Saturday, April 29, 2006

Dear Hannah...

This Port-a-Potty aversion has got to end. Although understandable, it's just not practical. Not when it's springtime and we go to the park on a fairly regular basis, where port-a-potties are the only option when one needs to relieve him or herself. And not when your big sister now has T-ball practices and games twice a week, where again, port-a-potties are the only option you're given. So I'm afraid you're going to either need to learn to deal with "stinky potties." Or you're going to be walking around in wet pants an awful lot. Got it? Good. Now let's move on.

Love,
Mommy

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Seriously guys, this kid is killing me. Such a complex individual this tiny little 2-year-old is. See, she has NO problem with port-a-potties in general, or, in theory. In fact, they're almost like a "novelty" in her eyes, and there are times she'll insist on using one several times in an hour. But there's a catch. There can be no visible poop when she looks down in the hole.

Pee isn't a problem. Tons of toilet paper doesn't phase her. But let her get a glimpse of someone else's poop and all bets are off. Now I will say that I can't really blame the child. It IS gross no matter what age you are. But it's also something that one is bound to be confronted with when using port-a-potties on a fairly regular basis.

Grace had T-ball practice today. Five minutes into it, Hannah says she has to go potty. (Usually we go 2 or 3 times in one practice. For fun? I dunno. Ask Hannah.) So I trek her across two baseball fields to the two port-a-potties. She walks in the first one. She spies poop. She says she's NOT going to go in there because it's "stinky." (And for the record, the port-a-potties there do NOT smell bad. Not even remotely. So the odor is not the actual culprit.)

So we walk to the adjacent potty. The only other potty there. I hold my breath in anticipation, actually praying there is no visible poop in that one. Fuck, there is. It's a no go. She's not going. Outright refuses.

I try to reason with her and tell her that she has no other choices and that it's either go in one of them or pee in her pants. She tells me "she was just fooling" and that she doesn't really have to go. [sigh]

Apparently, she either WAS fooling or she has a bladder of steel, because she didn't go and she didn't have any accidents while there.

She's a damn high-maintenance princess I tell ya. I think she might actually be EE's kid. ;)

(I guess I'll be packing her potty in my trunk when we go to T-ball from now on. [sigh] When the hell did I become such a mom? Ugh.)


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And since my day today did not revolve solely on Hannah's issues with other people's poop, in other news...

** Grace kicked ASS at T-ball today. The coach was hitting grounders to all the kids in the field to teach them to stop the ball with their glove, pick it up, and throw it to first base. Grace kept getting it over, and over, and over... Even if the ball went past her or between her legs, about 5 kids would all run for it, and Grace would get it every single time. I swear I think I saw her elbow a kid in the face once in an attempt to get to the ball before him. Competitiveness is good, right? Even when it's against someone on the same team, right?

** Assumed the girls were sleeping over at my mom's tonight (like every other Saturday), and therefore allowed Hannah to nap WAY too long and WAY too late (because I'm a sucky daughter like that). But see, then I actually spoke to my mom and was informed that she's going with my sister and BIL at the crack ass of dawn tomorrow morning to some auction or sale or something, so the girls couldn't sleep over tonight, but are more than welcome to tomorrow night since she took off of work on Monday. Fuuuuuuuck! (Serves me right. I know this.)

** Took the girls outside with a mission to run them ragged until right before bedtime so Hannah would crash at her normal time.

** Ran to Dunkin' Donuts to buy coffee beans for tomorrow morning (we're completely out) and walked in to discover they don't take credit or debit cards yet. So I paid for a pound of coffee beans and 2 glazed donuts (for the girls who were at home expecting them) using $9.50 in nickels, dimes & quarters.

** Picked a tick out of Hannah's hair tonight after her bath. Sometimes this "country life" sucks.

** Just spent an hour blogging about all of this in an attempt to avoid working, even though I need the money. But it involves, like, thought and I'm not so sure my brain is functioning at that level right now. Off to research financial stuff. Yay. I'm such a party animal on a Saturday night.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Thoughts? Who Said I Had Any Thoughts?

So I'm experiencing a little bit of blogger's block. I sit here at night, wondering what to blog about. Now that I'm working again, and the kids are dragging me outside every waking moment of the day, nothing funny or exciting seems to happen. And reading lots and lots of financial documents for my new freelancing job seems to have sucked all of the creative juices out of my body.

So I came here tonight and I was going to blog about how I've finally been given the go ahead on my freelance gig to actually write some stuff (as opposed to the editing I've been doing up until now) and how that just has me giddy with excitement. But then I realized that's pretty boring to the average reader who doesn't give a rat's ass about the particulars of my assignment.

So then I thought I'd blog about how the girls convinced me to take them to the park at noon today, a mere hour before Hannah's normal nap time.... And how when we got there, I realized she had peed in her pants a little bit and how I thanked god I still had that bag of clothing in my trunk that I had been planning on dropping off at Goodwill for a good year now.... And how in that bag happened to be a pair of pants that were WAY too big for her, but that had a drawstring waist so we made due.... And how, when Grace told her to TELL us when she has to potty, Hannah said, "But the potties here are stinky. I don't like stinky potties!" and I almost pissed myself because this child really does hate port-a-potties. But then I realized that wasn't really that witty either.

So next I considered sharing my story about how after Grace's gymnastics class tonight, I had to run to the accountant's office to pick up Steve's quarterly tax files, so I grabbed the girls some McDonald's Happy Meals to eat in the car on the way.... And how I just handed the bag to Hannah and forgot to take her pickle out of her cheeseburger.... And how she ate half of it and then took a bite that included pickle and she freaked out and started screaming and yelling for me to get it out.... And how no matter how kindly I tried to convince her to just spit the damn pickle into her bag and be done with it, she refused, and instead opted to sit there, keep the half chewed pickle in her mouth, and cry, all the while refusing to even close her mouth for the next 10 minutes until we got to the accountant's and I could get out of the car and retrieve the half chewed pickle from her mouth.... But then I realized that it was kind of mean I made my kid keep food she didn't like half chewed in her mouth for 10 minutes and was worried some of you would think I was cruel (which I suppose in some ways, I am, but I don't need to go advertising it or anything).

So instead, I'll just wish all of you a very happy weekend. ;)

Have a good one guys!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Thursday 13 Banner by Emily

Thirteen Things That Annoyed the Piss Out of Me Today

1. Hannah woke up twice throughout the night. Only for a few minutes each time, but it still involved me waking up and having to go into her room.

2. Not being able to find two stinkin' socks that matched for Hannah to put on this morning for daycare. Seriously. There were seven effin' loads of clean laundry done (but not put away yet... [sigh]) and I couldn't find one (matching) pair of lousy socks in any of them.

3. Putting away the aforementioned seven loads of laundry this afternoon. I'd seriously pay someone good money to come to my home and put away all clean laundry every night. And I mean good money. Hell, I'll pass out sexual favors too if that'll work.

4. Team MoJo on "The Amazing Race". I watched last night's episode this morning and they kept dissing my Hippies. I hate them. A lot.

5. The "Unknown Caller" that kept calling me this morning, every 5 minutes. Dude. I don't know who you are, or what you want. And this is just speculation, but I'm pretty sure that calling me every 15 minutes is probably not going to make me want to pick up the phone. If you want me that badly, leave a message.

6. Driving the 30 miles to go to Home Depot for quart cans of paint so we can pick a fucking color for this kitchen already. I don't mind Home Depot in general. But I do mind that it takes me a half hour to get there for stupid paint.

7. The couple at Home Depot who decided to park their (empty) shopping cart right in front of the entire paint chip display while they browsed through them, essentially blocking everyone else from looking. And what annoyed me even more is that even when they turned around and saw that 4 other people were trying to access the area, they still didn't move their (empty) cart. ASSHOLES!! (And then were looking for hideous bright orange colors. And I mean bright. They really don't deserve to block the paint chip display.)

8. The fact that I have to pay $10 per quart can of paint to bring home and brush a whopping 2' x 2' section on my wall. It's a damn conspiracy, I tell ya...

9. The fact that Ralph Lauren paints has created small, $2.00 - $3.00 paint sample "packets" for you to buy and bring home. However, dear ol' Ralph has decided to ONLY sell in stores, the ridiculous colors that no one in their right mind would consider using. Yes, Ralph, I LOVE the idea. But I really didn't plan on painting any of the rooms in my home a bright fuschia or anti-freeze blue color anytime soon.

10. That of the three quart cans I bought, none are "doing it" for us in terms of being the right color. One is WAY too orange (I swear it didn't look like that in the store), the one I was sure I would pick looks totally blah on the walls, and the one I grabbed on a whim is the one we both like most. Unfortunately, we don't love it, so $30.00 and an entire afternoon later, it's back to the drawing board.

11. That Steve consistently falls asleep before our children, putting a huge damper on our sex life. Not that I want to necessarily do it more often. But it'd be nice if it was at least an option.

12. The three recruiters that emailed and/or called me saying they received my resume like a month ago, and would now like to interview. Yeah. Assholes. Where were you three months ago? You know... before I signed contracts with my freelancing stuff and got the idea in my head that I don't have to work full-time. Dammit.

13. The fact that I can't think of a thirteenth one. I really do suck, don't I?

And a 14th one, just because...

14. That right after hitting "Publish Post" last night on this list, I fell asleep with my head on my desk and then woke up an hour later with a stiff neck. Son of a bitch....

Slacker...

Dear Lord, I'm slacking in the blogging department. I mean, seriously sucking at it lately. [sigh] Sorry guys. There are just too many TV shows on at night and then by the time they're over, I'm either ready to crash or already sleeping with drool running out of the corner of my mouth (like last night).

Anyway, nothing extraodinary happened yesterday. I got my hair cut. Just a trim really, but desperately needed. Steve got home and not only noticed (!), but commented on it several times throughout the evening. Dude, I got an inch cut off. What the hell is up with you? LOL!

I took the girls to Burger King and then Grace had T-Ball practice again last night. Lemme tell ya that there is nothing funnier than watching 4-year-olds play any sort of organized sport.... Cover second base? Nah. I'd rather stand here and draw in the dirt.... Catch the ball? Eh. I'm just going to kick this rock around in a circle instead. LOL! So freakin' cute!

So anyway, other than that, just a lot of errands and stuff. Hannah's gotten up a few times the past few nights (for some unknown reason), so I've been pretty beat at night. I feel asleep last night in the middle of CSI:New York (again), and now I'm going to go chug my coffee and watch "Amazing Race", which I taped last night. Please don't let the hippies be gone...

Then I have to tackle mountains of laundry, clean this pig sty up, make a 30-mile trip to Home Depot for paint samples (damn kitchen), and do about a billion other things while the girls are at daycare today.

More later for my Thursday Thirteen...

Monday, April 24, 2006

Check in tomorrow morning, gang...

I'll tell you ALLLL about my crazyass day today. But right now, I'm too tired to get into it. This morning, I mostly had to fight the urge to put my children up for adoption, due to their horrendous, out of control behavior. But then the sun came out and I threw them outside instead.

Anyway, the day involved groceries, a practically flooded bathroom, fishing, sea animals, laundry, new music, INSANE children, and a partridge in a pear tree. ;)

Seriously though... I'll blog tomorrow morning, probably WAY before most of you even read this, and all will be well with the world. Peace out.

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Sorry. OK. My day in a nutshell...

** Woke up and looked outside to see torrential downpours and some flashes of lightning.


** Discovered Steve wasn't going to work. [sigh]


** Within 10 minutes of both children being awake, they were picking at each other, annoying each other, and at times, being downright mean. [sigh]


** Was thrilled when Steve said he was going to head out fishing since the rain had slowed down and was supposed to stop.


** Was not so thrilled when Steve laid $100 on the counter and asked if I could go grocery shopping... with both girls... in the rain. [sigh]


** Managed to get myself and the children showered and dressed (amid the fighting) and threw them in the car.

** Headed to the grocery store, where Grace kept managing to knock things off the shelves (even while sitting in the cart), and the two of them were just hyper in general. And whiny. [sigh]

** Treated myself to the Teddy Geiger CD, since I had just cashed my first paycheck from my new gig.

** Gave in when Hannah threw a holy hell tantrum at the checkout because she wanted the foot-long Slim Jims that were displayed there.

** Came home where the girls reached a new level of hyperness.

** In the middle of putting the groceries away, heard giggling in the bathroom and walked in to find Hannah repeatedly filling an entire cup of water and throwing the water at Grace, essentially flooding the bathroom floor. [sigh]

** Glimpsed the sun peeking out around 1:00 and practically threw the children outside, not caring that it was Hannah's naptime.

** Was happy to see them burning off some of their pent up energy.

** Hannah finally crashed around 2:30, so I let her sleep an hour and woke her back up.

** Played video games with Grace and was a bit pissed that she kept beating me. And I wasn't letting her beat me.

** Threw them back outside.

** Watched Steve take almost 5 hours to figure out his smoker and smoke the fish he had caught in the morning.

** Drug them in the house around 6:30 for baths and so I could start supper.

** Threw them in the tub with their plastic sea animals (LOL Katherine), where Grace made the 2 guys that came with the set have the following conversation:

Guy #1: This was my granddad's boat. But he's too old now, so he gave it to me.
Guy #2: That's nice.
Guy #1: Well, you should know... you're my granddad.
Guy #2: Oh yeah. I forgot.
Guy #1: See, I told you you're too old to have the boat.
[Waves crash and overtake the boat.]
Guy #1: Granddad, are you OK?!
Guy #2: [Glub. Glub.]
Guy #1: Oh no. Granddad's dead.

** Got them in jammies and started supper.

** Had to practically wake Grace up to eat she was so exhausted.

** Was happy when both children were out cold by 8:30, allowing me to sit and watch "The Apprentice" from the beginning. (SO happy about who was fired BTW.)

Saturday, April 22, 2006

What a long day (or so it seemed)...

** Woke up to torrential downpours. [sigh] Now that the kids have gotten a taste of playing outside, days that are strictly limited to indoor play don't always go over so well.

** Played Disney Yahtzee, Candy Land, Hullabaloo, and a Dora matching/memory game all before 8:00 AM. There's just something wrong about that.

** Remembered a butterfly project that families were asked to complete for an open house at the daycare. They sent home poster board with a butterfly outline on it and families were ALL supposed to work on it and create their own butterfly.

** Fought the urge to just do it myself when no one else was around.

** Instead, let the girls glue some macaroni and sunflower seed stripes on it.

** Considered cracking open a beer around 10:00 AM when I caught Hannah dumping the hard macaroni noodles into her underwear.

** Cringed (inwardly) as Grace painted the butterfly's wings and "ruined" my perfect circular polka-dots I had painted minutes before.

** Mentioned casually that she was painting outside the lines and that usually a butterfly's wings matched on both sides.

** Realized that she was right, when she replied, "So? It's prettier when they don't match."

** Received my first paycheck as an official freelancer in the mail today.

** Again, considered therapy when I played video games with Grace during Hannah's nap, and got unbelieveably annoyed and threatened to quit when Grace wouldn't pay attention and wasn't playing "right". (Deep breaths, Allison... Deep breaths...)

** Had several battles with Hannah today and won every one of them (for once). Throw tantrums all you want to, my child, for I will NOT cave.

** Was thrilled when Steve put the last backsplash tile on the wall today in the kitchen. Tomorrow is grouting and then my job of sealing everything will come again in a few days.

** Received the most beautiful pictures of Hannah in my email inbox, taken by my sister on Easter Sunday.

Image hosting by Photobucket


Image hosting by Photobucket

** Took both girls to my mom's house for the night. (Their choice, not mine.)

** Wondered if women who don't own vibrators realize what they're missing out on in terms of their sex life with their partners. Good stuff, my friends...

** Watched "Tuckerville" tonight. YAHOO! (I really shouldn't admit I watch that, should I? [blush])

** Laughed when Steve saw I was watching "Little People, Big World" and commented, "Wow. You really like watching that midget show, don't you?"" LOL! Dude, if you only knew how hard it is for me...

Friday, April 21, 2006

A Steve Hair Update...

As for the chest hair, I think I've mentioned the words "gay" and "total turn off" enough to keep him from shaving it complete (thank you god). But he went today for a haircut and I'm kind of bummed. Now don't get me wrong... he NEEDED a haircut desperately. It's been a good 9 months (possibly a year) and it was looking BAD. The length itself wasn't so bad, but the dead ends, dried out hair, straggly look had to go.

So he went for a haircut today. I thought he was just getting a trim. As in keeping the general length, but getting the dead ends cut off, etc. I had kind of gotten used to his longer hair and, admittedly, was beginning to think it was pretty hot.

He came home with short hair again. Not extremely short. But short. [sigh] It does look good. But I kind of liked when it looked "bad", ya know?

Oh well. At least he's still got arm and leg hair, right? LOL!

Conversation with Hannah....

Now keep in mind that Hannah is all of 2 years old. Granted, she'll be three in 2 months, but still...

We were looking at one of Grace's MANY science books for kids (which she loves) and came upon a page that showed drawings of a baby growing inside a mother's womb. I explained to the girls that that's how babies grow. That they start out small and grow bigger and bigger inside until the mommy pushes them out.

Hannah looks at me DEAD SERIOUS, with a straight face and no grimace what-so-ever, and says, "I remember I didn't like your belly because it was all dark and fat."

Um, what? LOL! Now keep in mind that I had made NO mention of it being dark in there. I couldn't stop laughing because I swear to god she said it as if she truly remembers being in there as if it was yesterday.

She then followed it up with, "But I DID like that when I pooped, it was too dark to see it." What... the... hell?

Oy. These kids are going to be the death of me, I swear to god...

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Another Busy Day...

(...which means another lameass post. [sigh] Sorry.)

* Made $90 just listening to other people talk during several conference calls. I could get used to this freelancing thing.

* Got an email from my old manager that I've been "requested by name" for a tech writing gig, and wanting to know if I'm still available. Damn straight I'm available! Who needs sleep anyway?


* Did the ol' seasonal clothing switcharoo in Hannah's closet. This was a project that took several hours, and one that I always despise with every ounce of my being.

* Laughed to myself when realizing that the spring/summer clothing I was unpacking for my almost 3-year-old to wear this year is the same clothing that her big sister was wearing the summer after her 1st birthday. Holy size difference, Batman! Seriously. Grace was wearing some of the stuff before she could even walk, and it may still be too big on Hannah this year. LOL!

* Did a few hours of work on a document for my new job.

* Got three loads of laundry done (but not put away).

* Realized (after typing the above statement) that there's still a load that needs to be thrown in the dryer. That ain't happening at this hour. I guess I'll be rewashing that load in the morning. [sigh]

* Drove 35 minutes (one way) to walk into the tile store, pick up 8 lousy tiles (which took 10 minutes), write a check for $80+, and drive 35 minutes back home. There's something seriously wrong with that on so many levels.

* Cut my hand trying to yank out the hose attachment while vacuuming. Seriously Steve, we all realize you're fucking stong. But you seem to have this need to jam the damn thing back in as hard as is humanly possible everytime you use the vacuum. Knock it the fuck off.

* Cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the living room, and cleaned the playroom.

* Put all of the girls' godforsaken Easter crap away so I don't have to look at it anymore. (At least not contained in pastel pink and green baskets with large bows anyway.)

* Grabbed a case of beer for the weekend.

* Returned movies that were like 3 weeks overdue. Thank you Blockbuster and your no late fees.

* Did some invoicing for Steve. (You know... because I don't have anything better to do.)

* Was shown (by Steve) that he shaved his chest. Dude. That's gay. But whatever floats your boat...

* Am happy to report that this god awful sinus infection finally seems to be going away, so I may have a bit more life in me and be able to blog more regularly now. (I'm sure you're all thrilled.)

Open Letter

Dear Mom at Last Night's T-Ball Practice Who Sat in Front of Us,

Although you seemed like a very nice person, I really didn't want to have to stare at your thong and the top of your ass crack when you sat down on the bleachers and your low-rise jeans slid down. Now although it looked like a hot little red thong, and your ass crack wasn't unattractive, it's just not something I want to see at my four-year-old's T-ball game. And see, it was kind of like a car accident... I din't want to keep staring at it, but I couldn't not stare at it.

So for my sake, can you please either wear a shirt that covers your ass crack next time, or maybe sit behind me?

Thanks!

Love,
Allison

Monday, April 17, 2006

The Things Dads Miss Out On

Ok. So not all dads. And obviously not all the time. But let's face it. Usually moms spend a good deal more time with the kids than dads. Not saying it's good or bad. I'm just saying.

* The experience where a kid can be standing right next to a box of tissues, but will opt to wipe their snotty, boogered up nose on your shirt and then laugh about it.

* The guilt a mom feels when, throughout the day, your children say, "Sit with me. Sit with my, Mommy! Please sit with me!" but you have too much to do to just sit with them all day long. (OK. So I'm sure dads experience this guilt a bit too. But I still think it goes a bit deeper for a mom.)

* The bittersweet feeling a mom experiences when her two daughters climb up on their playstructure and declare that they're in their clubhouse, and that no big people are allowed. The fact that they're growing up is wonderful, but one always assumes they have a bit more time before they start excluding their mom.

* The phenomenon where dads often appear in pictures with their children, but somehow, the mom never does. Because the mom is always taking the pictures, whereas a dad, for some reason or another, never thinks about picking up a camera and capturing a spontaenous, wonderful moment between a mother and her children.

* Discovering that their girly two-year-old outright refuses to use the Port-a-John at the local playground because it's "gross", and opts, instead, to pee in their pants and then think they can just continue playing like there's nothing weird about that at all.

* The son-of-a-bitch feeling a mom feels when she realizes that for the first time ever she does not have a change of clothing in her car for her children, which would allow her children to continue playing at the playground, which, in turn, would lessen the guilt she feels as she drags her children to the car to go home and change the child(ren)'s clothing.

* The pressure one feels when realizing that their children received several Easter presents from people not present at the time of the gift opening and now their mom has to write and send thank you cards or risk being bashed by other women everywhere (or at least in the family).

* Fine-tuning the art of bribery and realizing that the promise of ice cream if a child behaves is priceless.

* Cleaning up vomit residue after a child chokes on a Goldfish cracker, complete with gagging, a 20-minute coughing jag, watering eyes, and a declaration that it was their sibling's fault they choked.

* Frantically trying to figure out who can watch the kids when you are informed that a conference call for work is going to last 2.5 hours long, and you know that there's no way on god's green earth that the children will be quiet that long.

* Taking care of chidren on days when a mother is a raging mess of hormones and is acting like a(and let's face it... it's true) bitch is not a very good idea.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Happy Easter!

Ahhh... another holiday come and gone. And let me just say, that as much fun as it is to have kids around the holidays, those holidays involving children with cousins hyped up on a day's worth of sugar and junk food are just NOT fun. LOL! Dear lord. I hereby promise to never joke about my kids smoking crack again. Because whatever it is that my nephew is smoking makes my kids' crack look like a pack of SweetTarts.

I have never felt such relief as when we were leaving my MIL's house tonight. Because see, ONE child that's bouncing off the walls, tends to make all OTHER children bounce off the walls. And I literally mean bouncing off the walls.

There is not enough beer in the world to calm me down in situations like that. And I only had one all day long because of this goddamn cold/allergy/sinus infection thing I've got going on.

But now everyone else in the house is asleep, and I'm about to attempt to join them. Because, after all, there's nothing like a day like today to help you appreciate complete silence and sleep, now is there? ;)

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Calgon? Anyone?

Wanna hear about my hellish day? Because I would really like to blog about it. LOL! Some of you have already heard about it. No need to comment if you don't want to. ;)
  • Was up until 1:00 AM last night working.
  • Slept like crap b/c of my sinus infection.
  • Woke up just in time to say goodby to Steve (who was heading out fishing) and be greeted by two cranky kids, one of which (Grace) feels like crap with a cold.
  • Worked some more (while the girls fought) and then showered (while the girls fought).
  • Threw them in the and drug them into the gas station just so I could get cash at the ATM for Steve to use for golfing this afternoon.
  • Threw them back in the car and dropped T-ball money off at the local park so Grace could start next week (while the girls fought).
  • Drove to the accountant to pick up all of our tax stuff (while the girls fought).
  • Headed to my mom's house so she could keep an eye on the girls while I worked some more. Sent off the document with a few questions and waited for a response.
  • Was thrilled when Grace fell asleep on my mom's couch.
  • Was bummed when Hannah didn't.
  • Watched the start time for a local egg hunt I had promised to take them to come and go.
  • Got a call and had to do some more work on the document.
  • Kicked myself for promising the girls I'd take them to the park (stupid egg hunt mommy guilt).
  • Sent the document back out with the changes made.
  • Threw the girls back into the car and headed for the park.
  • Had to drive past the park and come home so Hannah could potty first.
  • Went to the park (along with a billion other kids).
  • Left the park and got halfway home and realized I had left their jackets hanging on a fence at the park.
  • Turned around to retrieve the forgotten jackets.
  • Arrived home.
  • During all this, I remembered that I was supposed to make pasta salad for tomorrow, so my choices were to throw the girls BACK into the car and go to the (probably packed) grocery store, OR wait until after 7:00 tonight when Steve gets home from golfing so I can go by myself.
  • Watched an overtired Hannah throw a bazillion crazy ass tantrums that last about 30 minutes each.
  • Didn't even care when she fell asleep at 5:00. I was so happy to NOT hear her crying, that I couldn't have cared less if she was up until midnight tonight because of her late nap.
  • Made a trip to the grocery store at 7:45 once Steve finally got home from golfing.
  • Stopped at the beer distributor to grab a case of beer.
  • On the way home, got to a stop sign just as the railroad crossing barrier came down.
  • Sat and watched a fucking train go by for 10 minutes.
  • Got the girls to bed way later than I had hoped.
  • Made up their Easter baskets.
  • Filled and hid stupid plastic eggs all over the house.

I'm done (in sooo many ways). LOL!

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But while I'm here, I can finally talk a little bit about the new job. I'm excited. There are only 3 other women involved. All of them also work from home and they all set their own hours and work whenever they want to/can. They're developing this really cool computer product (that I'm not really supposed to talk about because I signed a confidentiality agreement). They'll need me until at least August, and possibly until the end of the year. I'm thrilled because it at least means I'll be spending the summer at home and can be home at least until Grace starts kindergarten in September. [happy happy sigh]

The other women seem great. They just happened to bring me on board on a weekend when they're preparing for a big meeting with the software developer on Monday, which is why I had to jump right in and crank out a document. I get the impression that normally, it's a much calmer, slower process and I won't be up until god-awful hours working on stuff.

So I couldn't be more excited. Good pay, from home, during hours that are convenient for me. You just can't beat it. :)

Friday, April 14, 2006

God, I Suck...

Sorry gang. Another lameass post. I finalized the freelance gig around lunchtime, and at 3:00, already had a 2-hour long conference call/meeting with the rest of the project team. I have stuff due by noon tomorrow. Jesus.

So I'm working on that (so as to make a good first impression), so this is all I have time for. This job thing may seriously cut into my blogging time. [sigh]

More tomorrow night. I promise.

I guess I'm It Again...

Tagged by Emily

Here are the rules-
1. Reveal six weird facts/things/habits about yourself

And off we go...

1. I hate when the food on my plate touches or, for example, when the butter on my mashed potatoes runs over to my steak.

2. I used to participate in "Stair Diving" during drunken college parties. We'd go up 6 or 7 steps and then dive into a group of people at the bottom, waiting to catch us. Good times, lemme tell ya.

3. Of all loose coins, I like dimes the best. I always have. I love that they're so thin and small.

4. I take great pleasure in picking large boogers out of my childrens' noses. It's like fishing to me, and I'm always looking for "The Next Great Catch."

5. I HATE talking on the phone (it's almost a fear) and I thank god daily for the invention of email.

6. I hate when things are finished. Jobs, errands, projects, etc. It's just so "final".

Thursday, April 13, 2006

It's Still Thursday...

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13 UPDATES OF MY LIFE (Since I haven't been around in like... forever)

1. I'm on day 1,000,000 of my kick ass sinus infection (or so it seems). Blowing one's nose (literally) 75+ times in one day makes for one sore nose and one pissed off chick.

2. Lost 6 lbs. in the past week due to the aforementioned sinus infection and having no appetite what-so-ever. (See? Always look for the silver lining, my friends...)

3. Spent the entire first half of the day at the daycare with Hannah clinging to me like fucking velcro and not allowing me to do so much as pee without her having a damn hissy fit. (It's called independence, my child. Learn it. Know it. Live it.

4. Landed a freelance technical writing gig today, thanks to a lead sent to me by Kim, who friggin' RULES!

5. Ran into my default Beer Pong partner from our annual pig roasts while at Home Depot yesterday. Due to some things he told me, decided he's even more admirable than I originally thought. Seriously, the dude deserves some sort of medal (or a lot of free beer). He treats his parents better than most people I know. :(

6. Smiled to myself when I just remember how Beer Pong Dude and I kick fucking ass every year at the pig roast.

7. Decided that my goal over the next or so years will be to steer Grace toward a college scholarship for softball. Seriously, when a four-year-old girl can slam a softball from one end of our property to another (literally) when it's pitched to her, it's time to take advantage of that talent. Screw this gymnastics crap. We're aiming for sports involving balls. ;)

8. Think I pulled a muscle in my fingers while squirting nasal spray up my snot-clogged nose over the past week.

9. Swayed another one to "the dark side" in only a week. We rule.

10. Wondered what the long-term (and/or short-term) effects are of combining sinus medications with several beers in the same night.

11. Decided I didn't really give a shit.

12. Decided that if I ever meet the little, short, fat, inventor dude from American Inventor in real life, that I'm going to squash him and tell him what an arrogant ass he is.

13. Received a lottery chain letter from Steve's cousin, which included a scratch off ticket with instructions to either send four scratch off tickets to the other two people on the list, or send the unscratched ticket back to the sender if not willing to participate in the whole scheme. I scratched it off and won two bucks. Bite me, losers.

Miracles Do Occur...

Hannah slept through the night. It's 7:10 AM right now and I haven't heard a peep from her since 8:00 last night.

Sorry I didn't blog again. After watching my shows and talking on the phone to
Renfield (who called to make sure the Mothership hadn't beamed me up), I crashed.

But I got my stuff done yesterday. Easter stuff is bought (now I just have to find the damn Easter baskets), some laundry was done (but not put away), paint chip samples were retrieved (like literally 80 of them), and I watched my shows (bummed about the American Idol results... thrilled by the Amazing Race results).

Today I have to take the girls to daycare for their Easter festivities, but will hopefully be around later today to catch up on all of your blogs and get back in the swing of things.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Frazzled? Who says I'm frazzled?

I know you're all waiting for me to blog something witty, but I'm afraid it ain't happening right now. I'm beat. Although Hannah's illness seems to have pretty much passed, she decided to wake up at 3:30 AM (for no reason), at 4:30 AM (because she said there were bugs in her bed), and at 5:30 AM for good, throwing a tantrum until I brought her downstairs. [sigh] I'm a walking zombie.

And to make matters worse, I have a billion things to do today and I have to do them all before 3:00 when I have to pick up the girls at daycare. These "errands" include paying a bunch of bills, gathering up the last of the tax information (which involves several phone calls), taking my still-on-crutches sister to the library, buying everything I need for the girls' Easter baskets (and I have not a single item at this point), picking up paint samples at Home Depot, and getting the girls at daycare. Let's throw some laundry and dusting in there and you've got someone who needs to start her day, like right now. [sigh]

Later dudes...

Monday, April 10, 2006

Very short blog tonight...

Hannah has an ear infection (and raging fever), so I suspect I'll be up with her half the night again tonight (just like last night). So I am now about to force myself to go to bed, even though every ounce of my being would rather stay up and read your blogs. More tomorrow. I promise.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Observant Little Creatures, Aren't They?

Upon pulling into the driveway and seeing the Ford logo on the front grill of Steve's truck, Grace's eyes got really big and she said, with wonderment...

"Oh my gosh, Mommy! Daddy has an American Idol truck! How did he get it?"
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What an Odd Day...

My gut reaction would be to say, "Holy Hell, what a crappy day." But it really wasn't that bad.

* The four of us headed 30 miles away so Steve could buy a new golf club (which he's been wanting for like 3 years now). You have to understand that we take the girls nowhere we don't have to, just because we realize that certain places we go aren't even remotely "fun" for a 2-year-old and a four-year-old.

* We head to the first store, Dick's Sporting Goods (which makes me chuckle every time I say "Dicks") and Steve couldn't find one he liked. While he looked, I spent the time repeating, "Grace, get off of the exercise equipment... Grace, stop touching things... Grace, don't swing the bat in here... Hannah, I have help you push the cart so you don't run into something... etc."

* Rolled my eyes when Steve decided to buy Grace a $30.00 T-ball tee. It rotates, has adjustable height settings, and can be angled any way you'd like. Dude, she's FOUR. And she's going to be playing T-BALL. For the love of...

* Headed to store #2 (Sports Authority) where Steve (again) couldn't find one he wanted. Luckily, I kept the heathens entertained by allowing them to dribble soccer balls and counting how many times they could do it in a row.

* Was informed (by Steve) that he wanted to check out "Golf USA" next. Um, OK. Small store, only golf equipment, narrow aisles. Um, no thanks.

* So we parked in Michael's Crafts' parking lot and I took the girls in there while Steve walked down the road to Golf USA.

* Entertained the children for awhile, looking at kids' crafts, bubble stuff, crayons, art supplies, etc.

* Hannah begins getting tired and starts screaming about every little thing that she didn't agree with.

* I contemplate taking them out to wait in the car until I remember that Steve has the car keys with him. Fuck.

* Smile apologetically to the people walking past us as Hannah throws herself on the floor and Grace continues to pick up everything within her reach.

* Decide I've had enough and grab a deluxe bubble blowing kit, figuring I'll pay for it and then take the girls outside and blow bubbles while we wait for Steve.

* Praised all gods when Steve walked in as I was paying for the stuff.

* Got home and Hannah outright refused to nap, despite being obviously tired.

* Threw them outside with their new bubble stuff, deluxe T-ball tee, and some lemonade, and told them we weren't coming in until bedtime.

* Kissed Hannah's ass all day long in a feeble attempt to keep the WAY overtired child from having a meltdown tantrum due to her lack of a nap.

* Wondered what the hell I was thinking when I sent Steve off to the driving range with his new club, right in the midst of horrendous meltdowns by both children. I literally had to scream "goodbye" to him as he walked out the door. Have fun, dude. Just make sure you bring home more beer.

* Knew it was bad when he wished me good luck as he drove away. LOL!

* Decided that if the neighbor's dog doesn't stop running into our yard, stealing the girls' balls, and taking them back to his yard, I may have to maim him.

* Got good take out (and an extra six-pack of beer) from one of our favorite local restaurants for dinner.

* Had both girls sleeping by 8:15. Rock on with my bad self.

* Had sex and didn't laugh. (Shut up. This is noteworthy news in my life.)

Tuckered out?

I don't think so, my friends! Can I just say how fucking thrilled I was that there were 2 new episodes of "Tuckerville" on TLC tonight? In case I haven't mentioned it before, I used to despise Tanya Tucker before this show. But now? I friggin' LOVE her. I mean the woman is beyond fucking loaded and she still LOVES to shop at WalMart. And she has no nanny. How cool is that?

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Yeah. Whatever you say Rum & Monkey

Pffft! Whatever. [rolling eyes] That's a normal night for me...

To drink my weight, I would have to chug 188 bottles of beer!
How big is your beer belly?
Powered by the mighty Rum and Monkey.

(I'm kidding BTW.)

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You are a real slut
Take The Sex Test today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

You want sex all the time. You always have it on your mind. You would like nothing better than to be handcuffed and ravaged.
(Um yeah. Totally not true.)

Miracle Tea, My Ass...

I woke up worse than I was yesterday. So much for natural cures. [sigh]

So I asked Steve what the hell was in it, and at first, he said, "Um. Nothing. It's home grown," while smirking. But then he laughed and revealed that it was just green tea with ginger (the mysterious powder) and honey. But the thing is, the real "recipe" calls for ginger root. But my FIL didn't have any and gave him that ginger powder shit instead. Gee. No wonder it tasted like ass. LOL!

So he made me another cup this morning. I sipped it a little as he watched me and then dumped the whole damn mug after he left the house. LOL! I'll stick to my nasal spray and Advil Sinus tablets, thank you very much.

Anyway, in an act of desperation to keep the girls entertained on yet another rainy/sleety day, we went to the bank and then to the grocery store to get stuff to dye Easter eggs. We came home and started the fun. Fun, my ass. When I was a kid, we used Q-tips and food coloring to color our eggs. It would take HOURS to color them. We'd make stripes and polka dots and squiggles and all kinds of other fun designs. These days, you can't even buy liquid food coloring. Now all I can find is gel food coloring. In order to dye eggs, you have to mix it with water and vinegar. What the hell?

So anyway, Hannah picked a kit that included tubes of puffy paint, and Grace picked a Scooby Doo kit that was supposed to be used to "tie dye" the eggs and then stick Scooby Doo stickers on them.

So we get home and start. Talk about crap. Now you drop a colored tablet in warm water (and it never does fully dissolve), and then you just take a wire holder and drop the eggs in the cup. What fun is that? Grace's was so freakin' complicated, we just ended up dropping hers in the colored water too. My god. It came with a plastic egg-shaped mold with little holes in it. We were supposed to wrap an egg in a damp piece of fabric (included in the kit), put the whole thing in the mold, and then use the included dropper to squirt different colors in the holes of the mold. We did just that. And it didn't work. Total ripoff.

So we used Hannah's puffy paint on all of them, and that was just freakin' weird. Puffy paint? On Easter eggs? What the hell?

So although the girls had fun, it really wasn't that much fun. So I'm going to buy the damn gel food coloring the next time I'm at the store and go through the annoying process of mixing it with water and vinegar. And then I'm going to hand the girls some Q-tips and tell 'em to have at it. And I guarantee you, they'll have more fun. PAAS kits, we're done with you. Bite us.

The rest of the day went pretty well with the exception of a huge fight I got in with Grace, where about 50 mini marshmallows got thrown around my car and I yelled louder than I've ever yelled in my life. Lucky for her (and me), we were on our way to dropping the girls off at Grandma's for the night, so we wouldn't have to be around each other for the rest of the night. Seriously, I HATE yelling at the kids. And I HATE when I lose my temper. But I've about had it with the constant bickering, arguing, and attitude I get from the two of them. There are days they play ALL DAY together so nicely. But those are usually days we can play outside. With the crappy ass weather lately, and the fact that we're all sporting snotty noses and neverending colds, has made for some miserable girls in the house. [sigh]

But now they're at Grandma's until tomorrow (and Grace and I did make up before I left) and I can sit here with my beer and my TLC channel and forget all my troubles for the night. Unless Steve tries to push more of that ass water tea on me. Then we may have issues...

Friday, April 07, 2006

Say No to Drugs...

So here's something I pondered today while in a cold medicine induced haze...

I wonder if there's anyone out there who has a bad allergy, but is also allergic to the one allergy med that could help with the first allergy. Wouldn't that totally suck?

How the Day Went...

* Ignored my children and left them to play on their own, while I alternated between lying on the couch under blankets shivering with the chills, and forcing myself to get some stuff done around the house (empty and load the dishwasher, strip Grace's bed and wash the sheets, etc.).

* Felt guilty about it and allowed them to apply purple creme eye shadow, some sticky hot pink blush, and about 8 layers of fuchsia lipstick to my face while I laid there in a half-comatose state. They finished it off with a sparkly hair clip, a purple Hawaiian lei, and some sunglasses. I was stylin' lemme tell ya.

* Got out of the shower to find Hannah wearing a pair of Steve's boxers. Her head and one arm were through one leg hole, and her other arm was through the other leg hole. She was buck naked otherwise. God...help...me...

* Scored one for my team when Steve stopped home between jobs and it happened to be right after I had started the dishwasher and was in the middle of the one game of Hullabaloo that I had the energy to play with the girls. See Steve? I don't spend all day on the computer. Heh heh heh.

* Hard boiled some eggs. (I'm still not sure why.)

* Put Hannah down for her nap and dozed off on the couch while Grace played with her craft box.

* Figured I should stay awake when Grace woke me, asking for "the really sharp scissors and some good glue."

* Dreaded (all day long) having to take Grace to gymnastics at 5:00, but she missed last week and she really wanted to go this week.

* Was pleasantly surprised when Steve called around 4:30 and asked if I minded if he stopped at his dad's for a bit, or if I wanted him to come right home since he knew I was sick. (This is not something Steve normally does.)

* Told him to go since we were heading to gymnastics, but to be home for when we got back around 6:30.

* Immediately called him back and told him to stop and get me cigarettes since I only had one left and I didn't want to take the girls into the gas station with me. (I know. I know. Cigarettes are not listed on the Top 10 Remedies for Getting Rid of a Killer Cold. Bite me.)

* Watched as Hannah accidentally nailed Grace right in the face with the plastic attachment that goes on our shop vac.

* Watched Grace have several total meltdowns as I was trying to get them ready for gymnastics (only one of which was related to the vacuum smacking incident).

* Took the girls to gymnastics. Yay. Fun.

* Brought them home and kept them outside since it had FINALLY stopped raining and I figured Steve would be home any minute and could take over the outside play.

* Sat on the backporch, half dead, watching the girls fight with each other and get each other soaked in the fairly chilly weather, but I didn't care as long as they were leaving me alone.

* Was pissed I didn't have any cigarettes yet.

* Called Steve at 7:00 (nicely) asking if he was on his way home because I felt like death and the girls were outright refusing to come in the house.

* Was annoyed as all hell when Steve pulled in at 7:30 (see... this is typical Steve), and when asked, told me he forgot my cigarettes.

* Jumped in the car to go the gas station myself, kicking up rocks with my tires so Steve would know how incredibly pissed I was.

* Finally got the kids inside around 8:00, when Steve, Grace & I had a 30-minute long argument about giving Grace a bath. (She needed one. She was sweaty, full of dried snot, and muddy.)

* Got the girls washed and in their jammies and shoved food down their throats so I could just put them the hell to bed.

* Drank some freaky ass herbal tea that Steve made me. He got the ingredients from his dad who got them from his accupuncturist. He swears I'll be all healed in 8 hours. I'm so stuffed up that I can't taste or smell anything. And thank god because even all blocked up, I could tell it was some nasty shit I was drinking. Hurl.

* FINALLY got the girls to sleep and cracked open a beer. Ya know... to get that nasty ass tea taste out of my mouth....


Update: I have NO clue what was in that ass water (tea) that Steve gave me, but I just realized that I'm no longer blocked up and there's not an ounce of snot in my nose. What the hell? Maybe it's kryptonite. If I die tonight, assume that there was a bad reaction btween the tea and my beer. Maybe Steve's trying to kill me?

Open Letter to the Truck...

...that seems to have run over me. Please, for the love of all things holy, slam yourself into reverse and get the hell off of me. Because the amount of snot you have loaded into my head just isn't nice. And the fact that I have two children to take care of today and it's raining outside so I can't shove them out the door, is making matters even worse. So please. Have a little mercy, will ya? Thanks.

Sincerely,
Allison

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Thursday Thirteen # 2

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13 THINGS THAT MADE TODAY A TYPICAL
"DAY IN THE LIFE OF ALLISON"



1.
Watching (and dealing with) Hannah having horrendous mood swings and tantrums while trying to get her ready for daycare. Seriously, had her head spun around a la Linda Blair, I don't think it would've surprised me.


2.
Spoke to a lovely woman on the phone. She was from my credit card company and she wanted some money. Well, get it line, sister, because I want some too.
Well, my dear Credit Card Lady, do you have any money to give me? No? Ah bummer. Well, then I guess we have something in common, because I ain't got nothing for you either.


3.
Weeded through the hundreds of online job listings for a "writer" in "PA" and got all sorts of confused. I may have applied to the same jobs about three times now. It's all fun and games until the recruiters of those companies have me arrested for harrassment.


4.
Called the tile company to ask if the 10 tiles we need to finish the backsplash were in stock. The place is a good 45 minutes away and I didn't want to waste time making the trip if the tiles weren't in stock. Was assured that all but the brass scroll pieces would be ready to go for me when I got there. Fanastic. Steve could finish everything but one small 12" x 4" section in the upper corner of the wall.


5.
Called unemployment for Steve because he has a royal pain-in-the-ass employee who has been calling in sick A LOT and then collecting unemployment for those days, even though work was available. Because nothing makes me happier than dealing with all of the tax/insurance/accountant shit for Steve's business. Yippee.


6.
Talked to the Second Dumbest Person on the Planet (the lady who didn't dial "1" before my phone number still holds the top spot) at the local unemployment office.
Hey Lady... Don't mumble into the phone to yourself and then when I ask you what you just said, say, "Nothing. I'm talking to myself." -- "Well, we'll put a note in his account, but you should fax us too." -- Um, fax you what exactly? A form? A letter? What am I faxing you for the love of god?!?! -- "Um. Yeah. Just fax us. Or call. You can call too." -- I AM calling you lady! We're speaking right now, in case you didn't notice. WHAT information am I supposed to fax or call you with? -- "Yeah. Just call the week of the 16th." -- FOR WHAT?!?!?! Sweet Jesus, lady! WHY am I supposed to call you that week?!?! -- "OK. Have a good day. Thanks." [click]


7.
Hung up, banged my head against the wall, and wondered how stupid people manage to find jobs but I can't.


8.
Had Steve look me in the eye and tell me that his longer hair (no time for a haircut lately) "makes him feel more sexual." Now I'm 99.9% sure he meant sexier, but I was laughing too hard to ask him.


9.
Weeded through all of 2005's credit card invoices, itemizing every damn thing Steve used his business credit card to purchase over the course of the year. Seriously dude, shouldn't I be getting paid something for this bullshit?


10.
Drove the 45 minutes to the tile place, only to walk in and have the girl I had talked to this morning tell me that she had been mistaken, and that only ONE kind of the tiles I needed were in stock. So basically, I spent a total of an hour and a half in a car to pick up three total tiles (not three kinds of tiles, mind you... I mean literally three tiles) and realized that Steve can't do any more work on the backsplash until the special ordered tiles come in on the 17th.
(Pssst... hey tile lady... It's called a phone. Perhaps you should try using it sometime. You know... like when someone calls you, tells you how far away they live and that they'll be coming in later that afternoon to pick up the merchandise, explains why they're calling ahead (because they live so far away), and upon hanging up, you discover that the tiles you just told her she could come get actually aren't in stock after all, and that she'll be wasting a lot of time and gas driving there.)


11.
Stared in disbelief as Steve (once again) said, "So are we gonna [pelvic thrust... pelvic thrust... complete with the biting of the bottom lip and grunts] tonight since we didn't get to last night?"


12.
Told Steve that every single day he does that, I will withhold sex. He claims he only did that because I made fun of him last night, but I have my doubts.


13.
Re-evaluated my life when, upon meeting him in the bedroom, had Steve say to me, "Roll over so you're not breathing all of your sick germs in my face and let's romp." Seriously dude. Could you try a little harder?


(Editor's Note: I would like to say that ALL of Steve's sexually-related comments tonight were in fun and he was purposely trying to make me laugh. I can assure you that we do actually have good sex sometimes too. LOL! (But not during the day because then I can't stop laughing...))
Oh, and Sonya's Thursday Thirteen could possibly be the funniest one I've ever seen. ROFL!

Thursday Thirteen # 1

Thursday 13 Banner by Emily

13 THINGS ON MY DESK RIGHT NOW
1. A pair of Dora the Explorer Socks
2. An empty coffee mug
3. A spool of tan thread with a needle sticking in it
4. A book called "Are My Bones Soft and Bendy?"
5. A disposable camera (of which I have no recollection and no CLUE what pictures are on it.)
6. An empty ziplock snack baggie
7. Two small painted terra cotta flower pots... one a favor from a wedding four years ago, and another from Hannah for Mother's Day two years ago
8. A ceramic bunny head with movable ears
9. Four bottles of kids' nailpolish and one tube of hot pink body glitter
10. The shirt Hannah wore yesterday
11. A Boots the Monkey tape measure. You pull his tail out to measure and then push his head to retract the tape.
12. A child's t-shirt with my sister's name on it that she got when she took dance classes when she was like 4 years old
13. A used toothpick
(I think it's time to clean my desk.)

Bloggers Anonymous

You know you have a problem when you leave a job interview and are disappointed that it went well and was so "normal" because it means you have nothing funny or interesting to blog about. I seriously walked out of there feeling like a failure because I made absolutely no smartass comments and cracked no jokes. [sigh] I'm losing my touch. I felt like I had failed you all. LOL!

Seriously though, it went well and they're sending me a subcontractor's contract on Friday to sign so they can start using me to edit their training materials whenever they need me. It certainly won't put a lot of meat on the table, but hell, it's some cash, right? And actually, right before I left for the interview this morning, I got a call from a consulting company that is submitting my resume to a large pharmaceutical company that is looking for a tech writer. I've done TONS of work for this particular pharma company in the past (they were my #1 client at my last job), so hopefully, they'll call me in for an interview. It's a 10-month contract, so that would be cool. And it would be as a subcontractor which means a buttload more money than if I was working as a normal employee. Keeping my fingers crossed...

Now. On to other news...

It fucking snowed this morning. What the hell is that all about? Give me my goddamn spring sunshine, will ya Mother Nature? You're aggravating me.

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I taught Grace how to tie her shoes tonight. She's been bugging me to teach her for about 2 weeks now, and I finally showed her. It takes her forever to do it, but she can definitely do it. She's so proud. (Note to self: Do not EVER become a teacher because you have zero tolerance when someone (even a child [blush]) doesn't learn something on the first try.)

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How about some TV talk?

American Idol. Holy shit! I was a little surprised with the bottom three! I wish it had been Paris that had gone home. The little shit annoys me. She reminds me of a slutty Minnie Mouse on crack.

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LOST. O...M...G. I knew that Libby chick was something more than she was saying. What the hell? When they showed that last scene, I swear I almost shit my pants. So what do y'all think? Is she an Other? Does she even remember being in the mental ward? Why was she on the same plane as Hurley? OMG. I am sooo glad it's finally getting good again! It's about damn time... [grumble grumble]

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Amazing Race. I'm a little bummed about who got eliminated. Seriously... can the old people go home now? Fran and Barry, I'm sure you're very nice people in real life. But you annoy me. And no team that has overlooked as many clue boxes as you have, should've gotten this far.

The Frat Boys and the Hippies together make me piss myself. Oh my god. When the hippies made that sign-in sheet and then the Frat Boys got there and were like, "Did they make this? Did they put this pen here? Yeah. That's real official looking..." I almost pissed myself laughing. The Hippies are still my favorites, but I truly hope it comes down to the four of them just for comedic purposes.

Who the hell names a child "Lake" anyway? Just curious. I don't hate him nearly as much as most other people seem to, but his name is gay.

MoJo almost fell apart. That bummed me out. I wanted (and expected) so much to hate the "pretty team" when the show started. But really, they seem pretty cool and are doing well. But they made me a little nervous tonight when they were freakin' out at each other.

------------------------------------

Dear Steve,

Dry humping the air and saying "I know what we're doing later," is a surefire way to not get laid. Because although I found it funny as hell and we laughed about it, it does not make me want to screw you, blow you, or give you a hand job.

Love,
Allison

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

I'm it...

OK. So I wasn't actually tagged by Tink (because she didn't technically tag anyone). But I'm going to do this anyway, because it made me laugh. :)

Here's the instructions:
1. Choose a search engine (e.g. Google).
2. Pick 5 random blogfriends.
3. Think of a word or phrase that you describes each friend.
4. Do an image search of that word or phrase.
5. Pick an image that makes you say, "Aha! That's it!"

Tink

















Renfield

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Kim
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EE
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Carrie
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