Tuesday, February 28, 2006


~ Coming home from grocery shopping to find Steve furious about something. Came to find out, one of the cat's had apparently pissed on his coat which happened to be lying on top of the brand spankin' new granite countertops that Steve would make love to if he could. NOT a good way to start our day, lemme tell ya...

~ Getting into heated "discussions" with Steve's friend (Grace's godfather) when he stopped by to hang out for a bit. He treats us very well, but jesus, is he a fucking idiot and an opinionated son of a bitch.

~ For the first time in my life, made "dippy eggs" (for Grace) and didn't break the yolk when I flipped them over. This is a good thing and well worth getting out of bed for. However, after celebrating by jumping around like an ass, I realized I had burnt her toast to a crisp. [sigh]

~ Grace acting like a fucking lunatic when I went to pick her up at my parents' house after daycare. Screaming she wanted to sleep over again, screaming she wanted to buy her own house and live right next to grandma (She says she has 85 cents to do it), ripping her shoes off in the car and chucking them around, threatening to unbuckle her seatbelt, etc.

~ The above behavior made me want to just get the hell home, which is where the police officer comes into play...

  • I'm driving home, just wanting to get to the freakin' house as my 4-year-old screams like a damn banshee in the back seat.
  • I see flashing lights in my rearview mirror. Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!
  • Tell myself maybe he just wants to get past me, and pull over. No such luck. [sigh]
  • He asks for my license, registration, etc. I hand it all to him.
  • He starts talking, mentioning that I live right down the street from where he pulled me over.
  • Grace overhears and starts yelling from the backseat, "We live at 82 ____ Street, ________, PA 1___5!", reciting our entire address.
  • The officer (and I ignore her and continue talking.)
  • Grace yells from the backseat in a pissed off tone, "Um, excuse me... we live at 82 ____ Street, ________, PA 1___5."
  • I silently tell her to shut the hell up in my head.
  • Officer chuckles.
  • Grace asks (loudly) what I was pulled over for.
  • I give the officer a look that says, "For the love of god, please don't hold my child against me," turn around, and tell Grace that I got pulled over for driving too fast.
  • Car drives past us on the road, going (what seemed to be), pretty fast.
  • Grace yells from the backseat, "Well, what about that guy? He's going too fast too!"
  • I silently wish for the ground to open up and swallow me. Shut UP Grace! For the love of...

(Note: I actually couldn't stop laughing afterwards. Only Grace... [shaking head]. And the cop was beyond super cool and gave me a $25 parking ticket instead of the speeding ticket (16 mph over the limit), and laughed at Grace.)

The 80's (and Its Bad Dresses) Part II

And here we go. Same year, same boyfriend, different dance. Oy. I particularly like the teal. Teal is such a lovely color, no? And the strapless dress that ends in points above each boob. And the big ass bow on my hip. What's up with that anyway? And D. is still Miami Vice-ing like it's his job. We ruled.

(I also feel the need to say that D. really wasn't as dorky as he looks in these pictures. Someone apparently told him that making unusually dorky faces in pictures was the thing to do. He was no drop dead gorgeous, but I can say, he wasn't this unattractive. LOL!)

Monday, February 27, 2006

My (Modern) Day in Pictures...

OK, so all that 80's talk was fun, but on more than one occasion today, I was snapped back into reality that we are now in 2006 and I have a husband and 2 "spirited" kids.

The truth is, we did a lot today and got a ton of stuff done. But I don't feel like blogging about it. So instead, I'm going to post a few pictures, provide you with a brief explanation, and hit the Publish Post button.

So here's a picture of Grace, actually from yesterday, when she strapped herself into our baby swing and walked around like this for a half hour. I will say this once again. That kid's just not right...


Next is Hannah. This is how her and I spent our evening. I painted her nails and then she painted mine. (Please excuse my skanky ass feet in the picture.) Such concentration on the poor girl's face. She really does look like she's diffusing a bomb, doesn't she?

(Did I mention that a 2-year-old doesn't really "stay in the lines" when painting nails and that I don't own any nail polish remover? Yeah. Nice.)


And last but not least, we've got kitchen talk. So tonight was the night. The night we finally got to use at least a portion of kitchen, and cook on the stove top. Steve had both sausage and a hunk of salmon defrosted. He assumed I'd be eating some sausage. Nuh uh. No way dude... That's gross.

THIS, my dear husband, is what I want as my first official cooked meal in our long awaited kitchen...

That's right, folks. I wanted "dippy eggs" (i.e., eggs over-easy for those of you not raised in a Pennsylvania Dutch community where you use childish names for food). I haven't had a fried egg in almost a year and I fucking missed them. So that's what I ordered, and that's what my darling husband made me. And ya know what? Tomorow morning, I'm going to fire up the sucker again and make myself some scrambled eggs. And then I'm going to slather them in ketchup and savor every bite.

And yes, those are my actual eggs in that picture, and yes, that is all butter. I love butter. I adore it. And we cook with it. A lot. Get over it, healthnuts. My food tastes better than yours, so nanny nanny boo boo to you.

The 80's Fucking ROCKED!

(I am writing this entire post in neon colors as a tribute to the orange neon sweatshirt I owned in the 80's with the wide neck (a la Flashdance), and the neon green socks I wore with it.

Ahhh, the 80's. How I long for the 80's. I
mean, when can we ever again expect to celebrate and embrace things like koosh balls, friendship bracelets, jelly shoes, hacky-sacks, the original Trivial Pursuit, Baby on Board signs, and slogans and sayings like "Where's the Beef?!" and "PSYCHE!"

It was
1989 when this picture of me was taken. I'm with my boyfriend (whose name shall not be mentioned for his own protection, but whom I will refer to as "D.") whom I dated for two years in high school. I can't look at this picture and not laugh. I mean, dear lord, why is that dead bird on my right shoulder. For the love of... Please note D's skinny-as-dental-floss tie. Can someone tell me again why we thought that was cool? He looks like a "Miami Vice" wanna be.

What you can't see in this picture is that he's wearing no socks and gray loafers. (And I have no idea how I remember that's what was on his feet, but I do). And if I remember correctly, he had his pants pegged and rolled so they were tight at the ankles. Oh... my... god...

And before I start regretting that I posted this picture, let me end with a note that I blame no one for laughing at my hair. And as horrified as I am to admit this, that was not a perm. God... help... me... (And if you look closely, you will see the two moles on my upper lip that I had removed a few months after this picture was taken.)


When it's only 7:23 in the morning and you've already had the gas station guy laugh out loud at you because you went there wearing not a speck of makeup, your glasses, a baseball hat pulled way over your eyes, no bra, lounge pants, and ridiculous brown shoes so you could get milk before your husband left for work. Nice. Real nice.

Sunday, February 26, 2006


"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable." ~Lane Olinghouse

~ Watched the girls have a naked tea party. Clothing is apparently optional in their world.

~ Jumped for joy when our stove top was hooked up and I realized we could now at least partially cook in our kitchen.

~ Cringed every time TLC ran that damn commercial for that damn new show about midgets.

~ Was a little surprised when our friendly neighborhood Jehovah's Witness appeared at our doorstep with his wife yesterday.

~ Chuckled inwardly when she handed me a pamphlet and gave me "homework" to do in my free time.

~ Stood there like a deer in headlights when she asked when would be a good time for her to come back and review it with me. Uhhh... come back? Here? To review it? Shit.

~ She said she'd be back on Thursday morning and I now have to figure out how to nicely tell her I'm really not interested. Double shit.

~ Laughed when my FIL walked in and it turns out the guy half of the JW couple worked with him for 32 years. Small freakin' world, I tell ya.

~ Laughed when Grace got her foot caught in the seatbelt of her Barbie Jeep trying to get out, and therefore, couldn't make it to the bathroom in time and peed in her pants.

~ Laughed even harder when she came out of the bathroom after changing her pants to tell me that when she took her sock off, she threw it and it landed in the toilet so she pulled it out. God help me...

~ Shook my head when Grace strapped herself into our unhung baby swing for the swingset and then walked around with it stuck on her butt for 30 minutes. The best was when she fell backwards and laid there on her back, waving her legs in the air like an upside down turtle. That kid's just not right.

~ Was glad when both girls wanted to sleep at my mom's last night.

~ Wasn't so glad when she brought them home this morning and informed me that they both woke up at the crack of dawn and were extremely tired. [sigh]

~ Tried to fight off a migraine I had all day today.

~ Sealed/enhanced a few of our backsplash tiles to see how they'd look. (Gorgeous!)

~ Had to stop when Grace kept begging me to "help".

~ Chuckled when Steve took Grace with him to go to the taxidermist to pick up his dad's mounted deer head and one of the tanned bear skins.

~ Was concerned that Grace might actually like going to the taxidermist and that just doesn't seem right.

~ Found out that the T-Ball league I signed Grace up for this spring doesn't keep score and they don't have outs. As much as I can see this logic for kids their age, it's also going to make for some boring spectator viewing. Grace is going to be pissed (she's very competitive). Of course, she's also a sore loser (we're working on that), so it could be a good thing I suppose.

~ Partially burned my mini pizza in the toaster oven. Fuck.

~ Just as I was about to take my first bite, my friend, Jerry, knocked on the door. Fuck. (He's a VERY nice guy, but kind of a geek and tends to stay for hours when he stops by.)

~ Stood in the kitchen talking to him while starving and knowing my half-burned mini pizza was right around the corner on my computer desk.

~ Listened to him talk about everything from German armored cars, to wine racks, to expensive Halloween costumes. [sigh]

~ Breathed a sigh of relief when Steve and Grace got back from the taxidermist and Jerry told Steve he was actually here to talk to him about starting up his own business.

~ Ate my now cold, half-burned mini pizza.

~ Told Grace no when she asked to go to Blockbuster, using the I-Don't-Have-Money-Right-Now excuse, when in reality, it was just too effing cold to go.

~ Felt guilty when 15 minutes later she came around the corner, handed me $0.85 in change, and told me she found some money, coudl we please go to the movie store now to see if they had Stuart Little 3.

~ Took her and Hannah to Blockbuster. (They didn't have Stuart Little 3.)

~ Got back home to find Jerry still here with Steve, almost 3 hours after arriving.

~ Was kind of glad when Steve said he had to head to his dad's and Jerry said he had to leave too. Whew.

~ Started having horrendous burning stomach pain, which is still haunting me as I type this.

~ Planned on using our stove top for the first time tonight.

~ Steve working on the kitchen vents until 8:30 tonight prevented that from actually happening.

~ During another stellar mommy moment, didn't feel like going out in the bitter cold to go down the street to the gas station for milk, so instead, gave the girls Popsicles whenever they'd ask for a glass of milk. I suck. (Or I rule if you're looking at it from a kid's perspective.)

~ Watched the finale of "Dancing with the Stars" and I'm still not really sure why.

~ Am seriously annoyed by Meredith's hair on "Grey's Anatomy". Seriously, what is with those two effing sections of hair that hang down around her face when it's in a ponytail? Either cut the effing things shorter so they're just wispy, or wear an effing barrette. Jesus.

~ Decided this was a good time to state, once again, how much I seriously hate Meredith. I literally can't stand her character and would be more than happy if they would've just killed her off in the bomb episode the other week.

Saturday, February 25, 2006


(Inspired by our one and only Katherine.)

1. I love my boobs. I think they're perfect and often gaze at them with admiration.

2. I'm freaked out because I saw a preview on TLC earlier for a new show called "Little People, Big World" that starts in a few weeks. It's about midgets.

3. I'm terrified of midgets.

4. It's because, growing up, I rationalized that they were small enough to hide under my bed and then kill me while I was sleeping.

5. It's why I never really liked "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" and "The Wizard of Oz" growing up.

6. I know almost the entire script of "Resevoir Dogs" by heart and can recite it along with the movie.

7. I saw "The Princess Bride" once and hated it.

8. I refuse to watch it again.

9. I also hate all Monty Python stuff. Not funny, people. Not funny.

10. My drink of choice my sophmore year of college was vodka.

11. I could down an entire bottle in one night and could drink it like water. I used to guzzle it right out of the bottle.

12. I also attended many a party where we would drink punch mixed with grain alcohol.

13. I really should be dead.

14. My drink of choice my senior year of college was Jaggermeister.

15. My two friends, Trevor & Brian, and I used to each buy 2 cases of American Lite beer for $8.00 every Friday and Saturday. We would each drink a case of beer a night.

16. Again, I really should be dead.

17. I started smoking my freshman year of college because I was jealous that all the fun, "cool" people used to go outside and smoke on the front steps of the dorm.

18. I met many cool people because I smoke. Smokers have a "bond" that will never be understood by a non-smoker.

19. I gained 50 pounds (literally) my first three months of college.

20. I smashed my nose on a trampoline my first weekend ever at college.

21. My parents, to this day think I was drunk.

22. I was stone cold sober.

23. I didn't drink a single drop of alcohol my entire life until my second semester of college.

24. My junior year, I tore ligaments in my ankle, charging a keg party after downing an entire bottle of Mad Dog 20/20.

25. My roommate and I had one of the biggest parties ever on our college's campus. We had over 300 people stop by our campus townhouse, including the little brother of the lead singer from the band, Live.

26. I have no idea how many guys I have slept with, and probably don't even remember some of them.

27. Frankly, I don't care.

28. I once terminated a pregnancy.

20. It was after I was out of college.

21. I don't regret it as much as many (most) people think I should.

22. I got fired from my first "real" job for having an affair with a married guy.

23. He got fired too.

24. We really did love each other.

25. The pregnancy wasn't from him.

26. I don't care what other people think of me nearly as much as I should.

27. I am probably one of the least judgemental people you will ever meet.

28. Which is why I have no tolerance for people that think they are better than me because they have more money/a nicer car/a bigger house/etc. I hate snobs.

29. I like my online friends more than I like my friends in real life.

30. I often think this is unhealthy.

31. I'm not nearly as close to my sister and my best friend as I used to be.

32. I think it's because I had kids and they both have made the decision never to have any.

33. I would have 5 kids if we had more money and our babies weren't born with reflux.

34. I still don't know if I want a third.

35. I become very emotionally attached to inanimate objects like my car, clothing, our house, etc.

36. It drives Steve insane because he would rather "upgrade" things and get things that are better/bigger/etc. I'd rather hang on to the old.

37. When I was a kid, I used to fantasize that Bo and Luke Duke were both my dads.

38. My theatre professor in college used to be the Executive Producer of the "Dukes of Hazzard".

39. He also used to work on the Archie Bunker show and says he slept with Sally Struthers. (I believe him.)

40. His dad was a famous, award-winning news anchor.

41. Steve always falls asleep right after he opens a fresh beer.

42. It drives me insane because I hate wasted beer.

43. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I had married any of my ex-boyfriends/ex-crushes/etc. Not because I want my life to be any different than it is now. Just because I'm curious like that.

44. I don't have a single ex I wouldn't say hi to and hug if I passed him in the street one day. (This could be because I was always the one who broke things off.)

45. I dream of the day my house has a huge front porch, complete with a wooden swing and hanging plants.

46. I think that reading and writing are two of the most relaxing and rewarding things in the world.

47. I have absolutely no problem telling people exactly what I think.

48. People either love me or hate me for it.

49. I sometimes wish I was better at editing my thoughts before they come out of my mouth.

50. So does Steve.

51. I would LOVE to be on "Trading Spaces" but I don't really trust any of my neighbors because they're all hick, redneck people.

52. I hate strawberry ice cream.

53. And mint chocolate chip, which everyone else in the free world seems to love.

54. Growing up, my dad would find out bad stuff I did and then not tell my mom.

55. I thought that was cool of him.

56. I got busted my junior year of high school when I changed all of the D's on my report card in trigonometry throughout the year to B's.

57. My dad grounded me for a month.

58. He let me off the hook after a week.

59. I had three friends commit suicide between 8th grade and my senior year.

60. Seeing the effects of this on their families has
caused me to think that people who commit suicide are complete cowards.

61. I lost my viginity the week before my 14th birthday.

62. Thinking back, I am horrified about how young I was, but at the time, it didn't seem like a big deal.

63. I lost it under a pine tree in a cemetary.

64. In college, I died my hair jet black. It was a bad, bad idea.

65. I want a tattoo. I know exactly where on my body I want it, and what I want it to represent, but just haven't gone to get it yet.

66. I have secretly vowed to myself to get it before this year's pig roast.

67. I want to get it without telling Steve, because if he goes with me, he'll end up with some ridiculously large, gaudy one for himself and I cannot be a part of that.

68. I used to be much more outgoing and fun than I am now.

69. I want to go back to being outgoing and fun.

70. I just drank the full beer Steve opened (and didn't drink) before he fell asleep in the recliner.

71. I am so used to not having a functioning kitchen that I could never have one again and it wouldn't bother me in the least (as long as I had a sink).

72. Since typing #2, I have seen that damn commercial about 10 times. TLC sucks.

73. I wish I could be a soccer mom. (And I mean that in the literal sense... mini van, soccer practice with the kids, dog, etc.

74. Except I really don't like dogs, so it wouldn't work.

75. I think camoflauge is sexy.(On girls and guys.)

76. I'm embarrassed to admit that I became slightly addicted to "Tuckerville" when it was on TLC and am rather bummed it's not on anymore.

77. I used to hate Tanya Tucker before that show. Now I think we're a lot alike (minus the whole financial status).

78. I would like to lose 20 lbs. by the summer (but I'll take 15).

79. I've painted my nails a total of two times since my wedding day. And those 2 times were done by my children.

80. I just saw that damn midget commercial again. We get it TLC. For the love of god...

81. I used to hate the color pink.

82. Now I love it.

83. In high school, my guy friends and I made a movie called "Afro Cheese".

84. We still talk about it and think it's the funniest damn thing ever to be recorded.

85. Almost every food I eat must involve sauce or condiments. Everything must be dunked, dipped, drowned, drizzled, or slathered with something.

86. Almost every night, I wear the same long-sleeved tee to bed that I wore all day (assuming it's not dirty/smelly/etc.).

87. I only own one pair of actual pajamas.

88. I hate to be itchy.

89. I am fascinated by books/movies/TV shows/documentaries about serial killers.

90. I hate hotels and motels.

91. I'm afraid to go outside in the dark and I get freaked out every time I go outside to smoke at night.

92. It's taken me an hour to come up with the past 10 entries.

93. I hate children's birthday parties.

94. I hate tight fitting clothing.

95. But I wear it anyway because it looks better.

96. Prostitutes make me sad.

97. I hate yellow gold.

98. I prefer silver, white gold, or platinum.

99. I won't go on a kid-free vacation with Steve because I can't stand the thought of not seeing Grace and Hannah for thos days.

100. Steve thinks I'm insane.

Friday, February 24, 2006


1. Unclogging the vacuum cleaner. I realize that doesn't sound like something that would make a person smile, but I found intense pleasure in jamming that coat hanger into the vacuum hose repeatedly and pulling out all that cat hair.

2. Accidentally knocking Grace flat on her ass when we were dancing around like idiots and I hip-checked her in an attempt to do "The Bump." Uh, sorry, Hon. Mama's got junk in her trunk.

3. Hannah dancing buck naked and moving her body in ways that only a paid professional should be able to do.

4. Grace getting seriously upset when she and Hannah were topless and she discovered that "Hannah's boobies are bigger."... [whining] "Why are Hannah's boobies bigger? I'm the big sister!" Kid, you've got a long, long road ahead of you. Just ask Emily. :)

5. The following conversations with Grace:

Conversation #1

Me: "Grace, I wish I could poop. My belly hurts."

Grace: "Why can't you poop?"

Me: "I dunno. It won't come out."

Grace: "Hmmm... Maybe it's clobbed like the vacuum." (She meant clogged.")

Conversation #2

I yelled at Grace for something. I don't even remember what anymore, but I kept telling her not to do something, and she kept doing it. She got pissed, grabbed a card she made me yesterday (a picture she drew of her and I), and stomped into the other room. About a minute later, she came stomping back in and thrust the card in my face...

Grace: "Here! Now there's an angry face on you!" (She had drawn over my face on the card and made it look mad.)

Me: "What's that for?"

Grace (in a totally pissed off tone): "Because you don't love me anymore!" (She stomped away, to drown her sorrows in her sippy cup of milk.)

6. Belting out "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor when it came on the radio.

7. The look Grace gave me when I was belting out "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor when it came on the radio.

8. Various Capital One commercials. "What's in your wallet?" They seriously make me piss myself laughing.

Thursday, February 23, 2006


1. Picking up the back splash tile and coming home and caressing it like my long lost lover's smooth-as -silk ass. (Although I had to pump myself up for 2 hours prior to leaving to go get it and then had to force myself to make the trip. Baby steps... baby steps...)

2. Having a good, mature, non-anger-filled conversation with Steve about what's been going on in my head lately. (Jesus, that's a scary place.)

3. Being OK with America's decision of which girls to send home on American Idol tonight. (Am a little bummed about the second guy that got booted though. How the hell is the Fred Savage dude still there?)

4. Grace, in search of praise, asking me if she was "acting like an angle," tonight. ("Yes Honey, you are being a complete isosceles! Knock it off!" She, um, meant angel.)

5. The strawberry cheesecake ice cream I ate, complete with "graham cracker swirls". (I swear, I orgasmed.)

6. Realizing that people named Jennifer and go by that (as opposed to the more common nickname, Jen) make me suspicious and freak me out.

Another one... (By request from GB)

Thursday Thirteen


(Please keep in mind that some of these "crushes" have followed
me since childhood/puberty/etc. Sometimes you just can't shake
a true love.

Also keep in mind that the key words here are "weird" and
"unusual". That's the point.)

1. John Malkovich

2. Steve Martin

3. Owen Wilson

4. Tom Wopat

Danny Bonaduce

6. Carrot Top

7. Jeanine Garofalo

8. Jay Mohr

9. Alfonso Ribeiro

10. Martin Short

11. Gary Sinise

12. Howie Mandell

13. Jeff Goldblum

** Please comment and add some of your own weird
crushes. Or come up with your own list on your own blog.

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things About Me You May
May Not Already Know

1. I was a member of the Young Democrats club
my freshman year of college.

2. I was a member of the Young Republicans club
my sophmore through senior years of college.

3. I own about 15 blank journals. I buy them, but
then don't want to "ruin" them by writing in them.

4. I've never eaten a single bite of the pig at any
of our annual pig roasts.

5. I get totally turned on by long-haired, guitar
playing, artsy dudes and have NO idea how I ended
up falling head over heels in love with Steve.

6. Frank Sinatra, James Taylor, and Paul Simon are
three of my favorite singers. (Steve hates all of them.)

7. I used to be able to aim my spit and could spit directly
into a coffee can that was a good 6 or 7 feet away from

8. One of my nicknames in college was "Hole," given to
me by my oh-so-funny gay friend, Jeffrey.

9. Speaking of college, I was in charge of refilling the salad
bar in the cafeteria my freshman year, but (thankfully)
landed a job in the campus post office for the remainder
of my college life.

10. I once partied with a bunch of professional WWF
wrestlers. I got totally trashed with Bam Bam Bigelow,
and could've had kinky wresting sex with
Jim "the Anvil" Neidhart if I had so desired. (I didn't.)

11. I'm missing two teeth.

12. I think John Malkovich is totally hot.

13. One of my biggest pet peeves is people that talk
while yawning. Drives me insane.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006


"It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it." ~Author Unknown

I didn't really do enough today to warrent a bulleted list like usual, so I'll just throw out some random stuff...

He's Quite the Charmer...

Steve: "I need a quickie before we leave." (He had come home from work early and he had to shower and get dressed before we could go to the tile place to pick a backsplash.)

Me: "Um, at least shower first. You smell like dirt."

Steve: "Oh c'mon. All you gotta do is pull your pants down quick. Let's go."

Me (shaking head): "And to think that chicks everywhere think I'm lucky to have you. Uh huh. I sure am."


Backsplash Hell

It's done. It took us two and a half loooooong hours at the tile place, but w finally decided on and ordered our backsplash tiles. Every single other customer in the store had come and gone by the time we made our final decision. And we changed our minds completely four times. I'm not talking changing our minds from one shade of green to another. I'm talking complete changes, like from light tan tumbled marble tiles to an entire pewter backsplash. God bless the saleswoman because she just laughed as we changed our minds over, and over, and over, and over...

We finally decided on a combination of slate, copper and bronze tiles in various sizes. The slate is called copper slate and has gorgeous red/copper/tan tones in it.

The pattern of the slate tiles will include them being straight across at some points, as well as on the diagonal (like in the picture above). The design also includes copper and broze accent tiles and elements (similar to the ones in the first picture). We both LOVE our choices and can't wait to see it when it's done.

However, let me just tell you, that based on the invoice from the tile place, I really need to get a job ASAP. I believe we may have sacrificed our new refrigerator for a few more weeks, due to teh ridiculous price of metal accent tiles. When told the price of our soon-to-be backsplash (he asked... we didn't just blurt out our total), my father-in-law replied that he could've given us some pennies to glue on the wall and saved us a TON of money. Yeah. Funny stuff dude.


American Idol Jabber...

So let's talk. I'm LOVING AI this season so far. Holy group of talented people, Batman. But anyway, a bunch of 'em are really good. Some are just so-so or downright suck, etc. Who cares. As long as that perfect speciman of a man, Ace, is on the show and they keep showing shots of his equally hot brother in the audience, I don't give a rat's ass who stays and who goes on the show. Oh...My...God...

I couldn't stop drooling and had to muster up every ounce of my willpower not to shove my hand down my lounge pants and start"rubbing the genie" if you know what I mean. Whew!

And while we're talking about people to keep on the show, let's not forgot good ol' Taylor Hicks. We adore him. I have never witnessed a happier person in my life. Seriously dude. I don't know what wacky weed you're smoking to make you act the way you do, but keep smokin' it. Because I have never laughed as hard as I did tonight when you finished your song. I was literally crying from laughing so hard when you stood there yelling, "1!!!... 2!!!... 1!!!... 2!!!" as Ryan told America to vote for number 12 if they had liked what they'd seen. You my friend, are a true gift to the human race.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


"A hard man is good to find." ~Mae West

~ Woke to the sight of cat puke in the middle of the floor. [sigh]

~ Had a fairly good (i.e., uneventful) morning.

~ Ignored Hannah's cries and whines while standing under the scalding hot water of the shower. (I don't care if Grace called you a Poopyhead, Hon. Mommy's trying to veg. Go away, will ya?)

~ Washed a buttload of dishes again.

~ Decided I will never, ever, ever not have a built-in soap dispenser in my kitchen again. Whatever life may throw at me from here on out, it had damn well better include one of those suckers.

~ Finally filled the ice cube trays and put them in the freezer. They've been sitting on our windowsill for a good 3 or 4 months now. (Jesus, I am a lazy son of a bitch, no?)

~ Cleaned the sawdust out of one cabinet, in order to put my freshly washed crockpot in it. (Shut up. It's progress.)

~ Filled out a 500 page survey I received in the mail regarding our grocery shopping habits. I'm still not sure why I even bothered, except that while doing it, I could say, "Just a second. Mommy's doing work here," whenever the girls asked me for something.

~ Received a call from another person regarding a job. However, I'm not sure of the details because when I picked up and the woman asked for me, I assumed it was some sort of telemarketer or someone telling me I owe them money, so I said I wasn't here. After she explained who it was, it seemed like a bad idea to say, "Psych! Just kidding! This is Allison. I was just fucking around."

~ Was pleasantly surprised when my father-in-law swung by to drop off a container of homemade chicken noodle soup (I'm still not sure why). Sometimes living near family isn't so bad after all.

~ Finally mailed my thank you cards for the girls' Christmas gifts. (Shut up. It's progress.)

~ Took the girls to visit my grandfater in the hospital where Grace proceeded to ask him questions about every thing in the room. God bless patient great-grandfathers.

~ Thanked god for Steve when he made comments three times throughout the evening about how great the house is looking and how he's noticed. Awww... just when you thought he was nothing but a pain-in-the-ass, anal retentive dickbag, he goes and says something nice. [happy sigh]

~ Finally received a comment from our good friend GB, whom I thought had deserted us. And then he called me "Babe." [giggle]

~ Was slightly disturbed that I got all excited when he called me Babe. Shit. I'm becoming a little hussy, just like EE. [heavy sigh] (I'm kidding EE. Please don't hurt me.)

~ Became paranoid that he's actually my good friend from kindergarten with the same initials, pretending to be married with kids, reading my blog and telling all of our friends about my psychotic tendencies (as if they didn't know) and my "Fran" bowling shirt. So Gerard, if it's you, knock it off, or I'll tell our friends about the porn stories you used to write for fun in Jr. High.
Ummm... Alrighty then.

allison --


'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com
Conversation with Grace (AKA: Ask Me Again Why I Drink. I Dare You.)

Me: (after telling the girls 8 billion times to clean up their stuff) "Get in here and clean up this playroom! NOW!"

Grace (whining): "You said to clean up the make up. I did that already."

Me: "No! I said all of this stuff."

(Several minutes pass with me threatening to send her to her room (which she hates) and she keeps telling me she's not going to clean up and she doesn't care what I say. I eventually win and she's cleaning up her legos.)

Me (half talking to myself and half bitching at no one in particular): "I'm tired of cleaning up after you guys. I clean up all day long and then you guys make another mess and I have to clean it up again because you don't. I'm sick of it."

Grace (with a tone that implied I'm the dumbest human being on the planet): "Well DUH, Mom! We're kids." (Complete with eye roll.)

Me: "Yeah. So?"

Grace: "Well, duh... kids know how to make messes, not clean them up."

Me (laughing so hard I'm crying): "Grace, you suck."

Monday, February 20, 2006


"The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself." ~Benjamin Franklin

I made some baby steps today in terms of the new "goals" in my life. I got a ton of stuff done, felt good about it, ate better than usual for the most part, and had some fun with the girls. There's still a lot more I have to do and things I need to address personally, but it's a start.

In reading my entries the past two days, I sound awfully "deep" about this shit. LOL! It's not nearly that interesting or dramatic. I sound like I'm trying to find god or my inner peace or something. But it's nothing even close to being that intense.

When more than one of you emailed me asking if I'm OK, I thought maybe an explanation was in order. Basically, I've been in a personal "funk" for awhile. Not depressed, because I'm not sad. Just unmotivated. I see things that need to be done and I just don't do them. I can't even tell you why I don't do them. I just don't.

I've also found myself becoming more and more anti-social. Friends call, I see them on my caller ID, and I don't pick up. And then I don't call them back. And worse, I don't really care that I don't call them back (sorry Melissa).

I hate to make phone calls, go anywhere, or do anything. Once I get to the place I'm going, I'm good to go and usually have a blast. Take Grace's gymnastics class for example. I enjoy sitting there and talking to the other mothers I've met. We laugh, we make fun of our kids (shut up... you all do it too), and I have a good time. And yet, every Friday, I have to psych myself up all day long and remind myself that I like to go. It's fucked up to be frank.

The second part of my "funk" is the way I feel physically. I haven't gained a ton of weight or anything, but I'm definitely not in shape either. I'm always tired and have little to no energy. I'm usually stressed out enough so that one little thing can set me off, and I feel old. Way older than I am and way older than I should feel. But if one looks at my typical daily diet and sleep schedule, and then throws in my affection for Marlboro Lights, it's pretty damn obvious what the problem is.

So I'm going to try to make some healthier choices in terms of my eating. And I'm trying to drink water instead of the 3 or 4 sodas I drink every day. I'd like to start exercising, but with me currently looking for a job, I don't want to join a gym until I see if I can even get to a gym once I'm working again. But I definitely need to do something, so I'm tossing around a few ideas for how I can get a bit more in shape.

See? None of that is very exciting, now is it? LOL! But thank you all for your good luck wishes, hugs, and concerns. I really am OK. I just need to stop imagining the life and lifestyle I want to have, and do something to get it. Because as much as I would like it to happen, I know that the Life Fairy isn't going to come sprinkle her magic dust on me and give me the life I want.

Oh, and a PS for all of you gossip mongers out there (and you know you're out there). I would like to state, for the record, that Steve and I are fine. There is nothing wrong with our relationship (other than the fact that it exists at all... LOL!), we're happy as can be, and there will be no divorce papers filed anytime soon (that I'm aware of anyway). These are all things I've decided to do on my own and his opinion/actions/etc. in no way, shape or form influenced my recent revelations. OK. Carry on...

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Moving on...

OK. So beyond the asswipe moms I posted about below, here are a few other tidbits from my day today...

~ Found it highly amusing that I finally have a sink with running water in my kitchen after a year (literally), and after washing every goddamn dish in my tiny pedistal sink in my bathroom, that I'm totally out of dishwashing liquid. [sigh]

~ Decided to make some fairly big changes in my life so as to avoid hurting myself, my husband, my children, and other random people that get in my way and annoy me.

~ Was pretty proud when Grace beat the other three girls she bowled with at the birthday party today. ("Beat" as in won. Not as in "kicked the shit out of...")

~ Witnessed enough boys at the above mentioned party to be glad I have two girls.

~ Almost shit myself when I saw what happened at the very end of "Grey's Anatomy". George, for the love of god, you idiot.... DON'T DO IT!!

~ Almost had a spontaneous orgasm when I saw the dude Addison cheated with. Seriously, sweetheart, you are not nearly hot enough to have landed the two dudes you got to screw.

~ Once again, visited my sister and thanked the lord above that we don't have any canine creatures in our home.

~ Realized that I have NO earthly idea where the Olympics are being held right now. I couldn't even tell you in what country. Thta's bad. I suck.

~ Sold Grace's first raffle ticket for T-Ball. Yay me.

~ Nodded off three times while typing this. I guess it's time for bed.

"The problem with children is that you have to put up with their parents." ~Charles DeLint

What the fuck is wrong with some parents? Seriously. When did it become OK to give birth to children, but then decide that the act of raising and disciplining them was the job of all other parents of the world? Asses.

Grace had a birthday party today for her little friend, Hayley, from daycare. It was at a bowling alley and she was so excited because she's never been bowling before. But anyway, I digress.

So we get to this party and a buttload of kids are there. I start talking to some of the moms that I know from other birthday parties throughout the years. I've always gotten along with them for the most part. We've made conversation while watching our children get high on sugary treats and pinata-induced adrenaline on more than one occasion.

So anyway, we're all in a back room of the building, set up for the party, waiting while some adults in the actual bowling area are finishing up a tournament. As 20 four-year-olds zip around the room, screaming and yelling, one mom makes a joke about heading to the bar part of the alley. I sort of chuckle thinking, "Hell yeah, sister!" but blowing it off as a pipe dream.

But about 2 minutes later, she looks at me, says, "We weren't kidding," and her and two other mothers leave their out-of-control kids in the room with us while they head over to grab a Miller Lite in the bar. What the fuck?

OK. So then it's time for the kids to actually bowl. We all head out to the lanes and Hayley's mom gets the kids split into 4 kids per alley. She puts the three "abandoned" children together (and they are known to be trouble makers when together), along with one other boy who was there with his dad. Grace is in the lane next to them with three other girls.

So Grace and her little girlfriends are bowling, having a blast, while ALL of the girls' moms (myself included) are on the lane with them, helping them, cheering them on, keeping things under control, etc.). Next to us are the three heathens and the other little boy. The little boy's dad was down on the lane too, keeping an eye on his son. Where were the moms of the three little bastards? On the next level up, drinking their booze, eating their deep friend onion rings, and gossiping.

Ya know what? I normally have no problem with that. I serve alcohol at my children's parties, so that part didn't bother me. And I know that you can't possibly watch your child every minute at a birthday party. And if your children are behaving, there's no reason why you can't let them do their thing while you enjoy your "adult time". But when your children are literally wrestling in the lane, down on the floor with each other in headlocks, perhaps (and this is just a suggestion), you can do more than look down from your perch and say, "Stop it Danny," before going back to drinking and shoving food down your throat. Because you know what? Danny didn't stop. And neither did Tyler or Trevor. And yet, you don't even have the common courtesy to pretend you care, by at least telling them to "stop it" for a second time from your seat.

So consider this an open letter to the three of you... The next time your pain in the ass child steals my daughter's bowling ball repeatedly, or runs over into our lane to act like a little shit, or decides to tackle his friend in the middle of the alley, I will take it upon myself to discipline him. You know, since you obviously can't be bothered.

Saturday, February 18, 2006


"I hate water - fish fuck in it." ~W.C. Fields

A Few Updates -- News, Going Ons, Fun Stuff, & Other Shit

~ As of 2:00 PM today, we have RUNNING WATER in our kitchen. Sweet jesus, I thought we'd never see the day. I was washing dishes within 5 minutes and may not use my dishwasher for another year, just because it brings me such joy not to have to wash dishes in our tiny bathroom sink.

~ We also have working heat in our kitchen. I am now warm and wet. Does it get any better than that?

~ I have had funny as all hell email exchanges all weekend with an old co-worker of mine. Said co-worker is my friend from my most recent employer. This co-worker hooked me up into his
LinkedIn account this weekend and by some small world sort of miracle, he's friends with a guy from my first place of employment over 10 years ago. So this second guy emails me telling me they don't currently have a tech writer at my old company and that I should submit a resume. The problem is that I got fired from that place for reasons that I'd rather not get into, but I assure you, weren't illegal. Just a little, um, "inappropriate" in the work place. (But it was always after hours and we were consenting adults, so I don't see what the big deal was...) So I have ignored the second guy's email. But through my friend, I have found out that the dude may have put two and two together and Guy #2 emailed my friend saying, "If my email about Allison was correct, it would be foolish for her to submit a resume." Gee, ya think? LMAO!

~ Had two birthday parties (one kid's and one adult's) today. We have another kid's party tomorrow. I'm really sick of birthday parties these days and wondering why the hell so many people had sex in May. What gives?

~ Secured another (new) 6 guests for this year's pig roast. I'm considering handing out souveneirs this year.

~ Found out all sorts of cool details from "Lost" from my sister's neighbor tonight that I have totally missed even though I've seen every single episode. Seriously... am I blind?

~ Signed Grace up for T-ball this morning. She gets to wear cute little baseball pants. She's pumped.

~ While signing her up, I saw a note that all parents are required to work the refreshment stand at least twice during the season. Dude, I am so not a refreshment stand sort of mom. What if I drop an "F bomb" while working it? Shit.

~ A future Daddy/Daughter day is now in the works to go buy a baseball glove before the season starts.

~ So my friend from high school happened to be one of the volunteers at sign ups. I had to try to figure out what size T-shirt and baseball pants she needs. I commented that Grace already has a little "beer belly". My friend (a guy I might add) says, "Ahhh... takes after her mom, huh?" LMAO! Fucker. (FYI: He was referring to the "beer" part more than the "belly" part. I assure you.)

~Got another email on Friday about a contract job and a voice mail about "several writing opportunities" that same day (haven't called back yet). Screw it. I want the job at the office with the dead guy on the wall.

~ Everytime I visit my sister's home and try to eat my damn food, my hatred for dogs increases by about a billion. GO AWAY! It's gross!!!!

~ I think I've convinced Steve into growing his hair long. Like
Ace long. Hell, he's halfway there already. Mmmmm... (Jesus, he's hot...)

It's a Cloudy Day...

(In honor of Tink...)

"If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." ~Douglas Adams

"Thank heaven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine." ~A.P. Herbert

"The best way to stop smoking is to carry wet matches." ~Author Unknown

Go get 'em girl! Good luck!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Interview Review...

So I donned my black dress pants and fuscia twin sweater set (blech) and headed for the interview an hour away. The office was actually about a mile away from my old company, just on the other side of the mall (LOL), so I found it OK, but then got lost in the parking lot. [sigh]

I eventually found the office building and headed inside where I was met by the receptionist and then led into a conference room by the recruiter, who told me my first interview would be with Jim, the "manager" of the technical writers.

While waiting, I notice an 8 x 10" framed picture of a rather hot guy on the wall outside of the conference room, with a plaque of some sort hanging under it. I kind of chuckle and wonder if they have an Employee of the Month gig or something.

So anyway, in walks Jim. Everything's going OK and I'm explaining what I did at my last job (and hoping it made sense) and doing fairly well. We got to a point (an hour later) where he asked if I had any questions and I cautiously approached the subject of how flexible they are with business hours and working from home, without wanting to sound like I had no intentions of coming to work if hired.

I ask and before he can answer me, I start rambling and say something along the lines of, "You know... on those days when you're not really too sick to work, but you also don't want to come into the office and blow snot all over people." Nice. Real nice. As if I come into my place of employment and practice my air hanky techniques on my co-workers' keyboards.

(I also think I used the word "bastard" at some point, but I have no recollection of whom I was referring to or in what context. I do know it wasn't referring to him, so I guess it's all good.)

So after a long hour, he says it's time for the next interviewer - a tech writer. He leaves and I again stare at the hot guy's picture outside the door while waiting.

A few minutes later, in walks this woman, Lisa. She seems kind of shy and like she'd rather be doing anything other than talking to human beings. Don't get me wrong... she was a very nice lady. Just not very talkative. So she has these weird things on her face. All of these bumps. They almost looked like acne, but they weren't red at all (matched her skin perfectly) and were bigger than zits. They almost looked like moles that never turned brown or grew hairs. So anyway, I spent the entire 30 minutes she was interviewing me hoping it didn't appear as if I was staring at the growths on her face and only half paying attention to what she was saying. [sigh]

So she eventually tells me that next interviewer up is Ted. She leaves to go get him and I stare again at the Employee of the Month picture (or so I think). Ted walks in and introduces himself. Here's where it all went downhill...

TED: "Hi! I'm Ted. It's nice to meet you."
ME: "Thanks! You too!"... [pointing out the door to Mr. Employee's picture]... "I swear, when I leave here, I'm going over to look at that guy's picture. Is he Employee of the Month or what?" [said in a half-joking, break the ice sort of way]
TED [becoming somber]: "Oh. That's Earl. He was a great guy. Everyone loved him. He was driving his motorcycle to the shore for the weekend in 1997 and he got killed when a truck hit him."

Well, Jesus H. Christ. That wasn't an awkward moment or anything. FUCK! I stumble out an apology, but the guy was totally cool with the whole thing. [sigh]

After that shining moment passed, he warned me he was going to ask me some "weird questions". Bring it on dude...

TED: "Desribe your perfect work environment."
ME [laughing]: "Oh my god, you're killing me! I hate these open-ended questions..."

Ted just keeps smiling his goofy, geeky smile, waiting for me to answer.

What I was thinking: "Totally naked at my computer, chugging beer and chain smoking."
What I actually said: was some half-bullshit answer about great people to work with and a company I'd enjoy working for, blah, blah, blah.

So it's time for the next question...

TED: "How many tennis balls are in the air right now in New Zealand?"
ME: "What?" [thinking... "What are you smoking, dude? And can I have some?]
TED: "Tennis balls. New Zealand. How many are up in the air right now?"
ME [staring at him blankly]: "OMG! You're serious?" [laughing]

I then started babbling on and on about tennis balls and New Zealand, and do they even play tennis in New Zealand, and is it dark right now in New Zealand, etc. etc. Finally say "zero" with no rhyme or reason behind that answer.

So we're talking and he mentions how his son is an Emmy award winning producer of a news program, his older daughter works with immigrants at a non-profit organization, and his younger daughter is going to school to become a youth minister.

ME: "Oh my god! How'd you manage that? Having three such great kids. My daughters are so going to grow up and be strippers. [sigh]... Not that there's anything wrong with strippers, mind you...."

Seriously. How am I missing that connection between my brain and my mouth? At least he laughed.

So after another half hour consisting more of small talk than actual "interview" questions, he leads me out to the recruiter's office, where I'm supposed to finish up. I figure, "OK. Now I'm good. The recruiter's not going to ask me any actual questions, right?"

Um wrong. [sigh] So among the questions asked...

HER: "In your years of working, have you ever missed a deadline?"
ME [laughing]: "Um, yes. But I swear it wasn't my fault." (Which it wasn't.)


HER: "Describe the perfect manager you want to work for."
ME: [I give some long bullshit answer and say that what I don't work well with is a micro manager. I then go on to tell this story about a guy at my last company that came to me every hour to see what progress I had made.] "Oh my god! He was driving me insane!"
HER [laughing]: "So what did you do? Did you say anything to him?"
ME: "Yeah. I told him to go away and leave me alone." (Which is true.)
HER [eyes getting really big and sort of laughing]: "Did you really? You told him to go away?"
ME [blushing slightly]: "Uh yeah. Is that the wrong answer?"


HER: "So if we hire you when can you start?"
ME: "I'm not doing anything tomorrow. I'll be in around 9:00 if that's OK with you."


HER: "Well, we are interviewing other candidates, but..."
ME [interrupting and totally deadpanning while acting shocked]: "WHAT?! You're kidding right? I thought I was the only one..."
(Luckily she realized I was kidding.)

Finally we wrapped it up and I headed out. So the bottom line is that these people either absolutely hated me, or feel so sorry for what an idiot I am, that the'll hire me out of pity. LOL! I guess I'll know next week...

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things I HATE To Do...

1. Blowdry my hair.

2. Put on makeup.

3. Step on a LEGO. Owwwwwwwww!

4. Clean up pee accidents.

5. Give Salinger his laxitive.

6. Get the kids in and out of the car.

7. Write checks.

8. Do Steve's business stuff on the computer.

9. Drink beverages out of a can.

10. Paint my nails.

11. Wear socks.

12. Refill the girls' sippy cups a billion times throughout the day.

13. Go to childrens' birthday parties.


OK. So I have an already REALLY long recap of my interview today and I'm only halfway done. But I'm totally wiped out and half drunk (no food all day + beer = drunkeness), so I'm afraid it will have to wait until tomorrow. I'm going to go pass out now. Yeehaw.

Addictions Suck.

I have several of them in my life. Some of them are real, honest to god addictions, like my smoking habit. Others, like my inability to stop inhaling a half a can of Pringles every night aren't "addictions" per se, but without them, my day just doesn't feel complete. Some are still up in the air, because I swear I'm physically addicted to Altoids, but I'm sure others would beg to differ, saying it's impossible to become truly "addicted" to a curiously strong mint.

But anyway, on to my point. It seems I've acquired a new addiction. One that could honestly change my life forever. You see folks, it seems I've become addicted to online job searches. That's right folks, you read that right. Job searches. I'm addicted. [sigh]

I log on in the morning and begin the ride. I've recently found a site I totally love because it pulls in all of the listings from all of the other job sites, like Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com, etc. All in one place. It makes me giddy and I spend the entire day checking and re-checking that site for technical writing positions, hoping to find a new listing when I log on. Not because I'm that desperate for a job (although I suppose I am...), but because it just makes me tingle with excitement when I feel like I'm the first person in the entire tri-state area to see that listing. And if I move quickly enough, I can be the very first resume they receive. Ahhhh.... Complete euphoria...

I'm embarrassed to admit that I hope I don't find a job anytime soon. Not necessarily because it means less time spent with my kids (although that's an issue too). But because it means I will no longer have any reason to visit the job listing websites. And then what the hell will I do? What will fill that empty spot in my life? It hurts just thinking about it.

So as I leave for my interview at 1:00pm EST today (first one in 10 years I might add...), wish me luck. However, I'm not sure if you should wish me luck that I land the job, or wish me luck that I don't. Because the truth is, even I'm not sure which would be better...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" ~Author Unknown

~ Woke up and started getting Grace ready for daycare.

~ Realized a good 15 minutes later that it was Valentine's Day and that I had to send the girls' Valentine cards to school for their parties.

~ Said "Happy Valentine's Day" to Steve.

~ Laughed when he said, "Shit. I forgot all about it."

~ Said, "Yeah. Me too." [shrug]

~ Played several board games with Hannah this morning. Have you ever played a board game with a 2-year-old? It's frustrating as hell. "Hannah! NO! Put your little gingerbread man here... on the red square!... NO! Not that way! This way!..." Seriously, I have some issues to overcome, my friends.

~ Got showered and donned my cool as shit Old Navy heart tee sent to me by a friend who admitted I was only getting it because it was too big on her. Yeah. Um, thanks? ;)

~ Threw Hannah in the car to head to video store #1 to return movies we rented over the weekend.

~ Noticed on my way up to the counter that their 10 copies of "Saw 2" were already half rented, even thought they had just opened 45 minutes before then and it had just been released to today.

~ Started panicking it would be gone before I got the chance to rent it.

~ Was halfway back to the car when the girl came running out into the parking lot, yelling, "Ma'am! This one case is empty! You forgot 'Wedding Crashers'!" Fuck.

~ Was annoyed she called me "ma'am". What's up with that?

~ Drove across the street to Blockbuster, where I literally ran into the store, dragging Hannah, and running towards the "S" section of the store.

~ Was relieved to find some copies still there.

~ Laughed when I realized the other girl grabbing for a copy was Steve's cousin's wife, who said her husband had called her to tell her Happy Valentine's Day and to "gently remind her" that she needed to head to Blockbuster on her lunch break to grab a copy of "Saw 2".

~ Laughed at the Blockbuster employee. I was making conversation and mentioned that over at the other video store, they only had a few copies left. He said (with quite the attitude), "Well, they probably only have like 10 copies." I laughed and said that yes, indeed, they did only have a few. He said, "They don't hold a candle to us." Now none of his attitude was directed towards me. And I'm allll for employer pride and stuff. But jesus dude, you're like 30 years old and managing a video store (which is fine and a perfectly respectable job I might add). You really don't have to get that angry about the competition. LMAO!

~ Grabbed some BK chicken fries on my way home.

~ Justified my purchase since I only got the chicken fries and no french fries, onion rings, or soda to go with them.

~ Received a photo of EE wearing her Old Navy shirt and decided I really needed to stand in that exact same supermodel pose when I took a picture. I mean, seriously... who the hell stands like that EE? Ya freak! LOL!
~ Tried to stand like that, but just couldn't pull it off. No supermodel future for me, apparently...

~ Decided to remind all of you that the camera adds 10 lbs.

~ Snorted because whenever I hear someone say that, I think of Chandler from friends following up that statement with, "How many cameras were on you?"

~ Sent out another one billion resumes.

~ Laughed out loud when, while browsing monster.com (or some other similar job website) I saw a help wanted ad for a "Pipe Layer". I'm such a perv.

~ Spent half the day randomly screaming "VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!" when Hannah walked past me, and then tickling her until she (literally) pissed herself laughing.

~ Got a few hours of "alone time" when my mom and dad took the girls to Burger King for dinner (Grace really wanted the Spongebob Kids' Meal toy), to the library (for their first time), and then back to their house.

~ Walked into my mom's house later where Grace and Hannah handed me a card with their handprints in them and half a dozen red roses. Receiving them wasn't nearly as sweet as seeing the pure joy and excitement on Grace's face as she handed them to me. Kids rule.

~ Wondered when the hell Valentine's Day became "Christmas in February" when I saw the motherload of cards, candy, gifts, and other assorted crap given to my children at daycare and by my parents. What the hell?

~ Avoided peeing for nearly an hour because I had just changed my tampon and didn't feel like changing it again .

~ Wondered if I'm the only person who has to change their tampon every time they pee. (Stupid childbirth... grumble grumble...)

~ Had fantastic steak for dinner (which I'm happy to report, did NOT start on fire... but only because Steve made it).

~ Had another heart swelling moment when Steve let the girls do his hair, using all of the new sparkly and feathery clips they had gotten for Valentine's Day.

~ Was a bit pissed that they only showed my favorite American Idol gray haired dude for a whopping 3.5 seconds tonight.

~ Wanted to jump through the screen and punch those damn twins right in the face. What is up with those dudes? Stupid convicts. (And they really are. I'm not just saying that to be mean.)

~ Am going to hurry up and finish this so I can inhale the chocolate bar dipped in peanut butter that I've been craving for a good two hours now.

Monday, February 13, 2006


"Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. " ~Robert Byrne, quoted in 1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, 1988

~ Woke up feeling fairly well rested since I got my ass to bed last night right after "Grey's Anatomy" (which ruled by the way).

~ Yelled at the girls a billion times this morning because they felt the need to play with water throughout the house making about a billion sloppy wet messes and causing me to have to change Hannah's clothing about a billion times.

~ Washed a bunch of dishes (still in the bathroom sink... sigh).

~ Cut up the hunk of watermelon Steve bought last night at the grocery store and hoped it wasn't spoiled since we forgot to put it in the fridge last night.

~ Gave some to Grace and she didn't say it tasted funny and she didn't throw up so I guess it's OK. [shrug]

~ Started marinading the chicken for dinner.

~ Got a visit from my dad after he had worked out at the gym. Found out my mom is taking both girls to Burger King tomorrow night for Valentine's Day. (Grace really wants the Spongebob toys that come in their kids' meals.)

~ Was surprised when Steve got home from work around lunchtime.

~ Had a nice, calm discussion (yet again) about what my options are as far as a job are.

~ Was informed that Steve would like me to save up around $10,000 to stone the entire front of the house. Dude, what are you smoking? LMFAO!

~ Put Hannah down for her nap and took Grace outside to play in the snow. (Have I mentioned how much I hate the snow?)

~ Got all mushy when Steve stopped loading his truck and went sledding with Grace for over an hour.

~ Got annoyed when he started pelting me with snowballs while laughing like a raving lunatic. Bastard.

~ Helped Grace build a pathetic excuse for a "snowman", but she was happy so it's all good.

~ Came inside and had to wash all of Grace's snow clothing (for daycare tomorrow) because in one of her sledding runs, she flipped over onto a part of the driveway with no snow and was covered in mud.

~ Drunk half a jug of V8 strawberry banana smoothie juice.

~ Panicked afterwards, thinking it would constipate me.

~ Realized that may not be such a bad thing in my case.

~ Snacked on baby carrots dipped in Ranch dressing instead of the Pringles I really wanted. (I'm still not sure why to be honest with you. LOL!)

~ Wondered if Hannah was put on this earth for no reason but to drive me fucking insane.

~ Once again, told her she's damn lucky she's so little and cute.

~ Managed to burn both of my children with scalding water when I forgot to turn off Steve's laundry before letting the girls get in the shower. (Stupid, stupid asshole. (Me. Not Steve.))

~ Played Hullabaloo and Candy Land with the girls.

~ Conversation with Grace after she kicked my ass at Candy Land...
Grace: I want to put up our tent and play Chutes and Ladders inside it.
Me: Aw Hon, I'm sorry... I won't fit in there to play with you.
Grace: Yeah. I know. That's why you can't play.
Me: (slightly wounded) Er, uh yeah. I guess not.
Grace: Or, you could just stick your head inside whenever it's your turn.

Thanks kid. You're swell.

~ Pissed Steve off when he discovered I had used his salad dressing as the marinade for the chicken. (It SAID "Dressing and 10 minute marinade"...)

~ Deeply enjoyed the chicken this evening, as did he (even though he's still bitter and admitted he wasn't even going to eat it because he was so annoyed). Dude, and that hurts me how? Loser.

~ Around 8:00, told Grace to sit on the couch while I grabbed her blanket for her.

~ Turned around literally two seconds later to find her completely unconscious and off in dream land.

~ Decided I will take her sledding ever day of the damn year if it'll help her fall asleep like that.

~ Put the girls to bed and had an entire conversation with Steve about the current status off our sex life, blow jobs, hand jobs, and a bunch of other things I could frankly care less about right now.

~ Told him at one point to either let me get him off in whatever way he deemed necessary, or to just shut up. Because either way, I wasn't missing "CSI: Miami" at 10:00... (Jesus, girly man. Enough with the damn deep discussions already. [rolling eyes])

LOL! Katherine...

God, I'm so confused by your reading question and which book I finished when. LOL!

OK. So I stayed up late on Saturday night reading the book EE had sent me... "Sleeping with Beauty." Very cute book! I really liked it!

Then I finished it yesterday afternoon, so I started "The Wasp Eater". VERY good book. Quick read, a bit disturbing at times. Very insightful at some points.

I actually finished that last night, so I think today I'll start "Sea Glass" by Anita Shreve. I'm apparently on a roll. LOL!

Then I'll start the Sisterhood series that EE sent me last week. :)

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Busy, busy weekend... All sorts of errand running yesterday morning.... Writing out 50+ Valentine's Day cards for daycare kids... Birthday party at McDonald's yesterday afternoon... Trip to the video store... Watching "Wedding Crashers" (funny as HELL by the way)... Up until 2:00 AM reading... Paying the price today... Finishing the book this afternoon... Snow play... Sledding... Cleaning... Grocery shopping... Playing... Starting a new book... Baths... and trying desperately to stay awake until bedtime tonight... Zzzzzz........

Friday, February 10, 2006


"When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home." ~Betty Bender

~ Woke up and made some mental decisions about my job search.

~ Made the mistake of telling the girls we had to go to the World's Largest General Store.

~ Had to explain for 2 hours that no, they weren't open yet and we'd have to wait a bit.

~ While in the shower, heard Hannah start screaming and Grace say, "Hey Mom, Hannah's stuck on the crib." On the crib. Exactly how does one get stuck on the crib.

~ Heard Grace help her down. I still have no idea what happened.

~ Almost ditched the whole outing when the girls spent 30 non-stop minutes arguing over which one was going to ride in the stroller first.

~ Banged my head against the wall until they were done crying.

~ Went to the World's Largest General Store (it's really called that by the way) and paid off the remaining balance on the kitchen cabinets and countertops.

~ Spent two hours walking around, wasting time so we wouldn't have to come back home and stare at each other.

~ Came home and discovered a message from the woman whom had asked for some writing samples yesterday, saying she wanted to set up an interview with me next week.

~ Had extremely mixed feelings about the whole thing, but called and set it up.

~ Was excited to hear that two of the four people I'll be interviewing with are men. I'm much more comfortable talking to men.

~ Was bummed I can't wear my boob-enhancing Hollister t-shirt to the interview. [sigh]

~ Conducted some searches online and in my Sent email folder trying to figure out which flippin' job it is I am interviewing for.

~ Found it.

~ Realized this prospective job is totally fucking with all of the mental decisions I made when I first woke up. [sigh]

~ Had no clue the Olympics started tonight. Patriotic I am not. (Apparently.)

~ Was thrilled when my mom called, offering to take Hannah with her and my dad while I took Grace to gymnastics. No 8 billion trips to the potty!!! Hooray!!!

~ Watched Grace kick ass learning her routine for their recital in June.

~ Came home and watched Grace inhale 5 pancakes in about 5 minutes... literally.

~ Realized in talking to my parents and Steve that my former salary was actually $10,000 less than I thought it was. (I could tell you down to the penny what was in my paycheck every two weeks, but my overall salary I could never remember.)

~ Then realized that because of this, when sending my salary requirements for the job I'm interviewing for next week, I actually asked for $7,000 more than I was making before, when I actually thought I was asking for $3,000 less than I was making before. And yet, they still want to interview me. Sweet.

~ Because of the above, realized I truly am an idiot. [sigh]

~ Conversation with Grace:

Grace: "Hey Mom, can I sit on your lap for a second?"
Me: [thinking the "for a second" thing was kind of weird, but shrugging it off] "Sure, Sweetie!"
Grace: [Sits on my lap and proceeds to let one rip, vibrating it on my leg, and then collapsing into a heap on the floor while laughing.]
Me: "Nice Grace. Real freakin' nice..."