong, inexplicable crush on Seth Green is what makes me like the show so much. Seriously, I can't figure out what it is, but I LOVE this guy!

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become." ~Anita Wise

~ Sent both girls to daycare.

~ Sent out more resumes than one person should ever have to send.

~ Toyed with the idea of becoming a geisha to earn money.

~ Realized I don't really know exactly what a geisha is or if you even earn money being one. (And no, I will not read that damn best-selling novel, and y'all can't make me!)

~ Gathered up every loose coin in the house so I could dump 'em in one of those CoinStar machines and get some real money. LOL!

~ Ran to the bank and then to Giant to get the lemon garlic marinade Steve insisted on for tonight's chicken breasts.

~ Was slightly bummed when they were out of the lemon garlic and I had to settle for some Italian concoction (which ended up being pretty good too).

~ Grabbed a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from McDonald's on my way home. Good stuff.

~ Tried Black Cherry Vanilla Coke for the first time. Good stuff.

~ Humiliated myself by taking those ridiculous pictures down below in my previous post.

~ Got news my friend is pregnant with her fifth child. Psycho. ;)

~ Caught a bit of "The View" and decided that Star Jones looked WAY better with some meat on her bones.

~ Realized later on that she reminds me of a black version of my avatar now that she's thinner. Her big ol' eyes just bulge out of her teeny tiny head.

~ Received three separate emails asking who the "big fat liar" is that I referenced yesterday. My lips are sealed, my friends. ;)

~ Somehow managed to punch myself in the chin, causing me to bite my own tongue. Seriously... I really am an ass.

~ Realized today that for the 4 or 5 days that Dennis (the cabinet dude) has been here for 7 - 8 hours on each of those days, he has never once used our bathroom. This leads me to believe that he's either taking a leak outside, he's peeing in some sort of container in his truck, or he never pees. All of these scenarios are disturbing in their own way.

~ Felt a bit lazy and fat when I realized that my ENTIRE family (sister, brother-in-law, mom, dad and Steve) ALL work out now, be it at home or at the gym down the street. Funny thing is, I'm the one that probably needs it the most. [sigh]

~ Was pleased as all get out when I checked the mail and saw that Steve received a check from his contractor. I assure you, we needed it right now.

~ Received a Valentine's Day card from Steve's mom. Very nice thought, but um, she only lives about 2 miles away. I'm curious as to what she thought the delay would be that would cause her to mail it 2 weeks early.

~ Was rather pleased to be informed by Dennis that should my children ever write on our cabinets with a Sharpie, it comes off very easily with a little alcohol. Good to know. (And yes, I had asked him.)

~ Laughed out loud when picturing my sister-in-law's eyebrows in my head. She draws them on or puts makeup on them or something, but they look ridiculous.

~ Wondered what the HELL made me think of her eyebrows. I think I'm still pissed she didn't notice my nice boobs in the grocery store the other day.

~ Pondered what exactly made Grace start using this weird sadistic, satanistic laugh she's acquired lately. I'm contemplating an exorcism.

~ Had relations with Steve for the first time in about a week and a half. It's about damn time... [grumble... grumble...]

A few kitchen progress pictures...

The installer finished up the upper trim today, as well as the trim around the bottoms of the wall cabinets. Tomorrow, he's doing all of the trim around the bottom of the base cabinets, around the bottom of the island and the hardware. SWEET!

Boobs, Bandanas, and Bowling...

What more could you ask for really?

Alrighty, first we'll discuss my husband's anal retentiveness. To say he's an annoying person to live with is an understatement. Everything has to be exact and perfect and neat. Drives me mad.
So, here we have the shelving unit in his office that holds all of his work clothes. Now what guy puts their work jeans in piles that neat. Freaky, I tell ya.

And here we have some of his drawers (no pun intended). Please note how ALL of his T-shirts are folded to be the exact same size and then stacked neatly in his drawer. FREAK!!!

OK. Now on to more interesting things... like my boobs. Folks, I can assure you that my rack is no where NEAR as large as this T-shirt makes them appear. Honestly. But needless to say, this is my favorite shirt that I own. Thank you Hollister. Thank you very, very much. :)

And last but not least, the Fran shirt and the racing bandana. Once again, special thanks to Katherine for the bowling shirt. I really DO plan to wear it in public. Perhaps with the racing bandana...

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Against abortion? Don't have one." ~Author Unknown

~ Had to get up early to get Grace ready for daycare and joked with Steve about the decreasing coffee supply he was leaving me every morning.

~ He laughed and said I'm home so I can make my own damn coffee after he leaves. (True. But that doesn't make me any less bitchy about it.)

~ Sent Grace off to school and snuggled with Hannah on the recliner while I read my book and she watched The Magic School Bus.

~ My dad dropped by after the gym and we talked a bit.

~ Was thrilled as shit when he volunteered to take Steve's taxes to the post office for me so I wouldn't have to leave the house.

~ Since I had planned to put them in our mailbox across the street for our mailman to take (and not tell Steve... we all know how friggin' psychotic he is about that stuff), I was relieved to see I wouldn't have to lie to him when he asked if I had gone to the post office. (And yes, I would've lied.)

~ Was excited to see the trim work go up around the window in the kitchen. Thank you Mr. Cabinet Dude (Dennis, AKA - "Dilbert").

~ Participated briefly in a "spirited" abortion discussion on one of my Mom internet boards.

~ Quietly left the conversation when the talk turned to a man's rights, a father's rights, etc. My head hurts and I've decided that, in general, men just suck.

~ Put Hannah down for her nap and finished that book that had been staring at us for a good month over there on the side of my blog.

~ Did 1 load of laundry. (That was the one and only productive thing I did today. Work with me here, people.)

~ Sent out more resumes.

~ Had a mild panic attack when I viewed my bank statement online.

~ Sent out 10 more resumes due to the panic attack mentioned above.

~ Toyed with the idea of becoming a professional darts player in order to generate some income.

~ Realized I don't really know how to play darts.

~ Laughed when Steve called me to ask if I had eaten any of the ranch dip he had packed in his lunch today... Yes dear, I did. I assure you that some deranged lunatic did NOT open the dip at the grocery store in our hick town, eat some of it, and then poison it with something. You are NOT part of a terrorist attack. Eat it. You'll be fine.

~ Laughed my ass off when I checked the mail and found this gem of a shirt in there. I adore you, Katherine. Pictures of me modeling the shirt to come tomorrow.

~ May have outed a big fat liar. Time will tell...

~ Didn't know whether to laugh at or discipline Hannah when she came walking into the room all pissed off and said, "Where's my freakin' milk?"

~ Laughed because there are very few things that are funnier than when a 3-foot-tall little 2-year-old with an abundance of hair that consumes her entire head walks into a room all pissed off using words like "freakin'".

~ Realized it could've been much, much worse and counted my blessings.

~I love New York. (We're continuing my trend of quoting random song titles in my blog (e.g., I left my heart in San Francisco), for no reason other than to amuse myself.)

~ Mentally bitch slapped 3 women today. I'm getting better.

~ Was thrilled to hear that the girls will be spending the night at my parents' house on Sunday night so that Steve and I can watch the Steelers win the Superbowl without waking up the children with our screaming and celebrating.

~ Decided I liked the last guy that sang on "American Idol" tonight. The gray haired dude. You GO boy!

~ Realized I really should be watching the State of the Union address, but decided instead to be apathetic. Because I suck like that...

~ Forgot it is Self-Portrait Tuesday and decided I'd make it Self-Portrait Wednesday tomorrow just this once.

I guess I'm "It"...

Tagged by EE...

RELATIONSHIP STATUS
[single or taken] taken
[Shoe size] 6.5 or 7
[Parents still together] Yup. Since high school. It'll be 36 years on Valentine's Day.
[Siblings] Older brother (35 in April) and younger sister (30 in a few weeks)
[Pets] 2 PITA cats, Salinger and Cooter

FAVORITES
[Colors] pink [blush] and brown
[Number] 2
[Animal] Can I say none here? Because I'd really like to say none.
[Drink] Coffee, Coke, and Miller Lite
[Book] "Catcher in the Rye" by JD Salinger
[Flower] Uh, mostly wildflowers. I'm not a big fan of flowers unless they're growing in a field. LOL!

DO YOU
[Color your hair?] Not really. I get them highlighted like once every 3 years, but it isn't to "hide" anything. LOL!
[Twirl your hair?] no
[Have tattoos?] no
[Have Piercings?] Just 4 earring holes
[Cheat on tests/homework?] Not really
[Like roller coasters?] Eh. Not as much as I used to.
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] no
[Like cleaning?] More than I used to.
[Write in cursive or print?] Combo of both
[Own a cell phone?] Yes, but I never use it.
[Ever get off the damn computer] Not much.

HAVE YOU EVER
[Been in a fist fight?] no
[considered a life of crime?] Define "crime" please. ;)
[Considered being a hooker?] Uh, no.
[Lied to someone?] Yes
[Been in love?] Yes
[Made out with JUST a friend?] Hell yeah.
[been in lust?] Yup
[Used someone] Sure
[Been used?] Sure
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] Yes, but not on purpose
[Stolen anything?] Does someone's virginity count?
[Held a gun] Sure

CURRENTS
[Current clothing] Black velour lounge pants, fitted red thermal Old Navy shirt
[Current mood] Tired. I'm heading to bed after this
[Current taste]Miller Lite
[What you currently smell like] Smoke?
[Current hair] Pulled back in a barette
[Thing I ought to be doing] Sleeping
[Current cd in stereo] It's a 5-Disc changer, so Bodines, Toad the Wet Sprocket, the Wiggles, Bread, and Frank Sinatra
[Last book you read] I'm reading "Flight Lessons" right now.
[Last movie you saw] American Pie: Band Camp
[Last thing you ate] Piece of marble cake and some Pringles
[Last person you talked to on the phone] My mom

DO YOU
[Believe there is life on other planets?] They don't call me Alien for nothing. (That's a joke.)
[remember your first love?] Sure
[Read the newspaper?] Nope
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] Sure
[Do well in school?] Yes
[Wear hats] Yes
[Hate yourself?] No. But I hate a lot of other people.
[Have an obsession?] Not really.
[Collect anything?] Not really.
[Have a best friend?] Yes
[Close friends?] Lots
[Like your handwriting?] For the most part, yes
[Care about looks] Not as much as I should

LOVE...
[First crush] Chris
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] Not really
[Do you believe in "the one?"] Not really.
[Are you a tease?] Not really
[Too shy to make the first move?] Nope

ARE YOU A
[Daydreamer] Not really
[Bitch/Asshole] Yes
[sarcastic] No. (That was sarcasm right there.)
[Shy] HELL no. LOL!
[Talkative] HELL yes.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Decaffeinated coffee is kind of like kissing your sister." ~Bob Irwin

~ Woke up and found that Steve had only left me three cups of coffee this morning. The dude keeps snagging more and more coffee before he leaves for work. Dirty bastard.

~ Showered, fed my children, and decided to run to Blockbuster before the cabinet installer showed up for the day.

~ Got there at 9:30 to find that it doesn't open until 10:00.

~ Walked to the strip mall where the girls rode the stupid ripoff cars for $0.50, bought stupid ripoff lollipops for $0.25, and played a stupid ripoff crane game.

~ Went into the dollar store where Grace chose a stupid cheap red and blue teddy bear and Hannah chose a stupid, cheap half-porcelain boy doll that's dressed like Little Boy Blue.

~ Headed to Blockbuster, where we (for the 8 billionth time) rented Dora: Superbabies (God help me) and Bambi.

~ Came home where I fed my children a healthy breakfast of Dunkin Donuts.

~ Was pissed there weren't enough donuts for me.

~ Wrote out Steve's quarterly tax checks for him. He thinks I was trying to be nice (which was a piddly 10% of my motivation), when in reality, I did it so he wouldn't have to do it when he got home, which would've put him in a miserable piss poor mood that I would've had to deal with.

~ Put Hannah down for her nap after Bambi was over, and Grace and I headed outside.

~ Spent literally 5 hours outside (obviously Hannah joined us after her nap), gathering a rock collection, having fun in our sewage pipe again, playing soccer, pushing the girls on the swing, hitting golf balls, throwing rocks in the stream, watching them dig in a tiny leftover snow pile with sticks, etc. As much as I think fresh air does a person good, I do have my limits. Dear lord...

~ At one point, the cabinet installer came outside at one point to smoke a cigarette and make some calls. On his way back into our house, Grace yells across the backyard, "Hi Dilbert!" (His name is actually Dennis.) He laughed and went inside.

~ I explained to Grace (while laughing) that his name is Dennis, and that she can't just call people random names (she called him Jeff when he came out). She said (and I quote), "Yes. I can. And I'm going to call him Dilbert the Famous Cheeseball." OK then. What the hell? LOL! (((Dennis)))

~ Finally got my mud-covered, dirty children into the house around dinner time by slyly suggesting we "race" to the door and see who could get inside the house first. Works every freakin' time.

~ Immediately corralled them upstairs to the bathtub, where we applied about 20 Valentine's Day tattoos on each child.

~ Watched the girls exercise with Daddy and wanted to slap them when they both kept asking me, "Hey Mom, how come you never exercise?" Shut up kids. Shut up.

~ Told Steve I'd grill the steaks while he got some paperwork done.

~ Got a 10-minute "speech" on how to properly light the grill, clean the grill, prepare the steak, etc. Dude, I know! I am not retarded (contrary to popular belief.)

~ Let the girls "help me" prepare the instant mashed potatoes. Oy. What a mess.

~ Went outside 30 minutes later to get the steaks off the grill.

~ Turned off the grill and the gas and saw some fire was still in the grill.

~ Opened the lid to find our steaks completely engulfed in flames.

~ Stood there panicking, trying to figure out how best to put out the flames, while also keeping our dinner edible.

~ Ran inside and yelled for Steve to come help me!

~ Steve snagged the burning meat off the grill and managed to extinguish the flames. Thank god for the Orka cooking mitt is all I have to say.

~ Brought the steaks in and salvaged the non-charred parts.

~ Had Grace ask me why the steaks caught on fire. When I answered her, she said, "How come our food never started on fire before?" (Well, Little Miss Smartass... perhaps it's because your father usually cooks. Now go away, dammit!)

Inside a Child's Mind...

Conversation with Grace the other day...

We drove past a newly-built strip-mall type building that has been being built for a few months now.

Grace: Hey mom, what's in those buildings now?
Me: Nothing yet honey. No one has rented them yet.
[about 30 seconds of silence while she thought about things]
Grace: Hey mom?
Me: What, Sweetie?
Grace: How the heck do you get those buildings home when you rent them?

You see, my sweet little 4-year-old had only ever heard the word "rent" in relation to the videos that we rent, take home, and then need to return to the store.

Kids rule.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

A little girl is sugar and spice and everything nice - especially when she's taking a nap. ~Author Unknown

~ Woke up to a house full of pleasant family members. Always a plus. (Hannah often wakes up cranky like her mommy.)

~ Spent the morning straigtening up and cleaning while Steve was at his dad's "picking up plumbing parts" (i.e., standing in the garage bullshitting and hanging out).

~ Was extremely upset to hear about Bob Woodruff getting injured over in Iraq. I've always really liked him. :(

~ Had a hour-long stretch where the TVs were turned off and the girls and I just sat in the living room reading. Pure bliss.

~ Steve arrived home, followed closely by our friend, Joe, who had come to see the kitchen progress.

~ Had already decided to skip Hannah's nap today (for only the third time in her little life), so we could go to my mom's to celebrate her birthday at the same time everyone else was there.

~ Dressed the girls in matching striped dresses and leggings, totally making me want to hug them all day. (Pictures later.)

~ Got a call from my mom saying my siblings were there, along with the pizza. Let's go Steve! We're outta here!

~ Headed to Grandma's, where we pigged out on pizza, cake, donuts, and chips.

~ Left the girls there to visit with Grandma, Granddad, and all their aunts and uncles, while Steve and I went grocery shopping.

~ Ran into sis-in-law there where I kept shoving my boobs out, hoping she'd notice I was wearing my boob-enhancing shirt from Hollister where she had bought my gift certificate for Christmas.

~ She didn't notice.

~ Steve and I used a new strategy where he and I just went off in random different directions, grabbing whatever we needed. I cannot stand grocery shopping with him, so this was a pleasure for me.

~ Returned to Steve several times to see him shopping cartless. "Hey, where's the cart?"... "Over there,"" he'd say while point three aisles up.... What the hell, dude? LOL!

~ Laughed when right before we were getting ready to check out, he said, "Hey stand here with the cart while I go grab applie juice right there."... "OK buddy, because it's bothered you up until this point if the cart was left unattended. [rolling eyes]

~ Was pissed when I discovered they were out of my Cinnamon Vanilla creamer and I had to settle for plain vanilla. [sigh]

~ Went back to my parents' house and picked up the girls.

~ Got home and unloaded the groceries. This is when I discovered that Steve have bought sausage that I had specifically told him was Buy One Get One Free this week. He grabbed one. (Idiot.) And the one he grabbed was not the kind that I had specifically told him is the kind Grace likes. (Double idiot.)

~ Had a fairly uneventful evening with only two or three overtired meltdowns from Hannah.

~ Tried to blog after "Grey's Anatomy" but Grace kepts waking up, telling me to lay down with her.

~ Finally surrendered to sleep and figured I'd blog this in the morning (which is what I'm doing).