My Little First Grader

Well, yesterday Grace officially became a first grader. She was a little nervous the night before and that morning. She was excited too, but she kept saying she was a little nervous and that her "stomach was dizzy." LOL!

But she climbed on the bus and when she got home she told me she loved it. Whew! She loves her new teacher, likes the kids in her class, and is THRILLED because although last year the kindergarteners had little tables (4 to a table), this year she has her OWN DESK! Remember how exciting that was when you were a kid?

So here are a few pictures. (And one or two of Hannah when we were waiting for Grace to get home.

Holy shit, it's over!

Summer vacation that is. It's over. Today marks the last day before Grace heads off to 1st grade. Dear god it went fast. When she had her last day of kindergarten in June, I prepared myself for a loooong summer, figuring Grace would be bored out of her skull after two weeks. She did have days of boredom, but for the most part, we always found something to do almost every day. And now it's over. How is that possible?

So yesterday, they spent the day on their waterslide in the backyard (it was like 100+ degrees). And toay, the slide isn't blown up, but they're splashing around, making "potato soup" using upside down Frisbees, water, and little pieces of a cardboard box. I'm sitting on the back porch watching them, smoking a cigarette here and there, and wondering when the hell life started going so fast. When I was a kid, summer seemed to last an eternity. Now I'm adult with kids of my own and it feels like it lasts a day... a week at best. [sigh]

Slow down world... I wanna get off.

Cool Site of the Day...

http://www.etsy.com/color.php

Go here. Move your mouse around and big colored dots appear under your cursor. Click on any color and the site finds items for sale that match the color you just clicked on. I don't know how beneficial it is, but it sure is cool. LOL!

Etsy is a site to sell and buy handmade items. That part in and of itself is cool. But the whole color matching thing takes it to the next level and really kicks ass.

My Little Rock Star

So yesterday, my parents and I took both girls to the mall school shopping. Well, Hannah was just along for the ride. Grace was the one that needed stuff for school on Monday. It wasn't exactly pleasant since she HATES shopping for clothing and HATES trying stuff on (just like her mom). But we managed to get through it. While there, she begged for a makeover at Libby Lu's. Hannah had one on her birthday, so my mom agreed to let Grace get one yesterday. She was so excited and picked the "Rock Star" makeover. I must say, she looked absolutely adorable!

Here are a few photos. (And I realize her outfit in the second one doesn't exactly match. It's a long story and she didn't wear it out in public, so who am I to judge, right? LOL!)

Site of the Day (8/21/2007)

http://www.animationnation.com/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=002071

Freaky.

Patriotic? Sure Mom, I can act...

Mini_Golf_Aug_16_2007_ 060_edit2 copy, originally uploaded by alien0103.

patriotic while you snap a picture of me with a flag behind me. Sure! No problem!

Uh... yeah. Right. [sigh]

So seriously...

Mini_Golf_Aug_16_2007_ 059_BW copy, originally uploaded by alien0103.

Could they possibly look anymore alike if they tried? [shaking head] Freaky.

Don't f--- with the L-------- girls...

Mini_Golf_Aug_16_2007_ 056 copy, originally uploaded by alien0103.

Because they WILL kick your ass and take names. ;)

Coolest Site EVER!!!

Check this out. I created this (free) in about 10 minutes. Go to www.animoto.com and check it out. (Turn your sound on.)

I did it!

I finally did it! (And it wasn't even on purpose.) But I managed to capture, in one photo, the personalities of every one of my fellow family members.

First, we have Hannah with her typical "Fuck you," expression. That look that says, "Mom, leave me the hell alone or I'll go medieval on your ass."

Next, we have Grace, picking her nose, not even remotely aware of (or caring) how socially inappropriate it is.

And then there's Steve, in the background, oblivious to it all.

Sweet.

Checking in...

Hey gang. I don't have much in terms of a "real" blog post right now. But I'm sitting here on the couch with the girls watching "Night at the Museum" and thought I'd just check in to letcha know I'm alive and well. We've been busy with lots of little stuff and errands and such. Nothing exciting. At all. LOL!

This week, Grace is all into photography and film making. LOL! I don't know why it started, but it's cool with me. We've been making movies, taking pictures and printing them out, etc. I think next we're going to make a DVD slideshow thing. She asking me the other night if, when she gets bigger, she can send one of her movies into "On the Lot." LOL! She's so freakin' cool. I'm especially loving the photography phase she's going through. More photos to edit and scrap! WOOHOO!

Well gang, the laptop battery is dying. I'll check in later, maybe with some photos. :)

Funny Shit...

These are HILARIOUS!

Stumble Upon Site of the Day:
http://veryfunnyads.com/

Kid Pics...

I've had one or two people recently ask me for recent pictures of the girls, so I thought I'd post a few here.

Hannah Swimming at Aunt Joanne's House

The Girls Building "Zoomy the Robot"

Grace Painting Zoomy's Face

Grace

Grace in the Back of Steve's Pickup

Hannah Playing in the Dirt

Hannah

Well, another pigroast has come and gone. It's always hard to believe how quickly that week goes. It's a good month of preparation every year... make the guest list... make the invitations... print the invitations... address and mail the invitations... order the pig... order the beer... make the shopping lists... etc. Then we wake up that morning, blink, and it's over. Kind of makes me wonder why the hell we do it. LOL!

OK... so I only took a total of like 7 pictures the ENTIRE weekend (because I'm always too busy to think about it), and I'll post one or two here. None of them are that exciting actually. And I'll spare the one of good ol' Porky when he arrived the night before. So much happened those 3 or 4 days that I'm afraid you're going to get a bulleted list. And because my brain is fried today, due to me royally fucking up my computer last night and spending all day researching a fix, it's going to NOT be in chronological order. Deal with it.

** Emily (from one of my Mom internet boards) and her sister, Camille flew in on Thursday. Being the rude hostess that I am, I was on my way home from getting my haircut when they arrived and they sat on my back porch for an hour waiting for me. (Incidentally, I DID tell them to feel free to come inside in the air conditioning, but they declined.)

** Later that night, the three of us headed out to get us some alcohol for the night and we were cornered in the walk-in freezer by a creepy, redneck dude in a NASCAR shirt who heard there were "three hot ladies" in there. He then proceeded to look directly at Emily's chest and call her a "hot mama." Oh my. Welcome to Pennsylvania, Camille. LOL!

** Got buzzed, hung out, and then crashed.

** The three of us (and Grace) ran around the next day to the grocery store, dollar store, liquor store, bank, etc. preparing for the next day. While waiting in line to check out at the grocery store, a scary dude behind us in line started talking to us. What a FREAK! He was overweight, had a big bushy grayish beard and was wearing a shirt that said something like, "If you're hot, take your clothing off," with the name of a local nudist colony under it.

** He told us a bunch of stupid jokes, asked if we wanted to do what his shirt said (since it was 90+ degrees that day), and waited patiently while I checked out with an entire shopping cart of food and he was holding ONE candybar and a coupon to get it for free. (Uh, welcome to Pennsylvania, Camille.)

** While at the dollar store, some old woman with a THICK German accent (?!) saw me buying 10 or 11 silver foil pans (for the pig) and asked if I was preparing for Thanksgiving. Um, lady, it's August. When I mumbled that no, it was for a pig roast, she said something that sounded like, "Oh. I'm going to a pig roast tomorrow too." Shit. I left there worrying that she was coming to ours and assured Emily and Camille that not ALL people in my town are freaks. Like, for real.

** That night, we decided to attempt to make Jello shots (we were all Jello shot making virgins). We had found a recipe for rum & coke ones that used Coke instead of any water.

** Later, we tried them. They were good, but there wasn't even an inkling of Coke taste in 'em.

** Crashed.

** Woke up the morning of the pig roast and kicked it into high gear. There's soooo much to do that day before people start showing up.

** People started arriving and the fun began. Beer, pork, turkeys, potato bacon soup (remind me to post the recipe. It's easy and it fucking ROCKS!), meatballs, pierogies, pasta salad, taco roll thingies, etc.

** Started doing Jello shots. Mmmm...

** Grace spent hours taking "donations" for the homemade french fries my FIL makes while you wait every year.

** She got greedy and started "selling water" too. She made $32.00.

** My parents left with the girls and the real fun (for me) could begin.

** Talked to our friend Jack, the "Snake Dude" (see photo below). He goes out and catches copperheads and rattlesnakes "for fun". He showed us all of his snake bites and told some stories.

** Found out later that when he was leaving, he smacked Camille on the ass as his way of saying goodbye. [shaking head] I SWEAR we're not all like that here. For real.

** Emily got a ride on our neighbor's 4-wheeler at one point. I'm still not sure why, but what the hell, right?

** Jumped out of my skin when another guest retrieved a 5-foot long homemade "cannon" out of his SUV and proceeded to shoot it off, much to the dismay of the neighborhood dogs.

** Decided it was time to start up the Beer Pong table.
** Got stuck with a sucky ass partner and lost the first game. Grrrr...

** Camille volunteered to play even though she'd never played before and she was a total ringer. She sank ball after ball, helping us win about 8 games in a row.

** Laughed when people started singing karaoke (we had a DJ). Some people just shouldn't sing in public.

** Got a ride on the neighbor's 4-wheeler. (Hey, Emily can't have ALL the fun.)

** Got drunk enough to drag Emily up to sing a song. (I NEVER sing karaoke people. Ever.)

** Got stuck singing "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" by Shania Twain. I HATE her and I HATE that song, but an old dude we know insisted on it.

** We didn't do so well. LOL!

** Upon finishing the song, was told by the DJ that "my friend was over in the chair throwing up under his tent." That would be Camille. LMAO! Damn Beer Pong.

** With the aide of Steve, Emily, and I, we managed to get Camille up to the house to crash. We found her 5 minutes later snuggled up under the garbage bag Emily had given her to puke into should the need arise.

** Switched it out with a towel. (I wanted to give her a blanket, but Emily said no. Hey, it's her sister, not mine.)

** Went back down the party for about 15 more minutes before I decided I was just done for the night.

** Heard the homemade cannon go off again on my way up. Nice.

** Stumbled up to the house where I found out my brother had snuck out and left to drive the 45 minutes back to his house instead of crashing here like the plan had been.

** Got accused of not giving a shit by my sister when I mumbled I was going to bed. Hey, I love the guy and I certainly don't want him drinking and driving. But I'm also not his babysitter and if someone is going to be a stupid fucking idiot, there's nothing I can do about it.

** Crashed. Hard.

** Found out the next day that my FIL's girlfriend asked one of our friend's girlfriend when she's due. Um, she's not pregnant. DOH!

** Found out the next day that three of our older dude friends had spent the night in our yard. One on a makeshift mattress using bench cushions, one in a sleeping bag in the grass, and one right on the wooden benches Steve had "built" next to the bon fire. Sweet.

** Spent the day cleaning up, hanging with Emily and Camille before they left, and eating lots of leftovers.

All in all, it was a blast. It was fun having Emily and Camille here and hanging with some chicks is always a nice change of pace for me. But next year, I'm making my own cannon.

Uhhh.... oops?

You guys TOTALLY have to watch this. It's only 30 seconds long, but you'll totally be laughing for the last 20 of it. God bless this girl. God... bless... her.... LMAO!

The new 'do...

Well, on Thursday I went to get my hair chopped off. It was way down past my shoulders and frizzy as all hell before the haircut. I got some highlights and lowlights and got a modified shag cut. I can wear it straighter (like in the first two pics), slightly wavy (like in the second two pictures) or completely curly (which I haven't tried yet, but the hairdresser swears it'll still look fine).

Everyone loves it (myself included). Steve is still freakin' out about how much he likes it, my mom threatened to kick my ass if I ever let it get long again, and my MIL won't stop talking about it.

So what do you think? Good? A mistake? LOL!

Site of the Day

OK. So I have NO time to post a real entry right now. My out-of-state pig roast guests are arriving tomorrow, so this is my LAST day to clean, get things ready, do all of the grocery shopping, etc. It doesn't help that I overslept and so Hannah is now home (and Grace) instead of at daycare where she should be today. [sigh]

Anyway, I just wanted to give you today's STUMBLE UPON SITE OF THE DAY. I've posted mostly artsy type stuff up until now, so today, we're going for just freaky. Enjoy!

Top 15 Strangest Coincidences

Stop the world...

Grace at the Fire Pit

I want to get off! At least, this week I do. OK. So maybe not completely OFF of the world. But I would like to rest for like 2.2 seconds or so. ACK! I HATE the week leading up to the pigroast. HATE IT!

So much to do... So little time...

But Steve managed to construct a fire pit and made some good ol' redneck benches for the occasion this year. So that's cool. But words cannot describe how much stuff there still is to do... and buy... and make and... and... and... Ugh. Let's stop talking about it or I'll have another panic attack or something.

So, I'm going in for a haircut and highlights on Thursday morning. I'm chopping this 'fro off, reclaiming my youth, and splurging a bit to make myself look less like a mom. (Shut up... No one wants to look like a mom. You want to BE a mom. You want to ACT like a mom (at times). But no one wants to LOOK like a typical mom. So it's coming off. The hair is getting whacked, baby!

Shit. I'm tired. And I'm rambling. I truly do think it's time for bed in a big way. Later. :)

Hola chicos (and chicas)!

Whassup?

There's so much going on here. I just have a TON of stuff to do for this weekend's pig roast. [sigh]

But in other news, Grace got asked to be on the competitive team at gymnastics. We're saying no, mind you (HER choice, but I was thrilled with her choice), but it was really nice to be asked. Especially since they only choose 9 kids out of ALL the kids that go there that are her age (and there's a lot of 'em... trust me). But she doesn't like it enough to go for the three hours a week they want you there, and I don't think a 6-year-old should be there three hours a week while also going to competitions on weekends, trying to play soccer and t-ball, AND go to 1st grade. So we're not doing it. And I'm glad. LOL!

There's more stuff to talk about, but I have to get my ass in gear this morning. I've got lots of errand running to do today and I believe the kids think I'm taking them swimming, although I'm not really sure where they got that idea from. LOL! Later!

TUESDAY'S STUMBLED UPON WEBSITE OF THE DAY...
This dude draws cool art in the dust on cars' windshields. Pretty cool...
http://www.dirtycarart.com/

Check this Shit Out...

Look, I'm not one (yet) for posting You Tube videos on my blog. But I found this one via Stumble Upon (see post below) and I am officially freaked out. Like seriously, some people truly, truly amaze me...

New Blog Feature...

OK gang. We're going to have a new feature here on the good ol' blog. I was recently introduced to this REALLY cool tool/website called Stumble Upon. You sign up, install a toolbar in your browser, select from a big list of interests, and click the Stumble button on your toolbar. It pulls up random websites based on your interests. And I can assure you, these are sites you would probably never find otherwise. As you pull up websites, you can give them a thumbs up or thumbs down (using buttons in the toolbar), and it starts to "learn" what types of sites you want to see and what types you don't. It's REALLY cool.

Anyway, from now on, we're going to have a Stumbled Upon Website of the Day. I'll pull up some sites, find one I think is cool/interesting/funny/whatever, and post the link here. Feel free to sign up for Stumble Upon and post some of your own finds in the comments section. But beware, if you sign up, you'll spend HOURS clicking that damn button. Guaranteed. LOL!

So with that, I bring you the STUMBLED UPON WEBSITE OF THE DAY. We'll start out with a funny one: 15 Unfortunately Placed Ads

Holy shit.

Please check out this website and tell me that your eyes are crossing too from trying to make your brain AND eyes work together and understand perspective. Seriously, these men and women are truly, truly gifted.

http://foto.blogonline.ru/16227.html

It's Coming! It's Coming!

The pig roast that is. It's in two weeks and we're gearing up here at the L----------- house. The garage is being cleaned out... The invitations have been made, printed, and sent...  Land was cleared and stuff was sprayed in an attempt to finally kill the poison ivy that takes up half our hill in the backyard... Yup. It's here.

I'm actually pretty excited about it this year. Not that I wasn't other years too, but this year, I'm much more relaxed about the whole thing. I won't be on two full-time projects this time that require me to ignore my house guests for the few days that they're here... I don't have as many out-of-town guests coming in (Not that I don't adore my friends that come in early. But it's a lot easier to only worry about ONE set of sheets being freshly laundered and having enough food to feed two people, than like 15. LOL!)... I know WAY more quick and easy recipes for food to make ahead of time... And mentally, I'm just in a better frame of mind.

We're expecting more people than ever before which totally has me pumped. And this year, we're having the entire shindig "down back" on our property. Previous years, the food, beer, bathrooms, etc., were all in our upper backyard, and then if anyone wanted to play volleyball, horseshoes, etc., they had to walk down the hill to the lower property, so I always felt "disconnected" from half the people here. But Steve has busted his ass for months clearing out a ton of overgrown areas, poison ivy, etc. so we can have everyone in one spot. It should be  a blast!

So if I'm scarce for the next week or two (the pig roast is August 4th), it's because there's still a shitload to do in preparation. But I'll be popping in. I swear. :)

What's This World Coming To?

So I'm sitting here right now, watching 20/20, and frankly, I want to puke. It's all about vanity. Things like boob jobs, nose jobs, liposuction, etc. Now let me say right here and now that, generally speaking, I have NO problem with plastic surgery. I realize some people want it and they do it and it's all good. But dear god, you should see this show.

It started out by showing two TEENAGERS whose parents gave them boob jobs for high school graduation. HIGH SCHOOL, people. I'm talking like 17 and 18-year-olds. The girls said it's the best decision they ever made (because you've made a lot of seriously decisions by the time you're 17?). And how it boosted their self-confidence and made them happier, etc. etc. Yeah. Great. But you're SEVENTEEN for the love of god! If you're already unhappy with your body and your self at 17, how the hell are you going to feel after you have a baby or two and your stomach has that tell-tale "pooch"? Or after you get a few laugh lines around your eyes? Dear god. How about, instead of getting fake tits as a teenager in order to boost your self-esteem, you work your ass off in school and get yourself a full scholarship to a kick ass college? Or you work your ass off and break a few records in a sport at your high school? Apparently, it's easier to just ask Mommy & Daddy to shell out $7,000 for some fake tits. [shaking head]

Anyway, then they moved on to other stories. Three women who went to Costa Rica to get their plastic surgery so they could avoid the ridiculous cost of plastic surgery here in the United States. Fine and dandy. I will say, all three women looked beautiful after their surgeries (although I thought they looked beautiful before their surgeries too). But one had SERIOUS complications afterwards and had to return to Costa Rica to get every single procedure "fixed." [shaking head again]

Then they showed this woman who has had (literally) countless operations and procedures done to herself. She applies 8 billion creams and lotions every single day and injects herself with something or other every day, claiming it's "the fountain of youth." Uh huh. Sure it is lady. [Let's all shake our heads again.]

Anyway, I'm not really judging these women directly (although I still have serious problems with the parents who let their teenagers get breast implants). No, I'm judging society as a whole. I'm literally terrified for my two beautiful little girls who will grow up in a society where it seems a woman can never be pretty enough/thin enough/have big enough boobs/etc. It scares the living shit out of me. And I truly mean that. We live in a country where if you don't have big tits and no waist or stomach, you're considered to be "below average." Where if you (god forbid) you happen to need a size 10 or 12 in pants (which by the way, is the average size of women), you're considered "overweight." Where people (and women in particular) stop at absolutely nothing to achieve the "beauty" shoved down our throats daily in magazines, movies, television shows, and by our peers. It's disgusting.

Do I have some things about my physical appearance that I'd like to change? Sure. Who doesn't? But I also find beauty in my body that others may not see.

I look down at my slightly bulging belly and remind myself that the reason it looks that way is because it was stretched while it grew and nurtured my two stunningly gorgeous daughters.

And I look down at my thighs that are a little bigger and rounder than I'd like and remind myself that I'm shaped just like my mom, who I think is stunning.

And I look down at my smaller than average breasts that are just bordering on a B/C size and remind myself that although my boobs may be smaller than most of my friends' boobs, if they were bigger, they may be sagging by now. I, personally, think mine are fantastic. The perfect size if you ask me. Small enough to always remain "perky," but big enough to make me not look like a 10-year-old. They're gorgeously shaped, soft as all hell, and they move freely because there's nothing in there that was man-made in an attempt to make me look bigger/better/badder because someone else out there told me they should be bigger/better/badder. (Note: The following picture is NOT a picture a my own breasts. But they're about that size and I love 'em, dammit.)

Again, I seriously don't give a rat's ass which women out there have had plastic surgery and which women haven't. I have wonderful, true, dear friends who have had cosmetic surgery done and I don't judge them, begrudge them, or think any less of them. I truly, truly don't. But I if Grace or Hannah ever comes up to me while they're in high school and tells me they want to get a boob job, I can guarantee you that I won't be whipping out my checkbook in an attempt to "make my children happy." No, my friends. Instead, I'll slap them upside the head, ask them what the fuck is wrong with them, and then point out every wonderful, beautiful, stunningly gorgeous feature about them, inside and out.

We are ALL beautiful in our own ways. Every last one of us, dammit. I mean, look at this woman! She's breathtaking. I can tell by looking at the lines around her eyes that she spent much of her life smiling and laughing and enjoying the beauty of life. I can see a few of the wrinkles on her hands and fingers and I know that she worked hard during her life, washing dishes, planting flowers, bathing babies, stroking her childrens' foreheads, and doing whatever it took to get through the day. She's beautiful.

Anyway, I need to step down from the soapbox now. But I just needed to get this out there. 20/20 seriously had me wanting to vomit tonight and I wanted to vent. Sorry y'all had to listen to it.

And while we're discussing cool things I've found...

OK. So been referred to would be a more adequate statement.

Anyway, check out Phone Sherpa. Click on this link here:

http://www.phonesherpa.com/home.aspx?af_id=011B439E9E

It's a site that lets you rip songs off of your own CD's and then make your own ring tones for your cell phone. Anyway, I have no intention of paying for the service (LOL!), but you get a no-strings-attached free one. I'm still deciding which song I want to use. :)

Testing and a Few Photos

So I'm trying out this Windows Live Writer thing to start blogging, and I must say, so far I'm really impressed. I may actually blog more now. :)

So let's give this picture thing a whirl... I have two photos from Grace's reptile party. I actually have way more than two and I'll post them later, but these are two of my favorites.

This is the girls walking on one of the boardwalks at the environmental center:

And this is a picture of most of the kids at the party. But some are missing because they wandered off somewhere on the property. LOL! And I don't know if you can tell, but one of these kids was Photoshopped in later. I took a picture of her by herself in front of the rock and then added her to this photo. LOL!

Anyway, I'll be back again later. This Windows Live Writer is FUN! WOOHOO!!! Although it doesn't allow me to upload my photos from there. Blogger apparently isn't supported in that sense. But I CAN blog and just push a button, and BAM!... here's my post. Pretty cool.

8 Things You Probably Don't Care About...

OK. So Geena tagged me to tell 8 things about my husband (Steve) and I. You probably don't care about any of them, and I may not be able to think of 8, but I'll give it a try...

1. We are total opposites in almost every sense of the word... He has a blue-collar, physical job and I have a cushy, work-from-home computer job... He goes to bed around 8:30 and wakes up at 4:00 AM every morning to work out, and I go to bed around 2:00 AM and could count on one hand the number of times I've worked out (on purpose) in my entire life... He loves to be outdoors hunting, fishing, golfing, whatever, and I love to be sitting inside in front of my computer... He doesn't read a damn thing unless he absolutely has to, and I'm a writer by trade and am reading something about 85% of my day... He's kind of a health nut, and I, well, smoke and drink and eat crap and stuff.

2. Our life together has always been dictated (not on purpose) by birthdays. We met on his dad's birthday, he said "I love you," for the first time on my birthday, we had sex for the first time on my brother's birthday, he proposed on his birthday, and we got married on my dad's birthday.

3. If you catch us both in the right mood and among the right people in the right situation, we could possibly be the funniest damn couple you've ever met on the planet.

4. We didn't have sex on our wedding night. We had already been living together for months, and after our reception, we went to a local bar with a bunch of friends. He left the bar to go grab eggs and bacon at the diner next door with my matron of honor and her husband while I stayed at the bar with my work friends doing shots of god knows what. It's all good.

5. I drive him insane because I'm not even remotely organized and/or neat. He drives me up a fucking wall because he's so anal that I can't believe he hasn't died of stomach ulcers or something by now.

6. Both of us absolutely, positively refuse to get on an airplane and fly somewhere. Ever.

7. We make of each other daily, but in a joking/funny way... I tell him his eyebrows look like squirrels taped on his forehead... He tells me my "granny panties" would scare off an 80-year-old man. Like I said before, it's all good. [note: I no longer wear "granny panties".]

8. We are turly in love.For rea.

Ex-Boyfriend Story...

OK. So since I didn't want anyone here thinking I'm stalking my ex, and because Tink commented that HER ex babbled on about wishing they never broke up, I felt the need to explain exactly what my 3AM/half buzzed email said. Nothing weird. Nothing stalker-like. I swear. I even made a point of saying I'm HAPPILY married. It was mostly casual conversation... Like "Hey, what's up with you? What are you doing now? How are your parents? Your brother? Are you married? Do you have kids? Etc."

Now I WILL say that there were 1 or 2 paragraphs where I sounded like a drunken fool, but the truth is, I would've typed the same things regardless of whether or not I had just downed a six-pack. I distinctly remember one paragraph, towards the end of the email. It said (almost a direct quote, but I'm going from memory so it may not be word for word:

"Anyway, I just wanted to drop you a line and see how you're doing. I sometimes think about you... Not in a "Man, I really want to do him again," sort of way, but in a "Hmmm... I wonder whatever happened to him sort of way."

LOL! Now that's not THAT over-the-top right? It's a dman shame and bad timing. Had I not sent that email a week before seeing him, I would've immediately said hello, probably given him a hug (it wasn't a bad breakup at all), and caught up. But because he never responded to my email, I became paranoid. He was there with whom I assume was his wife and was with 2 little girls (coincidence? LOL!) that I assume were his. I KNOW that some women are absolutely psychotic about their husband/significant other's exes and I did NOT want to be that ex that causes a huge fight later that night. I also didn't know if he had told his wife about the email I sent and whether or not she got pissed, so it was just really an awkward situation.

And truthfully, I was surprised he didn't respond to the email. We never had a fight during/after we broke up, we'd had friendly conversations after breaking up, etc., so there was no "bad blood" there or anything. So when I never heard back, my mind immediately decided that his current woman would be pissed if he responded. So when I actually saw him and he was with her, I just avoided him and called it a day. [sigh]

I AM, however, happy to report that he is still smokin' hot (not that Steve isn't), and his wife is definitely cute, but not as hot as I thought his wife would be. And his two little girls were adorable and had unbelieveably curly hair, but my two girls are cuter. ;P (I'm kidding.)

Um, anyway, just wanted to like, clear that up and stuff. LOL!

(Hey wait! NOW I know why he never responded to my email! I bet that for the past 13 years, he's been pining for me, regretting that we broke up, and longing for me, hoping we'd one day meet up again and fall deeply in love again and make a life together. And I bet that once he read my email stressing that I'm happily married, he didn't want to drudge up all of those old nagging feelings of love again, and figured that responding to me would just cause trouble in his married life, where he's pretending to be happy. Yup. That's it. I just know it!)

My life in a Nutshell Bulleted List

** We celebrated Grace's 6th birthday on the 28th by spending the day swimming and then with the family that night for cake.

** Got invited to be on my favorite digital scrapbooking designer's Creative Team. What that basically means is that I use her stuff to create layouts and then post those layouts (and news, events, etc.) in the hopes of promoting her stuff and generating sales for her. It was an honor to be asked and I'm really excited about the whole thing.

** Had Grace's reptile party at the environmental center. It was a HUGE success with the kids and parents alike. There was a slightly stressful 20 minutes when all of the kids suddenly disappeared into the massive 60 acres of woods on the trails (that fork everywhere) and no one was sure which kids were with adults and which weren't, but all worked out OK and everyone was fine. LOL!

** Steve fired one of his employees today. He only had 2. Shit.

** Grace is bored out of her skull on days that Hannah's not here and is completely ready to go back to school already. LOL!

** Spent last Friday at an amusement park where I saw my old college boyfriend for the first time in 13 years. My kids actually bumped into him accidentally. We avoided eye contact and didn't say anything. I'm guessing this was because just ONE WEEK before, I had found him on the alumni site and darted off an email at 3:00 in the morning where I babbled like an idiot and probably scared the living shit out of him. He never responded. [sigh] Karma's a bitch.

** Uhhh... I'm sure there's more, but I'm drawing a blank right now. I'll post some pics later from all of the things I mentioned above, but they're on my other computer and Grace is currently occupying the desk chair.

This stuff could only happen to me...

So two days ago (on Saturday), the girls were both in their gymnastics recital. Both of them kicked ass and were totally adorable (pictures at a later date... I'm lazy tonight). Cool. So they both left there afterwards with my parents to go to dinner, get some ice cream, and sleep over at Grandma and Granddad's. Cool.

So Steve and I end up at this picnic with my MIL and FIL. It's a VERY complicated round-about family tree sort of thing, but the picnic was at a house right down the street from where we live and is sort of extended family (not really, but play along). Anyway, I meet the owners of the home... a 70 (or 80? I forget...) year-old man and his sweet, smiling wife. We're eating. We're laughing. We're drinking. It's all good.

So the guys and some of the kids go off to play wiffle ball while some of the "women folk" stayed in the screened-in porch to just chill, talk about kids, etc. At one point, I decide it's time for me to make my first trip into the home and to the bathroom. I'd had 2 or 3 beers and the pee was not going to be contained much longer.

So I ask where in the home the bathroom is and get "directions" to it from my step-FIL's daughter-in-law, who grew up there. Great. So off I go. I walk across the yard, go in the back door, walk through the kitchen, bang a left and walk through the dining room, and see the bathroom door ahead of me. I see that a light's on in the bathroom, but the door is open about 6-inches. I can't really see inside, but figure if the door's open 6", no one's in there (or a kid is in there, but since there were only 3 kids at the picnic and 2 were playing wiffle ball, I knew that if any of the kids were in the bathroom, it would be sweet, 7-year-old Lynzy. No biggie. (And yes, I think the spelling of her name is ridiculous, but it's not my kid, so whatever.)

So I move forward, with my hand outstretched to push open the door the rest of the way, and finally release the river that has been building up in me for a good hour now. I can practically feel the relief I'll experience in just a few short moments...

So my hand makes contact with the already slightly ajar door and I push it open with a little force, excited about what's about to take place. Am I faced with the glorious sight of a waiting, non-occupied porcelin toilet, just waiting to accept my "gift"? No. Because that would be what the normal person would see, and that doesn't happen to me. Ever.

No. Instead, I'm smacked in the face with a not-so-pleasant odor and see, directly in front of me, about 2 feet away, the 70+ year old homeowner sitting on his "throne", reading STAR magazine, and taking a big dump. Oh. My. God. Words cannot describe my feeling at that moment. He looked up at me over his glasses, half grinned at me, showing his full set of dentures, and chuckled silently. I slammed the damn door shut, and said, "Oh my GOD! I am soooo sorry! You didn't have the door closed!"

And then I ran. I ran like the wind. I hightailed it out of that house so fast, I swear there were flames shooting out of my ass. I ran to the field where most of the people were playing wiffle ball and I chugged a beer so fast it made my head spin. And then, for the remaining 90 minutes we were still at the picnic, I avoided the man like the plague and managed to avoid all eye contact.

The second Steve and I got in the car to go home, I blurted, "I walked in on Jerome taking a dump. He was reading a magazine, the door wasn't closed, and it stank like all hell. God help me." Steve couldn't stop laughing. But he's not the one that has to live with that image permanently burned in his mind. I do. And it's not a pretty sight, lemme tell ya.

See? This is why I drink. I really have no choice.

Pictures from Hannah's Party...

(Before Kim makes me want to slap her. LOL!) Just kidding Kim! Sorry it took so long to post these. Just been busy...

Here's a picture of Hannah at the beginning of the party...

Grace with her new rather large stuffed shark. She got it from my brother for her birthday, which is next week...

Hannah getting ready to blow out her candles...

Hannah gets air on the new waterslide...


Grace's turn...

My BIL, Mike, and Steve battling it out with the water guns. Right after this picture was taken, I had to go mental and shut down the water battle before someone got hurt. LOL!

Sorry gang...

But I'm totally wiped out (and rather buzzed) tonight. The girls spent ALL DAY on the new slide.... A friend and her son came over to use the slide... The house was trashed inside and out (from the party) and I had to clean up all day, etc. No pictures again. But I SWEAR I'll post some tomorrow. No. For real. I will. Honest. I swear.

I NEED to go to bed right now though.

It's Over...

Hannah's party that is. It went well generally speaking in that the kids had a BLAST and the slide is a HUGE hit. But throughout the day we had to suffer through...

1. My friend's 2-year-old burning the shit out of his hand when he touched an exposed lightbulb on one of our lamps.

2. Grace bleeding (which is actually nothing unusual).

3. Everyone here at the party wanting to beat the living SHIT out of Gunnar who kept soaking the adults with water guns while laughing like a possessed demon.

4. Steve having to patch my parents' tire that was going flat on their brand new car.

5. An hour (at least) long thunderstorm, complete with hail.

6. A big hunk of our rain gutter flying off the house during the above mentioned thunderstorm and missing my sister's minivan by inches.

7. My brother falling (during a water battle) and completely flattening a metal bucket that I had flowers planted in.

8. Me finally flipping the hell out (not one of my prouder moments, although several people agreed) and deflating the slide when the GROWN people (sister, Steve, 16-year-old nephew, BIL, etc.) got WAY out of hand with Super Soakers, squirting people that didn't want to be squirted, going on the slide while the little kids were on it, practically launching them off of it, Gunnar pushing Hannah down it and Hannah crying, and Grace almost toppling off the side of it, all while (and due to) the "grown-ups" having a water battle.

8. Me not being able to smoke through ANY of it because my parents were here.

** Note to Sister: Do NOT buy the children Super Soakers to be given to them on the day of a party with a bunch of immature jackasses.

Photos tomorrow (and I've got some really good ones).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH!!!!

Today we celebrated Hannah's 4th birthday. She was so excited to be turning 4. It's hard to believe she's that old already... especially since she's the size of a 2-year-old. LOL!

My mom took off work today and we had plans that involved breakfast at the diner and swimming, but things didn't work out that way. So we headed to the mall instead (since Hannah loves shopping) and we ended up at Libby Lu's, where she got a whole makeover. She LOVED it and was in total heaven. She looked so stinkin' cute! Here are a few pictures (unedited because I don't feel like it right now).

Oh, and here's a new layout using pictures from this past weekend. The girls had a BLAST on the Slip & Slides at Aunt Kristin and Uncle Mike's house. :)

Tagged...

I was tagged by Sara, so before I go shower and start my day, I thought I'd quick post this:

The challenge is to use ONE WORD for each answer (no explanations).

Yourself: Funny

Your Partner: Understanding

Your Hair: Messy

Your Mother: Godsend

Your Father: Open-Minded

Your Favorite Item: Computer

Your Dream Last Night: None

Your Favorite Drink: Beer

Your Dream Car: Minivan

Your Dream Home: New

The Room You Are In: Living

Your Fear: Cancer

Where You Want To Be In Ten Years: Here

Who You Hung Out With Last Night: mother-in-law

You're Not: Neat

One of Your Wish List Items: Money

The Last Thing You Did: Smoked

You Are Wearing: T-shirt

Your Favorite Weather: Cool

Your Favorite Book: Photo

Last Thing You Ate: Pringles

Your Life: Crazy

Your Mood: Tired

Your Best Friend: Steve

What Are You Thinking About Right Now: Waterslides

Your Car: Accord

What Are You Doing At The Moment: This

Relationship Status: Married

What Is On Your TV: Nickolodeon

What Is The Weather Like: Breezy

When Is The Last Time You Laughed: Today

I'm tagging Geena, Kim (she knows where she is), & Chelle

We did it...

We bought the girls one of those inflatable water slides for their birthdays. I got the one I posted down below, which is this one:





I'm so freakin' excited! LOL! But we're waiting to give it to them until next Saturday at Hannah's party. I don't know if I can wait that long. LOL!


And today was Grace's last day of kindergarten. We officially have a 1st grader in the house. (I think. When is a kid officially in the next grade? The day the previous grade ends? Or the first day of the new grade? LOL!) Anyway, it's weird to have a kid that old. I'm so proud of her. I have no idea what the HELL I'm going to do with her all summer, so it should be um, interesting. But in many, many ways it'll be pretty cool too. I guess I could always just throw her outside on her new water slide. LOL!

I want one

of these:

Never mind that we don't have a boat and I've never done anything even remotely resembling this, like water skiing. How much freakin' fun would this thing be?

Thursday Thirteen - June 7, 2007

13 Things I Did Today

1. Wiped down the air conditioners (window units) that go in the girls bedrooms in preparation for the 90-degree heat they're forecasting for tomorrow.

2. Washed, dried, and cut up about 90 lbs. (exaggeration) of lettuce , spinach & cabbage that Steve brought home from his dad's garden the other day. It took me almost 2 hours and I don't even eat that crap.

3. Ground up a big ol' bag of coffee beans. I know it tastes better if you grind them up before each time you use the coffee maker, but, well, that's just not practical in our world.

4. Did three loads of Steve's laundry. See, Steve has his own washer and dryer in our basement and he does all of his own laundry. His clothing is usually covered in disgusted concrete dust, mud, oil, grease, etc. from work and washing all of laundry in the same machines proved (in the past) to really suck. There's nothing like a faint orange-yellow "tint" to all of your whites to make you realize a system isn't working. So anyway, out of the kindness of my heart (LOL), I did three big loads for Steve while he was at work today. I never do Steve's laundry. Ever. The man is the epitome of anal-retentive, and if clothing isn't washed, dried, and folded exactly the way he likes it, all sorts of weird shit happens. LOL!

5. Drove to three very nearby gas stations and general stores desperately searching for dishwasher liquid so I could finally wash the dishes that had been sitting in my dishwasher for 2 days. I really didn't want to have to drive to Giant or WalMart for it.

6. Found it at the last store and paid WAY too much for a MUCH smaller bottle just so I wouldn't have to drive farther.

7. Confirmed with the mother-in-law that she'd chip in for the kickass water slide for the girls' birthdays. I swear to god, I'm more excited than they'll be. My big fat ass will be sliding down a Banzai waterslide in a little over a week. WOOHOO!

8. Pondered if it would be considered rude if on the day of Hannah's party next weekend (when the great slide will be revealed), I push all other kids out of the way to be the first one down the sucker. I'm thinking yes?

9. Printed out and mailed all of the invitations for Hannah's party.

10. Talked to mother-in-law again and realized I forgot to invite some family that are visiting from Texas this month. Shit. I guess I'm printing more tomorrow.

11. Did all of Steve's business stuff on the computer. I freakin' HATE doing the crap and it sucks even more that I don't get paid for it. LOL!

12. Read the journal/sketchbook that Grace brought home that she's been writing in all year at school (as per the teacher's instructions). I laughed. I cried. I almost pissed myself from laughing and crying so much. The child has a crazy imagination and I absolutely, positively adore her for it. My very favorite is a drawing of a tree with arms and legs and a building. Above it she wrote. "The tree walks. It went to the store." LMFAO! I'm totally going to scan it (and a few others) tomorrow and show them to you.

13. Grilled some cheeseburgers for dinner. They sucked. LOL!

WOOHOO!

I finished Hannah's invitations about 10 minutes ago. Tomorrow morning, I'll print 'em out, mail 'em off, and I'm DONE with all that stuff (until I have to make the thank you cards for their parties). Here they are:

When I was making these, it struck me (yet again) how different the girls are. I've got Grace handing out invitations with slimy snakes and lizards all over 'em, and I've got Hannah, who usually wears so much pink that it looks like she and a bottle of Pepto Bismol got in a fist fight and the Pepto won. Eh. It makes for interesting days around here I suppose.

Anyway, now that her invitations are done, I can start on my friend, Geena's, signature for her message boards and my friend, Melissa's, blog header. WOOHOO! [You can't see me, but I'm doing the Cabbage Patch right now.]

I'm also pumped because Steve and I talked tonight and we're going to ask my MIL & FIL if they want to chip in with us and buy the girls this kick ass gift (or a similar one) for their birthdays:

I hope everyone agrees to it, because I must admit that I kind of want it for myself more than the kids. Can you imagine this sucker at the pig roast this year? Awesome!

Anyway, my eyes are closing while I type this and my head keeps jerking me awake, so me thinks it's time to finish my beer and hit the sack. Later!

Wow.

Grace handed out her invitations today at school. Within 1.5 hours of arriving home, I already had calls for 5 kids definitely coming to the party, which is over a month away. The moms I talked to sounded so excited! One asked if she could bring her other two kids (I said sure!) because she thinks they'll love it too.

They also started talking about the donations they're bringing for the center (as we suggested in the invitations). One's husband works at a dairy farm (or factory or something. I dunno. LOL!) and is bringing home a bunch of 5-gallon buckets. Another mom has 2 huge bags of bird seed she was going to just throw in her yard since her feeder broke, but now she's bringing it to the party to donate to the center. That's so freakin' cool!

It seems like the parents are just excited there's a party somewhere new. Believe me, every mom in Grace's class is really kind of getting sick of parties at the local roller-skating rink, the hotel pool, and the gymnastics center. Not that the kids don't have fun, but it's nice to have something different to do, ya know?

The worst though is when these parents call to RSVP and then ask what they should buy Grace. Uhhh.... I dunno. LOL! She has every toy ever invented. And they certainly don't need anything. So I just ramble off a very general list.... she loves anything having to do with snakes and sharks... she loves crafts and art-type stuff... she likes animal encyclopedias so she can memorize random facts about animals... and she HATES any typical girl toy you can imagine. I swear, the poor kid has gotten more Barbie dolls and My Little Ponies than you can imagine that she plays with for 5 minutes and then tells Hannah she can have 'em. I swear, I almost put something in the invitations that said, "When shopping for Grace, please bypass the girl aisles and head directly to the gender neutral and/or boy aisles please." LOL!

But I'm kind of hoping that the fact that she's a girl and is having a reptile party where you can touch slimy shit is going to be a clue enough for moms to realize that she's not a girly-girl at all, and probably wouldn't appreciate that princess dress-up gown that would surely be a hit with some (most?) other 6-year-old girls. LOL!

And Tink, oh my god... Grace would LOVE the gator farm! Like, I'm not even kidding. She would totally volunteer to attempt the whole mouth tying thing. Tonight, she insisted on watching Animal Planet instead of Spongebob, and when they showed extreme closeups of some red ants being eaten by some other preditor insect, she said (and I quote), "Awwww... poor little red ant." And yesterday, she seriously got PISSED OFF at me because I stepped on an ant. What the hell? The child is a damn freak if you ask me. Who likes ants for the love of god. LOL!

She's ALIVE!!!

Yeah. I'm here. Sorry I deserted you yet again. I was spending every waking moment last week making 20 layouts for a photo book for Steve for Father's Day. I had an offer for a free one from Shutterfly, but you had to order it by May 31st. Let's just say that exactly 11:59 PM, I clicked Order for that sucker. LOL! You can check it out here if you're interested:

Steve's Father's Day Book

As soon as I got that damn thing done, I had to immediately start on Grace's birthday party invitations. Her party isn't until July 8th, but this is her last week of school so I had to finish them so she could hand them out to the class. She's having a reptile party at a local environmental center. She's pretty pumped since she knows she'll get to touch some snakes. LOL! That kid kills me. Here are the invitations (with any information that would help you find and stalk me blacked out. LOL!):

Front:

Back:

We also enclosed a request that each child try to bring one item to donate to the center that day. The center has a wish list on their website and it's all little things like Dawn dish liquid, paper towels, acorns, etc. We're all really looking forward to the party. Well, except for my mother-in-law who is TERRIFIED of snakes. But maybe she'll get so scared, she'll shit in a bush again and I'll have another blog story to tell. LOL!

Next is Hannah's party. That's just a small BBQ type thing here at the house, mostly just for family. But that's in like a week and a half, so I have to get my ass in gear today, make the invites, and get them in the mail tomorrow. [sigh] Damn me having two kids with birthdays two weeks apart.

Now let's throw in T-ball games twice a week, other kids' birthday parties, gymnastics two nights a week, and general everyday stuff, and I'm freakin' busy. LOL! But this is Grace's last week of school, and I tend to blog more in the summer for some reason, so hopefully, I'll be around a bit more now. Well, as soon as I finish Hannah's damn invitations. LMAO!

OK gang. I'm off to shower, have a conference call with my latest project team, and put away 8 billion loads of laundry before Grace gets home from school at lunchtime. [sigh] Later gators!